


Episode X: Divide and Conquer

by SecretReyloStan



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: A "Reylo" Mystery, Canon AF Pretty Much, Dark Character, Emotional Manipulation, Episode 9 Speculation, Eventual Smut, F/M, Flashbacks, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Sensitivity, Fusion of Star Wars Legends and Disney Canon, I would watch that show, It Gets Worse, Kidnapping, Massage kink, Misuse of the Force, Non-Graphic Violence, Non-Linear Narrative, Non-binary expression, References to Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008), Slow Build, Starts out fluffy, The kids never get hurt, Titus Andromidon, thanks Wookieepedia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-05-16 07:08:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 39
Words: 110,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14806683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecretReyloStan/pseuds/SecretReyloStan
Summary: Now COMPLETE! Starts out fluffy, but it get's worse... For fans of dark stories, like The Handmaid's Tale or House of Cards.Rey and Ben Solo have spent the past ten years building a life together. Light years away from Jakku, the First Order, and the war, the two most powerful Force users in the galaxy now spend their days with their two children on a remote planet where no one will find them. They hope.They are naive.+++++Somewhere in the galaxy, far away from them, a plan had taken shape in a mind they can never touch. It would be difficult to pull off, but it was possible. Anything was possible. She was patient.She had already waited so long.They would never see her coming.





	1. Good Morning

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to this story! I love it. I hope you do too. Many thanks to wookieepedia (starwars.wikia.com) for the endless Star Wars information and to @thefitfulfire and @Leofgyth who patiently beta'd a large part of this story. The latter's work can be found here https://archiveofourown.org/users/leoba/pseuds/leoba and on tumblr @leofgyth -srs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet the family, and a flashback.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The children's names are cheesy but I love them. Hopefully the explanations later will make them a bit more palatable. Cheesiness is appropriate in Star Wars stories, no? Hope so! - srs

“Mum?”  
  
“Yes, luv?”  
  
“It looks like it’s going to be a nice day. Not even windy at all.”  
  
Rey knew where this conversation was headed.

“Indeed it does.” She cracked another egg into the frying pan. It had been years now that she’d been cooking with actual food, but she had not gotten over the feeling of it, the sounds. Such a far cry from scavenging the desert, earning what portions she could, surviving at the mercy of a disgusting, greedy slave-driver. Powdered rations and re-hydrated food.

If she had any control over it, her children would never know the kind of hunger she’d felt, the hardships, the _loneliness_...  
  
“You know, Papa thinks it’s OK for me to learn to fly the ship...”  
  
Rey shook her her head back into the present. “Absolutely not.”  
  
Eight year old Sky sighed the frustrated groan of an oppressed child, but he was not easy to dissuade. “Mum, why do you always say no? Pap-”  
  
“Your father may be willing to risk _his_ life and _yours_ by allowing a seven-year-old-”  
  
“I’m eight now!”  
  
“-A _freshly turned_ eight-year-old to pilot a spaceship, but I am not. Veto. I’m the mum, what I say goes. And don't bother whining-”  
  
“Muu-uum!”   
  
“No. Not yet. You’re too young.”

This was a old argument between Rey and her son, made worse by her husband’s insistence in letting Sky fly the Falcon whenever she wasn’t around - as if they could hide it, as if she would somehow _not_ know these “secret” flights were happening.

The feeling of exhilaration she sensed from them through the Force was always a dead giveaway that her boys were up to no good.  
  
She looked up from the pan to direct her sternest glare into his hazel eyes, taking note of his furrowed eyebrows and frustrated expression. It was like looking in a mirror.

 _Such a strange feeling,_ Rey thought, _seeing your own face staring back at you._

Sky leaned his head on his fist and pouted.  
  
“Hey Mum?” a lighter voice came from her right.  
  
“Yes, Hannah?” Rey switched gears to handling the morning concerns of her five-year-old, the one who usually gave her a hard time.

Sky was not typically her troublesome progeny. No, that distinction lay solidly with her precocious daughter Hannah, whose toothy grin could charm and disarm whenever she wanted to get her way.

Rey’s husband was generally Hannah’s preferred victim, the giant of a man laid low by her big brown eyes, so like his own. Ben Solo was unable - or maybe unwilling - to deny his daughter anything.  
  
“Is Papa gonna miss breakfast?”

Her daughter was often "concerned" about her father’s well-being, especially when it meant she could seize an opportunity to wake him up in the morning. "Maybe I should see if he’s awake already.”  
  
“He’s not.”  
  
“Maybe he is.”  
  
“I’m telling you, he’s not.”  
  
Rey was certain her husband still slept. The bond between the pair had not diminished in the ten years since they had escaped the _Firebrand_ , barely avoiding a self-destructing blast initiated by Ben. His final act as Supreme Leader.  
  
+++++++  
  
_He believed he would die on that ship, and he would have. Except Rey would not - could not - leave without him, not after he had given her everything, all she had asked for._  
  
_“Rey, we need to run. Can you run?”_  
  
_“Run where? All the ships are gone, everyone has evacuated!”_  
  
_“Not all the ships…”_

* * *

 

 _Rey paused, out of breath, at the chamber door where he had led her, and almost wept when she saw the Millennium Falcon. “The Falcon. You kept it…”_  
  
_“Not the time!” Ben yelled, as he grabbed her hand._  
  
_With only moments to spare before the detonation of the destroyer's self-destruct, they boarded the freighter. Rey sat in the pilot seat with Ben at her side... but the ship wouldn’t start. Rey tried messing with everything she could as Ben’s anger and frustration peaked, almost out of control._  
  
_“Ben! Help me!”_  
  
_Rey put two hands on the controls and closed her eyes, willing Ben to do the same. Through the Force, Rey searched for the problem, trying to understand what ailed the ship, while she felt Ben using the Force to do the same. She drew from his strength as he did from hers -_ stars _, the feeling when they worked together was addictive and powerful._

 _The ship was slowly coming alive, although not quite fast enough, when Ben’s emotions finally boiled over._  
  
_“Grrrhhgggg - Come ON, POP!” he shouted and slammed everything he had, including both his fists, through the Force into the ship._  
  
_The control panel sprung to life. Rey looked at Ben, a small, amazed, but somewhat sad smile on her face._  
  
_Ben returned the look for a heartbeat, then yelled. “Rey! Hit it!”_  
  
_Ben blasted a hole out of the side of the ship as Rey slapped them into hyperdrive. They could see remnants of the flames from the explosion as they shot into space._

  
  
++++++++

  
“Okay. I’ll wake him up,” Hannah declared, “so he doesn’t have cold breakfast.”

Rey smiled discreetly as her daughter scooted her chair back from the table and hustled her little self into her parents’ bedroom in the back. Rey looked back over at Sky who, ultimately very even-tempered, swung his legs under the table and shared a conspiratorial smirk with his mother, having already forgiven her for not letting him fly.

* * *

  
There was a large, man-shaped lump hidden under the blankets of an even larger bed. Ben Solo  _had_ been sleeping, but it was the fractured, half-sleep of all parents that begins as soon as their children are born, ready to be on high alert at a moment’s notice. He heard the door of his bedroom open and slowly creak, followed by the tell-tale sound of little feet trying their best to sneak over to his bedside.  

  
This was their favorite game.

  
“Papa?” the tiniest of whispers came through the sheets next to his head. He felt a little poke at his side. “Is my papa in there?”

Both of his children had the slightest hint of his wife’s Inner Rim accent, which never failed to delight him. Ben hid the smile in his own voice, as he growled his response.  
  
“Maybe. Maybe not.”  
  
“It’s time for breakfast…”

If Ben hadn’t already felt the excitement that was building in his daughter through the Force, he would know it from her voice, which had gotten slightly louder and higher pitched.  
  
“Hmmm excellent. I love breakfast in bed. And my favorite too… little girl sausages…”  
  
Hannah giggled as quietly as she could with glee, in the way only five-year-olds can.  “Uh oh... Are you a monster in there?” she squeaked.

Ben looked out of the sheets with one eye.  
  
“...Yes I AM!” Ben growl-shouted as he grabbed his daughter and dragged her under the covers with him. She squealed and screamed with laughter as Ben tickled her mercilessly, making loud obnoxious chomping sounds. “Little girls are most delicious!”

* * *

Rey glanced again at a now grinning Sky while she put their breakfast on the table. She put a hand on her hip.  
  
“Sounds like she could use some help in there…”  
  
Sky was up in a flash, knocking his chair back as he rushed to “rescue” his sister.

 

Rey didn’t have to see them to know just what was happening: Sky running full-speed and leaping onto the massive lump in the center of the bed, screaming at the monster to leave his sister alone - which was actually code for “My turn, my turn,” as his father turned his tickling talons on him.

  
Rey meandered back to the room and found Sky flat on his back, laughing his head off, while Ben used one hand to tickle him and the other to grab at Hannah, who had climbed up onto his back.  
  
“Kill the monster!” Hannah cried, while she laughed.

 _How wonderful it must be,_ Rey thought sweetly, _to have a man like him as your father. Larger than life, and so strong…_ Rey folded her arms over her chest while raising an eyebrow at the lot of them. Her family.  
  
She had no problem playing the heavy when she needed to, and when she cleared her throat loudly, Ben looked up, grinning from ear to ear. He winked at his wife, then pretended to be injured, groaning and falling on to his side while maneuvering between his children. “ARRGggh! You did it, I am slain. The monster is dead.” All three were out of breath and smiling.  
  
“I killed the monster!” Hannah cried.  
  
“Did not, I did!” Sky loved to tease her.  
  
“Ok, knights, good work. Now - breakfast!” Rey popped Sky playfully on the bum as he and Hannah ran around her, laughing.  
  
Rey leaned against the door jam, arms still crossed, while Ben put his arms behind his head. His hair, which he hadn’t cut once in a decade, was splayed across the pillow and he had a cheeky grin on his face, disarmingly similar to their daughter’s.

“Come to play?” he said.  
  
“Absolutely not,” Rey responded, pretending to be annoyed.  
  
Sometimes she still couldn’t believe the man Ben Solo had become, so different from the man he was, the one _Rey_  herself had called a monster.  
  
Ben got up quickly and headed towards her and the door. He ran his fingers through his dark mane, smoothing and twisting it all into a knot away from his face, like Rey had taught him years ago.  
  
“Hungry?” Rey asked.  
  
“Very much so,” Ben responded, pulling his wife to him and gently closing their bedroom door behind her as he began noshing on her neck.  
  
“Be- uh - Bennn…” Rey unwittingly closed her eyes and sighed while Ben showed her through the bond exactly what he was hungry for. It wasn’t eggs.  
  
“Ben… the children-”  
  
“Yes, I know them, lovely little people…”  
  
“ _Ben_ -” Rey quietly laughed as she tried to discourage him. However, like their son, he was incorrigible. In his defense, she loved when he kissed her the way he was, sending chills down her spine and heat up her middle.  
  
“I missed you last night,” he whispered.  
  
“I couldn’t sleep…”  
  
“Again? The nightmares?”  
  
“Ben, I don’t think…”  
  
“Rey,” he abruptly stopped his assault to search her eyes. “You’re having bad dreams. That’s all.”  
  
Rey blinked and looked to the side. “Ben, I really feel-”  
  
Ben cut her off, “That’s _all_.”  
  
They stared at each other, not only looking but feeling through their bond.  
  
“Rey, you know that if anything bad was happening, we would know-”  
  
“But Ben-”  
  
“We would _know_. Nothing in the galaxy can hide from us, from the Force. It’s exhausting sometimes, all we know, is it not?”

Rey nodded.

“So. They’re just dreams.” As he moved to resume kissing her neck, he added “Maybe you’re pregnant again...”  
  
“Ben!” Rey rolled her eyes and pushed at his large chest. “Enough. Breakfast is in the _kitchen_ , not the bedroom.” Ben was smiling when he brought his head up and smooched her lips. He smiled so much now.  
  
“If you insist…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is that how the Falcon even works? #askingforafriend


	2. How did we get here?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashing back, and then flashing back a bit further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The flashbacks are light on detail because I don't want to speculate too much about Episode IX, only to have none of it happen and then I'll feel silly. Just providing context for my story. Thanks for reading... srs

Their lives were simple and happy. Uncomplicated. It was not always this way, but it was now.  
  
+++++++

Moments after escaping the Firebrand, Rey dropped the Falcon out of light speed. After all, the aging ship was sort of broken and they hadn’t actually put in any coordinates.

Ben and Rey gasped for air while they stared blankly out of the ship’s windows at the vast expanse of space that surrounded them.

It took a solid seven seconds for Rey to build up the courage to look at Ben.  
  
He looked as shocked as she felt. Through the bond, Rey felt Ben’s emotions as clearly as her own - relieved they were still alive, but very unsure of what the next step was.

His mouth was slightly open and he was still catching his breath when he met her eyes. He held her stare for a few heartbeats.

He licked his lips while he glanced briefly at hers, and that’s all it took; they flung into each other’s arms, mouths colliding, hands roving, the Force singing around and through them, heightening all pleasure and emotions.  
  
After some time, they came up for air, foreheads pressed, and simultaneously burst out laughing. They were giddy with adrenaline - from the narrow escape, from kissing, stars even laughing was a little miracle - but as they remembered they were more or less moored in the middle of space, their laughter subsided and their expressions turned serious as they stared at each other.  
  
“What do we do now?” Rey asked, one hand gripped on his solid shoulder, and the other entwined in his thick, dark hair. She’d never felt anything so lovely; his hair was like chocolate, soft as down, and she never wanted to let go.  
  
Ben raised an eyebrow, as his massive hands gently squeezed her waist. He opened his mouth to draw in the breath to speak, bashfully avoiding her eyes.  
  
“No!” Rey interrupted, blushing. “I mean, big picture. What do we do now?” She left the rest of the sentence unsaid, now that you’ve disbanded The First Order, killed Hux, destroyed the fleet, freed the stormtroopers… “The war is over.”  
  
Ben chuckled, a tiny thing, under his breath. “For now,” he muttered. He took a deep breath and continued.  “Well,” Ben paused as he looked again at the stars out the window. His jaw worked as he thought.

“The entire galaxy thinks that we’re dead, so... I guess… whatever we want.”  
  
He looked back at her and smiled. It was a cheeky, closed-mouth grin that she would see more of as years progressed, but this was her first experience with this twist of his mouth, this small expression of joy. She flashed a small grin herself - she couldn’t help herself - as she persisted.

“But… where? Where will we go?”  
  
Ben looked side to side, all around her, furrowing his brows before meeting her eyes once more.

“Well… I guess… Wherever we want,” he replied, slowly, as he looked out again at the stars, calmer now. She could read something new on his face, and through the bond felt what he was feeling, so strongly she almost gasped.

  
Freedom.

  
For the first time in his entire life, Ben Solo felt free. The possibilities were endless, he could do anything. Be anything. Or nothing. He was no longer distant royalty, nor the son of a smuggler. Not a child of the Republic, not part of the Skywalker line. Not chained by Snoke and the Dark Side to the First Order, nor was he the heir apparent of Darth Vader. All of Ben’s life he had been something else, beholden to something bigger than himself, but now he was beholden to nothing.  
  
No. Not nothing.  
  
He looked down at this girl in front of him, the most beautiful being in the galaxy. The woman who had marked him as hers and brought him to his knees.

He belonged to her.

Bonded through the Force, yes, but also through his heart and soul. He had abdicated himself well before destroying the First Order, even though he had assumed she would never be his. He believed then that he would die but she would live, knowing he loved her, and that was enough.  

 

+++++++++

  
  
_The battle was bloody, both sides suffering numerous casualties. When their lightsabers met again, it was in the middle of a sea of fighting and falling bodies, the harsh red of his clashing with the fierce white of hers._

 _The Rebellion had ambushed one of Hux’s famous “search parties,” when First Order troops would slaughter entire villages while looking for Resistance fighters. Kylo Ren would often accompany platoons on these missions, claiming he was the only one who could use the Force to snuff out the rebels... but in actuality, there was only_ one _he was looking for._  
  
_The girl._  
  
_When they met in this battle, it was a surprise to them both. Despite having built walls against each other, their bond was strong, and both thought, loudly,_  How did I not know you were here?   _Their shared confusion threw them both back, sabers still ablaze._  
  
_“What are you doing here?” Rey shouted over the sounds of fighting and death._ The front line is no place for the 'Supreme Leader,' _she shot out through the bond, disgusted._

 _He wore no mask. He pulled down the hood of his cowl. He looked gaunt, pale. Rey felt a flash of concern before she remembered his wish to destroy her. She sensed something from him. He was... hurt?_  
  
Looking for you, _he responded._  
  
_“You’ve found me_ Kylo Ren,” _Rey spit out, and again saw the hurt registered on his face and felt it through the bond. She didn’t care. “Now fight me.”_  
  
_“No.”_  
  
_“Fight me!” she screamed as she attacked. He deflected easily and without passion, showing he had no intention to fight, merely to block, and barely that. He marveled at the grace with which she fought. Even while baring her teeth at him, she was still self-possessed and confident. He could watch her fight forever, he just wished it wasn't with him._  
  
_Rey paused her futile pursuit. She yelled at him in frustration._  
  
_“Why won’t you fight!?”_  
  
_“You know why.”_  
  
_He deactivated his saber, staring intensely into her eyes._ I don’t want to hurt you Rey. I can’t.

_The look in his eyes was one she recognized: from the bond, from the Supremacy, from Crait. Vulnerable, broken, seeking. She couldn’t stomach it. She turned and ran away from him, from that face._

_Rey took out several Stormtroopers before she heard them call a retreat. The First Order was leaving, by order of the Supreme Leader._

* * *

  
_She didn’t break down until much later._

 _It was the middle of the night on the Millennium Falcon. Rey was alone and sobbing; so much death, the anguish of the battle, and the pain in Ben’s eyes had finally overwhelmed her. She could barely breathe - the Force was pulsing so hard within and out of her. Without warning, the bond broke open, revealing a defeated-looking Kylo Ren standing hunched in front of her._  
  
_The man was a mess, that much was clear. When he looked at her and saw how wrecked she was, he misunderstood her anguish._  
  
_“You lost someone important today.”_  
  
“Many _died today, Ben! So many! And for what!? Nothing! For nothing!”_  
  
_His head jerked back, as if surprised. He looked down._  
  
_“What do you want from me, Rey?” There was only sadness in his voice._  
  
_“I want you to end this!” Rey couldn’t help but rush toward him, full of rage. “You’re the only one who can-”_  
  
_“Why didn’t you kill me?”_  
  
_Rey stopped short. “Today? I won’t slay a person who won’t fight back,” she practically snarled._  
  
_“No,” he said. “Not today.” He looked up and stared at her so intensely he stole her heartbeat. Her stomach dropped._

_A dawning look spread across her face as the memory floated up; she knew what he meant. She looked away._

_He stepped closer._ _He needed to know. He would not relent. “I woke up with Hux in my face, my saber at my side, and no you. Gone, in Snoke’s ship.” His voice echoed through the bond. Now he sounded like he had during their early connections. Dry, soft, wondering._  
  
Kill it, if you have to...

 _“You’ve could have killed me then, and you didn’t. Why?” He watched her eyes well up again; she was trying, but failing, to keep her lips from shaking._  
  
_“I told you, I’m not going to kill a person who can’t fight back.”_  
  
_He was incredulous. “You would lie to me? After all this, really?” He would have laughed if he hadn’t felt like his heart was exploding._  
  
_“No,” she said, tears spilling over. “You’re right. That is a lie.” She was silently struggling to fill her lungs._  
  
_“Tell me. Rey, please. I must know, I need to know. It’s driving me mad.”_  
  
I want you to join me...  
  
_“Because-” her voice caught in her throat._ How do I always end up like this with him?   _“Because I believe - believed - in my vision. I thought I saw the truth, and I wanted it. I wanted what I saw, what I_ felt _when we touched hands. And I wasn’t willing to give that up,” her voice not much more than a gravelly whisper by the end, admitting the truth for the first time even to herself._  
  
_“And now?” he asked, not wanting the answer, but still needing to know. “What do you want now?”_  
  
You’re not alone...  
  
_Rey’s eyes were big and wet and pierced straight through him. “I still want what I saw. I will always want the future I saw.”_  
  
_He filled in the blanks for both of them. “But you don’t believe… Not anymore.”_  
  
You’re a monster...  
  
_Rey said nothing, just stared, with tears streaming down her face. She looked down and sighed. “I don’t know what to believe anymore. But I do still have hope. I still have some hope left.”_

 _She couldn’t meet his gaze again, it was crushing her and breaking her heart._  
  
_He came forward and knelt before her, forcing her to look at him. His eyes shone with unshed tears._  
  
_“What do you want from me?” He could barely get out the words._  
  
_For some reason, this enraged her._  
  
_“What do I want? What do I_ want _from you? I want you to end this war!" She began to pace. "I want you to disband the First Order! And destroy the fleet! I want you to free your people, and I want you to kill Hux and anyone else who wishes for the First Order to continue their rule of terror! I want you to… to be…” She looked away, chest heaving. He stood to meet her._  
  
_“What? Say it, Rey.” He looked so deep into her as he spoke, enraptured and terrified and sad and vulnerable all at the same time. “Say it,” he whispered._  
  
_“To be worthy,” she declared, finally finding the strength of her voice. “To be worthy of the life I saw. A life with me.”_  
  
_He rose slowly to his full height. He was still staring at her when he disappeared, the bond finally letting them both go._


	3. The End of the Order

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation of the flashback... Ben makes his move.

The Resistance received intelligence of a major gathering that was to happen in the First Order. The Supreme Leader had called an assembly. Everyone would be on his new flagship _The Firebrand_ , or ships nearby.  
  
The Resistance was not large, but they were determined, and Poe - General Dameron, recently named leader of the Rebellion after the untimely death of General Organa - felt this was the time to destroy them.  
  
He was notoriously bold.  
  
“We can get them all. We’ve been given access codes to the ship. Someone is helping us. We have to accept that help, and use it to do the most damage, or die trying. The time is now.”  
  
+++  
  
Rey heard the voice; they all did.  
  
“STOP.”  
  
_Ben_.  
  
Every fighter on the hanger floor, in both armies, froze as one. Except Rey.  
  
She turned in a circle, looking around at the scene, frozen as if in ice, smoke swirling around the soldiers. She saw confusion in the eyes all around her. They could not move, could not hurt each other further.  
  
_Ben_ , she thought. _You are so strong._  
  
“After a failed assassination attempt, General Hux... is dead.”  
  
Rey sensed a rising feeling of dread. Then several First Order officers fell down to the floor, no longer breathing. “And now, so are his conspirators.” The feeling of dread disappeared.  
  
Rey spun around to look up at the mirrored glass of the hangar deck, to the man she knew was in there watching. She felt his eyes, even if she could not see him. She felt his heart, as hers filled to bursting.    
  
“The First Order is hereby disbanded. This war… is over.” An audible gasp traveled around the room.  
  
“To my troops: your lives are now your own. Look to the defector, FN-2187, the man they now call Finn.” Rey looked over at Finn, frozen with a blaster in his hand, as his eyes widened in surprise.  “He made his choice and claimed his life. And now you can make yours - choose your names, choose your fates. They are no longer in my hands.”  
  
Rey continued to circle around, awestruck at what she was hearing. _He’s doing it_.  
  
“But whatever you choose,” Ben continued, “choose quickly. For I'm destroying the entire fleet. Including this ship. In twenty minutes.”    
  
He released them, and for one moment there was total silence. Then, there was complete chaos.

The anger of enemies was suspended and replaced by a shared need to escape, to live. Stormtroopers removed helmets, some hugging each other, others yelling in frustration. Everyone scattered, trying to get to ships. Finn, Rey, Poe, and other members of the First Order ranks directed the massive evacuation as fast as they could.  
  
When the time came to hop on board the last departing ship, Finn waited with his hand extended to her, as Rey gazed up at him. Finn, her first friend. She would miss him.  
  
“Finn, I can’t. I won’t leave him.”  
  
“What? Rey, are you crazy!? Let’s go, we have to move, we have to go-”  
  
“No.” Rey smiled a little, trying to reassure him. “Finn, he did this for me. All of it. Exactly what I asked. Because he needs _me_ more than he needs anything else. And I won’t leave him here.” She grabbed his hand and squeezed.  
  
Finn was clearly flabbergasted, but there was no time to explain.  
  
“Go. We’ll see each other again.” Rey spun around to leave.  
  
“Rey!” he called. She turned back to look at Finn.  
  
“May the Force be with you,” he shouted meekly, devastated to let her go.  
  
Rey nodded. _It always is._  
  
++++  
  
They had come to keep him company as he did the most difficult thing of his entire life.

And yet, it hadn’t been so hard after all. It was what she wanted. And she was right - it was in his power, he was the only one who could end it all. He would die with the fleet he helped create, while she would live with the peace she helped create, and there would be balance.  
  
They were all there, every Jedi master that had walked the path that led to this moment. There was the legendary Qui-Gon Jinn, a man Ben had only ever read about. The man who found his grandfather in the desert and brought him to the Jedi. The man who believed he had found the One who would bring balance to the Force.  
  
“I was wrong,” he said, smiling at Ben, “at the time.”    
  
Jinn stood next to his padwan, Obi-Wan Kenobi, who gazed upon his namesake with calmness but also a twinkle in his eye.  
  
“I suppose I was in the right place at the right time, depending on how you look at it, to have witnessed the evolution of your family. I am proud of you, Ben.”  
  
“Not as proud as I,” came another voice.  
  
“Really Anakin, must you always try to one up me?” Obi-wan chided, rolling his eyes.  
  
Ben looked at his grandfather, starstruck - a young man, with a scar like his own, smiling. This man who became the monster. Who Ben had chased after for so long, as he ran further away from himself.  
  
“Ben.”  Anakin Skywalker stepped up to him, putting his hands on his grandson’s shoulders. “You love her. And it has made you strong, so much stronger than I ever was. There will be balance in the Force, and you _are_ finishing what I started - cleaning up the mess I made. Padme will have peace… and so will I.” His blue eyes piercing, reminding Ben of his uncle Luke.  
  
Luke. He stood there, haughty, as aggravating as he ever was.  
  
“I don’t forgive you,” Ben spat.  
  
“It’s okay. I never forgave myself. My only hope is someday, maybe, you will understand.”  
  
“Considering I’ll be space dust in minutes, it’s not likely.”  
  
“There’s that Solo wit I’ve missed so much,” Luke replied.  
  
A strange voice came from behind Luke.

“Over for you, young Ben Solo, hmm?” Master Yoda. Ben couldn’t believe he’d come as well.  
  
A giant crash sounded behind Ben.  
  
The small being chuckled. “It appears, not quite.”

  
  
_“BEN!”_

 

Ben could not believe his ears. _Rey_? _Here_?  
  
“Ben, open this door!”

Ben ran over to the blast door, but he had fried the controls during his fight with Hux. “Rey, what are you doing?”  
  
“Open this door right now!”  
  
“I can’t! Rey, get out of here!”  
  
Ben looked back at his retinue for help, but they all just stared. Yoda was the only one who spoke.  
  
“The girl, Rey... much power, there is in her. Very brave, hmm?” Yoda looked around at his underlings and they nodded. “The Force is not done with you yet, young Solo.” Yoda smiled knowingly; the Masters all smiled as they faded away.  
  
The door began to quake. Ben heard Rey screaming gutturally through the door. She shouted to him through the Force - _Ben, help me!_ \- and he even though he didn’t understand what was happening, he connected to her and sent her all the energy he could.  
  
She ripped out the door. Rey actually ripped out the steel door to get to him.

He loved her so much.  
  
She ran full speed through the opening, saw him, and promptly fell down to the floor, energy spent. Ben caught her with the Force and pulled her into his waiting arms. He cried her name in disbelief as she gasped for air, both holding each other as tight as they could. They spoke over each other rapidly.  
  
“How did you...”

“I can’t believe what you-”

“You could have been killed!”

“You did everything I asked-”  
  
Ben stopped her with two fingers on her mouth. He looked at her beautiful face, this girl, this slip of a scavenger who now ruled his entire being. “I will always do whatever you ask of me. For the rest of my life.”  
  
Rey smiled and laughed, still catching her breath. “Well the next next few minutes ought to be really something special then, eh?”  
  
Ben’s eyes got wide. He lifted her up and put her on her feet quickly with a new determination in his face.  
  
“Ben, what are you doing?”  
  
“Getting you out of here. Rey, we need to run. Can you run?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel compelled to acknowledge The Galaxy is Ours by Biekewieke, which I found today and makes mention of a massive force hold, meaning I am not the first person to have this idea. I recommend it.
> 
> Also, this is the face I'm seeing when I think of Obi-Wan: https://fthmb.tqn.com/pYLUnM7lQ6ef-ShHTdunHcExcw0=/768x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/EP2-IA-60435_R_8x10-56a83bea3df78cf7729d314a.jpg
> 
> And here's a happy Anakin, just so we can remember what that looks like:  
> https://i.ytimg.com/vi/VHID3Zx54Ts/maxresdefault.jpg
> 
> -srs


	4. She's with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They've escaped the Firebrand and are dead to the galaxy. Starting a new life... still not yet to the present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone has experienced, or can at least appreciate, that feeling you have when you first get together with someone you are really into. That pressure in your chest, the smiley feeling. Before the shine wears off, as I like to say. That's where these two are. Except the shine wore off for them before they even started. There was, like, never a shine. So... they're building their shine as they go, I guess.
> 
> -srs

Safe on the Falcon, savoring this new idea of endless possibility, Ben looked back at Rey with all the hope he felt in his heart. Rey returned his look with all the love she could muster, but could not yet say.  
  
“So, then, where should we go?” Ben asked her. But Rey had no idea.  
  
“I haven’t been many places, really. Jakku, the place where Maz lived, that other planet with all the white…” Rey looked away as her voice trailed off, embarrassed not only that she had such limited knowledge of the galaxy, but also that she'd reminded them both of their... troubled past.  
  
“Right. Okay,” his eyes squinted a little, and he worked his jaw while he thought. “I have an idea.” Ben knew a place that he was pretty sure Rey would love, one of the few places where he would be known only as Ben Solo. He pushed in the coordinates and kissed her again.

 

* * *

  
The creature looked up from the small animal he had captured. He would eat well and soon, after roasting it on a spit, which made him very happy. The loud rumbling of an engine drew his attention to the sky, where he saw a disc-shaped ship he recognized right away.  
  
“SOLO!” thrusting his spear into the air. His meal was forgotten.

 

* * *

 

   
It had taken several days to get there; the hyperdrive on the Falcon was unreliable. As they landed on Endor, Rey saw through the windows a small crowd gathering below. She stared hard to make sure she was seeing correctly. The creatures seemed stout, and round, and… furry? She was fairly confident they were the cutest things she had ever seen in her life, after BB-8, maybe.  
  
“Ben, what are those?”  
  
Ben smiled, still a miraculous sight to Rey.  
  
“Those are called Ewoks. They are… old family friends.”  
  
“They're adorable.”  
  
Ben moved to stand behind Rey where she sat landing the ship, putting his hand on the seat behind her shoulder. He leaned closer to her ear.  
  
“They are. But they are also resourceful and very brave. They helped my parents defeat the Imperial forces that were guarding the Death Star shield, with not much more than sticks and stones and gumption.” He paused and looked at her face, her expression stern from concentrating on landing the ship. “You’ll have a lot in common.” He quickly flicked his fingers to tickle her neck.  
  
Rey squawked in mock outrage and pinched his arm. They were getting more comfortable with each other every day, every minute.  
  
“Ow!” he said as he laughed. He was relieved he hadn’t forgotten how.  
  
Rey couldn’t believe he how he flirted with her. Such a Solo, after all.  
  
  
The hatch was lowered on the Falcon, and Ben walked out. Rey hesitated once she spotted the little… the _Ewoks_. Ben had said to show them respect, which she wanted to do, but she could also not help smiling and wanting to hug them. Ben had said they were warriors, but they looked an awful lot like teddy bears.  
  
The leader stepped closer.  
  
“Ben Solo?” The Ewok looked up at him as he approached. “Oooooooh Big Ben Solo.”

 Ben knelt down and smiled. “Yes, I’ve grown.”  
  
“Han Solo?”  
  
Ben’s mouth turned down. He shook his head. “He’s gone,” he said, his voice low.  
  
“Lady Solo?”

Ben shook his head again, looking a bit sick.  
  
Rey’s heart broke for him. It would always be this way; he’d always have to explain that his parents were gone, knowing the role he played in their deaths. The image of Han Solo with a saber coming out his back was still burned in her brain. His body falling into the planet...  
  
Rey shook her head a little, clearing away her hurt. Rey had forgiven him for his actions. Ben had turned away from that path, but the Dark Side would always be a part of him, the way it always had been. Together they would not destroy the dark, or the light, but build a balance in the Force. Rey understood that more deeply now.  
  
The Ewoks did not know the true feelings behind Ben's expression, but they understood that their old friends had died. The crowd moaned with sadness. The leader put his little paw on Ben’s shoulder. He spoke what Rey assumed were sympathetic words to the man in front of him, who they must have seen last as a small boy.

Ben looked remorseful, but whispered, “Thank you.” He worked his jaw in that way Rey had come to recognize.  
  
The Ewoks quickly gathered around Ben to welcome him back and show their fondness. But many of the little warriors' eyes and spears had turned towards the girl waiting quietly above them on the ramp.

The leader nodded towards her and spoke, and Ben’s eyes brightened as he turned to looked at her.  
  
“She’s with me.”

The Ewoks started rumbling excitedly as Rey tried to look harmless. She pushed out through the Force to connect with them, so they would not be afraid. He held his hand towards her, still on his knees at the center of the group. The Ewoks parted as she walked forward and took it.  
  
“Her name is Rey. And I love her,” he said, holding her gaze.

His introduction stole her breath; he hadn't told her that yet, even though she knew. They had no secrets. 

She giggled when the Ewoks all oohed in unison, and the leader patted Ben’s shoulder harder.  
  
“Ahhh, BIG Ben Solo.” The little bear's tone took on a different quality and Rey was fairly certain he was laughing. She had the decency to blush, but Ben just laughed and put his arm around her legs.

It was maybe the happiest moment of her life: held close to the complicated man who stole her heart, standing in the middle of a teddy bear group hug.     
  
As the sun set, the clan threw a huge feast celebrating their guests. There was drumming and dancing and Rey had never had a better time.

That night, she told Ben she loved him, and they finally, _finally,_ consummated all of the feelings that had been inside of them for so long, freely, high up in the trees of Endor.

 

Rey didn’t think it at the time, but years later, she wondered if she should consider that feast her wedding. When she mentioned to Ben, he said he’d always seen it that way.

  
  
+++++  
  
Endor became something of a home base. Over the next several years, Rey and Ben traveled all around the galaxy. He had already seen so much, and he wanted her to see it all. They moved from planet to planet, often returning to Endor moon and the Ewoks that had welcomed them into their clan.  
  
Ben showed Rey all he knew about the Force. Rey told Ben all she’d learned from the Jedi texts.

They trained and sparred, for fun and in anger, because falling in love had not certainly not quelled their tempers. They were both still rather bossy and neither of them liked being told what to do.  
  
Ben was no teacher and Rey was no student, but they found a balance that worked for both of them, and eventually Rey was convinced they would not kill each other.

However, as a _couple_ , they had a lot to learn.

Unfortunately, neither of them had experience in this area, and they had no one they could talk with to help them figure it out. Except each other. And talking was not either of their strengths.

For Rey, it was because she had been alone so much in her life, she didn’t have much practice.

For Ben, it was because he often did not trust how she would react to whatever he was going to say. So he would just send his feelings and thoughts to her through their bond, and she would respond in kind.

After a while though, Rey inherently knew this was not sustainable.  
  
“We cannot always just rely on the Force!”  
  
“Are you serious? It is the ONLY thing we can rely on!”  
  
“You have to TALK to me. It’s important.”  
  
“Talking is overrated.”  
  
“I don’t want you always in my head.”  
  
“We have no secrets from each other.”  
  
“Then there’s no reason to be in there!”  
  
He never lied to her, and she worked on being patient with him. Slowly, but surely, they figured it out and verbal communication became easier.

  
  
Her control over the Force grew exponentially. This was most evident whenever she felt they were threatened. She was fiercely protective of Ben.

They were on an icy planet on the edge of the Inner Rim, near Jakku actually, the first time he was recognized. They had spent a wonderful couple of cycles exploring the ice caves by day, and at night, warming themselves, together, between layers of furs. But when they stopped at a small trading post to re-up supplies, they both heard a thought and felt the anger that accompanied it.  
  
_That’s Kylo Ren._  
  
Ben reached for his saber, but Rey grabbed his arm. She turned her head to the source of the ire.  
  
“You do not know him,” she said to the post manager, apparently a former member of the First Order army who remembered Ben’s face.  
  
“I do not know him,” he responded.  
  
“You’ve never seen him before.”  
  
“I’ve never seen him before.”  
  
“You will forget we were here.”  
  
“I will forget…”  
  
They immediately boarded the Falcon and flew straight back to Endor.

  
  
The second time he was recognized, there were many more of them to contend with. It was their second year together.

The First Order had been particularly brutal to the planet of Blulal, pillaging it of most of its resources and killing many of its inhabitants in the process. But Ben had wanted her to see the giant orange waterfalls that dominated the landscape there, so they went.    
  
They were ambushed at the inn they had chosen, when they decided to risk just one evening indoors. Ben had been in the fresher when the crew burst through the door, and by the time he got out, there were bodies and burn marks all over the room and Rey was covered in sweat and gore.

She looked so fierce, savage, still holding her saber in front of her as she turned to him. He had never wanted her more.  
  
When she met his eyes, though, she dropped the saber and her mind almost broke. He pulled her into the fresher and lovingly washed the battle off of her body as she sobbed.

She cried again while they made love in the shower, but for very different reasons.

They quietly escaped out the window, leaving money for the damage, although it was likely the innkeeper who had turned them in. They wanted to try and foster good will.

They boarded the Falcon, never returning to Blulal again. In the end, she was glad she had seen the waterfalls. He was right, they were magnificent.  

  
  
It was not long after that trip that Rey became pregnant. She knew right away, but Ben couldn’t tell until the next night.

   
  
++++++++++++

 

When Rey was pregnant with Sky, Ben would lay his head for hours on her belly, sensing his son.

The child was already a ball of grey light, tiny but bright and growing, a product of the balance he and Rey had found together. The baby’s Force signature immediately imprinted on his parents, something they would be able to recognize and find forever, wherever he was in the Galaxy.  
  
Ben imagined himself in Leia’s womb, his presence somehow alerting Snoke, who started molding him even then, feeding the darkness in him.  
  
He swore to Rey no harm would ever come to his child, and Rey snorted.  
  
“Okay, as little harm as possible.”  
  
Rey kept chuckling.  
  
“Well, he will certainly never be left alone to defend himself against the lies of a wannabe Sith lord!”  
  
“No,” Rey said, growing serious again and putting her hand on Ben’s face. “He will never have to do that.”

 

* * *

 

They did not call him Sky because of his legacy. Ben actually growled when Rey suggested they call him Luke. He wanted his son to have his own name, his own life.

Just the reality of being _his_ son would be heavy burden enough.

  
  
Ben was in shock after the birth. They were still living on Endor and Ben had delivered the baby himself, despite having no idea what he was doing. He had been driven only by his desire to help Rey, focused on nothing but her and the baby for hours, as Ewoks ran in and out, getting them whatever they needed.

When the baby finally came, Rey was weak and weeping, but so happy as Ben placed their son in her arms. They were quiet, just staring, the way new parents do, at the beautiful boy they had made. After a few minutes, Rey finally spoke.  
  
“What shall we call him?” she asked, not taking her eyes off the baby.  
  
No longer distracted by urgency, Ben was suddenly overcome by emotions so powerful he feared he would destroy the room. He ran out of their hut and fell to his knees, fighting to hold on.  
  
He struggled to find air, to find his place. His heart pounded and his chest was so tight, he clawed at his tunic. His brain could not form a thought. His head fell back, breathing in huge gulps until finally... he noticed the stars.

As he gazed upwards he eventually recognized the only thing that, in its vastness, could possibly come close to the immeasurable joy and love he felt for his child. The sky, that holds too many stars to count and everything in between.  
  
“Sky,” he sighed, as a calmness washed over him. He could breathe again.  
  
The Force was pleased. He had named his son.  
  
Rey was relieved, but not surprised when Ben came back in. She had felt his intense response and knew him well enough to know he had to process his feelings in his way.  
  
“We’ll call him Sky,” he said.  
  
“Yes,” she smiled. _A compromise,_ she thought.  
  
“Hello little Sky, do you recognize me? I’m your mum.” She leaned into Ben as he lay next to her in the bed. She rubbed her son’s chin gently with her finger and said “And this is your father. He loves you very, very much.”  
  
Ben placed himself around his wife and his son, resting his head on Rey’s, more certain than ever that in his arms, he held the two most important things in the galaxy. But as he sat there, another emotion crept into him, able to slip in while he was wide open and vulnerable. It was small, but it settled into the dead center of his heart.  
  
Fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww... ewoks.  
> Also, Ben Solo had a panic attack, amiright?  
> Also, people often portray Rey as this bubbly person, but I don't think she is. She's articulate, but possibly also not super well-adapted socially, one could think?
> 
> Publishing this is so fun. :) - srs
> 
> Orange waterfall... http://gephardtdaily.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/firefall.png


	5. Compromise is Hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a brief check-in with the present, another memory. Soon Sky will be two...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is called fluff?  
> -srs

_The Present_

  
  
Ben cleaned up their morning meal while Rey shuffled the children outdoors. Sky was right, it was a beautiful day.  
  
Their lives had evolved into a routine of sorts. The mornings were always spent outdoors, being active somehow, whether it be tending to their gardens, caring for the animals, hiking around their home, swimming, playing, some training.

Even though they were still very young, Ben and Rey both wanted their children to understand the Force and how to use it. They also wanted their children to know how to defend themselves, to prepare them for a time when their parents would no longer be around to keep them safe.  
  
The well-being of his family never left the front of Ben Solo’s mind. He was obsessed with sheltering them, keeping them near him.

He did not wish their lives to be at risk, but he also knew who he was and what he’d done in his past. While he had reconciled this within himself, he knew he could never fully atone. He knew there were countless beings, throughout the galaxy, who would be more than happy to see him dead or to punish him through those he loved.

And while nothing in the galaxy could outmatch the combined power of he and his wife, his children were young, vulnerable. Still learning, their powers still growing.  
  
Given their pedigree, it was no surprise that his children were unusually strong with the Force.

  
  
++++++

 

When Sky was turning two, they decided to have a birthday party. More like agreed. More like Rey won the argument, but Ben maintained that she was insane.  
  
They were still staying often on Endor, and Rey was feeling lonely for her old friends.  
  
“I would like for my friends to meet our son,” she told him.

Ben looked up from his breakfast, one eyebrow raised.

“And you. I would like my friends to meet you.”  
  
Ben looked back down into his bowl. He picked it up and leaned back with it in his chair.  
  
“What friends?” he asked, casually.  
  
Sky chose this moment to blow bubbles with his mouth, never mind it being full of food. Rey smiled at his mess, and also at her husband’s hesitation.  
  
“Ben. I had friends before us, and you know that.”  
  
“I always thought those people were more like... work colleagues.”  
  
She but her cheek, because she always found her husband funny at the worst times.

“Ben. You have never thought that.”  
  
They stared each other.  
  
_It'll be okay,_ she said to him through the bond.  
  
His temper flared. _No it will_ not _be okay. It will decidedly not be_ okay _,_ he replied as he set his bowl back down abruptly.  
  
“You don’t even know them-”  
  
“ _You_ barely know them! You haven’t seen them in years! The galaxy has moved on. They probably don’t even remember you.”  
  
“That is an awful thing to say! And also not true, you know Finn writes often.”

Ben’s eyes narrowed. They had never spoken of Rey’s correspondence with Finn, but they had no secrets.  
  
Ben no longer bothered to shave or cut his hair, which now hung well past his shoulders. He combed his huge hands through it while his jaw moved side to side. He hadn’t felt this angry in a while. He took a few breaths, a tactic he adopted early on in his life with Rey, to buy himself some time and try to calm down.  
  
Rey took pity on him and threw him a line. “That was hurtful, what you said.”  
  
“I know, and I’m sorry.” He was looking at his hands, now set palms down on the table. “You are impossible to forget,” he added, quietly. Rey felt bad; he was really upset.    
  
Sky was done eating and even though he was a mess, she put him in his pen. He looked up at his mother with wide eyes. His little mind could sense something strange between the large people who took care of him.  
  
Rey sat back down close to Ben.  
  
“They hate me.”  
  
“They don’t know you,” she countered.

Ben sneered. “Riiight... Okay then, for the record? I’m _not_ telling you that you’re being naive.”  
  
“Then I _won’t_ say I prefer to think I’m being optimistic.”  
  
“And _I_ won’t say this is the _worst_ idea you’ve ever had, and you are the person who thought she could single-handedly take down the city of Njdana for putting a price on my head.”  
  
“And _I_ won’t insist that I would have wiped that city off the planet if you hadn’t gotten in my way.”  
  
Ben sighed through his nose. He looked at his wife. He knew she loved him, but he also knew that she was the only one who did, in the entire galaxy.  
  
_I want to share my life with them. And I want_ you _to be a part of everything that I am._  
  
_They will kill me._  
  
Rey sighed. She had one card she had never played before. She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms.  
  
“You once told me ‘I will always do whatever you ask of me. For the rest of my life.’ Do you remember that?”  
  
The moment played in both of their minds, when she came for him on _The Firebrand._ A shared memory from a different life... the start of a new one.  
  
Ben groaned. He leaned back and crossed his arms, too.  
  
“Then... I... won’t tell you no.” 

Rey wondered if saying that was perhaps the most difficult thing Ben Solo had ever done.

She smiled. _Thank you Ben._ She stood up and leaned into him. She pressed her forehead to his, then kissed him long and hard.  
  
“If they try anything, I will kill them where they stand,” he grumbled.  
  
“If they try anything, you won’t have to, because I will have already killed them.”  
  
“You’d kill your _friends_ for me?”  
  
“I would destroy the galaxy for you.”  
  
Ben gazed into her eyes, as in love with her as he’d ever been, if not more. He ran his hands down the sides of her face and squeezed her shoulders, then walked over and picked up their son.

“I can’t believe it took you more than four years to use that line against me. I’m impressed.”  
  
“Well, in four years you haven’t tried to deny me anything, I guess.” She winked at him over her shoulder.  
  
He gave her a tiny smile as he walked out to bathe Sky.

* * *

   
They celebrated Sky’s second birthday on Endor. This first party went as well as it could.

When Finn arrived, Rey excitedly ran down to meet him. He spun her around in a big hug.  
  
“I’m so happy you’re here!” she said.  
  
“I’m so happy to see you,” Finn replied. He lowered his voice and added “I need a lot of advice. Like... a lot.” He moved aside to reveal a very pregnant Rose.

Rey squealed, but immediately caught herself. She was not a _squealer_.  
  
Rose’s smile was huge. “Finn is freaking out about being a dad. You’ve got to tell him it’s going to be alright!”  
  
“I’m not sure what I can tell him about being a _dad_.” Rey gave Rose a hug over her big belly. “I remember those days, how is your back holding up?”  
  
“It stopped trying to hold me up a while ago, and my ankles have become two big balloons,” Rose said, obviously exasperated. Rey laughed. “Where’s the birthday boy? We’re dying to meet your little guy-” Rose stopped abruptly.  
  
Rey turned around and saw Ben walking out of one of the huts, holding Sky like a shield, like he never wanted to let him go. He was so nervous Rey was compelled to send a little of her light into him. He stared her down when he felt it.

 _Don’t._  He wanted to do this on his own.

Rey tried to imagine what her friends were seeing: a tall, broad man with interesting features that came together in a striking way. Eyes dark as night, but warm like fudge. His long, dark hair was braided in a way he preferred now sometimes, his ears sticking out a little though Ben always attempted to hide them.

It was easy to forget what an imposing figure he was, even when he was trying not to be.

Ben walked forward to Finn and Rose with a small, very hesitant and possibly practiced smile on his face, that looked a bit like a grimace.  
  
“Hello,” he said.  
  
Finn and Rose stared, very unsure how to greet this man who they only knew as a torturer and murderer. He had hurt them both.  
  
Rey spoke quickly, trying to fill the space. “Finn, Rose. Um, Rose I don’t think you’ve ever met my husband-”  
  
“Ben Solo.” Rose said, interrupting Rey’s attempt at an introduction.  
  
“Yes...” Rey replied, weakly.

Rose approached Ben. She was _so_ much shorter than he was.  
  
“This will not be easy,” she said to him.  
  
Ben looked relieved to hear some truth.    
  
“No, it will not.”    
  
“But Finn loves Rey. And I love Finn. And Rey loves you…”  
  
“And Rey loves Finn,” Ben continued, carefully. “And I love Rey.”  
  
“So... there you go,” said Rose.  
  
“Does that mean you and I have to love each other too?” Ben tilted his head and looked as awkward as he sounded, but it was surprisingly endearing, at least to Rey.  
  
Rose smiled briefly, just a little bit. “No, it doesn’t. Certainly not today.” But her smile grew as she looked back at Finn. “But right now, you’re the only father that we know, and Finn is driving me crazy. Will you please tell him what to do?”  
  
Finn interjected “Rose-”  
  
“I will definitely _not_ tell Finn what to do,” Ben replied. He walked over to Finn. “Never. He will get no more orders from me.”

Finn was visibly shocked by Ben's words.  
  
It was not an apology, for there would be none of those, but an acknowledgement Finn did not expect. They could not change the past, and truth be told none of them would. If anything was different, they would not have what they do now.  
  
“Congratulations,” Ben said to Finn simply, and held out his hand. Rey was so proud of Ben, and she sent every bit of that emotion to him to give him strength.  
  
Finn looked down at Ben’s outstretched hand. The hand that almost killed him, the man who called him a traitor. In Rey’s messages, she had painted a very different picture of this man, this _Ben Solo_. She begged Finn to reconsider him, to give him a chance to show that he was not the same man.

Finn glanced at Rey and saw how hopeful she was. She wanted their forgiveness so badly. Well, he couldn't give forgiveness, but he could give his hand. For Rey.  
  
He grabbed Ben’s offering, even though he felt strange about doing it.  
  
“Thank you,” Finn said, lowering his voice, meeting Ben's eyes.

“And this,” said Rey, jumping in to rescue both of them, “is our son, Sky.” She grabbed Sky from her husband and turned him to Finn, smiling.

Finn had no problem shaking his little hand.

* * *

  
Poe Dameron landed sometime later in an Alliance shuttle befitting a leader of the new galaxy. He stormed out of his ship and headed straight for the gathering. Though still handsome, in the years since she’d seen him last, he had aged. _I suppose trying to shape the galaxy would do that to a person,_ Rey thought, relieved that was no longer what Ben was trying to do.  
  
Ben stood up to his full height. Poe was clearly not intimidated, because he walked straight up to him... and punched him right in the face. Ben reeled back, not angry so much as shocked and intrigued.  
  
“Mark my words, Ben Solo, I will do that again.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“More than once.”  
  
“I get it.” Ben raised up both his hands in submission. Getting punched Ben could deal with; anger was his friend and violence was a language he spoke well. And he knew he deserved worse.    
  
Poe glared at him. “But probably not tonight because…. OOOOOWW I think your face broke my hand, damn!” He shook his hand out as the group, minus Ben, laughed out their tension. “Rey, do you have any bacta on this godforsaken moon? I really think my hand is broken!”  

  
Poe eventually told Rey that the last time he and General Organa spoke, she made him swear that if he ever saw her son again - and she meant her son Ben Solo, not the man that was Kylo Ren - that he would forgive him.  
  
“Please Poe, I don’t know if Ben will ever come back. But if he does, he will need allies. He will need friends. Please be there for him, for me.”  
  
Poe said he would, not only because she was dying and he would have promised her anything she asked, but also because he was convinced Leia was being sentimental and Kylo Ren was here to stay.  
  
He was pissed he had to now follow through on his vow.

* * *

  
Poe was Sky’s favorite present. He was a natural with the boy, flying him around, chasing him back and forth. Sky laughed and ran and had more fun than he ever had in his little life. Rey watched, from a distance, her friends playing with her son and felt, finally, complete.  
  
Ben came around behind her, still uncomfortable but slightly less. She sent him her compassion and gratitude through the Force.  
  
_It will take time,_ he told her.  
  
_But you are trying and I could not be happier,_ she replied.  
  
_Rey, I think we should find our own space. We will always be welcome here…_  
  
_But it’s time,_ she finished. _I know. I agree._  
  
He brought his hand around to her belly. _Especially with another baby coming…_  
  
“You bastard!” She elbowed him and spun around. “You know, I’m pretty sure women are supposed to tell their mates they're pregnant, not the other way ‘round!”

Ben laughed as she swatted at him.   
  
“Heeey! It’s been a month! When were you going to say something? Did you think I wouldn’t notice?” he grinned, put his arms around her and kissed her forehead. Rey had been waiting until after the party. She assumed Ben couldn’t tell yet, but she should have known. They had no secrets.  
  
“I can’t believe you. I was gonna do a… a thing when I told you.”  
  
“A _thing_?” he said skeptically.  
  
“Oh you don’t know, _maybe_ I would have done a thing! You bastard…”

But she was smiling when she kissed him. She turned back around to watch her son at play, while Ben wrapped his arms back around her middle and whispered in her ear.  
  
“What should we call  _her_?”  
  
She sucked her teeth and smacked his arm, hard, while he chuckled in her ear. She couldn't even tell him _that_. He wouldn’t let her have anything.

 

* * *

 

  
One evening months later, the couple was laying on their bed in their new home. They had settled on a small planet that was very green and very blue. They had built a home into the side of a stony escarpment, near a cliff with a view of an ocean. It reminded Rey of Ahch-To.    
  
Ben was holding a sleeping Sky on his chest. The two year old was very fond of sleeping in their bed, but with a new baby on the way, it was feeling a bit... crowded. Rey was weaving what would become a hammock for Sky. Rey hoped if they hung a little hammock for him in their room, he’d sleep in that. One could dream.  
  
Rey sensed Ben was brooding about something, but she did not want to pry. He cleared his throat.  
  
“I’ve been thinking a lot about my father.”  
  
Rey’s hands slowed but did not stop weaving. Han Solo was a topic they rarely discussed. She could count on one hand the number of times he had come up, and they had all been tense moments; Rey viewed Han one way, while Ben’s view of him was very different.  
  
“My father was not the man I wanted him to be, nor was he the father I needed him to be.”  
  
Rey said nothing, just continued to weave. She gave Ben a sidelong glance. She was curious about where he was going with this.

Ben stroked Sky’s ash brown hair intentionally as he took a breath. He began to speak again.  
  
“I remember trying to sense him when I was young, searching his feelings, but I never found anything I could understand. I confused those emotions with different things, called them emotions I knew - arrogance, selfishness. I understand now...” Ben paused. His voice was getting thinner as he spoke, as if these were some of the hardest words he had ever said.  
  
“You understand what?” Rey asked. Her hands stilled.  
  
“What having a son feels like.” He looked down at Sky as he slept soundly in his arms. “I recognize it. I remember sensing it in Han. I know now what he felt. It’s so simple, and yet, the most complicated feeling in the universe.” Rey felt the sadness rolling off Ben in waves, the regret. But there was also a sense of resolution.  
  
“I cannot change the past,” he said, clearing his throat again. It was a wet sound, a pained sound. “But I want - I need - to acknowledge that. I want to honor him, to honor the love my father had for me. I know now that he loved me, in his way... ” His voice was merely a whisper in the end.  
  
“In a way you never did during his life.”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
Rey put Ben’s hand over her very large belly. The baby stirred underneath his warmth.  
  
“We’ll call her Hannah,” she offered.

Ben finally met her eyes, his wet and leaking. The corners of his mouth lifted slightly as he sent his heart through his hand into their child.  
  
“Thank you,” he whispered.  
  
The couple had finally found peace regarding Han Solo.  
  
  
++++++++++  
  
  
Elsewhere in the galaxy, far away from them, a plan was taking shape in a mind they could never touch. It would be difficult to pull off, but it was possible. Anything was possible. She was patient.  
  
She had already waited so long.  
  
The couple would never see her coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) Hannah


	6. Something Wicked This Way Comes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Present day...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's here, it's here! The story is starting!!

Ben Solo was dreaming. In his dream he was running through a labyrinth of dark metal. He could smell death, he sensed many deaths. He knew that they had been brought about by his own hand.  He was ill and confused, angry and lost. Then, he keenly sensed Rey. She was so weak, failing. She was lost and he couldn’t help her, he didn’t know what was wrong.  
  
“Ben, stay with me,” her voice cried out to him. _I will, I will never leave you!_ he screamed, but she did not appear. Instead, his children materialized, far away, unreachable. It was like they were behind a wall of glass he could not break. Hannah turned and looked him straight in the eyes with her dark eyes, his dark eyes, the eyes of his mother and her mother before her.  
  
She glared at him and screamed _“I HATE YOU!”_ her little fists clenched at her sides.  
  
Ben woke up, dripping with sweat, out of breath, terrified and alone. Hannah’s scream still echoed in his mind.  
  
_I HATE YOU!_  
  
Rey had been right all along. _Why did I doubt her?_  
  
They were in danger. Because of him.  
  
Where was Rey?

* * *

  
  
Ben stumbled out of their home, sensing through the bond that Rey was outside. The wind had picked up. It blew ferociously all around him, as frantic as he was. He saw the outline of her figure, flashing in the lighting that was rolling in over the ocean. He ran to her where she stood at the cliff’s edge.  
  
She knew he was there. She stared out at the storm, an obelisk of light, straight and strong, facing the clouds and lighting while the thunder crashed violently and the wind whipped into a frenzy around them.  
  
“You believe me now, Ben. You’ve seen it.”  
  
“Yes. Something is coming for us.”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Rey... I’m afraid.”

She turned to him, slowly, her hair and clothes whipping around her, the storm personified.  
  
“We have no time for fear.”

 

After clinging to each other at the edge of the world, they made love in the wind, like it was the only way to save their family.

* * *

 

The next morning, the children woke up before both of their parents. The pair were wrecked, especially Rey. Her lack of sleep over many nights had caught up with her. There would be no games this morning.  
  
“Mum, should I make breakfast?” a tiny voice came through the door.  
  
“No!” Rey and Ben said in unison, buried under the covers.  
  
“I’m up, Sky,” said Rey, “I’m getting up now. Go to the kitchen, I’ll be right there.”  
  
“Papa, do you-”  
  
“Hannah, the kitchen. Now.”  
  
“Yes, Papa.” He could actually hear her pout.  
  
Rey smiled, for as much as Hannah had her father wrapped around her little finger, she also understood fully when he meant business, and she put up no resistance. Rey loved them both. She loved them all so much.  
  
Ben rolled over to lay half on top of her, kissing her face lovingly and running his fingers over her belly. Ben seemed a bit more alert than she. Rey sighed, absentmindedly playing with the end of his messy braid that had fallen on her shoulder, while concern wrinkled her forehead

“Ben, I need time to focus today. I am feeling wiped out, and that makes me less prepared. For whatever is coming.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“But I promised the children we’d take them to the falls to swim. Can you take them? I need some space.” Rey pressed her fingers to her temple with her eyes closed. Ben couldn’t remember ever seeing her her quite like this. He did not want to leave her alone; however, her expression told him he had no choice.  
  
“Of course,” he assured her. He grabbed her hand and pressed her fingers to his lips. He wanted her to feel as strong as she was, as strong as she could. His dream had affected him deeply too, but his fear had spurred him, given him strength.  
  
“Stay. Rest. I’ll take care of them.” They smiled dreamily at each other.  
  
He got up and put on his clothes. He undid his braid and donned a floppy hat that always made Hannah giggle. He loved the waterfalls.

* * *

  
Her children went to swim with her husband while she practiced her forms. She hadn’t held her saber much lately, there hadn’t been a need. Today though, when Rey picked it up - the crystal she healed after she and Ben had ripped it apart - she knew it had missed her.

She felt more solid with it in her hand. She stared into the white blade and focused on the presence she had been sensing for weeks. She got a quick flash of something… something with no shape or size, or place, which frustrated her.

_Who are you?_

Where _are you?_

The more she thought and reflected, the more energized she became. She swung her blade feverishly.

* * *

  
Meanwhile, Ben had shown Sky how to leap. From the top of the falls, Sky jumped as far out as he could, spread his arms wide and yipped before tucking his legs into his body, like his papa had showed him.

His papa taught him how to do the things his mum worried most about. They had a lot of fun together.

  
Ben cheered at the splash Sky made when he landed. He remembered how Rey had laughed when he promised no harm would come to their son, and now he was encouraging him to jump of a 20 foot cliff. In fairness, he had assessed the entire pool ages ago for potential dangers, and knew Sky was not at serious risk of injury. Not really.  
  
Ben had also used the falls to teach Sky how to flip. Sky could now somersault forward in the air and on land, but not backwards. He flipped up the cliff to jump again.  
  
“Did you see that, Papa?”  
  
“Yes I did, I can’t believe it!”  
  
“Mum’s gonna be mad!”  
  
“Your mother will never know!”  
  
Sky laughed at him, one of Ben’s favorite sounds.  
  
“She always knows!” Sky squinted with one eye, looking just like Rey.  
  
Ben smirked. Sky was right. They had no secrets.  
  
“Hey Papa?” he yelled down to his father from the top. “Why doesn’t Mum want me to fly the Falcon? I can take off no problem, and I-”  
  
“It’s not that she doesn’t _want_ to you fly the Falcon,” Ben corrected. He was laying on the ground, folding blades of grass into a geometric pattern. “It’s just she doesn’t want you to fly the Falcon _yet_. She thinks you’re too young, and she’s right.”  
  
“But you let me-”  
  
“I let you _help_ me.” Ben pointed his finger at his son; he was always pointing his finger, _damn Han_. “You _help_ me fly the Falcon because I am a grown-up and it’s my ship. Like I-” he choked slightly, a little sound. “-I _helped_ my father when I was your age. And it’s good. It’s good to learn, to not be afraid to fly. Someday you will fly that ship, and you will be ready.” 

He paused and looked up at both skies, the big one, and the little one he had made. He met his son’s eyes as he continued.  
  
“But not today. Today, you jump. Which is a little like flying, right?” Sky shrugged. “ _Right?_ ”  
  
“Yes, sir.”  
  
“And I’ll help you, yeah?”

Sky’s smile grew large as he looked down as his father. “Yeah!”  
  
“Whenever you’re ready…”  
  
“Permission to launch, sir?” Sky said standing straighter. He couldn’t wait to be a pilot.  
  
“Permission granted, Captain.”  
  
“Captain Dameron taking off!” he saluted.  
  
Ben rolled his eyes. Sky had not stopped worshiping his “uncle” Poe.  
  
Sky jumped, this time with arms and body spread like an eagle, and he was ready when Ben pushed the Force ever so slightly, keeping Sky aloft in the air. Sky whooped as he floated over the falls. He corkscrewed in a twist and, without realizing what he was doing, back-flipped down into the water.  
  
Ben mused to himself that, while Poe Dameron might be his hero, Sky’s father was by far the better pilot.  
  
As Sky cheered from the rush of his fall, bobbing in the water, Ben told him to wait for him before he went up again. He needed to check in with Hannah. His daughter, so much like he was.

Rey often joked that she was born to be in the water, but she had been acting strangely today, not swimming as she usually did.  
  
He followed her signature to the cave behind the waterfall, a favorite place of theirs, where the light of the sun came shining through the water, creating a dazzling display.  
  
But Hannah was not watching the light show. She was drawing on the wall. She ran to him once she sensed him near and he lifted her up into his arms.  
  
“Look Papa, I found this red stone, so I could finish my drawing!”  
  
“That’s wonderful, my sweet. Here, this is for you.” He gave her the shape he made from the grass and it made her smile a little.  
  
“Thank you, Papa.”  
  
He smiled. “Don’t you want to swim with your brother?”  
  
“Mmmm, not really.” She didn’t seem happy.  
  
“Are you feeling alright?” Ben pressed his lips to her forehead. She felt cool.  
  
“I’m okay. My tummy feels funny.”  
  
“Do you need to rest?”  
  
“No, I just don’t feel like swimming.” Hannah’s eyes were clear, but seemed… hesitant? Ben couldn’t quite pin it down.  
  
“Want to watch your brother jump? He’s gotten really good, maybe he could teach you how to do a little one.”  
  
Hannah always loved mischief. She smiled a little again and wiggled to get down.  
  
“Okay. But you look at my drawing. It’s my dream I had.”  
  
Ben’s gut dropped a bit.  
  
He put Hannah down and she ran off, yelling for her brother. “Show me Sky, I wanna jump!”  
  
Ben walked over to Hannah’s drawings, a series of scenes crudely drawn in black. Ben recognized their family, with Mum and Papa and Hannah and Sky. She draws them often; there are quite a few family portraits hanging on the walls of their home.

Then another scene, Sky and Hannah fighting with what looked like swords. _Strange_ , he thought.

Finally, there was a much larger scene, where Hannah had put the red stone she found to use.  A lot of red, surrounding people laying on a floor. Bodies. _Blood?_ Ben recognized the figure of Rey among them, her hair in a bun.

  
And in the center of the carnage, bigger than the rest, was a figure dressed head to toe in black... holding a red saber... wearing a mask…  
  
  
“No.” Ben did not breathe as he dragged his hand over the figure, smearing the dust.  
  
“No.” _She could not know._

* * *

   
The air around Rey stilled to nothing. The silence in her ears was louder than anything she’d ever known. At the same time, every fiber of the Force was screaming in her mind.  
  
“No.” It was here. Danger.  
  
“The children...” Rey ran to the pool as fast as she could.

* * *

  
  
Ben noticed the silence first. He did not hear his children.  
  
He had been distracted.  
  
And then he felt it. Their signatures.  
  
They were gone.  
  
“Hannah…” Ben ran out of the cave and looked to the falls.  
  
“Sky!”

His lungs were collapsing, his brain was exploding.

“SKY! HANNAH!”

His hands went to his head, and he gripped his hair, almost ripping it out. They were gone, he had lost them, someone took them…  
  
Ben felt it before he heard the ship. He saw a black cruiser rise over the tree line, the ship that was taking his children away from him. He put out his hands and screamed “NO!” as he used every ounce of strength and power he had to stop the ship. He had no other thought - the ship could not leave, he would not allow it.

* * *

  
Rey stopped short at the top of the falls. She saw her husband reaching through the Force, preventing a black ship from flying away. It had faltered, stopped, but almost breaking apart as it still tried to leave, pulling against Ben. The engines screamed.  
  
Her children were on that ship. Their signatures burned like suns in the hull. “BEN, NO! The children, they’ll be KILLED!”  
  
Ben hesitated, then roared as he put down his hands, letting go of the ship. It immediately flew away into hyperdrive, taking with it not only Sky and Hannah, but also a large piece of Rey’s heart and most of Ben’s soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you imagine? The power of the man, the rage, to stop a ship? It gives me goosebumps.  
> -srs  
> Also... Harrison Ford is always pointing at stuff, I love it.
> 
>  


	7. Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The children are gone. The pair struggles to maintain balance...

Ben fell to his knees in defeat and utter devastation.

He had believed, _truly_ believed, he knew all the ways he could feel anger. It was the emotion that was weaved into his flesh, the only thing he counted on in the years before he knew love.

But there on the ground, his head pressed into the earth, he was overtaken by a rage he had never known before. It shot through his veins, it ignited every muscle. It burned through his brain until all he could hear, see, feel, or taste was darkness. He wanted to crush the planet, he wanted to rip off his own skin. _I let this happen. I let them go. I’ve lost them. I’ve destroyed my family, my life…_  
  
All at once, he was awash in light. Like a salve over his fractured soul, his wife’s power engulfed him in white ice, weighing down the darkness, cooling his burning flesh… Her voice floated through his mind. _This is not your fault. We will find them. They are not lost to us…_  
  
“NO!” Ben sobbed. He howled. He painfully drew from the deepest, darkest parts of himself in order to crawl out from beneath her light; he could not lose his rage. He needed to keep it close or else he would completely lose his mind.  
  
He hurled his power out into the planet, screaming, throwing the water in front of him into the jungle. He emptied the pool.

He stood up, turned around and looked up at his wife. It was the last thing he did before he collapsed, his energy completely spent.

Rey had used most of the power she had trying to contain her husband, and failed. Thankfully, between the ship, the water and dislodging himself from her Force hold, he had nothing left. Rey was actually relieved he passed out. She needed to think.

 

* * *

   
Ben woke up in bed, in the middle of the day. His eyes opened on a glass of water on the table next to his bed. He grabbed it, gulping it down like he a man dying in the desert. Why was he sleeping? How did he get here? _Hannah must have…_

He clenched his fist, breaking the glass in his hand as he remembered. His rage. His children.  
  
“Ben.”  
  
He rolled over quickly to find Rey sitting in a chair next to their bed. Her back was straight, one of her legs was crossed over the other and her hands were clasped in her lap. Her eyes were red and her face was pale, but she was not crying. She had been waiting.    
  
“I’ve failed you.”  
  
“It’s not your fault.”  
  
“I lost them, I let them get taken-”  
  
“No. Someone wanted to hurt us. Once someone decides to do something terrible, it can be nearly impossible to stop them. We cannot focus on the fact that they are gone. We must focus on getting them back.”  
  
She stared at Ben, daring him to argue. She knew that she had to keep control of the situation, over him, or they would not move forward.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. No message has come demanding ransom. I’ve been searching-”  
  
“How long have I been out?” Ben demanded. Rey hesitated before calmly responding.  
  
“Two days.”  
  
“TWO DAYS?” Ben hollered as he threw back the sheets and moved to leave the bedroom.  
  
“Ben-”  
  
“REY, how could you-? Why are you-? Why didn’t you-? You’re just-”  
  
“BEN. Calm. Down.” Rey leaned forward and uncrossed her legs. Ben’s chest was heaving as he glared at her. He was actually glaring at her. 

“This is what you did to yourself. You imploded, and wiped yourself completely out. A lesser man with a lesser wife would have likely died. You are lucky.”  
  
“We need to leave. NOW.”  
  
“No.” Rey put up her hand and shoved Ben back to the wall. “We need to plan. And you need to eat.”  
  
“How are you so CALM? We have lost two days! We-”  
  
“And where should we go?”  
  
“TO GET THEM BACK!”  
  
“BACK FROM WHERE?”  
  
“We... in…” Ben’s eyes were frantically moving back and forth. He started blinking and looking around the room, although it was not the room he was searching.

Rey knew what he was doing, because she had been doing it herself while he slept. Searching for them, seeking out the feel of their children in the galaxy. The two Force signatures tied to their own, unique but ultimately an extension of their parents... and she could not find them. Anywhere.  
  
Neither could he. A new panic filled him.  
  
“They are… gone?”  
  
“They are NOT dead. I would know,” Rey said, fiercely. Rey was their mother. She was positive she would know, that she would sense if their little lights had been snuffed out. The thought made her physically ill, but she was sure she would know. They were still alive, just... hidden from her. Somehow.  
  
“But I can’t… I don’t-”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“How is this possible?”  
  
“Now you're starting to _think_. We need to be asking questions, Ben, lots of questions. So we can get answers. So we can find them.”  
  
Ben stared at Rey. He was confused, he was angry, he was… very hungry. He had a headache. He sat back down on the bed.  
  
Rey stood up from the chair and stood over him. She dragged her fingers through his hair and along his scalp. He closed his eyes; it hurt to look at her. She traced the scar he gave him, marking him as hers for the rest of his life.

“We will find them. But first you need to eat. And then shower. You still smell like river fish.” She smiled gently at him. He lowered his head, did not smile back. Rey left their bedroom to get him food.

 

* * *

 

Rey was starting to worry. Night was falling. Ben had eaten and showered, breaking the dish as he threw it in the sink, and almost destroying the sonic when he couldn’t get the nozzles to work the way he wanted.

Inside was too stifling, so they moved outside. Outside was overwhelming, so they moved back inside.

He was pacing like a caged beast, and she did not like the feelings that were rolling off of him. He was not himself.  
  
“Ben, I know this is bad, but I need you to try and calm down.”  
  
“I am calm.”  
  
Rey barked out a laugh. “You are unbalanced. We will never find them this way.”  
  
He stopped pacing and looked at her. He was lost, slightly unhinged. He looked as he did when he knelt before her through their force bond, staring up at her as she prepared to close the door on the Falcon, and on him.

He slowly sat down on the window seat. His head fell and he rubbed his palms into his eyes. _I don’t know what to do. I can’t find an anchor. All I can feel is fear and anger... and sadness. I’m so_ sad _, Rey, it’s hard to breathe..._ He did not raise his head.  
  
Rey walked over to him. She placed her hands on either side of his head and pushed his face up to look at her. His eyes were watery and he would not meet her gaze.  
  
“Do you know that it’s been ten years?" she said, gently. "Ten years since we escaped that ship on the Falcon. Ten years since you ended the war and freed the entire galaxy. You did that. On your own. You did that despite the years you had spent trying to tear it all down, the horrors you endured to get there."  
  
“I did it for you.”  
  
“Yes, you did. For me. Ben, look at me.” He met her eyes and she pushed all the love and strength she could deep into him. Her light, an attempt to balance his dark.

“And do you know that not once, not _once_ , have I ever thought you would turn back? That I could lose you? Not for a single moment.” She stared at him intensely.

“I _need_ you Ben. I cannot do this without you.”  
  
“You have me,” he whispered.  
  
“Then I need you... to stay... _balanced_.” She said this carefully, trying to make him understand. She tried to show him through the Force.

I _am your anchor._ _  
_  
_You are all I have._ _  
_ _  
_ _Stay with me._ _  
_ _  
_ _I cannot lose you._ _  
_ _  
_ _You won’t._  
  
He pulled her to him and sobbed, clinging to her like a drowning man to a raft, like he was dying. He felt like he was.  
  
She pulled him to her and reminded him that he was not alone, and still very much alive, in the best way she knew.

  
Afterwards, he confessed to her, “I was never supposed to have this. I am always afraid of losing you.” 

+++ 

+++

  
They were getting somewhere. They were talking it through. Her visions, his dream.  
  
“And you saw nothing in your visions, no one at all?” he asked.  
  
“No they were mostly just shapes, feelings of things, nothing clear.”  
  
Ben growled in frustration.  
  
“What about you?” Rey continued, “You had a vision the night before they were taken. Vivid enough to change your mind about mine. What did you see?"

Ben looked up at her, hesitating slightly. He took a deep breath and began.  
  
“I was… on a ship. Maybe. It felt like the never ending hallways of a battle cruiser. And you were... lost, but I couldn’t find you. And the children were there but I couldn’t reach them. And Hannah…” he paused.  
  
Other than something terrible happening to his family, there was only one thing Ben Solo feared most in his life. It was that his children would hate him. Someday, they would learn of the things he had done. The person he was when he was called Kylo Ren. They would need to know the truth, and once they did, Ben could not predict their response.

Would they still see him as their father, or something else? Would they still love him? Could he blame them if they wanted nothing more to do with him?  
  
He wished he could keep it from them forever.

  
“Hannah what?” Rey’s question shook him out of his thoughts.  
  
_I HATE YOU!_ His daughter’s voice echoed again through his mind.  
  
“Hannah just... she was very angry.” It was their first secret.  
 

* * *

 

  
“The timing is so strange…”  
  
“They could _not_ have just _arrived_ at that exact moment, when I was in the cave- THE CAVE! Rey, there is something you need to see. I can’t BELIEVE I forgot.” He jumped up and grabbed her hand, pulling her outside.

He took her to the cave under the falls, to the drawing their daughter had made.  
  
“She said it was a dream. She said she had found a red stone so she could finish it. She wanted me to see…” He was breathless as he recounted the moment to Rey.  
  
Rey walked over to the drawing, her eyes following the scenes as his had. She stopped at the final one, gasping at the clearly violent image. Her hand went over her mouth as her eyes filled with tears. She touched the figure that Hannah had meant to be her. When she drew her hand back, it was covered in red dust.  
  
“Whoever took them was planning this for a while, Ben,” she said, finally. Her voice was thick. “And they do not want our children. They don’t want us.” Rey knelt before the drawing, putting her hand over the figure in black. She turned her head to look at him.  
  
“They want Kylo Ren,” she finished.  
  
Rey felt sick.  
  
Ben looked terrified.  
  
She looked back at the drawing. Rey noticed another figure, smaller, still standing up in the corner. The stick figure appeared to be wearing a dress and a… crown? Rey pointed at it.  
  
“Now who do you suppose this is?”  
  
Ben narrowed his eyes and glared.

 

  
Ben left the cave to find the spot where the ship had landed. Rey stood up, slowly. The cave spun. Ever since the children had been taken, she had felt… off. She had assumed it was the stress, the anxiety. Now she was starting to worry it was something else.  
  
She walked out of the cave and looked at the pool, no longer empty, and the falling water. She listened to the sounds all around her, she felt the breeze. She heard the memory of her children’s laughter. She tried to center herself, but there was something gnawing at her gut. She did not know what, but something was wrong with her.  
  
Rey kept her concern from Ben. It was their second secret.

* * *

  
Ben found the landing site but could sense nothing. There were some burn marks, from the engines of the ship, but that was all. The space felt blank, like the ship had never been there. It was so strange.  
  
The couple was silent as they marched back to the house. Rey kept thinking about the woman with the crown.  
  
“How Ben, how did we not know? How did we not sense that there was someone out there who wanted to take our children?”  
  
“I was naive, I thought-”  
  
“No,” Rey cut him off. “That’s not what I mean. What do you say all the time? 'We’re the most powerful Force users in the galaxy, nothing can hide from us, we know everything...' and yet. We did _not_ know. Not until it was far too late.” Rey stopped to look at him. “How? Who could do that?”  
  
“It would have to be someone powerful, someone very strong in the ways of the Force.”  
  
“Stronger than us?”  
  
“Yes.” Ben looked hard into her eyes. “Strong enough... to block us out.”  
  
“Then that person would have to be famously strong,” Rey countered.  
  
“Perhaps.”  
  
“Who might know of such a person?” Rey wondered. They both thought of an answer at the same time.

  
Maz.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a beautiful drawing I found that reminds me of Ben's confession in the middle of this chapter. Here is the original link to the work by @elithien on tumblr  
> <http://elithien.tumblr.com/post/140973256911/f-l-o-w-e-r-s-a-r-e-t-h-e-m-o-s-t-b-e-a-u>


	8. Please Help Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The couple goes to Maz for assistance. She offers absolution, advice and strong liquor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes one of my favorite little bits of dialog. It sounds funny in my head, hope it's funny in yours.

They had a place to go, a start.  
  
The two packed ridiculously fast, Rey only stopping once to hold onto a plush toy of Hannah’s, allowing herself to bawl. Ben found her and held her for a moment, sharing her grief, before helping her up.  
  
“We must hurry.”  
  
Rey packed the plush.

* * *

It took them two days in the Falcon to find Maz. She had been laying low since the end of the war. The couple had not had much contact with her, but Rey would check in once a year cycle or so. Rey had so few important people in her life, she wasn’t willing to let any of them slip away.  
  
Ben hadn’t actually seen Maz since before his father’s death. He looked down and observed her walking out of a tunnel that seemed to lead underground. The little woman stood defiantly as the ship landed, her arms on her hips.  
  
“Look what the batha dragged in. Things must be really bad if Ben Solo is debasing himself by coming to me.”  
  
“Maz.” Ben fought his desire to kick her across the field where they had landed and into the forest. Rey gave him a sharp look of warning to control his temper and himself. His rage now constantly simmered under his skin. He looked away from both of them.  
  
Rey knelt down before the small woman.  
  
“Hello Maz.”  
  
“Hello my dear. You bring bad news, I could feel it hours ago.” Maz put her hands on either side of Rey’s face and tilted her head slightly. “Where are the younglings?”  
  
Rey’s lips quivered slightly.  
  
“We don’t know.”  
  
Maz put her hands on Rey’s shoulders and sighed. “This is bad.”  
  
“We need your help.”  
  
“I’m not sure how much service I can be, but I will give you whatever help I can.” Rey gave her a small smile of thanks. “But first… me and the big guy have beef. Come with me.”

Ben and Rey exchanged a look, wondering what Maz was up to.

  
The couple followed her into the bunker, where there were many trinkets and things, but not many people. Rey remembered the “watering hole” from Takodana, the castle. The forest where she first encountered Kylo Ren.

Rey grabbed Ben's arm and sent him the memory, of her shooting at him with her blaster. Of him freezing her with the Force.  
  
She hated him then, but she had not yet seen his face.  
  
He responded by squeezing her hand and sharing a single moment.

Carrying her. How she felt in his arms. He wanted her, even then.  
  
_The girl I’ve heard so much about..._  
  
“Cut it out, you two.” Maz interrupted their reverie, waving her hands. “We don’t have time to reminisce. You, Solo, sit.” Maz kicked a stool over to Ben. He stopped the stool with his foot and sat grudgingly on the clearly too small seat.

Maz rummaged through a trunk and pulled out a small box. She hobbled over to Ben as he glared at her. She handed him the box. He raised an eyebrow at her.  
  
“Open it.”  
  
Ben squinted his eyes a bit but did what she asked. Inside, somehow still shining, were the golden dice that won the Falcon. His father’s dice.  
  
Ben’s jaw dropped in surprise. He pulled them out of the box gently. He genuinely believed he would never see them again.  
  
“Where did you get these?”   
  
“It doesn’t matter,” Maz replied. “You should have them. But first,” she pointed her finger closely into Ben’s face. “Admit it.”  
  
Ben looked at her crooked finger and then into her eyes. He said nothing.  
  
“Admit it young Solo, or I will not help you. I will not help a man who refuses to accept responsibility- who cannot admit when he is wrong.”  
  
Ben stared at her hard. “I was wrong,” he admitted quietly.  
  
“Wrong about what?”

Rey could not believe Maz was pushing him like this. She was genuinely terrified it was going to drive her husband over the edge.  
  
“I should not have killed my father.” Ben’s voice was deep, a taut string of sound.  
  
“No, you should not have killed your father. Han Solo was a scoundrel and a scamp. But when all was said and done, he was a good man and he loved you and did not deserve the death you gave him.”  
  
“Maz-”  
  
“Rey, no.” Maz glanced back at her briefly before returning her laser stare back to Ben.  
  
Ben stared at the dice and his lips shook. “You’re right. I made... a mistake.”  
  
“Ben Solo.” Maz grabbed Ben’s arm and he raised his eyes to hers.

“I have lived for more than one thousand years. I seen all kinds of beings do all kinds of horrible things. I have done horrible things, too. But! I have learned that we all make mistakes. And we can all be deserving of forgiveness." She put her small palm on his forehead.  
  
“You have confessed your greatest sin, and therefore you are forgiven for the death of your father. I forgive you, she forgives you,” she said, gesturing to Rey, “and your parents forgive you. Forgive yourself.”

She closed Ben’s palm over the dice.

“These are yours now, like the ship you fly. Your parents...” She held onto Ben’s hand and put her other hand on his face. “ _Love_ you. They are always with you. Both of you. They are _always_ with your family.” A single tear fell from each of Ben’s eyes.

“Now, let’s figure out who took your children. But first, who needs a drink?”

* * *

Rey and Ben told Maz everything they knew and some of the things they didn’t. Rey did most of the talking. Ben was restless and uncomfortable. He kept the dice and rolled them around in his hand.

Eventually his tension could not be contained to the bunker and he abruptly walked out. Rey watched him leave, knowing that he must do what he must to calm himself. She was being drained by her attempts to quell his rage, and she knew she couldn’t continue indefinitely. She needed her strength, too.

She sighed and downed the rest of her drink. Maz always had the craziest booze, and considering she never drank, Rey was feeling a bit blurry after just one. She welcomed the distraction.  
  
“He’s handling this well,” Maz said, after watching him march out.  
  
Rey barked out an almost laugh. She looked down at Maz, amazed. “He is a mess.”  
  
“You are both a mess. But he could be much worse. You forget what he was.”  
  
“I never forget,” Rey countered sharply. “He is no longer that man.”  
  
“He is still. Kylo Ren still lives in Ben Solo, the two cannot be divided. You know this. You just choose to ignore it.”  
  
“I do not ignore it!” Rey’s temper flared as she slammed her hand down.   
  
“Tell me about this pain you feel, in your abdomen. In your chest. The weakness in your head.”  
  
Rey’s eyes bulged. “How do you... I don't want to talk about it.”  
  
“Girl, you are playing a dangerous game. You gave a piece of yourself to save Ben Solo, and the two of you are entwined for life and in death. But you have no connection to Kylo Ren. And it’s true, he has been buried for years now underneath Ben’s love for you, for the children. But don’t you see? The children are gone; Ben Solo is weakened while Kylo Ren gains strength. And as Ben Solo weakens...”  
  
“Don’t you think I know that?!” Rey yelled, interrupting Maz’s speech. “I’m trying! I’m giving him everything I can, to keep him tethered, to keep him grounded to me. But they are my children too, and I am angry and so scared. I can barely keep myself together... “ Rey rubbed her temples, trying to ease her pain and tension.  
  
“Here, let me get you to your room. You need to rest,” Rey started to protest but Maz cut her off, “for the sake of your family. We’ll talk more in the morning.”

* * *

  
Maz went to find Ben after putting Rey to bed.  
  
“You there!” Maz shouted to him. Ben was staring at the stars, combing the sky for any trace of his children. He could find none.  
  
“What?”  
  
“What do you mean, what? How are you feeling?”  
  
“Are you serious?” He looked at her like she’d suddenly grown wings. “How am I _feeling_?”  
  
“Who am I speaking to right now?” She took a step towards him, and he put his hands on his hips.  
  
“How drunk are you?” he barked.  
  
“Who are you, boy?”  
  
“Are you _kidding_ me??”  
  
“Where is Kylo Ren?” Maz mirrored his stance, putting her hands on her hips.  
  
Ben full-stopped, eyes wide. He breathed in, then out through his nose.

“He is gone,” he replied, his voice dangerously low.

“Are you sure?” she pushed, her voice raising at the end of her question. “Because I am not. In fact, I don’t believe he is gone-”  
  
“He is!” Ben roared.  
  
"Is he?”

Maz clasped her hands in front of her. She tilted her head to the side and looked at him deeply. She walked around Ben and gestured to him to come down to her. He obliged, reluctantly.

On his knees in front of Maz, almost at her eye level, reminded him of being a child, of his father. He didn’t like it. Everything felt like sandpaper on his soul. He held the dice tightly.

Maz reached behind his head and gently ran her hand down his braid, leaving it hanging over his shoulder. She recognized the plait. She tilted her face up to his, her expression very soft

“Your wife needs you to be stronger than this.”  
  
Ben sighed and hung his head. “I am doing the best I can.”  
  
“I know. I’m just telling you what is true. She is going to need help.”   
  
“That’s why we’re here…” Ben countered.  
  
“That’s not what I mean.”  
  
“She has me.”  
  
“You will not be with her,” Maz replied, giving him a knowing look.  
  
_I HATE YOU!_ His dream flashed again into his mind.  
  
Ben’s heart dropped. He stared at Maz, his fear rising in his chest. “But... where-”  
  
“And she will need help. Get help soon, so she is not alone. For without Ben Solo, she may be lost.” Maz crossed her arms while giving him a look. “You know who I’m talking about.”  
  
Of course. Her _friends._    
  
“She does not need them. No one can match us-”  
  
“Do not be stubborn about your wife! Your selfishness will cost you everything if you are not careful.”

Ben knew she was right, but could not admit it to her. She had forced enough confessions out of him tonight. He had had enough.  
  
He got up, frustrated, angry, and raw. He ripped his saber off his belt and smashed it into the nearest tree. It fell over, cut clean through.  
  
The display caused Maz to back away. “Gone, eh? I am not so sure…” Maz turned and headed back into the bunker.  
  
Ben destroyed some more trees. He started feeling a little better. Clearer.

* * *

 

Rey was laying down but she couldn’t sleep. She closed her eyes to try again to seek out her children, but stopped almost immediately. She knew it was a waste of time. She did not need to “find” her children; they were a part of her, like an arm or her lungs. They were always there… until they were not.

She breathed deeply, and instead, she felt for the Force. She sought it out in all things, tried to feel all of it, to disappear into its omnipresence.  
  
Something went off in her mind like a bell, and she felt something very different. Rey got up quickly, followed her feelings and moved to the hallway.  
  
There was a small being with pointy ears standing next to a fireplace. Her head swam for a moment, but she regained her composure. _I rose too fast,_ she told herself. She looked again at the creature. He glowed a strange blue. She felt he was from the Force, but not alive, more like a ghost.  
  
“Who are you?”  
  
“Ah, Rey of Jakku. Disappointing, it is, that young Solo does not speak of me. Although, surprising, it is not.”  
  
“Are you a Jedi?"   
  
The small man giggled. “I was a Jedi when I lived, indeed. For a very long time, a long time ago. Trained Luke Skywalker, I did.”  
  
“Master Yoda?” Rey knew enough of the history to know of the great master. She moved towards him, falling to her knees. Once again, her head swam. She closed her eyes, then sensed his hand on her shoulder. She felt stronger immediately.  
  
“I’m so sorry, I-”  
  
“Matters not, young Rey, who I am. Now you are the one who lives, the one who matters. Whose heart Ben Solo fought for along with his own. Bring balance to the Force, the two of you, do you not?”  
  
“Yes. We do. Although, right now… I fear...”  
  
“The children.”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Losing his way, young Solo is. Losing balance.”  
  
“Master Yoda-”  
  
“It is for _you_ I am here, my dear, not him. His own council, he must keep, hm? I am here because you need help, guidance, yes?” he gestured towards her with his staff.  
  
“Yes Master, my children. Where are they?”  
  
“I know not.”

Rey’s face dropped. “Who took them?”  
  
“I know not.”  
  
Rey couldn’t believe her ears. “Then how can you help?!”  
  
“Only two questions have you, hm? Most unfortunate…” he said, as he turned away from her.  
  
“No!" Rey rushed, "I have another.”  
  
“Another, very well." Master Yoda turned towards her and Rey felt his presence shift closer. "Ask what you must know…”  
  
“Is there something… outside the Force? Or... some _where_? A place, where my children could be?” Her voice cracked out of desperation. If the wise master could not help her, she was doomed.  
  
“Because sense them, you cannot,” Yoda said, quietly.  
  
Rey’s lips trembled. “No, I can’t.”  
  
“They have not crossed over.”  
  
“I know,” Rey said, resolute.

Yoda took some steps away from her towards the fire. He turned to her. “Remember do you, when the bond between you and young Solo was new? The war still raged, and you kept each other out?”  
  
“Blocking each other through the Force? Yes I remember, of course,” Rey said.

For a while after Crait, Ben did not want the distraction she presented, and Rey was terrified he would use the bond to find the Resistance. They both built walls the other could not penetrate, until their shared loneliness overpowered them.

Eventually, each carried the other around with them, like a lucky penny in their pocket, or perhaps more like a stone in their shoe, silently acknowledging that while they were still enemies, the emptiness left by the absence of their bond was too much to bear.  
  
Yoda moved to a small stool to sit down. “What do you know of the source of the Living Force?”  
  
“The _source_? How could there even be such a thing?”  
  
“Ooh, yes, Young Rey, everything must come from something, something cannot come from nothing, and so too it is with the Force. It came not from some thing… but some where.”  
  
“Some where?”  
  
“The Wellspring of Life. Inhabited by beings so powerful they guard the secrets of immortality. Pure energy. Priestesses, five of them, representing elements of the Force. Serenity, Anger, Joy, Confusion and Sadness.”  
  
“But some of those things, they are of the Dark Side…”      
  
“In the Wellspring, no darkness is there, no light. Just the Force. A balance, yes?” Yoda raised an eyebrow to Rey. She nodded. Rey felt she understood the many different facets of the Force.  
  
“But as with all things, an opposite there must be. A being manifested without.”  
  
“Born without? Without the Force?”   
  
“Yes, a being who the Force would not touch, could not see. An empty shell.” Yoda said, looking deep into Rey.  
  
“What happened to this being?”  
  
“Just as the priestesses were forever tied to the Wellspring, this being was forever cast out, never to touch the powerful Force that they craved. There is no answer to what happened after that.”  
  
“...And their story was lost to history.” Rey jumped at the sound of Maz’s voice. “Nice of you to show up, old man,” Maz said to Master Yoda.  
  
“Than you, I am younger still,” Yoda responded, chuckling.  
  
“It’s been a long time since anyone has learned of the Force planet and the Wellspring, but I remember. I remember many things..." Maz sat down slowly and removed her glasses. She pressed her fingers to the space between her eyes. "In fact, all of this reminds me of an old folk tale, from my youth. A ghost story people would tell around campfires, to keep young Force sensitives well-behaved.”  
  
Yoda chuckled. “The Space Witch.”  
  
“Yes, you old coot. The Space Witch. I am getting heebie jeebies just thinking about it,” Maz smiled along with Yoda. Rey was confused but stayed quiet.  
  
“Ah my girl, let me tell you the tale. Long ago, there was a being so hollow, the Force could not find her. She roamed the galaxy with no home, no place, no belonging. Early on she was heartsick. Her family had abandoned her after she was revealed to be without the Force. She was supposed to be killed, sacrificed to appease the Force, which was clearly angry with them.”  
  
“Hmrph,” Yoda grunted. “The Force works not this way.”  
  
“I know old man, but as a little youngling, I did _not_ know, and you believe what the older students tell you late at night. As I was saying, the witch was cast out and was supposed to be killed, but she escaped. And for a long time she was lost, sad, alone and Forceless… but eventually she became angry. She was enraged. She began to hate the Force and those who could use it, those not cursed to live empty, as she was. She began to roam the galaxy seeking Force sensitives, stealing them and torturing them, forcing them to do her bidding. And if you were bad,” here Maz gave Rey a look to let her know this was what the older children would say to her, “Then the masters would send for her to come and take you away. And no one would know. And you would never be found.”  
  
Rey felt sick.  
  
“Of course, that was just an old ghost story. But once, before I abandoned all the rules, when I was still learning from my master, who had been taught by the great Nomi Sunrider, a Jedi more powerful than even you, you green bastard,” Maz pointed at Yoda.  
  
“Yes, yes,” he sighed in agreement.  
  
“He said to me, ‘Maz do you sense that?’ and I did. A sorrow. A despair unlike any I had ever felt before. And maybe once or twice a century or so, I would feel it again. I haven’t felt it for quite a while, not until your ship landed here today.”

Maz came over to Rey and took her hand. “I sense that same feeling from you. And now, I wonder if it’s a specific kind of sadness I sensed. The sorrow of a Force user, who cannot feel her children in the Force…” Maz looked at her with an understanding that broke Rey's resolve, and tears started running down her face.  
  
“Because if they were dead I would still feel them.”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“But... how could that be? How could someone… block me? And Ben? From our _children_?”  
  
“Some _one,_  hmm... no. But more than one, perhaps?” Yoda offered.  
  
“Perhaps countless stolen sensitive children, forced to do the bidding of the space witch,” Maz concluded.  
  
“But it’s just a story! And besides, they would have to be thousands of years old.”  
  
“The priestesses, immortality they possessed. Perhaps this creature, exiled from the Force, is immortal as well?” Yoda ventured. He nodded at her and disappeared. He had given all the help he could.  
  
A low voice rumbled from the corner, behind Rey. Ben had surprised her. _You're shielding me._  Rey looked at him and narrowed her eyes in frustration.  
  
“This witch… she gotta name?” Ben’s face looked very dark, annoyed even, but his eyes were crystal clear. His arms were crossed over his chest.  
  
Maz looked over at him. “They called her Ramala.”  
  
A shudder ran down Rey’s spine.

 _Ramala_.

* * *

“Maybe we should look for other kidnappings of force sensitive children. Wouldn’t there be, I don’t know, news stories, holos or something? Maybe we could piece something together from those?” Rey suggested.  
  
“Perhaps the Archives,” Maz offered.  
  
“Yes,” Ben responded.  
  
“Archives?” Rey asked.  
  
“On Atzerri,” Ben answered, another thing he knew from his old life that Rey did not. “Let’s go.” He grabbed Rey by the arm and pulled her out of the room.  
  
“You should rest!” Maz shouted after them.  
  
“We’ll get no rest here.”  
  
“Ben Solo! You must keep up your strength!” Maz looked at him with warning in her eyes. _She needs you to be stronger than this,_ her voice echoed in his mind.  
  
Ben stopped and turned to Rey. She looked exhausted, and perhaps also a little drunk. He acquiesced. “We will leave at first light.”  
  
“Yes,” Rey agreed, looking slightly relieved.  
  
The couple retired to their room and Rey began to undress for bed. Ben unpacked and re-packed their belongings, brooding.  
  
“We will go first to Yavin 4,” he said.  
  
“Yavin 4? Why?” Rey didn’t understand why he’d want to go anywhere else but straight to Atzerri.  
  
After the fall of the First Order, both Poe and Finn had made their homes there; it was where Poe had grown up, so it felt natural to him, and Finn had nowhere else to go, so he and Rose went along.    
  
“Because we have a lot of work to do, and a lot of ground to cover and not a lot of time. We need help,” he growled.

Ben moved to continue packing, but the white blade of his wife’s saber at his cheek stopped him cold.  
  
“Who are you and what have you done with my husband?”  
  
Ben turned his head away from the blade to look back at her. “Are you serious?”  
  
“Deadly serious.” Rey narrowed her eyes as she circled around to the front of him, still holding her saber to his neck.

“Who are you? My husband doesn’t even know the meaning of the word 'help,' let alone would he ever suggest asking my friends for it.”  
  
Ben’s eyes grew warmer, then burned, fixed on the goddess that was his wife, standing there in her breast band and leggings, her saber aimed right at him. He thought again of Takodana. She raised an eyebrow and smirked.  
  
“I suppose... that desperate times call for desperate measures, woman. Now get that thing out of my face.” She powered down her saber a second before he grabbed her, spinning and dropping her, pressing her into the bed.  
  
Maybe it was the booze, but Rey was feeling just the tiniest bit hopeful. Not only did they have another place to go, but they were also going to her friends. And she knew more than she had before she came here, which was the point. The trip had been successful.

She would sleep a little better tonight. Eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, Yoda dialog is difficult to write. I feel like stuff I've seen is mostly re-ordered sentences, but in the movies, he actually says things straightforwardly more than not. I don't know, I tried.
> 
> Second, the Force Priestesses come from The Clone Wars, in case you're curious.
> 
> Third, I love the idea that future Reylo will think fondly of Takodana as "the place where they met," lol. This would prolly drive antis crazy but oh well, I guess I have mental problems.
> 
> Fourth, I used the word "trinkets" in this chapter. Extra points for anyone who can name where in the star wars pop culture universe that word is used -spoiler alert- hilariously.  
> -srs


	9. Yavin 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The couple seeks out the assistance of their allies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is significant, as it contains my favorite scene that I've written thus far. I hope you like it too. -srs

Ben’s anxiety on the way to Yavin 4 was overwhelmingly high. Rey contacted Finn en route and explained what had happened via hologram, while Ben piloted ship. It was important for him to have some semblance of control, even if it was only of the Falcon.  
  
“Wow.” Finn said after hearing the story. “Rey, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you must be feeling right now,” Finn said, his face filled with concern. “Do you have any ideas at all of who took them?”  
  
“We have one idea. It’s… far fetched. But it’s all we’ve got for now. We’re going to do research on abducted Force sensitives in the Archives on Atzerri, but there’s so much to look through. Finn, I need your help.”  
  
“Of course, whatever you need. How are you holding up?”  
  
Rey sighed and looked at her old friend. Other than Ben, Finn was the only person who Rey felt understood her, even if he struggled to understand her relationship. He asked her this because he genuinely cared about her, and that gave her strength.  
  
“Honestly Finn… without them, I’m feeling more and more… hollow. Just, numb. I don’t even think I can cry anymore, I’m just… I don’t know. I’m trying to stay focused. It’s all I can do.”  
  
“I get it. I can’t imagine if someone took the girls away.” Finn and Rose now had three daughters, including a pair of twins. They were all beautiful. Rey smiled as she thought of them. Their oldest, who was two years younger than Sky, would follow him around adoringly whenever the families were together, while Hannah and the twins, who were almost the same age, always got into mischief.

Rey’s world darkened as she thought of the memories. Her eyes welled yet again and her lips shook. She covered her face with her hands.  
  
“Oh Rey, I’m so sorry-”  
  
“No, it’s fine, I just... I guess I do have more tears after all.” Rey laughed a little bit, to try and jar herself out of her crying jag. She wiped at her eyes and shook her head.  
  
“Just get here. We’ll do everything possible, we’ll comb every inch of this galaxy until we find them, okay?”  
  
Rey smiled and nodded. “We’ll be there soon.”  
  
“I’ll tell Poe.”  
  
“Thank you, Finn.”   

* * *

  
Both Poe and Finn were waiting for them when they landed. Poe had moved the base of many of his professional obligations to Yavin 4 after the end of the war. His current pet project was starting a flight school to train the next generation of Alliance pilots.

As one of the heads of the Alliance Armed Forces, Dameron was always surrounded by some sort of entourage and today was no exception. There were several officers and fully armed service members standing with them on the landing field, blasters drawn, but not aimed.  
  
This was the first time the couple had been to Yavin 4. It was also the first time Ben had been around these men without the buffer of his children. Things had gotten, if not better, at least easier in the six years since that first party for Sky. But the relationship between the men was certainly not comfortable.

Finn had seen too much as a member of the First Order to truly embrace Ben Solo, but he did what he could, for Rey.  
  
Poe Dameron had punched Ben every time he saw him, just as he promised he would. He’d actually gotten pretty good at surprising him. Dameron must have trained himself to be spontaneous about it, because Ben often didn’t see it coming.

But this time, Ben was ready. He couldn’t wait for Captain Flyboy to clock him one. Not only would it feel amazing, but then he could also justifiably beat him to within an inch of his life. He was practically salivating with anticipation.  
  
Ben sauntered up to Poe and the two of them stared each other down. Ben smirked.  
  
“What, no kiss?” Ben said snidely.  
  
“Oh, my fist would love to kiss you, Solo, right on the mouth, but quite frankly you look like hell and I think you’d like it too much.” Poe stepped a little closer and searched his eyes.

“Welcome to my home. Try not to break anything.” Poe moved beyond him to Rey. “Come ‘ere kid, how you holding up?” he said, as he put his arm around her.  
  
Ben got an ugly look on his face and stormed off, growling at the entourage to get out of his way. _That piece of bantha shit is good for nothing._ The service members eyes followed him as he stomped into the base.  
  
Rey felt a slight pain in her belly.  
  
  
  
The couple was staying with Finn and Rose in their modest home. Rey thought it would feel comforting to be with her friends and their family, but it was actually very hard. Being around Finn’s girls was a terrible reminder that the couple was not with their own children. It was difficult to concentrate, and towards the end of the night, Ben had to get out of the house. He was suffocating.  
  
He started a fire outside and sat near it, pensive. All of Ben’s darkest thoughts were coming to haunt him. They flooded in through the gaping hole in his soul where his children should be.  
  
_I deserve this_. For the past ten years he had been fooling himself, thinking he could have a normal life, hidden away from the galaxy with the woman he loved and the beautiful children she bore him. He was a monster, a killer, responsible for the deaths of thousands of beings unknown to him, and of course, one man he knew very well.

For the first time in a long time, Ben yearned for his mask, something to shield him and hide him from himself.      
  
He was in the middle of these nightmarish musings when he sensed someone coming up behind him. Ben was wound so tight, he almost drew his saber. Instead he searched the Force to find it was Dameron. It was only the decade he’d spent building his patience that had stopped him from slicing the man in half. But, in a strange way, he was glad to have his thoughts interrupted.  
  
Poe had two open bottles in his hand. He held one out to Ben. Ben shook his head.  
  
“I’m fine.”  
  
“Come on, we’re not finding them tonight. And you look like you could use one, or ten.”  
  
Ben took the bottle from Poe and took a swig. He coughed, “You’re still drinking this garbage? Can’t the Alliance come up with anything better for it’s leadership?”  
  
“I can’t help it, I love the stuff,” Poe said as he sat across from him.  
  
“You’re a madman.”  
  
“I’ve been called worse.”  
  
Ben chuckled a little before growing serious again. “So have I.”  
  
“Eh, don’t be too hard on yourself.”  
  
“Is that a joke?”  
  
“Most definitely.”

Ben rolled his eyes while both men drank from their bottles.  
  
“You know, you are different though. Then you were.”

Ben grew visibly tense. “Oh?”  
  
“I mean, even in all this.” Poe gestured around with the bottle. “When I heard about Sky and Hannah, I flipped. I was ready to mobilize, guns blazing, typical Poe Dameron bullshit. Thank the stars Connix got me to chill out. But I did put 40 troopers on standby in anticipation of you showing up here and blowing up all my stuff. They had no idea why, of course.”

Ben’s nostrils flared. He wasn’t sure where this was going.

“You've surprised me, though. You seem... in control. Clearly, you and Rey are totally shot and that is completely understandable. But you haven’t killed any of my men or thrown anyone into a wall. I haven’t seen your saber once since you’ve been here. That’s impressive.”

Ben snorted and rolled his eyes as he shook his head. He took another sip. “It’s not easy,” he said eventually, quietly.

“I’m sure it’s not.”  
  
“This has all been… challenging.” Ben leaned down and rubbed the back of his neck, trying to relieve some of his tension.  
  
“I bet. Tell you what, I kinda feel a little _bad_ for whoever took ‘em because, man… they messed with the wrong guy.”

Ben eyes got darker as he stared into the flames.  
  
“They deserve what’s coming to them,” Poe said. Ben met Poe’s eyes and held them for a moment, then returned his eyes to the flames.  
  
“I want you to know…” Poe started but stopped, cleared his throat. “You know, I really did love your mother. She was like a mother to me and a mentor.” Ben glanced at Poe but said nothing.  
  
“I’m sure Rey told you what I promised her.”  
  
“Rey doesn’t need to _tell_ me anything. We have no secrets… But in this case yes, she told me what my mother asked of you.” There was a moment of silence while both men figured out what they wanted to say.

“I’m sorry she did that.”  
  
“Yeah, well…so was I,” Poe replied. “But not so much anymore." He paused a moment to collect his thoughts.

"Do you remember Sky’s party, the first one _off_ Endor?" he asked Ben. "Hannah was still just a little peanut, barely two months maybe...”  
  
“She was four months old.”  
  
“Yeah, like I said, a little peanut still.”  
  
  
_It was Sky’s third birthday. If Sky at two had enjoyed playing with Poe, Sky at three could not get enough. And chatty! The kid didn’t stop. “Poe! Poe! Here, look at this!” Running, jumping, showing Poe his new home, his new sister, the animals, the garden. Poe was having a blast with Sky, but_ dang _, he was getting the crap kicked out of him by a three foot tall tornado._  
  
_Eventually the night wound down and Sky was clearly tired. He was getting whiny in the way kids do, and had tripped and started to cry. Poe watched Sky lift off the ground and float across the yard into the waiting arms of his father. Ben sat down with him by the fire and wiped his tears._  
  
_“You’ve had a pretty big day, little man.”_  
  
_“Yes,” Sky sniffled and snuggled into his father’s broad chest.  “Papa, can I tell you a story?”_

  
  
“I’d never heard anything like it. Usually with kids it’s ‘Tell me a story,’ right? Not that little bird, oh no. He wants to tell _you_ one.”

 

_“Of course,” Ben replied, pushing his hair off his forehead._

 

“So, Sky starts telling you a nonsense story, sitting in your lap. And he’s forgetting words as he goes and getting lost, probably because he’s so tired he can barely keep his eyes open, and you just keep filling in the blanks and leading him on, so patiently… it was hard to believe.

"Until finally, he’s out. And you put your chin on his head, totally… content. No tension, no malicious intent. Just, peaceful.  
  
“Needless to say I was conflicted by the scene. I mean, I spent a lot of time trying to murder you, man. A lot of good people died in the war, people I cared about. Your mother. But in that moment, I kind of… forgot. It was the first time I didn’t want to clock you.

"So I move towards the fire, but I’m still a tough guy, so I decide to mess with you a little bit. See what you’ll do.”  
  
  
_“Hey, you ever use that Force sleep to get ‘em down?”_  
  
_Ben shot Poe a dark look._  
  
_“Never.”_  
  
_“Come on, you serious? You’re exhausted, baby’s crying, nothing’s working… it’d be so easy to just, knock ‘em out.” Poe clucked his tongue and waved his hand._  
  
_“I would never do that to my child.” Ben got up with Sky, presumably to put him to bed and avoid a confrontation._  
  
_“Sure, sure.” Poe glared at Ben, wanting to remember how much he hated him. “It’s gotta be tempting sometimes, though, right?”_  
  
_Ben looked over at Poe, his son is his arms. His eyebrows raised slightly and he smirked._  
  
_“Maybe sometimes,” he said, and winked._  
  
  
“I swear, Solo, in that moment... you looked just like your mother, this _look_ she used to give me when I was being a smart-ass and she was putting me in my place.

"And it hits me. This guy... he’s just a guy. He’s Leia’s _son_. He loves his kids and he loves his wife and he’s doing what he can to do right by them.

"I hadn’t… I hadn’t been able to separate, to see you as anything other than the beast in my brain. But that night, something shifted a little bit for me. I could see something else, past the mask.”  
  
Ben’s face looked pained, but also a bit touched. He stared at the fire as he contemplated what he’d heard.

"A lot of people died because of me," he whispered.

"A lot of people died because of _me_ ," Poe countered.

The two men stared at each other for a long moment.  
  
“Your mother was right. She knew you’d need friends,” Poe said. Ben's eyes returned to the fire.  
  
“My mother was often right,” Ben replied, quietly.  
  
“That she was,” Poe agreed, his voice lightening. “She’d be super pissed right now, I’ll tell you.”  
  
Ben smiled just a little bit, causing his mouth to tremble slightly.  
  
“Yes, she would be.” It was not the first time in the past ten years that Ben Solo wished he had his mother. _She would know what to do._  
  
The two men sat silently watching the flames, pensive, their heads filled with bittersweet memories.  
  
Poe abruptly stood up and cleared his throat. Ben leaned back, crossed his arms over his chest and blinked rapidly.

“Well, I’m calling it. Considering who knows what our lives are gonna be like for a while here, it’s probably a good idea to get some sleep.”

As Poe walked by Ben, he put his hand on his shoulder. Ben jumped just a little bit.  
  
“Hey.”  
  
Ben turned his head towards the hand, but did not look up.  
  
“We’re gonna find them, Solo. Don’t worry.”

Ben nodded. Poe turned to walk away.  
  
“Dameron,” Ben turned his head towards Poe’s departing figure.  
  
“Yeah?” Poe said, turning back.  
  
“...Thank you,” Ben said and turned his head back towards the fire.  
  
Poe had no idea what it cost the man to say that to him, but he imagined it was a lot. He turned around and started to walk away.  
  
“Eh, don’t mention it,” he called over his shoulder.

Poe just couldn’t help being a smart-ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leia looking at Poe.  
> 
> 
> Just for fun, FinnRose twins at 3  
>  


	10. The Split

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The couple dreams of their children. Their visions are completely different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the all folks who have given this story kudos, commented and especially the people who have it bookmarked. It's really cool and exciting to be on the receiving end of this stuff. -srs

Rey and Ben both shot up in bed at the same moment.  
  
“Jakku!” Rey screamed as she woke.  
  
“The ship!” Ben screamed as he woke.  
  
They looked at each other and spoke simultaneously.  
  
“ _What_?”

  
The couple had both dreamed of their children. The visions had told them where to find them.  
  
Their visions were completely different.  
  
++++++

  
_Rey was young, left behind by her parents with Unkar Plutt. She was thrown into a tent with other children, slaves like herself. She had fallen to the dust floor. Five year old Rey looked around, lost, lonely and afraid._  
  
_Hannah was there, in front of her. She held out her hand to Rey._  
  
_“I don’t like him, mum,” she said. “And I told him so.” Suddenly Rey was grown and kneeling in front of her daughter, but still in the tent. On Jakku._  
  
_Rey grabbed her daughter and hugged her fiercely._  
  
_“Hannah, are you alright? Oh, my girl! Where’s your brother?”_  
  
_“We’re ok mum. She teaching us.”_  
  
_Rey held her daughter in front of her and looked at her face._  
  
_“Teaching you?”_  
  
_“I like the dollies. Why can’t I have one?”_  
  
_“What?”_  
  
_Abruptly her daughter was ripped from her hands and disappeared out of the tent. She was gone._  
  
  
++++

  
_Ben dreamed of the vastness of space. He flew, adrift, and felt lighter than he had since the abduction of his children. He felt calm. He felt adored. He sensed his children all around him, like he was bathing in their signatures. Their voices floated in his mind. Sky cheering, Hannah giggling._  
  
_He saw a planet he recognized, that he would always recognize as one of the few places in the galaxy to which he felt connected, like a home._  
  
_Naboo._  
  
_Ben stared at the beautiful planet from space. Slowly, his view was obscured by a black shadow moving over it._  
  
_The ship. The ship he almost destroyed with his bare hands through the Force._  
  
_The ship that took his children._

  
++++  
  
The pair could not agree on a plan of action.  
  
“I am going to Jakku!”  
  
“Rey, will you listen to yourself! You have a dream about that Plutt bastard in the desert, you see Hannah and she tells you she’s ok... Do you actually think our children were taken to Jakku?? That doesn’t even make sense!”  
  
“Oh please, and what did you see, Ben? The ship? Who knows if they are even still on that ship? Who cares where it is!?”  
  
  
  
Rose and Finn sat on their couch with their eyes glued to the ceiling. This was bad. Their guests were frightening their children.  
  
“Girls, go outside. Go play in your tree fort,” Rose told them.  
  
“Yes mommy!” They ran out of the house. Rose looked at Finn.  
  
“Do something!” Rose whispered to him.  
  
“What? What am _I_ supposed to do??” Finn whispered back.  
  
“You have to do _something_! They’ll destroy the house!”  
  
“No they won’t…” At that moment the house rocked back and forth a little as Rey and Ben continued to scream at each other. There was the distinct sound of glass shattering.  
  
Rose gave Finn a pointed look. Finn rolled his eyes and dropped his head.  
  
“Urgh, fine,” he whispered back. He looked at the ceiling again. He closed his eyes and pointed his hand over his head.  
  
“Rey?”  
  
Rose smacked him.  
  
“OWWW!”  
  
“Finn you idiot, that’s not how the Force works! Go _up_ there!” Rose whisper shouted at him.  
  
Finn scowled as he made his way upstairs. His journey was interrupted by Ben Solo almost ripping the guest room door off its hinges as he slammed it open and stalked out of the room. He passed Finn on the stairs without even looking at him.  
  
“Um, hey…”  
  
“SHUT UP!” Ben barked at him before leaving the house.  
  
“Yup, ok.” Finn watched him leave. He almost peed his pants. Rose ran over to the stairs.  
  
“Oh my stars, are you okay??” Rose whisper yelled to him.  
  
Finn nodded. “I’m okay. I’m okay.” He turned and continued up the stairs to his friend. As he approached the guest room, he genuinely feared Rey might be dead.  
  
“Hi Finn.”  
  
“REY!” Finn shouted, jumping back a foot and clutching his chest. She had scared him half to death by meeting him at the guest room door. This whole thing completely sucked. Finn was not cut out to referee the two strongest Force users in the galaxy.  
  
“Holy cow, are you okay? I’m sorry to yell like that, but you guys are, like, really intense right now-”  
  
“I know, I’m sorry Finn. I broke your vase. I’ll replace it, I swear.” She sat heavily down on the bed and put her hand to her head. She had a pounding headache.  
  
“Oh, psh, don’t even worry about that, it was ugly anyway… So what’s, um… what’s going on?” Finn said, delicately.  
  
Rey sighed. She looked up at him with weary eyes.  
  
“Finn, I don’t know what’s going on.”  


* * *

  
Both Ben and Rey were adamant that they needed to pursue their visions to their children. They would not budge. Poe came over at Rose’s request when she feared for all of their lives, and like King Solomon he came up with a solution.  
  
“We split up.”  
  
“What?” Rey and Ben said at the same time.  
  
“Divide and conquer, simple as that. You said it yourself, we have a lot of ground to cover and not a lot of time. I trust both of your Force abilities, I don’t think you’re at a point where one of your visions is going to be ‘more correct’ than the other. Both avenues should be explored. And someone still needs to go to the Archives. So. Solo, you go to Naboo and look for the ship. Rey and I will go to Jakku to look for the kids, and Finn, you head to the archives and start digging.” Poe put his hands on his hips and shrugged. Everyone just stared at him.  “What? This is a good plan.”  
  
“I don’t want you going anywhere with Rey.”  
  
“Oh come on, man, don’t be an ass-”  
  
“I can handle myself!” Rey said, outraged.  
  
“You shouldn’t go to that backwards sandbox on your own-” Poe insisted.  
  
“I could go with Rey, we’ve handled Jakku before-” Finn interjected.  
  
“No way buddy, I don’t have the brains for detective work-”  
  
“Enough!” Ben shouted.  
  
_Do not be stubborn about your wife!_ _You will not be with her, and she will need help._ Maz’s words echoed in Ben’s mind.  
  
“Okay. For the record, I do NOT like this plan.” Ben’s jaw worked for a moment. Rey hadn’t seen that in a long time. “But you’re right. We have competing objectives and the best tactical decision is to split up.” Poe snickered. Ben glared at him. “You and Rey will go to Jakku. I will go to Naboo, but I want you to stay in contact with me at all times.”  
  
Poe walked over to Ben.  
  
“You are NOT the boss of me, Solo.”  
  
“Shut your stupid mouth Dameron before I-”  
  
Poe punched him in the face. Rose gasped. Ben’s face whipped to the side with the force of the impact.  He slowly raised his head back to center. Poe pointed his finger at Ben.  
  
“You needed that. You’re welcome.”  
  
Ben’s head did feel a little clearer as he wiped the blood off his lip.  He met Poe’s eyes smugly. “I need a ship,” he growled.  
  
“That can be arranged.” Poe walked out of the house to gather what they needed. Finn followed him. Rose left out the back to get her children.  
  
Rey stared at Ben, unblinking. He glanced at her quickly before he moved upstairs to pack his things, feeling her eyes on him the whole time.  
  
Once he was upstairs, Rey doubled over at the waste. Her chest was so tight and the pain in her stomach was excruciating. After a few moments the pain subsided. She straightened, wiped the sweat from her upper lip and followed her husband upstairs.  
  
Ben was throwing his things in a bag.  
  
“So we’re splitting up,” Rey had her arms crossed and was leaning on the door jam.  
  
“It’s for the best right now.”  
  
“Ben.”  
  
“I’m holding you back anyway. I’m draining you, I know it. I can feel it. You need a break from me.”  
  
“Don’t tell me what I need, Ben Solo. You’re not the boss of me either.”  
  
Ben stopped and looked at his wife. Her feelings washed over him. She was terrified.  
  
“We have not been apart in ten years,” she said quietly. “Not once.” Her eyes were boring holes into him.  
  
Ben looked at her as he tried to understand all the things they were both feeling. He was overwhelmed.  
  
_I do not know how to be without you,_ she said through the bond.  
  
He walked over to her, grabbed her hand to pull her to him, and gently closed the door behind her. He put his arms around her waist and pressed his forehead to hers. He closed his eyes. _Neither do I._  
_  
__I’ll be alone,_ she said.  
_  
__You are never alone._  
_  
__I have a bad feeling about this. Please, come with me._  
  
_I can’t._  
  
“Ben…” she whispered, tears welling in her eyes. “Why am I having a strange feeling of déjà vu?”  
  
Ben met her eyes and softly chuckled. He put his hands on the sides of her face and sighed while his thumbs wiped away her tears. _Oh, my wife. You are everything to me._  
  
“I believe what you said was, ‘You’re nothing…’”  
  
His face got very serious. He slowly moved to kiss her forehead.  
  
“You are everything,” he whispered.  
  
He kissed her left cheek.  
  
“Everything.”  
  
He kissed her right cheek.  
  
“Everything.”  
  
Finally he kissed her lips, so softly it brought fresh tears to Rey’s eyes.  
  
“You are _everything_ , Rey.”  
  
Rey sniffed, and grabbed his hands while they cupped her face. She turned her head to kiss his palm. “Please be safe,” she begged while pressing his palm back to her cheek.  
  
“I will.”  
  
“Come back to me.”  
  
“I will never leave you,” he said. He pressed a hand to her heart, where she held it. Eerily, he felt his own case of déjà vu.

“Let’s do something with your hair,” she said, giving him a sad little smile as she lead him to the bed.  
  
  
  
The group went their separate ways that afternoon.  
  
  
++++++++++++  
  
  
The woman was delighted. Things were proceeding just as she had hoped.  
  
She asked her people to move quickly to ensure the ship was ready. Arrangements finalized. Quarters prepared. The ship's inhabitants were simply happy that she was happy.  
  
The guest of honor would be with them soon.


	11. Let Them See

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey arrives on Jakku. Ben arrives near Naboo.  
> Ben makes a bad decision. Rey does something she should have done a long time ago.

“This is Cool Guy Alpha calling Big Bird Zero, do you read Zero?”  
  
Ben narrowed his eyes at the sound of Poe’s voice on his comm. He was not going to respond to that. How anyone in the galaxy permitted Poe Dameron to be in charge of anything, Ben had no idea. He entertained dark thoughts of crushing his windpipe...  
  
After a few moments, the comm buzzed again and he heard Rey sigh.  
  
“Ben?”  
  
“...Yeah.”  
  
“Hi,” she said. The corners of Ben’s mouth rose slightly. The simplicity of the word countered the complexity of their feelings. He missed her so much already.  
  
“Hi.”  
  
“Oh hey, Solo, that was me before, in case you didn’t know. But I’m sure you did, though, so you know… rude.” Poe was yelling in the background. Ben rolled his eyes, hard, and gripped his steering console a little tighter.  
  
“Poe, will you please, just…no,” Rey said, clearly turned away from the comm. Ben was selfishly pleased to hear some annoyance in Rey’s voice. “We’re still a few hours from Jakku, but we’ve encountered a pretty nasty debris field, which is slowing us down. I don’t want to push the ship too hard.”  
  
“Piece of junk.”  
  
“Ben…” Ben kept his mouth shut about the Falcon.  
  
“Where are you?” she inquired.  
  
“Slightly further than that from Naboo, but I’m already doing scans for ships. Nothing so far.”  
  
“Everything okay?”  
  
“Okay?” Ben wasn’t quite sure how to answer her. He released the comm button and shut the bond.  
  
“Well let's see, Rey, love of my life,” Ben said out loud sarcastically, “you are wasting your time flying to that sandpit graveyard Jakku when you should be here with me. You’re with that piece of banthashit Dameron and his kriffing mouth, and I’m flying a damn X-WING of all things. I'd say everything is _not_ okay.”  
  
He pressed the comm button again.  
  
“Yeah, things are fine. You?”  
  
"Are you shutting me out??” Rey said, vexed.  
  
_Yes... Sorry,_ he said and reopened the bond.  
  
“Focus on the flight," he told her. "Let me know when you arrive in Jakku. Don’t let Dameron fly. I don’t want him destroying my ship.”  
  
“Heey…” Ben heard Poe whining in the background. “I wouldn’t want to try and steer this boat anyway-”  
  
“Poe! Ok Ben, be safe.”

* * *

  
Eventually Poe and Rey arrived on Jakku. As the ship lowered to the ground, the brown-orange landscape stretched endlessly around them. From higher elevation Rey could see the fallen Imperial ships she had spent countless hours scavenging.

In all of their travels, she and Ben had never come here, for good reason. Memories floated at the edges of Rey's mind, but she pushed them aside. She needed to focus on one thing only, her children. Rey decided to land near Niima Outpost. She figured she wouldn’t have dreamed of a place she didn’t know on the planet, and Niima seemed as good a place as any.  
  
_We’re here,_ she told Ben, through their bond.  
  
Ben’s response was wordless, merely a myriad of emotions. Rey smiled a little at her suddenly inarticulate husband. Eventually he replied, _I can tell_. He was not happy she had returned to this place.  
  
Rey left the cockpit determined. However, as she walked off the Falcon, she had a terrible sense of foreboding. Her steps slowed.  
  
“Poe, they’re not here.”  
  
“What? How do you know? How can you tell?”  
  
“I can’t explain it. I just know.” She paused, her face crestfallen, and looked around at the desert. “This was a waste of time, I’m so stupid, let’s go find Ben…”  
  
“No! Hey, no way, we’ve made it here. Let’s at least look around. Maybe they were here, maybe someone saw them. And more importantly, you’re not stupid okay?” Poe put his hands on her shoulders and gave a squeeze. “Seriously, you’re not stupid, and you’re definitely not stupid for trying to do whatever it takes to find your kids. Okay? Hey, look at me.”  
  
Rey looked up at him. He was glaring at her earnestly.  
  
“You’re the galaxy’s resident badass Jedi gal Rey Solo, alright? Now, get it together. Let’s go bust some heads.” Rey smiled as Poe put his arm around her shoulders. He was a good friend.  
  
It was a typical Jakku day, hot, sunny, dry, sandy. Awful. Rey had flashes of memory as she walked through the outpost. Of her hunger. Of meeting BB-8 and Finn.  
  
“You almost lost your droid here,” she said to Poe.  
  
“I lost a good ship here and almost lost my life. No thanks to your husband.”  
  
Rey narrowed her eyes. “True.” She wouldn’t deny the past. Rey tried to trace her children in the Force around her. She tried to connect with them, to find their signatures in her surroundings.  
  
_I don’t like him mum, and I told him so._ Hannah’s voice drifted back into Rey’s mind.  
  
“I wonder…” she started to say. She headed to her old stomping ground. The lair of Unkar Plutt.  
  
  
++++++++  
  
Ben had entered the orbit of Naboo. He looked at the planet and for a moment was taken aback. He hadn’t been there in so long. He thought of his grandfather. Ben remembered how he said he was proud of him, so long ago now. Ben wondered for a moment what Anakin would do, if someone had taken his children away from him. It would likely not be good. Although, his children were taken away from him, in a way. He never knew his daughter, and as for his son...  
  
He quickly pushed the thought aside.

  
  
After another half hour or so, Ben was genuinely confused. This was the spot. He knew it. Even his equipment read there was an object in front of his ship.  
  
But he could see nothing.  
  
The entire area felt… strange. Blank. Like something should be there but it wasn’t. It was the same feeling he had at the landing site back near the cave. He closed his eyes and try to sense what he was looking for. The Force was in turmoil around him. Yet the space where the ship should be was nothing. Blank.  
  
He was getting angry.  
  
He knew this was it. He just... couldn’t see it.  
  
  
++++++  
  
The woman stood looking out her large observation windows.  
  
Every being on her ship mattered to her. Every single one, or else they wouldn’t be here. With her now, however, were the two most important people in her life.  
  
To her left, her savior. The man who had seen more in her than she could see in herself. Who had given her hope, a dream, a path to follow from which she had not strayed.  
  
To her right, her protector. A man strong and large, smart and fierce, who did everything in his power to ensure no harm came to her or hers.  
  
They would die for her. They swore it. And because of that she kept them close, doing what she could to keep them with her forever.  
  
The trio stared at the ship in front of them.  
  
“He’s looking for us,” said the man to her right, Teekan.  
  
“He knows we are here. He’s becoming… upset,” added the other, Naxum.  
  
“Yes, I see,” the woman told them. She paused to savor this moment. It was so close. The power. Her dream.  “I think it’s time to let him see us, hmm?” She looked at both of the men’s faces in the glass. Their reflections nodded in agreement.  
  
“Teekan, please prepare our ship to be boarded. And inform the others,” she told him.  
  
“Of course, my mistress.” Teekan nodded and turned, leaving quickly to do as she bade.  
  
“Well?” she asked Naxum. He looked down at her.  
  
“Are you ready?” he replied. She smiled.  
  
“Yes,” she replied, still looking out the windows.  
  
“This will not be easy. He is not like the others.”

The woman looked at Nax’s reflection in the window. “I know. That’s what makes him so important.”  
  
“It’s just… once he’s on this ship, there’s no going back.”  
  
“Why would we go back?” she said, and her face grew alarmed. She turned to face him, to look at him directly. Her eyes blinked slightly and a shimmer slid over them, subtly, like a film. “Nax?” She was watching him.  “What are you saying to me?”  
  
“Nothing, luv. It’s just that once he is here, everything changes.”  
  
“Yes, for the better. Yes? I believe so... don’t you, Nax? Believe?” she asked. Her voice revealed her growing desperation. Nax had never once shown hesitation like this. She searched the space around him, but he was giving her nothing. He had known her too long and was too strong to allow her see his secrets anymore. He put his palms on either side of her face.  
  
“In you, dearest?” He kissed her forehead. “Always.”  
  
She smiled at him, pacified. “It’s what we planned Nax. It’s what we’ve dreamed.” She looked out again at the ship in front of her.  
  
Nax watched her while she watched the ship. “Yes, it is.”  
  
She smiled out at space. “Well, then? Let him see.”  
  
She looked back at him.  
  
“Of course, my dear,” he replied, turned and left the room.  
  
++++

  
Ben was ready to plow his ship directly into the emptiness in front of him, when the space... moved. The stars shimmered and reshaped, and suddenly, as if it had always been there, was a ship. The ship. The black cruiser that stole his children. That took his life away from him.  
  
His first instinct was to fire.  
  
  
“Ah aahh,” scolded Teekan, from the bridge of the cruiser, as he stared at the X-Wing. “Don’t do that.”

  
  
Ben held his thumb over the trigger, but breathed deeply. _Stay calm._  He noticed a docking bay door open, and assumed something was coming out to fight him. _Good_ , he thought, ready to fight.

 

“No no,” Teekan said to the X-Wing, “No one will harm you. Come aboard. My mistress anxiously awaits your arrival.”

  
  
Ben could hear none of this, of course, but he felt something in the Force. Vibrations, feelings, a pull towards the ship.  
  
He waited for what felt like an eternity. Until he heard a voice in his head, soft and light…  
  
“ _Come…_ ”  
  
Come? Did they think he was going to board that ship?  
  
Ben searched desperately into the hull through the Force, but could not sense his children. Not that it mattered, he hadn’t felt his children in a week. _Gods,_ he thought, _a week. Has it only been that long?_  
  
Ben weighed his options. It would be very stupid to board a mystery ship that can cloak itself in the Force, especially without being sure if his kids were on board. However, even if his children weren’t there, whoever is on that ship would have to know where they were, and he would kill them one by one until he got the answers he wanted...  
  
_No_ , he thought.

How quickly his thoughts had darkened since losing his children.

He would kill the one responsible, undoubtedly. Slowly and very painfully. Rey would want that too, he was sure. _Maybe not the slow and painful part, but oh well, she's not here._ However, out of respect for her, he would try to spare as many of the crew as he could tolerate.  
  
He put in commands to dock the ship. He had no choice; he would go to them.  
  
+++++++  
  
Rey and Poe were standing in front of “The Concession Stand,” the name a sick joke for the place where Plutt doled out meager rations to scavengers. There was a line, made up of people with things to trade.  
  
“I guess the economy really bounced back after the First Order attack, eh?” Poe said to her. She gave him a look then rolled her eyes. She was beginning to understand, just a little bit, what Ben found so aggravating about Poe.  
  
“So what’s the plan?”  
  
“We wait,” Rey replied, and got in line.  
  
“Okay,” said Poe. “We’ll wait in line. Good idea, makes sense…”  
  
“Some of these people have been waiting here all day for whatever meager portions Plutt will dole out to them, Poe. I won’t just cut ahead and delay them,” Rey explained.  
  
As they waited in line, Rey’s mind traveled back to her time on this planet. Everyday the same: waking up, searching through dangerous wreckage in the harsh environment of the Jakku desert. Scavenging enough, hopefully, for a portion of food, maybe two. Dreaming of other worlds, only to wake to the crushing disappointment of being still on Jakku, still alone. Waiting.  
  
Without thinking, Rey placed a hand absentmindedly on her belly, a habit she developed while pregnant. She had been lonely here, but she had always remained hopeful. The old Rey, young Rey, had no idea what was in store for her, the people she would meet, the worlds she would see. How full her life would become. Rey tried to connect with some of the optimistic hope from her youth, to sustain her as she searched for her children. Her heart ached.     
  
They moved through the line quickly while Rey was lost in memories. Once they got to the front, however, Plutt recognized her immediately. His booming voice shook her out of her thoughts and burned through her core.  
  
“Oh ho! Twice in one week, eh? First the mini-Rey and now I get the full-sized version,” he warbled out at them through the grate.

Rey went into shock, listening to him laugh, the sound of his voice trapping her in flashbacks. She tried clear her mind, to process what he said. Could Plutt have her daughter? _Oh Gods, no!_

Poe noticed her distress and took the lead.  
  
“Hey, what do you mean slimebag, a mini-Rey-” Poe started.  
  
“The little one, quick as a whip, tried to steal from me. Wanted a dolly, she said,” his voice rose, mimicking that of a whiny little girl. “I could tell she was like you right away!”  
  
“Poe... Poe-” Rey grabbed at his arm. She was starting to hyperventilate.  
  
“It’s alright, Rey. I got this - you!” Poe jumped up and grabbed at Plutt through the cage screen. “Tell me everything right now! Where is she?”  
  
“I don’t know, they came and took her back right after I caught her. Paid a pretty price for her, too-”  
  
“No, no, no, No, NO!” Rey was losing control.  
  
“Rey, don’t-”  
  
Poe was too late. Rey ripped the wall out of the vestibule where Plutt sat, flinging Poe in the process. She immediately leaped on Plutt and grabbed the sides of his disgusting head. She reached into his mind and took his memories.  
  
She saw…  
  
_Her daughter, looking over a merchant's booth in the Outpost._  
  
_Spotting a toy she likes, a doll, and taking it, her precious daughter having absolutely no idea about shopping or money or that there are things in the universe she can’t have._  
  
_Plutt discovering her thievery, grabbing her by the arm, as he had done to Rey so often as a child._  
  
_“I like the dollies, why can’t I have one?” she yells at him_  
  
_“You remind me of a little girl I used to have. One of my best scavengers… I bet you would fit nicely into my operation here...” he looks at her hungrily._  
  
_“I don’t like you,” her daughter says, pushing out with her hand and sending Plutt tumbling backwards with the Force._  
  
She can do that? Rey thought.  
  
_Plutt sputtering as he tried to get up. “You ARE like her! You’re a little Rey…”_  
  
_Two beings, nondescript, suddenly standing in front of him, apologizing for the misunderstanding, and paying him handsomely for any inconvenience the little girl may have caused._  
  
_Hannah running back towards… Sky! Who takes her hand and leads her away, both children giving Plutt dirty looks._  
  
Rey released him abruptly, having seen everything she needed. She was breathing hard and fast.    
  
Plutt was convulsing from having his mind plunged so deeply and thoroughly.  
  
Rey turned around and lit her saber. Everyone around her gasped, and Poe shouted out to her, but she didn’t hear a thing. She saw nothing but the disgusting blob in front of her who had dared to touch her child.  
  
“You.” She pointed her blade right in his face. “You are a demon. A slave driver who keeps people on the verge of starvation, leaving them no choice but to come back for more. Working them to DEATH in the desert without a care for anything but yourself, your power and money. You will not buy another child, you will not drive anyone else out into the sun. I should have done this years ago...” and lifting her saber, she promptly sliced him right in half, right down the center of his hideous face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Insight for Rey’s life on Jakku provided by Star Wars The Force Awakens: Rey's Story by Elizabeth Schaefer. You can read a sample on Amazon, a sample was all it took :)


	12. Meeting the Madam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben boards the ship, and a little flashback.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, if you're starting to like this story, please tell your friends. That'd be dope. -srs

Ben maneuvered his ship into the docking bay. He watched the bay door close behind him with a sense of dread. This was perhaps not his best idea.  
  
No matter. He exited the X-Wing, jumped down and looked around. He did not have much in the way of weaponry, just the only thing he really needed, his saber. He still wielded his crimson blade. Ben knew it wasn’t a perfect match for his heart, which was no longer fractured. Rey had mended him, as he had her. However, since leaving the First Order, he had not made a new one. He had his reasons.  
  
+++++++++  
  
_The pair had littered the ground with the bodies of some particularly insistent and villainous traders who were not going to give up until they had murdered him and absconded with her. They planned to sell her into sexual slavery after “testing out the merchandise” - their words - which really ticked off Rey. A lot._  
  
_“I will_ never _be a slave again,” she said to their dead bodies, breathlessly, after they had sliced all of their opponents down._  
  
  
_Later, as they were returning to Endor with their supplies, Rey broached a subject with him she’d been wondering about._  
  
_“Ben, you know I love you and accept you for who and what you are, yes?”_  
  
_He was piloting. She was five months along with Sky. Her belly was only just beginning to really poke out, but fighting had wiped her out more than usual. He glanced at her. Pregnancy had made her slightly… unpredictable, and Ben was a little hesitant to respond._  
  
_“Yes?”_  
  
_“Have you ever thought about making a new lightsaber? I mean, only because yours is a little broken. And darksided...” Rey let her inquiry trail off._  
  
_Ben let out his breath._  
  
_“Yes, I think about it.”_  
  
_“You do?”_  
  
_“Yes,” he chuckled. He hit auto pilot and turned to her. Her mouth was open in surprise._  
  
_“I have a plan.”_  
  
_“You do??” She was shocked. How did she not know?_  
  
_“I do.” Ben pointed at her belly. “Someday, he will need a saber,” Rey’s eyes got big,“and I will show him how to make one. I’ll take him to Ilum and he will find a crystal that calls to him, and so will I. And we’ll make new sabers. Together.” Ben smiled at Rey, clearly pleased with himself. He had managed to surprise her, no easy feat._

 _Rey smiled at him and got a little teary-eyed._ Damn these hormones _, she thought._  
  
_“I think that’s a lovely idea,” she said, and put his hands on her belly._  
  
_“I think so, too,” he said._  
  
_“You knew I’ve been wondering about this.”_  
  
_“I did, yes,” he said smugly._  
  
_She smiled at him and wiped her eyes. “You’re an ass,” she said, teasing him. He brought her hands to his mouth and kissed them sweetly, and smiled again._  
  
_“I know.”_  
  
  
+++++++  
  
An interior wall slid open at the far end of the hangar. Again, Ben heard the voice.  
  
_“Come…”_  
  
As he moved towards the opening, his body was on high alert, but his mind felt increasingly... dimmed. He was reaching and seeking through the Force but nothing felt sharp or clear. The closer he got to he door, the more nervous this sensation made him feel. All his life, he could always count on his power, on the Force. Yet here, he increasingly did not trust his feelings.  
  
Instead, he started paying closer attention to his other senses, what he could hear, what he could smell, what he could see. The hangar was small, there were no other ships. The cruiser was large, it must have held at least 500 people, but there were no transports.  He could hear no sounds of people, just the soft whirring of the air circulation system and the hum of his saber. His feet echoed as he moved through the bay. No chance of surprising anyone, he thought, annoyed. He reached the opening and turned, unsure of what awaited him.    


There were many of them - sitting, _lounging_ it seemed, casually in a semi-circle, all facing him. Some humans but many other species as well, different shapes, colors, sizes. All looking… at him. Some had grins on their faces, welcoming smiles. Others just stared.

He was very alarmed.  
  
“What is this?” Ben shouted.

No one appeared to have any weapons, certainly nothing trained on him. He powered down his blade. No one responded.

“Who is the captain of this ship?”

No one answered. They all just kept looking at him, still smiling, some now murmuring to each other and nodding their heads. Ben’s temper flared. He felt like he was on display.  
  
“Who’s in charge here?”  
  
“I am.”

A woman rose from among the throng. She had been draped over the side of the golden chair, one of many. Not a throne, no different than anyone else’s. Ben glared at this woman.  
  
She was tall, but not very, shorter than Rey. She seemed older than he, but not by much. She was slight, but not small. She had pale, almost silver hair, light blue skin, and piercing eyes, also light. Her face was bright and open, her features sharp and striking. Her presence was powerful and yet, something was... off about her. Ben couldn’t place it, couldn’t figure out what made her different from everyone else in the room, but something did.  
  
She wore a wide-skirted full length gown. She glided as she moved towards him. She looked… _overjoyed_ to be looking at him. She blinked a few times, rapidly.  
  
“I’m sorry for my delayed reaction. It’s just I’m feeling a bit... overwhelmed. I can’t believe you’re here,” she practically whispered the last part. Something about her was almost childlike. She smiled warmly at him.

“I am so happy to see you. I’ve been waiting so long. I am not the captain, but this is my ship. These are my people.”

Ben looked quickly around the room at the joyful expressions around him. One creature had its hands clasped in front of its chest, and was weeping what seemed to be tears of joy.    
  
“It is an honor to welcome you to the _Ramala_ ,” she said, and curtsied deeply to him.  
  
“The space witch?” he growled at her.

Her head lifted sharply to look at him and her smile fell, but only slightly. 

“You must have old friends,” she said.

She rose again, her full smile restored. “We haven’t heard that story in a very long time.” She turned, giggling, and moved towards three very tall figures, all clad in matching light grey-blue robes. She patted the arm of one, the Neimoidian. Ben looked closer and noticed grey films over all of their eyes. They were blind.  
  
“As I said, I am not the captain, but this is my ship. We are… between captains at the moment.” She smiled awkwardly and shrugged at him.  
  
“And why is that?” he said.  
  
“Sadly our last captain had to be removed from her post, shortly after taking your children-”  
  
At the mention of his children, Ben seemed to snap out of whatever spell he was under. He leaped forward and immediately put his saber to her throat.  
  
“WHERE ARE THEY??”

Voices around them gasped. Her eyes got large. She blinked again quickly and he thought he saw a shimmer of something sliding over her eyes.

“Oh, I wouldn’t do that. I really wouldn’t,” she said calmly. She put one hand out to a member of her entourage who had drawn a blaster. _I guess they_ are _armed, or at least he is,_ Ben thought as he glanced at the man, who lowered his blaster.

Her other hand moved to a necklace around her neck.  
  
“Please, look at this. Do you see it?” she asked, her voice untroubled. She dangled a pendant that glowed, pulsing slightly.

“This light is connected to my heartbeat. If my heart stops, this light goes out. And if this light goes out, the sister stones hanging around the necks of your children will explode.” She looked right into his eyes. “And I’ve grown quite fond of your children, you see,” she said and smiled quickly at him. “I would hate it if that happened. I really would.” She gently laid the pendent back down on the neckline of her dress.  
  
“You’re lying!” he said.  
  
“I am not,” she replied. “I promise, no harm will come to your children,” she said as she took a step closer to him, “as long as you behave,” she finished quietly, giving him a small, mischievous grin. Ben narrowed his eyes to read her mind and found… nothing. Nothing? He could sense nothing from her. He closed his eyes to focus, but quickly lost his way. It was like she was not there. He deactivated his saber.  
  
“What _are_ you?” he whispered.  
  
She carried on as if nothing had happened. “You will eventually meet everyone, but for now, I’d like to make just a few introductions. First, this man is the Master of the Guard, Teekan. He is running the ship in the absence of a captain. He protects us.”

The dark man who had raised his blaster to Ben frowned slightly at him and nodded. He was big and had a large tattoo over the middle his face, some sort of symbol. His dark hair lay in shoulder length dreads around his face. Ben sensed great power from him, and was fairly certain he was shielding himself through the Force. It felt novel to him, as Ben did not often come upon other Force sensitives.  
  
“These are my disciples, Mae, Titus and Cria-”  
  
“ENOUGH! Where are my children, witch!” Ben yelled, not interested in her absurd pleasantries.  
  
The woman looked slightly taken aback. “They are not here. At the moment,” she added quickly after Ben started towards her. She raised her palms out in front of her, as Teekan stepped between them. The man was huge, taller than Ben by several inches and much broader. The woman peeked around him to address Ben. “They have not yet returned from their field trip,” she said. She smiled at Ben as if she was giving good news.  
  
“What in the name of stars are you talking about?” Ben glared at this ridiculous woman, trying to keep his composure.  
  
“So angry,” she whispered. The shimmer flashed again over her eyes. “I understand.” She pressed her hands to her chest as she stepped around her stooge. “They’re perfectly safe, I assure you. But I’ve been spending a lot of time getting to know them, and I have been _shocked-_ ” she looked him square in the eye as she said that, “-at how little they know about their lineage. About their past. About the parents.” She arched an eyebrow slightly at him. “Imagine my surprise to discover that they had never even heard of Jakku…”  
  
“Jakku,” Ben whispered.  
  
The woman began to slowly pace. “A planet of such significance to them, where their mother spent her most formative years, her life in the desert. They knew none of it. We felt that was a terrible shame.” Members of her entourage nodded their heads in agreement. She stopped and turned to face him again. “So, to enhance their learning, and deepen their understanding of themselves, we remedied that.”

Ben closed his eyes at this. They were on Jakku. He should have stayed with Rey. _I am such a fool._  
  
“They are on Jakku,” he said, hanging his head.  
  
“No,” she responded. His head sprung up. “They _were_ on Jakku. As we speak, they are on their way back to us,” she said, smiling, and the entourage murmured, sharing her delight. _So there is a transport ship,_ Ben thought randomly.  
  
The door to the hangar began to close. A dawning came over Ben, accompanied by a fever in his brain. The witch had split the pair up… with intention. Their visions… _but how?_ He had walked right into a trap.  
  
Something was happening inside of his mind. A cacophony of voices were screaming as one. He pressed his hands to his ears. The door snapped closed as Ben dropped to his knees, unable to stop to sound in his head.

  
  
++++

Rey had spent the better part of the last 15 years connected to Ben through the Force.

First, as the captive of Kylo Ren, pushing into his mind and seeing his fear. Her awakening.

Then, through the Force bond fostered by Snoke, which broke down his defenses and her own. Coming eventually to understand that this monster was more complicated than a mask. Eventually seeing Ben Solo inside of Kylo Ren.  
  
And finally, since the fall of the First Order, as her mate and her match, building a life through faith and love, finding balance in each other, bringing balance to the Force. He was as much a part of her as she was him. They loved their children, yes, but their bond was an invisible thread that connected their two hearts, minds, bodies, and souls. It was the very essence of them and at the center of Rey’s entire existence.  


And she knew instantly the exact moment that thread was cut.

  
“No,” she whispered. She and Poe had been eating outside of the Falcon, watching the sun set over the desert. Without warning, a silence engulfed her, like a vacuum. It was as if a hum that had been present in her mind, present for so long she no longer heard it, just out of nowhere, stopped. Then, there was a punch in her gut, a lava stone that burned through her middle. She bolted up and ran into the ship, reaching through the Force, seeking the thread she could not feel. _No! BEN!_  
  
“Rey, what’s up?” Poe shouted after her and followed her into the ship.  
  
“Ben! Are you there? Ben do you read me, where are you!?” she screamed into the comm, seeking him out through their ships, needing the reassurance of his voice. _It's not possible..._ She whispered his name as she furiously pressed buttons, but there was no response. “BEN!!” She smashed the comm into the window and ran back outside.  
  
Poe tried to follow her back out, but was stopped as if by an invisible hand.  
  
“Rey, kiddo what’s going on, talk to me!”  
  
The sky was growing dark, animals were squawking overhead, the wind picked up and swirled the sand around them as Rey ran as fast as she could to nowhere.

Rey’s breathing was ragged and labored, she grunted but she couldn’t speak. She fell to her knees, she pulled at her hair and shut her eyes, reaching into the Force.

First her children, now her husband, they were both gone, all gone, GONE... her anxiety, her terror, her _rage_ grew until it could not be contained.  
  
Rey screamed, and with the power of the entire galaxy, she slammed her hands into the ground.  


She was a meteor.

  
The explosion of the Force generated a massive sandstorm that blew through the region, pummeling everything in its path. Poe was flung back into the Falcon, thank the stars, because he would not have survived.  
  
After some time, Poe wrapped himself head to toe and braved the calming desert storm to find his friend. Eventually he saw her, not moving but seemingly unscathed, lying in the center of the massive crater she had made in the earth.  
  
He had to fly the Falcon into it to get to her. _Solo will not be pleased_ , he thought.  


++++++  
  
In the bowels of the Ramala, Nax gazed out over his life’s work. Dozens of voices cried as one - “No! Ben!” - and then fell silent.  
  
He was relieved.  
  
++++++  


Ben felt the Force leaving him as his vision started to go black. “Rey?...” he said weakly, before he passed out.  
  
The woman looked at the prone form of Ben Solo for a moment before turning to Teekan. “It’s probably for the best, don’t you think?”  
  
“Yes, madam, I do.”  
  
“He’ll wake soon, please get him to his quarters. See that he has everything he needs.”  
  
“I will, my mistress.” He gestured to some of his underlings who moved quickly to move the man. “Madam, the ship?”  
  
“Ah yes, the ship. The ship should not be on board when the children return. I’m worried it may… confuse them, don’t you think?”  
  
“I do, madam. We’ll leave it here before heading to the rendezvous point.”  
  
“He is our guest, Teekan,” she reminded him, sternly. He nodded. “He is our guest, my friends,” she echoed, louder for the benefit of the entire room. “And should be treated with the utmost respect and courtesy, yes?”  
  
The menagerie responded in variations of “Of course, my mistress,” and “As you wish, madam,” and the like.  
  
“This will be a difficult transition for him, and he may not always be pleasant to us. But that does not mean our treatment of him changes, is that understood?” More assurances. “He will need our compassion, our respect, and our love. His presence here will be a catalyst for great changes, you’ll see.” They all nodded in agreement and looked at her hopefully and happily. She smiled out at her people. How she loved them all.    
  
There was a beep at Teekan’s shoulder. Nax’s voice came through the comm.  
  
“The Corps is stable.”     
  
“Understood, Naxum,” Teekan replied. “She is pleased.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:  
> Ok, sorry Ben is so dumb, but I had to get him on that ship. He's living his worst life and his senses are dimmed, give him a break. :)
> 
> The woman kind of looks like this, but bluer skin and perhaps a sharper nose:
> 
>   
> Nax is Omwati, looking something like this.  
>   
> The woman (she isn’t actually a witch) shapes herself after him.
> 
> Teekan is inspired by the Force Hounds of back-in-the-day Star Wars,  
> <http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Force_Hound>
> 
> <


	13. Unseemly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben gets some answers and pays a price.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double thanks to Leofgyth, who really helped me work out some issues around events in this chapter. It was a fun process. Thank goodness for Google Docs. 
> 
> Also, this chapter is long. Persevere, it's worth it.  
> -srs

Ben awoke slowly in his chambers. He felt groggy, hungover. He was annoyed. He looked for the chrono to his left, but it wasn’t there. _What time is it? Hux better not have…_  

He jerked up, and shook his head, fiercely.  
  
He was not that man. That was not his life. Hadn’t been for a decade. Why was that his first instinct? _Maker, what is happening to me?_  
  
He assessed his situation. He was in a bed tucked into an alcove - black sheets, silk - in an unfamiliar room. Yet something about it was very familiar. Too familiar. It was dark and sterile, there were furnishings with smooth lines and sharp corners. It was very much like his old quarters with the First Order.  
  
But as familiar as his environment was, inside of himself there was a very foreign sensation.

There was no Rey.

The feeling of Rey, of their bond, was gone.

Ben Solo had woken up feeling as he did before he knew her. Empty, and irritated like a festering wound. He woke up feeling like Kylo Ren. It was terrifying. His mind started to race, _What’s happened to Rey, what’s happened to the bond-_  
  
“Hello.”  
  
Ben jumped again, his first instinct to call for his saber. It did not come. _Where is it?_  
  
“It’s not here.”  
  
Ben concentrated on finding the voice. His head felt so heavy and yet so empty. He looked around. Standing by the door behind him were the three “disciples,” as she’d called them, from earlier. Ben tried to quickly evaluate the space for danger, potential escape points, weapons-  
  
“You are not in danger. We can do you no harm. No one will harm you here.”

Each blind disciple moved away from the door, led by small droids to different seating areas in the room. There was a table with four straight-backed metal chairs around it. There were two black chairs, facing each other, placed in front of what could have been a viewport, but was blocked off by a large steel plate. There was also a bench across from where he slept. A disciple now sat at each location.

Ben’s connection to the Force was still fuzzy, at best. It was a strange sensation. He could not tell which one had spoken, or if any of them had.  
  
“Our introduction was so rushed, you undoubtedly need a reminder,” the human one said, from the table. “I am Titus. I am originally from Chandrila actually, we have that in common.” He was male, dark skinned, a large man, barrel chested but with a higher, softer voice than Ben had expected. He had no hair on his face or head. He smiled at Ben, but it looked more like he had a secret.  
  
“I am Mae. I am happy to meet you.” Ben rotated to look at the the female Neimoidian who had spoken, sitting in one of the chairs by the non-window.

“I am Cria,” said the third, sitting on the bench nearest him. “I am to be your attendant.”

There was silence as Ben looked at the three of them.

“Why are you in here?” Ben asked.

“We have been instructed to answer any questions you have honestly and to the best of our ability,” Mae answered.  
  
“You are a guest on this ship. We’re here to make sure you are comfortable and at ease,” Cria explained.

Ben looked back at his “attendant.” Ben could not tell if this being was human or not, male or female, but it was clearly insane if it thought he could somehow feel at ease in this place. 

There was a giggle from the table. “You’re confusing him, Cria,” Titus said, smirking.

“You think very loudly, sir,” Mae said.  
  
Cria smiled. “I am not human, but similar. Where I am from, there are biological sexes, but not genders, and even those are not pre-determined, they are chosen. Thankfully, our mistress saved me before I had to make a choice. I am neither and I am both. There is no word for it in your language. The word you can use is ‘they.’”

This explanation made sense to Ben. Frankly, all that concerned him was that this presence calmed him. He felt strange about what he felt.

“You are blind.”  
  
The three looked towards each other.  
  
“We sacrificed one sense of sight for another,” answered Mae.  
  
“Another sight?”  
  
“Our mistress blessed us with her gift. But she would prefer to explain that to you herself,” Titus added.  
  
The three watched him with such intensity.  
  
“You are Force sensitive, all of you?”  
  
“Yes,” they replied in unison. _That must be how Cria is so calming_ , Ben thought.  
  
“It’s how she found us,” said Titus.  
  
“It’s why she saved us,” said Mae.  
  
At this, Mae and Titus rose in unison.  
  
“We must return to our mistress, but Cria will stay with you. They will make sure you have everything you need,” Mae explained. “Your presence here is a great joy to our mistress.”  
  
“We look forward to seeing- _learning_ more about you,” Titus added. Ben narrowed his eyes. The two disciples both bowed, then were led out by their guide droids.  
  
Ben looked at Cria. Cria looked at Ben with a serene smile and a slight tilt of their head.  
  
“It was you,” Ben said, “your voice in my head. You told me to come here.”  
  
“No.”  
  
“I heard you-”  
  
“I’m sorry to disagree with you sir, but it was not me.”  
  
“My name is Ben.”  
  
“I’m sorry sir, but I cannot call you that.”  
  
Ben scowled. “What do you mean?”  
  
“I have orders from my mistress. We are to address you formally, properly. As is befitting to your station,” Cria replied.  
  
“My _station_?”  
  
“There are few stations above yours, sir.  A prince, an emperor-” Cria said, waving a hand at each title.  
  
Ben frowned at these titles. “I am not those things.”    
  
“...the most powerful Force user in the galaxy.” Cria smiled again, larger this time, and put a hand to their chest. “We are all humbled to be in the presence of such a man.”  
  
Ben felt drugged. He had to stop this inane conversation.  
  
“Where are my children?” he asked, reaching again for his anger, grabbing it as a lifeline.  
  
“They are arriving today. I’m sure they have many stories from their time on Jakku. The boy is an excellent storyteller.” Cria rose abruptly. “Please, use this space as your own. There is a refresher with any amenities you might need, but just let me know of anything you desire that is missing. There are clothes for you in the closets. We’ve estimated style and fit, but if you need more or something else, do not hesitate-”  
  
“Why can’t I sense my wife?” Ben asked quietly.  
  
Cria frowned, looking sympathetic. “My mistress will have better answers for you about that.”  
  
“Where is my blade?” he demanded.  
  
“That is with Teekan. You’ll get it back when you train.”  
  
“Train?”  
  
“My mistress would prefer to explain that to you as well. She will find you later, after you’ve cleaned up. We uphold a certain standard of formality aboard this ship. I’m afraid your current state just won’t do. I’ll leave you to it.” Cria bowed to him. “We’ll speak again soon,” they said and left.  The door slid shut behind them, and disappeared.  
  
Ben's heart began to pound. He was a prisoner here.

 

* * *

 

 

While Ben waited - for what he did not know - he tested his powers.

His sense of the Force was dimmed, for certain. He could not sense his children. He couldn't feel his wife nor their bond. He couldn’t even sense any of her friends, or a world outside of this ship. He concentrated on the disciples, now that he was more familiar with their signatures, and he could sense them on board. They were indistinguishable, which must have meant they were together.

Food was brought for him, but he did not touch it.

He attempted to move things with the Force, a chair, the fresher door. He flung the tray of food across the room. This he could still do. He had some of his powers, but not others. Of course, he could not make the outside door appear to him. It was infuriating.

Because he had no weapon, he tried to punch a hole into his mattress. When that did not successfully quell his anger, he started physically throwing things around the room, chairs, the table.

He paused when he saw himself in a mirror hanging on the wall. What a fool he was, what a weakling. He couldn’t protect his family; he was stupid enough to leave Rey and get himself trapped on this ship. He was disgusted by the sight of himself.

He broke the mirror by hurling a chair at it.

After he successfully destroyed all he could in the room and created a few very large dents in the walls, he stood in the middle of his mess and tried to catch his breath. He was turning slowly in a circle surveying the damage, feeling very proud of himself, when he noticed her at the door. He jumped in surprise.

Her long hair was up in a large bun on the top of her head. She wore a different gown than the one she was in before.

Ben noted vaguely that he had no idea how long he had been on the ship.

Her hands were clasped patiently in front of her as she watched him. She was not well lit, as the room was rather dark, but he still noticed a shimmer glide over her eyes. The pendent around her neck glowed brightly. He narrowed his eyes as he stared at her.  

“How long have you been standing there?” he demanded.

“Not long,” she responded brightly.

He couldn’t kill her, but he could hurt her. “You will announce your presence when you come around me!” he yelled.

Ben shuddered a little at the echo of his voice. His tone was foreign, and yet felt very comfortable to him. It was the voice of a leader, an _emperor_...

Without thinking he reached up to Force choke her. He couldn’t kill her, but he could hurt her.

His Force choke had no effect.

She sighed at him. He put his hand down and gaped at her.  

“Well, I tried...” she said as she moved towards him. She put her hands in pockets that were hidden in the gown. It had a strange affect; it gave her an additional air of confidence, but also harmlessness. _Look_ , it seemed to say, _I hide my hands from you because I will not hurt you, nor do I fear you._

“But you were so _engrossed_ in your work you did not notice.”

She now stood right in front of him.

“Please don’t do that again,” she said quietly, leaning in towards him. “It’s embarrassing, for both of us.” She spun around and took a few steps away.

“You’ve been busy in here, I see.” She looked around at his room. “I suppose we’ll need to clean this up. There is no way you can stay here comfortably as it is now.” She smiled at him.

“Feeling better?” she asked him.

“Where are my children?”

“Very close,” she said, “but you are in no state to receive them. Please, come with me. Let’s walk and talk. I love my ship and you can see more of it while this gets… fixed.” She turned and placed her hand on an invisible panel on the wall. The door appeared and opened to the hallway. She glided out, her hands returning to her pockets.

She turned around to him and tilted her head. “Coming?” she asked, smirking at him.

Ben found he was hesitant to leave his cage. While he waffled, she moved. He followed her out, reluctantly. He turned right at the door to follow her. He was surprised to see Cria and Teekan standing to the left of the door. _Obviously_ , he thought. They would not leave her alone with him.

They followed a reasonable distance behind them as they walked.

“I’m told you have many questions, which is understandable. But I would like to take a moment first to apologize for the… unfortunate circumstances under which we have become acquainted. I desired less stress to you and less danger to your children when they joined us, but my captain miscalculated some things. It’s why we removed her from her post.”

Ben’s hands tightened into fists.

“Regardless, you're here now, and they are fine, so all has worked out well in the end, hmm?” She looked at him and smiled.

He stared ahead, eyes wide as he struggled to not grab her by the throat and snap her neck.

“So,” she continued, “What would you like to know first?” She kept her head turned to him while they walked, her eyes doe-like.  He forced his face to keep his expression blank as he tried to take note of his surroundings, attempting to memorize all he could about the ship.

“He inquired about his saber, my mistress,” Cria spoke from behind them. Ben snapped his head around to glare at them, but then felt silly, remembering their blindness. Despite this, Cria’s eyes widened at him, as if seeing his response. Cria nodded and smiled at him.

“Ah yes, your weapon. A fascinating blend of technology and the Force. It is with Nax at the moment. You will meet him soon. He is the Master of the Corps, the most important person on this ship. He is brilliant, and wishes to know more about how the weapon works. He has a certain... fascination with kyber crystals. He’ll be done with it soon.”

“He better not do anything to my lightsaber if he wants to keep his head,” Ben said, his voice low and threatening.

“Oh he won’t - he wouldn’t, I assure you. Nax is gifted, truly, a genius among a race of geniuses. When you get your weapon back, it will be just as it has always been.”

“But I _will_ get it back?”

“Well…” the woman’s voice rose as she said this.  She glanced behind her at Teekan. “At this point our relationship is a little too… volatile for you to have your weapon. You’re still very upset with us, you see, and after seeing what your capable of with merely your hands and a dash of the Force,” she smiled and winked at him as she gestured back towards his room, “I would hate to see what you would do with a lightsaber. Actually, that’s not accurate.” She stopped at this and turned towards him directly. “In truth, I would _love_ to see what you can do with your lightsaber.” Her face took on a devilish grin as she said this. “Which is why you will begin training as soon as Nax is finished.” She turned and began walking again.

Ben started moving again as well. His anxiety was pulsing in his chest and underneath his skin. Something about the way she spoke disturbed him greatly. He still could not pinpoint what was wrong with her. She was not like any being he had ever encountered before.

“Training?” he asked.

“Why, yes, of course. You, my dear, are an animal. A feral beast. Your power is difficult to contain even for you, and you clearly need a physical outlet for your energy. Not to mention, years of domesticity has left you a bit…” she looked him up and down quickly, “soft.” Ben sucked his teeth and stopped abruptly. _Soft? This bitch…_

She had the nerve to giggle at him.

“Now, now, no hard feelings. You couldn’t possibly be training now as you did in your youth, tucked away in your little corner of the galaxy. The children have told me much of how they spend their days, and your life sounds more like an unending vacation compared- Oh!”

At the mention of his children, Ben twisted her around by her arm and grabbed her throat, slamming her back into the wall.

“Sir!” he heard Cria gasp behind him.

“You speak of my children too casually, witch! You know NOTHING of them, or me, or our lives-” Ben heard the sound of a blaster charging at his head. Teekan held the gun five inches from his face. Ben swore he could hear a low growl coming from the man.

“It’s okay,” she gasped. Ben wasn’t choking her, merely holding her. There was no fear in her face, just surprise. “It’s ok Teekan, luv. I’ve overstepped, he’s right.” She stared earnestly into Ben’s eyes. “I’m sorry, dear. Thank you for reminding me of my place.” Her breathing was thin around his hand, but she blinked slightly and again the shimmer fell across her eyes. He definitely wasn’t imagining it. _What is that?_ Ben thought, as he let go of her. She rubbed down her throat and straightened her gown. Suddenly, his mind felt even cloudier for a moment and he swayed. _She_ actually caught _him_.

“Oh my. Are you alright, darling? You’ve had quite a time, haven’t you? Come, we’re here,” she said, her voice full of concern. He quickly pushed her off and steadied himself. A door opened next to him into a large room. There were, again, no windows but very high ceilings. A fire glowed from a wide stone column in the center of the room, the only light. There were sparse furnishings, cabinets, a settee, and everything looked much softer than those in his quarters. Deep purples, burgundies, grays, browns… he wondered if this was her space. Teekan stood close behind him, blaster still drawn. Cria was guided by their droid into the room but then walked to her unattended. As they approached her, they Force-pulled a chair over, and it landed in front of her.

Ben had stopped at the entrance. Teekan grabbed Ben’s arm, led him to the chair in front of his mistress, and threw Ben down into it. The bodyguard was strong, much stronger than Ben. Maybe he _had_ let himself go a little, he conceded begrudgingly. Or maybe Ben just wasn’t accustomed to anyone being stronger than him, not in his adult life.

He searched Teekan’s mind to find out more about him, but hit a brick wall. Teekan _was_ shielding him, as he had suspected earlier. Another Force user.  

_I need to be paying closer attention to these people._

He sat in the chair in front of her, very uneasy. Something was happening, he just didn’t know what. He stayed silent as he watched the woman roam around the room, stopping every so often to open a drawer or cabinet, humming softly. Cria stood near him, smiling gently at him.

 _“Don’t worry,”_ Cria’s voice floated into his mind, and he felt calmer immediately. Ben knew then that Cria wasn’t lying when they said it wasn’t their voice he heard beckoning him into the ship. It was different. _But then, who?_

Another chair floated up across from him and the woman glided over to it an sat down. Had _she_ moved it? No. Ben saw Teekan drop his hand. He had moved it. She settled her skirts around her and placed her hands on her lap. Ben’s curiosity about this woman was getting the best of him.

“Ask me,” she said to him, staring into his eyes. “Ask me what you want to know. Your questions hang around you, they’re weighing you down.”

Ben hesitated, but only a moment. “What is your... relationship with the Force?” he asked.

Her face darkened and lowered slightly. “My _relationship_. Hmm. I suppose you could say it’s… unrequited? Certainly one-sided.” She leaned forward towards him but turned her face to the fire next to them.

“I’m sure by now you’ve noticed my… deficiency?” she said.

Ben noticed Cria physically wince. “Deficiency?” he said. She turned her face again to look at Ben.

“What do you see? When you look at me?”

Ben shrugged and shook his head. He still felt very unsure of himself in this place.

“I mean when you _really_ look at me? What do you sense from me?” she stared deeply into his eyes. It was like she was imploring him to answer her.

“I…” Ben began, but stopped. He took a breath. He reached for the Force to read her. He closed his eyes as he had before to concentrate on the Force signatures around him. Through the Force he could sense the brick wall of a man behind him, Teekan, and complicated emotions he didn’t understand leaking through his shield. He could sense Cria, an ocean of calm and serenity sending their powers throughout the room.

However, as hard as he tried, he could not find anything that was her. There wasn’t a shield or a block, no power… there was nothing. Like she wasn’t even there. Ben opened his eyes back up to her. Her face searched his.

“Nothing. I can’t sense anything from you,” he said, a little bewildered.

Her mouth dropped slightly at the corners. She was clearly disappointed. She looked down and straightened her skirts. She shook her head and smiled back at him.  

“Exactly. Nothing,” she said tightly. When she spoke again, it was slowly. “I’ve been described as many things: empty, hollow, a shell, but most of all, as nothing. The Force, the power that surrounds and _penetrates-”_ her voice cracked a little at that, “all things, that binds the galaxy… it does not bind to me.”

It was just like in the story he had overheard Maz telling Rey. Ben couldn’t believe it, but as he tried again in vain to sense her, it was the only explanation that made sense. Even with his powers dimmed he could tell that, where she was, there was no Force. He did not like the sensation. It left him with a huge disadvantage.  If he couldn’t sense her, he couldn’t read her, and if he couldn’t read her...

“How will I know if you’re not telling the truth?” he asked.

“You won’t, sadly. However, I keep no secrets from Teekan, so he will know,” she gestured to Teekan. “In fact, I tell my people everything, so they will know,” she gestured to the disciple, “and you can read them, can’t you?” Ben looked at them and gave a small nod. “I will never tell you a lie, but if I do, everyone here will know. Anyone here can show you if I am being untruthful. Is that a satisfactory solution?” Ben found nothing about his situation satisfactory, so he said nothing.

“What are you?” he asked. “You are not human.”

“No, I’m not. But what I am is inconsequential. What I am has never helped me in any way," she said, leaning back. "Can you understand the feeling, the _frustration_ , of what you _are_ determining the course of your life, more than what you _want_?” she asked, eyes wide.

Ben blinked at this. He couldn’t deny the sentiment struck a nerve with him. Ben Solo was practically born frustrated about what he was - the only child of great war heroes, a politician and a smuggler. The next generation in the great Skywalker bloodline. Finding out eventually about Vader and his legacy. He was never given the chance to just be himself.

“Yes, you can understand. I can see that,” she said.

His train of thought was broken and he saw that strange shimmer float over her eyes. Her _eyes_. Something clicked in his mind.

“You _can_ see it,” he said, sitting up. “How?” She smiled at him. She seemed pleased he had noticed. “The disciples said you gave them your _gift,_ took their sight away. What did you do?”

She looked down, somewhat bashfully, and leaned closer as she again met his eyes. “I can _see_ it,” she whispered.

“See what?” he replied.

“I can see the Force.” She stood up.

“You see it? Like you sense it?” he asked, confused.

“No,” she said harshly. She paced while she spoke. “I cannot sense the Force, I cannot _feel_ it,” she said sharply. But her tone lightened as she continued, “I see it. I see it as clearly as you see me. I see it everywhere and in all things. Everywhere it is. I see it grow, I see it change, I see it as if it were a solid thing all around me.” She stopped walking and looked into the fire. “Taunting me...”

“But it is beautiful,” Cria offered, and she turned towards them, apparently snapping out of her thoughts. She smiled softly at them.

“It is. The most beautiful thing one could ever see. A gift. Truly.” She turned to look again at Ben. “And you sir, are by far, the most beautiful of beautiful things that I have ever seen in all the time that I have lived.” Her eyes shimmered as she stared at him. “There are colors, patterns, textures,” she continued, “reds, blues, blacks. The darkness in you flows like a river of silk. I wish I could touch it,” she sighed. “I wonder if it would be warm… or cold?”

She shook her head slightly and her eyes cleared again. “It’s why you’re here. Your power. Soon I’ll explain it all to you, but for now, know that.”

“Then why take my children?” Ben asked, his voice quiet. Ben felt violated, but he could not explain why.

She laughed, a jarring sound. “How else could I get you here?” she replied, very matter-of-fact.

“Then why have you dampened my power? I know you have, I can feel it, even though I don’t know how…”

“Ah yes, well, we can’t have you at your full strength now can we? You’d destroy the ship!” She giggled again. “And we still have a lot of work to do. But at present, I mentioned to you that you are in no shape to see your children, but really you’re not in a state to be much of anything, except perhaps be a nerf herder.” She winked at him, smiling.  “I believe Cria explained that we maintain a certain level of decorum on this ship, and you will be no exception.”

She was once again walking while she talked. She seemed to enjoy that.

“When you are returned to your quarters, you will bathe, complete any necessary grooming and get out of these rags your wearing. You’re better than this,” she pinched his shirt sleeve, a look of mild disgust on her face.

She moved behind him and then he felt her mouth near his ear. “Allow me to get you started,” she said, and there was a sharp tug on his scalp. He jerked violently, and immediately Teekan pressed his huge hands down on his shoulders, locking him in place. Ben knew a Force hold when he felt one, and he became enraged. He felt and heard something slicing through his hair, and then he was released.

“What are you- what have you done-” he sputtered, grabbing at the armrests of the chair, his voice dying quickly as she walked towards the fire, clearly holding his braid in her hand.

 

Ben hadn’t cut his hair in years, not since leaving the First Order. He hadn’t cared enough to bother and it also helped to hide his identity. In some strange way it was a symbol of his new life. It fell to probably the middle of his back. Sometimes he would braid it in the Alderaan styles his mother had taught him, when he had nothing better to do. It gave him peace to know he still remembered.

 

++++++

_“I love that you do that,” Rey said, watching him as he fooled around with the little braids at the top of his head. His hair now hung at his shoulders and was getting in his face._

_He kept enough of it down to hide his ears._ _Rey found this small insecurity of his terribly endearing._

_“You do?” he said, catching her eyes in the mirror._

_“I do. You have such beautiful hair.” She walked up to him and stood behind him in the mirror. She never let her hair grow too long, just long enough to pull back and out of the way. She was too practical. But his hair… “I hope you never cut it.”_

_He grinned at her in the mirror, his warrior woman._

_“I want you to show me, Ben. I want to know how to braid it like that.” Rey’s eyes met his. “I can help you.”_

+++++++

 

And now there was probably ten inches of its length in the witch's hands.  The braid Rey had done before they parted ways on Yavin 4. Ben stopped breathing as his eyes welled, his mouth agape as he stared at the witch.

She shook her head with another look of disgust. “This is just unseemly," she said, and she threw his hair in the fire. Her face was pleased when she looked back at him.

“You look much better already," she said, smirking.

The last thing he remembered before blacking out was the horrible smell of his hair burning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deep breath in, deep breath out.
> 
> The inspiration for the character of Cria is a cross between a Kaminoan and Jeffrey Marsh, (more Jeffrey than Kaminoan.) If you don’t know them, get to know them. http://www.jeffreymarsh.com/ I do not want to pretend for even a moment that I am an expert on non-binary expression, but they are, so learn more from them. Hopefully I will portray non-binary expression respectfully, as that is my intention.
> 
> Inspiration for Titus is Titus Andromedon himself, Tituss Burgess. And if you know Titus Andromedon, then you know this face: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/d3/d2/31/d3d2319a6d1bd1374a9514d9c35d3c7e.jpg This character will be more Tituss than Titus, but this face will be involved. Feel free to laugh at him if he’s funny.
> 
> Mae is a neimoidian, a species whose portrayal in the prequel trilogy has been regarded as bigoted against people of Asian descent. I do not plan on writing her dialogue in any sort of accent. https://diepest-1912.deviantart.com/art/Galactivision-Neimoidia-and-the-Purse-Worlds-608220141
> 
> The explanation of the Force is borrowed, courtesy of Obi-Wan Kenobi, from Star Wars: A New Hope. Or for the lay people like me, the first Star Wars movie.


	14. Ben vs. Teekan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The best way to learn about a man is to fight him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a fight scene in this chapter, I hope it's okay. Thank you for giving this fiction a shot, if you like it tell your friends :) -srs

When Ben opened his eyes he was, once again, in his room. Everything was completely restored, as if he had never destroyed any of it. Even the shattered mirror was mended without a crack. How long had he been out? _It must have taken days to fix..._

His mind felt strange, fuzzy. He tried to think, to feel, to sense. How long had he been here? Ben sat up slowly. His head felt... lighter. He raised his hand to rub the side of his head, and felt the tips of his hair.

 _His hair._ It came flooding back to him - the witch’s chambers - she had cut his hair.

Ben sprung out of bed. He ran to the refresher and looked at himself. His hair was shorter than he had seen it in a decade. He briefly thought how much younger he looked, before shaking his head in defeat.  This woman was taking everything from him. He picked up a mundane decoration on the counter and slammed it down as hard as he could. He cracked the granite.

He sat down on the bench in the corner of the room. He tried to meditate, but it was no use. He was too angry. He stared at the array of foods laid out for him on the table. He was starving. _When did I eat last?_

He shook his head in defiance. He would not eat. He would not shower as she commanded either, even though he could smell himself. The memory of the stench of burning hair lingered in his nostrils. He fought a compulsion to gag.

The door opened and Cria entered, followed by the two other blind disciples. Ben watched as they moved through the room with their guide droids, none of them sitting. He crossed his arms.

“Where are my children?”

“Oh good,” Titus said, “he’s awake.”

“Hello, sir,” Mae said, somewhat cheerfully.

Cria was the only one who ventured close to him. They smiled calmly and compassionately at him.

“How are you feeling, sir?”

Ben did not move his head as he shifted his eyes up to Cria and away.

“Oh… just fine,” he responded sarcastically. Cria grimaced at his tone. Titus and Mae took steps closer.

“We come bearing good news! And some bad news,” Titus said, moving his hands while he spoke.

“Oh really?” Ben replied, his tone still sarcastic. “And what, pray tell, could possibly be the _good_ news, Titus?” Titus inhaled sharply, put a hand to his chest and beamed. 

“I am honored, sir, that you would remember my name,” he said as he took another step towards him. Ben rolled his eyes. “The good news is your children have returned!”

Ben stood up quickly and moved to leave but Mae put a large hand on his chest to stop him. He realized now that the disciples could see his Force signature, and apparently could tell where he was and when he moved.

“The bad news,” Cria said, “is that our mistress will not permit you to see them until you’ve bathed and changed,” they said softly.

Mae watched him with interest.

Ben brushed her hand off of him. He casually strolled over to the table and swept all the food off violently in one move. He then grabbed one of the chairs, picking it up swiftly and calmly and proceeded to beat the wall where the door was until the chair snapped. Titus and Mae moved closer to each other and held hands, while Cria merely stood still, stoic. They all watched him.

“Well, you’re right Titus,” Ben said, out of breath. Titus jumped and squeaked slightly. Ben slowly stalked towards he and Mae. “That is good news,” he said as he ran his hand absently through his now much shorter hair. _Some habits never die_. “I suppose I am looking quite a mess, aren’t I? That won’t do! No, that just. won’t. do.”

Fear radiated out from Titus and Mae. Ben relished in the sensation of someone, finally, being afraid of him. “Now, if the three of you don’t mind, I think I’ll just hop in the shower and get myself _cleaned up._ Wouldn’t want to keep _your mistress_ waiting, now would I? There is, after all, a level of decorum maintained on this ship…” he finished with a growl.

Titus nodded as he and Mae grabbed onto their guide droids.

“Of course, sir, please don’t let us keep you, we’ll be on our way.” Mae turned, placed a hand on the invisible panel and the door materialized. Ben shifted and almost ran into Cria who was right behind him. Cria had one hand on their guide droid, but placed the other on Ben’s cheek. Ben jerked at the touch, but immediately he felt soothed. _This_ was Cria’s power in the Force.

“All will be well, sir,” they said. Cria moved around him and joined the other two in walking out.

* * *

 

Ben marveled at the water shower in his fresher. The sonic shower they had at home was nothing compared to this. He hadn’t seen one since the First Order. The mechanics of it came back to him like he had never been without it.

“Medium-high heat,” he ordered. “High pressure.” The water turned on, immediately at temperature. Ben stepped in and groaned. The water felt luxurious to his very sore body. He had been so tense and angry, but Cria had relieved him of these emotions. He marveled at how much easier it was to wash his shorter hair. The soap lathered easily in his hands and smelled amazing, like trees and snow. He closed his eyes and let the water run over him.

Ben had no idea how long he had been in the shower, but by the time he got out, Cria’s effect had begun to wear off. His thoughts darkened as he dried himself. The towel was so soft. He had not realized how shabbily he lived with Rey and his family.

He tried to push the thought of her from his mind. The gaping hole inside of him where she should have been hurt immensely. It was too much right now. He had to focus one thing at a time. His children. No, the _witch_.

He moved into the closet, and was alarmed by what he found.

Black. Everything was black. He ran his hands over the clothes as his mind shifted to match the wardrobe. What had she said? The darkness in him, that it was like a river. Is that what she wanted, for him to be dark? He smiled ruefully.

He could do that.   

* * *

Ben was sitting in one of the chairs in front of the blocked window, one leg crossed over the other, face resting on his fingers, cleaned and dressed in the black clothes they had provided him. He heard the door open, but he did not move. He heard the rustle of her skirts as she glided towards him. He searched through the Force, but sensed no one. She was alone.

“My, my,” she said. “Don’t you look handsome?” She moved to sit across from him.

With the Force, Ben slid the seat out from under her. She did not fall, but gave a small shout of surprise.

“Oh, you got me!” she said, smiling and giggling. She was infuriating. She stood fully and gave him an imploring look.

“May I please join you?” she asked, her eyes shimmering again. Ben hesitated, as he did not want to give her what she wanted. He craved to hold on to any sort of power he could wield over her. Ultimately, however, his parlor tricks were juvenile, and he began to feel stupid.

“Fine,” he growled.

She grabbed at her skirts and made to sit, but did not move the chair. She froze mid-sit and looked to up and to the side, waiting, raising her eyebrows and blinking innocently. Ben glared at her. She looked back to him and lowered her eyebrows.

The stone glowed around her neck.

Ben moved the chair back to be underneath her.

She sat and grinned, adjusting her skirts. “Why, thank you! Such a gentleman,” she said feigning surprise and delight.

He lowered his hand and clasped both his hands over his knee. She was looking at him, waiting for something, he did not know what. He narrowed his eyes at her slightly.

He rose slowly to his full height and took a step closer to her, his every intention to intimidate and, ideally, frighten her like he had her foolish disciples.    

“Where are my children?”

She smiled up at him in a way that reminded him of his mother.  She was unaffected. His temper spiked.

“You certainly _look_ ready to go, but I’m afraid _this-_ ” she gestured with her hands to the air around him, “this will simply not do.” She clasped her hands in front of her and sighed as she stood.

“The children have just returned home from a harrowing adventure - after all, no one likes the desert - and I will not have them infected with all of this...” she gestured with her hands, “negativity.” She shook her head at him.

Ben’s rage spiked at her use of the word “home.” They squared off with one another. She put her hands in her pockets. Despite the fact that she was considerably shorter than he, she made him feel small.

Ben took a quiet breath and tried to calm himself down. He clenched and released his hands. He shifted his stance to appear more aloof. He even gave her a slight - very slight - smile.  

“That’s adorable,” she said, chuckling at him, "but not how this works." His face darkened.

“I have a better idea. Your saber is ready. Why don’t we have you... blow off a little steam first, hmm?” She looked over at the broken chair and shook her head teasingly. “In a place more suited for such activities, as opposed to here, on your furniture.”

His pulse picked up a bit at the mention of his weapon.

“Fine.”      

“Excellent. There are training clothes in your wardrobe. Get changed. We’ll be waiting outside.” She left the door open when she left. She was not afraid of him.

When Ben left his room, _his_ _cell_ , the three disciples were standing with their guide droids and their mistress. She had her back to him. Cria was smiling, Mae was giggling and Titus was guffawing loudly. Ben had a flashback of being younger and the other padawans laughing at him behind his back. He felt angry, but then disgusted and embarrassed all over again.

He cleared his throat forcefully. He narrowed his eyes as the witch turned to face him. All four of them widened their eyes in surprise at what they must have saw in his signature. He cursed his transparency. _Get it together, you kriffing idiot._  

“Yes,” she said, “I think getting up and about will be very good for you,” smiling at him in that _knowing_ way he was coming to hate with a passion. She winked and moved around him, leading him down the hall. Ben turned and followed, the disciples trailing behind.

As he did before, he tried to observe as much as he could about the ship. He felt it was definitely the place he had seen in his vision, before she had stolen his children. _When was that?_ Unfortunately, all the halls looked similar, there were no windows, and he had a feeling she was leading him through a labyrinth.

The strangest part were the other people. Ben hadn’t expected to see anyone, yet every so often a single being or group would approach, bowing and greeting them as they passed. And without fail, everyone of them acknowledged him. Most were reverent.

“Greetings, sir...”

“Hello, sir, what an honor…”

“How wonderful to see you about the ship, sir…”

One man, a Utapaun who towered over Ben, bowed down to him.

“Lorin, always so wonderful to run into you,” said the witch.

“Always my mistress,” the giant being turned back to Ben. “I do so hope you enjoy your training facilities, sir, we worked incredibly hard to make sure you will everything you require-”

“Yes, Lorin, thank you. I believe all your hard work will be well worth it. We’re on our way there now.” The woman beamed at him, and his face took on a look that Ben supposed to could be pride, but it was hard to tell with Pau'ans as they always looked somewhat disturbing.

“Very good, madam. Sir, thank you sir, it’s an honor, truly...” the being said, bowing once more and stepping back before moving aside so they could pass.

Ben could not shake a feeling of unease as they continued down the hall. None of this made sense.

* * *

 

Ben assumed they had arrived when a door opened to their right leading into a very large training studio. It was more of an arena, the ceiling two stories high, with an observation deck on the second floor. Ben had not been in a space like this in quite some time. It was the first room he had been in on the ship that had windows. The entire far wall was a viewport.  

Ben saw nothing but stars. He couldn’t decipher anything about their location.

In front of the viewport stood Teekan. The large man was an imposing figure, back-dropped by space as he was. The witch and the disciples retreated into a lift and reappeared in the observation deck above them. Ben yelled out to Teekan.

“Aren’t you going to join them upstairs?” Ben said, full of snark.

“Oh no sir, we felt it would be best if for your first session, you sparred. With me.”

“You?” Ben’s eyes got a little wider.

“It would be my honor to assist you in your... training.” Teekan smirked at him. “Although I’m confident my skills won’t compare to yours. Sir,” Teekan said, bowing his head slightly. He let down his shield enough to let Ben sense his sarcasm. He was mocking him.

Ben did not like this man one bit. His empty stomach started to flutter a little. He was going to enjoy this.

“Where is my lightsaber?” he shouted again, as Teekan made no move to get closer to him.

“Before we begin, we need to set a few ground rules,” her obnoxiously upbeat voice floated over his head. He looked up. She was leaning over the balcony. She smiled down at them both.

“Gentlemen, I don’t want anyone getting hurt today, and I mean it. Simple sparring, nothing fancy, Teekan, just to enable our guest, to get some exercise and expel pent up energy.”

The oaf looked up at his mistress and nodded. “Of course, madam.”

“And you,” she said, looking at Ben, “Nax told me that your blade could not be powered lower as to prevent injury, so you will not be using that with Teekan. I can’t have the Master of my Guard missing limbs, now can I?” She giggled as if this idea was hilarious.

Ben wanted to kill her more than he ever had.

“So we have other weapons you can use first, to warm up, so to speak. With Teekan. And once you’re done with each other, you get the lightsaber. Once you’ve proven yourself… trustworthy. I can’t wait!” she finished, hurriedly, grinning.

“Neither can I,” Ben said under his breath.

“Let's see,” Teekan began. He moved towards a wall to Ben’s left and pressed his hand to a panel. Ben heard sliding to his right and the opposite wall slid open, which had been hiding a variety of blasters and targets.

“Oops,” said Teekan, shifting his hand. “Don’t need those. For now.” Teekan glanced at Ben as the blaster wall closed. Ben did not believe he opened it on accident. _Show off,_ he thought, and rolled his eyes.

Teekan shifted his palm again and the wall directly to Ben’s left opened. The entire wall split apart like vertical blinds and disappeared. Behind it, were weapons. Many, many weapons.

Ben had not seen an arsenal like this since his time with the First Order. In fact, he questioned if even the Order had an arsenal of melee weapons such as these. Automatically, he walked towards the wall, mouth open, amazed by what was there. There were so many swords, including a variety ryyk blades. The Wookie weapon made Ben think of Chewie, but he pushed the thought aside. There were old fashioned clubs and simple spears, knives of different sizes and shapes. There were combat gloves, stun gloves, several stun batons, different kinds of whips, tons of axes, not to mention vibro variants of everything. There were more obscure weapons, like gaffi sticks and a skullblade. Ben had a random memory of being fascinated by those as a kid, but he had never seen one in person before.

Ben had always loved weapons in general, especially in his youth. He always knew he would never need anything but his saber and the Force, but that didn’t mean he ignored the plethora of cool “toys” that his father would move through the black market. Han Solo would love to show his son what he had found or what he was going to sell, but Ben could never touch.

 

_“Can’t have you handling the merchandise, kid. You break it, you buy it, and I promise you can’t afford it. Plus your mother would kill me.” Han leaned down to his son, rubbing his hair. “Do yourself a favor, son. Never piss off the princess...”_

 

The memory triggered a pain response in Ben, which helped him refocus on the task at hand.  

Ben also sensed several different Sith swords.

“You have many lightsaber-resistant weapons here, why can’t I use mine? Can’t handle it?” he asked. Teekan smirked at him again.

“Oh, this is not about whether or not I can _handle_ you, sir. It’s about not wanting to facilitate anything dangerous you may _think_ you can accomplish using your saber. We cannot trust you with it. Yet,” Teekan finished. “What sort of man would I be if I just handed you your favorite toy without knowing exactly what you’ll do with it? Certainly not Master of the Guard.”

Ben heard the woman giggle up in the balcony.  Ben wondered if Teekan’s use of the word ‘toy’ was deliberate.

“Some of these weapons are rare, unique. How did you get them?” Ben asked.

“Do you want to talk, or fight?” Teekan countered. " _Sir_."

Ben narrowed his eyes and shut his mouth. Teekan placed his hand on another plate and several weapons lit up in blue.

“These weapons have all been modified for training purposes,” Teekan explained. “You may choose any one you’d like, as well as any of the bludgeoning objects, the clubs, etc.”

“I choose?”

“Yes, sir.”

“You’re not worried I’ll bludgeon you to death?” Ben asked, sarcastically.  The large man looked Ben up and down and blinked.

“No.”

Ben narrowed his eyes again. He was getting angrier by the second at this stupid behemoth of a man. Ben was not intimidated by his stature or size, knowing that it was merely extra bulk that would slow him down.

Ben’s hands itched for a weapon. He looked over the wall, trying to decide.

At the far end, where hadn’t noticed before, hung a staff. A combination of metal and wood, it looked like salvaged pieces of other things. Ben’s heart collapsed as he walked over to it. _Is that Rey’s?_ It looked just like the weapon she had used in her youth, before the Force, before shifting her training and fighting focus strictly to her lightsaber.

Ben picked it up. He felt nothing. _Fool_ , he thought, _of course it’s not hers._ He wanted it anyway.

“That?” Teekan said, somewhat incredulously. “That is too small for you, don’t you think?”

“It’s not the size of the weapon, _Teekan,_ ” Ben replied, full of snark. “It’s the warrior who wields it.” Ben walked backwards, to the center of the sparring ring, spinning the staff as he went. He played with a staff all the time with his children, especially with Sky, teaching him how to block and maneuver.

Ben felt comfortable, ready, and mad as hell. He’d been sitting around idle far too long on this ship. He was going to do damage to this big piece of meat.

Teekan walked into the ring.

“What weapon will _you_ choose?” Ben asked him.

“Oh,” Teekan said, removing his gloves to reveal long claws, as his eyes began to glow green, the shape of his face changing slightly as fangs rose from the corners of his now broadly smiling mouth.

“I am part Cathar. I won’t need a weapon,” Teekan said, his voice taking on an entirely different and ominous tone.

Ben's heart skipped. He quickly recognized this was no ordinary man. Teekan’s feline-like features were now suddenly, painfully obvious to Ben.

_I’m such a kriffing idiot!_

Ben glanced up at the witch, who was beaming down at what must surely be her most prized fighter. She had literally led him into a lion’s den.

_Damn her._

 

As the men began to circle each other, the woman brought a comm to her mouth.

“Nax, dear? They’re starting…”

 

The two men assessed each other as they moved around the floor. Teekan seemed to be waiting for something. Ben, now knowing he was fighting a beast, was rapidly trying to determine the best course of action.

He racked his brain for what he could remember about the Cathar. They were known as fierce warriors, experts in hand to hand combat. Teekan’s large size, which Ben thought would be a hindrance, would not impact his speed one bit. Teekan would be fast and strong.

Ben was, perhaps, a little screwed.

Without warning, Ben felt an overwhelming surge of power rush through his entire body, dropping him to his hands and knees.

_The Force._

Ben closed his eyes briefly and felt the energy of the galaxy once again at his disposal.

While the power of the Force swelled within him, he imagined the river of darkness she had described. He would drown her in it.

If she wanted a show, he would give her one.

Ben glanced up at the observation deck. The four of them were staring at him with keen interest. He lowered his eyes again, and jerked his head to look at Teekan. Teekan’s eyes glinted and he flashed his fangs once more. He got low and growled.

 _I’m going to murder him,_ Ben thought joyfully as he leaped up through the Force and pounced.

Teekan also jumped and the two met in the air, Teekan grabbing the staff in Ben’s hands. Ben pulled and rotated Teekan over his head. They separated before landing and Ben rolled to the opposite side of the mat. He glanced back at Teekan who was moving towards him, quickly. He promptly flipped up and over to bypass the beast.

Teekan pivoted athletically, crouched and glared at him, eyes glowing. Just as quickly, he rose up calmly and began to pace around again. Ben mimicked his movements, slowing and spinning the staff between his hands.

Ben couldn’t believe how much better he felt, how much stronger. He needed to figure out how the witch was keeping the Force from him, and why or how he had access to it now.

He moved in again, rapidly rotating the staff over his head and under is arms to cross strike at Teekan. It should have hit him across the side of the neck, but Teekan quickly bent back, rolled, landed low and spun to sweep Ben’s feet from under him.

Ben jumped and back flipped over Teekan, landing and pivoting back to him, attempting a hook strike, but Teekan had already moved.

“Exercise is doing you good sir, I do believe you’ve gotten a little more color in your cheeks,” Teekan said, tauntingly. “Although, it’s a shame you’re getting all sweaty after _finally_ cleaning yourself up.”

Ben didn’t waste time responding, he simply spun the staff then sprung forward to poke at Teekan's stomach. He nailed him, and Teekan bent over slightly and backed up.

“Hit,” Ben said, slightly out of breath.

Teekan was not phased. “Don’t worry, this won’t go on too much longer. I have work to do. ”

Ben was getting annoyed.

He ran forward again, swinging the staff up and around him. Teekan grabbed the staff with one of his large hands. Ben jerked, trying to free his weapon, but Teekan moved his other hand further down the staff and snapped it right in half.

Ben backpedaled quickly, reaching with the Force for one of the vibro blades on the wall.

“Hey!” Teekan shouted, but then promptly put his hand out and Force grabbed a vibro ax of his own.

“You wanna play, then let’s play, kitty cat!” Ben growled and leaped again at Teekan.

The two parried fiercely back and forth, with neither gaining the upper hand, until finally Ben’s lack of stamina, and maybe also his lack of food, caught up with him. Teekan knocked him solidly across the face with the back of the ax.

As Ben flew back, Teekan reached out through the Force, pulling Ben back to him through the air. Once Ben reached him, Teekan slammed him with a fierce right hook, sending him backwards again.

Teekan repeated the action over and over, treating Ben like a human yo-yo, hitting him fiercely each time. A jab to the face, another hook, a jab to the gut, a left hook and then finally, fangs bared and eyes glowing, Teekan merely grabbed him by the throat, keeping Ben off his feet, cutting off his air supply.

Teekan brought Ben’s face close to his and whispered to him.

“You are _weak_. You are not _worthy_ of her.”

He tossed Ben up in the air like a ball, and when he came back down, smashed his chin with an uppercut that sent him flying across the floor.

Ben landed with a thud and felt several cracks, breaking bones. He writhed on the floor, pain ricocheting through his entire body. He thought he might choke to death on his own blood. Beyond that, he felt humiliated. He could not remember the last time he had suffered such a beating, maybe never. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was the witch standing over him, concern contorting her face.

“You went too far Teekan!” she shouted to the beast. Teekan looked at her, aghast.

“But… Madam…”

He did not hear their conversation beyond that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Cathar...  
> 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> [http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Cathar_(species)http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Cathar_(species)](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Cathar_\(species\))


	15. Rey Wakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey wakes to bad news, Finn has been busy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much to you, person reading this right now. If you like it, tell your friends :)  
> Also, many thanks to my new beta compatriots, @leofgyth and now, @thefitfulfire! Social media is a wonder...  
> -srs

When Rey awoke, she was groggy, in pain, and thirsty. The first thing she noticed was that her eyes were closed. She knew she had to open them, but the idea did not appeal to her at all. When she finally dared to lift her lids a tiny bit, she saw she was in a room she did not recognize.

Light was streaming in through windows and reflecting on many shiny brass surfaces. The room was rather decadent, truth be told. She didn’t think she’d ever been in a room as nice as this. She and Ben tended to shy away from anything too ostentatious when then traveled.

The door opened, and a droid entered with a pitcher of what looked like water and a glass. Rey sprung up and went to move towards the water, but the room began to spin, so she elected to simply lay back down, close her eyes again and wait. Her mouth felt dusty, gritty, like sand… her eyes popped open painfully.

Jakku. _Damn._ What had she done?

_BEN._

Rey pressed her fingers to her forehead. She reached out to him but hit nothing, less than nothing. She couldn’t even feel the emptiness of the space where he should have been. She slammed into a wall of her own sadness.

The thread led nowhere. The bond was still gone.

She took the glass of water from the droid and drank the whole thing. She dripped water down the side of her mouth. As she wiped it away, she handed back the glass to the droid for a refill.

“Please? Thank you.” Her voice was raspy. She watched the droid fill the glass. “Where am I?”

“Atzerri, ma’am.”

“Atzerri,” she whispered and downed the second glass. She wiped her mouth with her sleeve crudely. “The Archives.” She looked at the droid, remembering their initial plan. “Is there anyone here for me? How did I get here?”

“Mr. Tico is the primary point of contact for you, ma’am. He has been informed that you are awake, and will be returning from the Archives shortly,” the droid replied. “Is there anything else you require?”

“Food. Please,” Rey responded, quickly.

“Anything in particular, ma’am?”

“Anything, yes. I will eat anything.”

 

Rey ate everything on the large tray of food that the droid had brought in, not tasting much. She explored the room and found her bag of belongings and her saber, _thank the gods_. She found the fresher and bathed in a water shower that, she was sorry to admit, was absolutely divine.  

She had begun to feel better physically, but her mind was wrecked with worry. She thought about Ben wiping himself out after their children had been taken. He was out for two days. How long had she been sleeping?

She sat on a settee and stared out of the massive windows at Atzerri, chewing on her nail, a nervous habit she had never grown out of. A short while later there was a knock on her door.

“Come in-” Rey said, and immediately the door burst open. A worried-looking Finn entered, quickly scanned the room, saw Rey near the window and ran to her.

“Rey! I’ve been so worried…” Rey stood and Finn wrapped her in a big bear hug. She could sense his overwhelming relief to see her awake. “I wasn’t sure, when Poe brought you here, you were in really bad shape and-”

“Poe? In the Falcon?” Rey laughed, haltingly. “Wait,” she said suddenly. “Finn, how long have I been out?”

 Finn hesitated. “Well, you’ve been here almost a week-”

“A week! But Atzerri is days away from Jakku! Oh Finn, so much time, I’ve lost so much time!” She began to pace around the room.

“Rey, you gave Poe a pretty big scare. He said you blew a hole in the planet!”

“Finn,” she stopped in front of him. “I... what?” _A hole in the planet? Stars..._ “Never mind, have you heard from Ben? The children? Has anyone heard from Ben?” She grabbed at Finn’s shirt desperately, her voice reaching a fevered pitch. She heard herself and registered that she needed to calm down, but she couldn’t.

Finn’s mouth opened and shut. His eyes dropped down.

“Finn?” she whispered.

He met her eyes, his own filled with trepidation. “No. No one has heard from him.”

Rey shut her eyes for a moment and blew the air out of her lungs.  “What about the ship? Trackers, there has to be some kind of-” she trailed off when Finn nodded.

“Yeah, there are trackers on the ships and Poe headed out right away to Naboo. He found the X-Wing, but no Solo. The ship was just floating in space.”

“The cruiser?” she asked.

Finn shook his head. “I’m so sorry, Rey. There was nothing. Just the X-Wing.” Rey was crushed by this news.

Over a week and no word, the ship abandoned, their bond severed... Rey fought back a wave of panic.

“Where is Poe?”

“He had to head back to Yavin IV, to take care of some things, but he said as soon as we have a lead, let him know and he’ll be back in a heartbeat.”

Rey sighed and then growled as she sat down on her bed. Her food was starting to churn a bit in her stomach, making her feel ill.

“Rey, Poe said things got crazy on Jakku,” Finn said, delicately. Rey looked at her friend. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Rey looked back towards the windows. “Not really, no.”

Finn didn’t respond for some time.

“Rey?”

Rey looked at Finn, and finally noticed the bags under his eyes, the worry lines etched in his forehead. Instantly, she felt horrible for what she was putting him through, what she was asking of him. She put her hand out to him. He quickly walked over to her and took it while he sat next to her on the bed.

“Finn, I’m sorry, I really am. For all of this.” Finn said nothing, giving her time to think and space to speak. “I see you maybe once a year. I live in my own little world. I’ve abandoned the galaxy while you and the others are trying to lead a new era of peace. And yet, you’ve dropped everything to help me. I don’t deserve a friend like you.”

Finn turned to face her and took her other hand in his. “Hey, that’s bantha crap and you know it. I wouldn’t be anything, I wouldn’t have anything I do today if it wasn’t for you. I was a coward, a deserter. Rose had to stun me to keep me from abandoning the Resistance, for kriff's sake.” He smiled a bit at the memory.

“Rose showed me what it meant to be brave, but you showed me what it means to be a _person_. I was a cog in the death machine before you. I owe you my life in more ways than one.”

Rey sighed through her nose, she couldn’t meet his eyes.

“Not to mention, Rey? You are my family. These are _your_ kids we’re talking about, which means they’re my family too. Which means some piece of space trash out there has hurt my family, in a big way. And I will do everything in my power to make sure they pay for that,” he finished, expression stern. 

Rey’s tears spilled over onto her cheeks.

“Thank you, Finn,” she whispered.

Finn pulled her shoulders to face him and gave her another hug.  

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he said. He pulled away to look her in the eyes. “I mean it.” Rey smiled a little at her oldest friend. “Now. What the hell happened on Jakku?”    

 

* * *

 

“In that moment, I felt like the entirety of the Force was encapsulated in my body, that the energy of the whole galaxy was _enraged_ inside of me and it just… came out. Boom.”

“Yeah, that’s what Poe said. Boom.” Rey and Finn were eating another tray of food as she explained what had happened to her.

“It was beyond my control, Finn. I _know_ my power; I’ve spent years learning and growing, and I know how much you all struggle with Ben, but he has taught me so much. We help each other in ways that, no matter how much you love me, or how hard you could try, you’ll never be able to understand.”

Rey had also tried, for the first time, to explain to her friend the bond she shared with her husband. Finn watched her eating and took another bite himself.

“So you and Solo, like, always sense each other?” Finn said, over a mouth full of food.

“It’s more than that. Sensing is something I can do with anything, anything in the Force. Ben and I, our connection is much more… deep? Literal?” She shook her head trying to find the right words.

“It’s unique to us. It’s why we are who we are. It’s _how_ we are _how_ we are.” Rey swallowed a bite with some difficulty as her throat began to tighten. Rey tossed the strange fruit she had been eating back onto the plate.  “And it’s gone.”

The two were quiet as Rey’s words settled over them.

“I need to be stronger than this,” she whispered more to herself than to him. “But Finn,” she spoke full volume once again, “between not having my children and now Ben, I’m so lost. I feel untethered...”

Ben’s words came floating back to her, _I can’t find an anchor…_ Rey understood now what he meant.  

“I am unbalanced,” she realized. She had told Ben she needed _him_ to stay balanced. She had been afraid of losing him to the dark side, and now here _she_ was, crippled by her own feelings.

“Is that bad?” Finn asked, innocently. Rey looked at him, amazed somehow by his simple question.

“Yes, Finn. Yes, it is,” Rey laughed a little bit, somewhat maniacally. “It’s the worst thing I could possibly be,” she laughed again, harder.

Finn concern grew as Rey continued to laugh. “Rey?”

Her laughing slowed quickly to a stop, and she apologized. She wiped her eyes. She pulled her knees up in front of her on the bed and rested her face in her arms.

“I’m going insane,” she said, giving him a sad smile.

“So… how do you, get balanced again, or whatever?” he asked her, trying to break through whatever it was was happening to her.

Rey took a deep breath. “Honestly, Finn? Without Ben, I have no idea.”  

She looked out the windows at the now darkening light. Another day was almost over. “I have no idea,” she said again, softer.

“Well, don’t worry Rey.” Finn grabbed her hand once more. “We’ll figure it out.”

Rey smiled weakly at him.

“We have to,” she said.

* * *

 

“The Archives are this massive, massive place with, like, everything that has ever been, stored either physically or virtually.” Night had fallen, but Finn was still with Rey.

“Okay. Can you pour me a little more of that? It’s delicious,” Rey asked. Finn had ordered some more water, food, and this liqueur that was sweet and blue.

Finn told her how he’d already sent two bottles home to Rose. “She is totally obsessed with this stuff. I’ll be like, hunny, you sure the girls are alright? And she says, ‘Finnley they’re fine!’ When she starts calling me 'Finnley' is when I start to get nervous.”

Rey chuckled a bit into her glass. “Finnley, oh that’s sweet! I don’t know what it means, but it’s really cute.”

“I don’t either. Don’t tell her I told you about that, though,” he said, his expression turning a little concerned.

“I won’t, I won’t. But keep going with the Archives.”

“Right. Honestly, at first I was overwhelmed. I mean, how old is the galaxy? Thousands, millions of years old? I had no idea what I was looking for. Thankfully, though, there are amazing people who work there who, like, _want_ to help you find stuff. And they are _very_ interested in this query,” he said, excitedly.

“Query?”

“Yeah that’s what they call their searches. There is one guy who has been working there for almost three centuries. He knows so much stuff-”

“Finn...” Rey was getting impatient.

“Right, anyway, we’ve been trying to focus on kidnappings, especially of Force users.”

“And?”

“Well it’s weird. There aren’t as many as you would think, in terms of ‘famous’ cases of kidnapped Force users.” Rey frowned and her stomach dropped in disappointment. “But!” Finn continued, “but, however, there _are_ other interesting anomalies and patterns about Force users OR kidnappings.”

“What does that mean?”

“We’re still putting things together-”

“We?”

“Yeah, me and the archivists.”

“Finn, how many people know about this?” Rey said, suddenly very alarmed. The reality was that she and Ben were still believed by most of the galaxy to be dead. Which meant that Kylo Ren was dead, so they were relatively safe from people in the galaxy who would want to see him... _held_ _accountable_ for his actions, or worse.

“Oh no, don’t worry. They don’t know why I’m looking. I told them I’m doing research for a novel about Force children being kidnapped by a space witch. They think I’m an author,” Finn said, clearly proud of himself.

“Okay,” she replied, somewhat relieved.  

“Speaking of, we’ve been looking up the space witch stuff too, Ramala. Many examples of old folk stories. There is a lady there who loves tracing the origins of folk tales, so she’s been focused on that, mostly. You’ll meet them all tomorrow, if you’re up for it.”

“Finn, it sounds like you’ve been really busy. I’m impressed,” she said, her eyes starting to droop of their own volition. She was still pretty wiped. Thankfully Finn could tell, and moved to clean up their refreshments.

“And so, so grateful. Thank you Finn, I’m sorry. I’m just so tired all the sudden…”

“It’s the blue stuff. Rose keeps falling asleep when we’re on the holo together. I'll try not to take it personally,” Finn said, smiling at her. Despite looking tired, Rey’s face had lost the pallor it held since Poe had brought her to Atzerri.  

He put his hand on her shoulder as she yawned. “Tomorrow is another day, yeah?”  

Rey frowned a bit. “Yeah.”

Finn didn’t catch her expression. He gave her a smooch on the head and wished her goodnight.

Tomorrow would be another day - another day without her family.

* * *

Later, just as Rey was drifting to sleep, she jolted upright, fully awake and terrified. Pain.

 

_Ben is in pain._

And then he was gone. 

 

Rey screamed and clutched at the sheets around her. She had to reach him.

She got up, still shaking, sat down with her legs crossed in front of the large windows of her room and closed her eyes. She would not rest again until she found him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Rey.
> 
> Also, Gone with the Wind, anyone?


	16. Healed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben wakes up from his beat down and gets some interesting news. Rey elects to go hard on meditation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @thefitfulfire for helping out with edits and feedback and figuring out Google Docs :)  
> Also, thanks for the 120 kudos! That's 120 different people who liked something about this story, and that feels huge to me. 
> 
> To my 19 bookmarkers, I see you. Thanks for traveling with me.  
> -srs

When Ben woke up he was disoriented. He opened his eyes to painfully bright lights, which prompted him to quickly close them again.

Behind his eyes, he saw the last thing he remembered, the witch standing over him, her concern, her… fear? Anger? And Teekan… Ben opened his eyes again, but narrowed them at the thought of that bastard. Her little stooge. He was a dead man.

_He will rue the day he ever laid a kriffing paw on Kylo Re-_

Ben’s eyes widened painfully. _No._ He shut them again, tight. His heart pounded in terror. He had a vague notion of a beeping sound coming from somewhere. _What’s the_ matter _with me?_

He wanted to calm down. Ben tried as hard as he could to sense Rey, to connect with her. He needed her strength, her light. She was his anchor. But he couldn’t feel her. She was lost to him.

_Rey..._

Ben took three deep slow breaths. He thought of Endor. He thought of Rey breaking through the door of the Firebrand to get to him.

He thought of the hot springs on Carosi and Rey falling asleep sitting against him, her back on his chest, as they sat naked in the mineral waters.

He thought of the face she made when he teased her about her early attempts at cooking. He chuckled quietly out loud at the memory. He remembered her face again after he complimented the first decent meal she ever made, how proud she was.

_Ben…_

“Excuse me, sir?”

Ben’s eyes opened once again, on high alert. He raised his head, looked around and saw an older woman sitting near him, towards the foot of the bed. He saw he was in some sort of med bay, tubes in his arms.

“Who are you?” he said to the woman.

“Oh, me? I’m nobody,” she said.

 _They were nobody..._ Rey’s weeping face flashed in his mind.

“Just a nurse charged with the honor of bringing you back to health. My mistress humbles me with her faith in my abilities,” she said.

Ben felt disappointed that this was another one of her lackeys. But the nurse had such a kind face, a soft expression that for some reason made Ben miss his mother. He had never had a grandmother, and he had wondered as a child what it would be like. This woman felt like what he'd imagined.

“My name is Anora. Gave my mistress quite a scare, you did. Stars, I’ve never seen her cross like she was at Mr. Teekan. She still is.”

“Water?” Ben asked, laying his head back down. He did not care to hear about the witch or Teekan.  

“Of course, sir,” said Anora and she walked over with a cup with a straw. She helped him to drink. When he was done he made a move to sit up. He was surprised to find he felt little pain.

“You were pretty beat up when you arrived, but I worked a bit of my magic. You’re right as rain now.” Anora sat again and crossed her hands on her lap. “It’s funny, you remind me of my son a bit. Not to say my son was anywhere near as powerful as you sir, he wasn’t even Force sensitive, the poor thing. But he had hair like yours, dark and thick. I miss him so. He’s been gone a long time now…” Anora wiped at her eyes with her apron and stood. “Cria will be here shortly sir, to escort you back. We’ve been waiting for you to heal before having the hearing.”

Ben looked closer at the nurse. “Hearing?”

“Oh yes sir, the whole ship is on eggshells. Mr. Teekan is to be tried for treason. We all know now. He wasn’t to hurt you, it was her order, but he defied it. Madam does not tolerate willful disobedience. There cannot be anarchy on our ship,” Anora said, her voice now very serious.

Ben was shocked. Teekan? A trial?

“Why were you waiting for me?” Ben asked.

“Because you’re the victim in it, sir, you poor thing. You’ll decide his fate.”

Ben swallowed. He suddenly did not feel so good.

++++++

 

Rey focused on the end of the thread that connected her to Ben. She followed the trail as far as it went until she came upon a wall in the Force and she could go no further. She sought a way through, any space or crack into which she could push herself. Her determination wavered as she failed to find anything. Instead, she centered around her breath.

She pushed away her sorrow with memories of Ben.

She thought of his face after he had killed Snoke, lighting his saber, taking the time to look at her as like she was the only thing in the galaxy, even though there were ten guards moving in to kill them.

She thought of the first time they made love, how nervous he was, afraid to hurt her, how gentle they had been with each other. How he had whispered “ _I love you”_ over and over and begged her to never leave him.

She thought about the smile he gave her, after listening to her ramble on about this wire or that coupler while she fixed some broken thing on the Falcon, when she finally realized he already knew what she was talking about.

 _“Why did you let me babble on like that?”_ she had demanded, embarrassed.

 _“Because I could listen to you talk all day,”_ he had said.

She thought of his hand gripping hers while he delivered Sky. She would have never made it without him.

_Rey…_

Her mind began to race as she followed the sound of her husband through Force. Her eyes jerked behind her eyelids, her heart pounding with the strain of chasing an echo. She tried to breathe, to calm herself and stay focused in the moment.

_Ben..._

“Ben…” she whispered out loud. The sound of her own voice cracking broke her concentration and her eyes opened. Sound returned around her. She had lost the thread.

But he had been there, she had heard him. She had connected, it was just so damn hard to push through. But it was a start.

She would find him.

 +++++++

 

Ben was too anxious to sleep. He felt physically better, and he realized that while he was out, not only did he receive medical care, but also a feeding tube, which frustrated him. He did not want to eat until he saw his children, and now his nourishment was replenished.

There was no one else in the med bay, not even a guard, which he couldn’t believe. He had been left alone, but was being inundated with pieces of thoughts that were not his own. He tried to concentrate on what he was hearing, to see what he could learn.

_Do you think she will like this?_

_How many are there? We need…_

 

_How should we dress for this? I mean, really. Two, and so quickly…_

_It’s unfortunate…_

 

_Have you ever heard of the Jedi?_

_My cousin was a Jedi, long ago…_

 

_I thought our mistress said he was powerful, but Teekan cut him down?_

_Teekan is very strong, he was a Force hound…_

 

Ben zeroed in on that. _A Force hound?_ Ben thought. He searched his memories. _Those haven’t been around for millennia._

 

_I have been feeling weak lately, I’m feeling my age, I think._

_Have you spoken with our mistress? She can help you._ He _can help you, I’m sure of it._

 

_I fear we’re running out of time, Madam seems sad…_

 

_The Corps is stable, but exhausted. They need a break…_

_Rotate out…_

 

_Help us..._

 

“Helloooo!” Titus’ loud call startled Ben out of his head. He looked over at the disciples, as the trio approached him with their guide droids.

“How are you feeling, sir?” Mae inquired. “You were so impressive, really, against Teekan. But you did get very hurt.”

“You think?” Ben growled at her. “Where are my children?”

“Oh it would not be good for them to see you like this sir, it might frighten them. We’ve been told your face is still quite bruised,” Titus replied.

Ben looked at Cria, whose expression was impassive.

“And you? Do you have anything to say?” Ben said to them, his tone accusatory.

“My mistress has been very worried about you, sir. It is a relief to know you are better,” Cria replied, giving him a slight smile.

Ben crossed his arms. “You could have warned me,” he said.

“Of what, sir?” Cria said, tilting their head slightly.

Ben blew out a sigh. Who was he kidding, these people have no loyalty to him, nor should they. His anger at the disciples was misplaced.

It’s _her_ he should be mad at. Furious, in fact.

“It’s time to return to your quarters to prepare. Are you willing to bathe and change? It would be most helpful if you would. This will be a formal occasion,” Cria said.

“What will?” Ben asked. The three looked towards each other and then back to him.

It was Mae who spoke. “The trial of Teekan. For disobeying our mistress and almost killing you,” she said, very matter-of-fact.

Ben looked at all three but their faces revealed nothing. When he sensed their feelings through the Force, he was surprised.

“You’re not upset? You’re not afraid? None of you seem effected by this,” Ben said to them.

“All is as it must be sir. This is the way of our ship,” said Cria.

Ben scoffed and rolled his eyes. _What a bunch of garbage._ He looked down at his arms and pulled the tubes out that were connected to him.

“Let’s go,” he grumbled as he lifted himself off the mattress carefully. He was not in too much pain, but still quite weak. Cria held out an arm to him. He steadied himself with Cria’s assistance, begrudgingly, but promptly let go, determined to walk on his own.

He was stiff and a little sore, but that was fine. His pain reminded him of his anger, of how he ended up in the med bay, and that he still had not seen his children. Pain gave him strength.

* * *

 

He showered. He looked through the clothes in the closet, reflecting on what Cria had said about formal attire. He dressed in a high collared shirt, pants and a short black jacket. It was all shades of black, and fit well. Something about the outfit reminded him of his father.

He shook his head lightly and he looked at himself in the mirror, combing his fingers through his short hair. He hadn’t shaved, so at least he still had that.

He looked into his own eyes. His mother’s eyes.

As he stared, he was overcome by painful emotions. His eyes welled and tears spilled over as he gasped for breath. His parents. He clutched at his chest. Why would he suddenly miss them so much?

Without warning there was a hand on his shoulder. Cria _._

“Are you not well, sir?”

Ben’s chest immediately relaxed. He was able to calm his breathing and dry his eyes. He coughed. _Stars, I’m a mess._ “I… I d-didn’t hear you come in.”

“You have so many feelings for them,” said Cria, looking around him. “Sadness, love, anger, longing…regret. Complicated.” They removed their hand from Ben’s shoulder. “I did not know my parents. My mistress is the closest thing I have ever had to what you call a mother.”

Ben straightened his jacket, sniffed, and ran his hand through his hair again, the nervous habit now fully restored. “Then I feel sorry for you,” he told Cria.

Cria tilted their head. “Really? Why? Search my feelings. Are they as... complicated as yours?”

He looked into them for a moment, and sensed a much simpler sentiment radiating from the being. Love. Cria simply... loved her.

Ben frowned. Cria smiled as they put a hand on their droid and turned away from Ben. “Come now, sir. It’s time.”

He took one last deep breath and followed them out of the room.

 

Cria led Ben through the twisting corridors of the ship. He took note of the lack of view-ports, the identical hallways, but could not keep track of all the turns.

They eventually ended up in a room that was familiar to him, the atrium outside the hangar where he first began this nightmare. It was packed. He scanned the room quickly. He assumed every being that resided on this ship was there, all except his children.

“Where are my children, Cria?” Ben grumbled in their ear.

“I promise sir, you would not want them here,” Cria replied. They guided him to a seat nearby and left him to join the other disciples. The room hushed a little as all eyes turned to him. He squirmed in his seat.

A door opened in the back and the witch walked in, alone. Ben was relieved when all attention shifted to her. Whispers and murmurs rose in volume as she walked towards Ben. Everyone vied for a little of her attention, but her eyes never left him. As she grew closer, she gave him a small smile.

She sat in the seat directly to his left, and turned to him.

“I want my children, witch,” he growled at her.

“Not now, dear,” she said in a way that left no room for discussion. “Tell me honestly... how do you feel?” she asked him, her eyes full of worry.

Ben gave her a strange look, half contempt, half confusion.

“Fine?” he said, his answer sounding more like a question.

She took a deep breath. “I am so, so sorry for what happened to you. That was not my intention, _at all_. I am mortified; a guest on my ship, my most important guest, has been treated so poorly, assaulted, beaten thoroughly and ferociously.”

Ben scowled a bit at this. He rolled his eyes and turned away from her, agitated. He hadn’t been beaten _so_ thoroughly, he had given as good as he got. To a point.

“Darling?” she asked, imploringly, putting her hand on his arm. He looked back at her and shook her off. “This hearing is very important. Whatever you decide is what will be. There is no wrong decision. Do you understand?” He raised an eyebrow and said nothing. She didn’t have time to elaborate because huge double doors swung open behind her, and all voices stopped.

In walked a group of what felt like soldiers. _The Guard,_ Ben heard in the minds of those all around him.

 _So,_ he thought, _this is the Guard. Teekan’s domain._

They marched two by two, dressed similarly, faces hidden in helmets. The Force radiated from them, many darksiders, Ben could tell. It gave him goosebumps. The Guard reminded Ben an awful lot of the Knights of Ren; not nearly as shiny or sharp, but powerful and fearless. He sensed no trepidation from the group, which he thought strange considering they were escorting their master to a trial for treason. _Their_ _master,_ Ben thought, distracted by the idea for a moment.

The lines parted and, walking unhurried in between them, entered Teekan.

He was physically unrestrained. He was, as always, shielding himself, by far his biggest strength. He looked at the faces all around him, many of whom cowered. Some were crying. 

Teekan’s eyes shifted to bore holes into Ben. Ben winced.

_Shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Snap. Cliffhanger.


	17. The Trial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben makes a decision and meets someone new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because cliffhangers suck, here's the rest. 
> 
> Many thanks to @thefitfulfire for their feedback, and also @leofgyth for pimping this story on tumblr and geeking out about it for a little bit. It's nice to be able to talk about this stuff.
> 
> If you like this, tell your friends. 124 other people do (merci), and 24 people are paying long-term attention to it (gracias), so it can't be that bad, amiright? 
> 
> -srs

_You are WEAK…_ Ben heard Teekan’s words in his head. He had forgotten. But was it a memory, or was Teekan putting the words in his head now?

Ben broke his stare and scanned the room. He made eye contact with someone in the back corner that he had not noticed before. The man was tall and slim, with silver hair that feathered out around his head. He had the same pale blue skin as the woman, and even from this distance Ben could see he also had light-colored, piercing eyes similar to hers. While everyone else was looking at Teekan, this man was staring only at Ben. After a short time, the man grinned. _Danger, danger_ something triggered in Ben’s mind. This man was dangerous.

“My friends,” the woman said loudly. She had remained seated, sitting angled away from Ben, hands clasped together, one arm leaning on the arm rest. The noise of the gallery quieted to total silence. This was clearly the signal that the “hearing” or “trial” or whatever it was had begun. Ben looked back to Teekan but the big Cathar was now staring only at his mistress.

The witch rose from her chair. “It is with a heavy heart that I welcome you here now. I hope that you all know this ship is for you. Everything that is here, everything that we do is dictated by your wants and needs. All of you matter to me equally, and your lives, your safety, consumes one hundred percent of my attention.

“That being said, there is only one rule on this ship. There is only one thing you agree to when you become a member of our family, and that is to obey my wishes. I do not ask much, and I do not ask often, but when I do, it is to be obeyed. This is all I ask in return for maintaining your comfort, happiness and your lives.  

“We have a guest with us on our ship. You are all aware of how much he means to me and therefore to all of us. This man,” she turned to Ben, “has just returned from an extended stay in our medical bay. I am forever indebted to the marvelous Anora Beaudray for nursing this man back to health and healing the extensive injuries he sustained at the hands…” she turned to Teekan and gestured “of this man. Teekan, our Master of the Guard.”

She rose and took steps toward Teekan. His eyes never left her.

“Teekan,” she said.

“Madam,” Teekan replied, quietly.

“Before what was to be a sparring session between you and our guest, you were both told the same thing, by me.” She turned to pace around the atrium, looking at all the beings there. “Both men were given the same directive,” she whipped around. “Titus, please tell everyone what it was exactly that I said.”

Titus spoke loud and clear. “Gentlemen, I don’t want anyone getting hurt today, and I mean it.”  

The woman walked back around to face Teekan. “Do you acknowledge that this is what I said?”

Teekan swallowed, but his face revealed nothing as he stared at her. “Yes, madam.”

“You _do_ acknowledge it?”

“Yes.”

“And did you _understand_ my directive at that time?” she asked.

“Yes, madam.”

“You understood me?”

“ _Yes_. My mistress.” Teekan’s eyes did not waiver. The woman took a large breath through her nose.

“Do you admit, then, even though you indeed heard and understood my orders, that you willfully and knowingly disobeyed them, causing severe and potentially deadly injury to our guest?”

She stopped pacing and looked not at Teekan, but at Ben. Ben could only hold her gaze for a moment before breaking it to look around the room. It felt like all members of the audience were holding their breath. When Teekan did not respond, the woman turned to look at him.

“Teekan? Did you disobey the order I gave to you and our guest before you sparred?”

Teekan’s eyes shifted to somewhere over her head. “Yes, madam.”

At this, the audience began to rumble and the noise level rose. The woman put up her hand and the room fell silent, almost immediately. It was eerie.

She began to pace once more. “There is only one rule on this ship, and for defying it there is only one punishment. You, Teekan, more than anyone, are aware of what that is, as you are the one who designed it. Please remind us now of what the punishment is for those who defy me.”

Teekan stood up straighter. “Death, madam,” he said, without pretense. Ben heard the sniffles of crying members of the audience.

“Correct,” she said and slowly made her way back towards Ben, who still sat where he had been put. “Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, and there is one exception to this. Could you please, Teekan, remind us all of this exception?”

Teekan glanced at Ben. “The offended party, or victim as the case may be, has the right and privilege to commune the sentence of death for the offender, if they so desire,” he said, robotic.

“That is correct,” the woman said, quieter now, approaching Ben with a shimmer over her eyes. She sat back down. “So then, my dear,” she said quietly. She spoke to Ben now as if there was no one else in the room but the two of them. It was slightly hypnotic, and Ben had to fight to remain focused.

“Teekan has accepted his guilt and will accept his death, as will I and the rest of this ship. It is our way. You now hold his fate in your hands. You will choose what happens to him, because you did not get to choose what happened to you. It’s only right,” she said, looking at him intensely.

Ben felt overwhelmed. He hated the man, as he hated her and everyone else who had a part in stealing his children. The choice should have been easy. And yet…

He obviously couldn't tell what _she_ desired him to do. He turned away from her and looked around the room. The only person who drew his attention was the man in the corner, who was looking at him, his face also blank.

_You would have hurt him, if given the chance. You would have murdered him._

The thought floated into his mind uninvited. But it was not wrong. Ben hadn’t cared about what she told them, not one bit. He had every intention of hurting Teekan, but failed. This realization gave Ben pause. Teekan fought and beat him, fair and square. He did not deserve to die because of it.

She leaned closer to Ben and whispered in his ear. “Do you want him to die for what he did to you?”

Ben looked back at Teekan, then he glanced at Cria. He turned back to the woman, looking her right in the eyes, and replied, “No.”

She promptly stood up, facing the crowd, opening her eyes and smiling broadly.

“Our guest is merciful,” she cried.

The audience burst into applause. Teekan glared at him.

Once the audience calmed themselves down, the woman spoke again.

“Teekan keeps his life, as a gift from our guest,” she said. “However, justice must still be served. And so,” she said as she turned back to Ben. “Teekan must be held accountable. And you get to decide what the punishment will be.”

She slowly circled around Ben, as the crowd once again murmured, raising the noise level.  Ben heard so many voices through his ears and in his mind, so many _suggestions,_ several of which made him ill.

The woman bent down next to him and whispered into his ear.

“Something _corporal,_ perhaps? So he can feel how you felt? It seems only right… don’t you think?” she said.

Ben narrowed his eyes at Teekan, who continue to glare at him with glowing green eyes. Daring him. _You are WEAK,_ Ben heard in his mind again. Ben glared right back at him. He was _not_ weak.

“Yes,” he said to her, not taking his eyes off Teekan. The woman straightened and moved around him, smiling.

“Our guest... is just.”

The crowd burst into applause once again.

“And now dear friends, we have the comfort of knowing justice will be served, and we all can move forward, carrying nothing but love in our hearts for all involved. As is our way,” and she gestured to a guard who moved quickly and grabbed at Teekan.

Teekan was staring at her like she had burst into flames, wide-eyed. Teekan never took his eyes off her as he was pushed forward, around her and away, craning his neck. Ben could not read his feelings, but guessed by his face that he was pissed. But, seemingly, not at him, as he would have expected, but at her. _Why?_

Once Teekan was gone, someone shouted from the crowd, “Madam, this calls for a celebration!” which prompted several shouts of agreement. The woman laughed and clasped her hands together.

“Whatever you wish, my darlings!” and the crowd erupted into cheering. They all moved quickly, loudly chattering, excited.

As the mass dispersed, Ben watched the woman walk through them towards the man in the back, casually clasping the hands offered her. When she reached the man, she lifted her skirts and curtsied to him, bowing low. As she stood back up, the man reached down, then placed a kiss on the back of her hand. He held his arm out to her and she turned around as she took it.

Her smile was huge and radiant as the two moved towards Ben, both of them looking at him. He rose from his seat, tense and frowning. As they neared, he saw the man’s hair was not feathered, but in fact, glossy feathers. _Omwati,_ Ben decided, noting the color of the man’s skin and willowy frame. _Very smart._

The pair stopped in front of Ben, and the woman squirmed like an excited child. “Darling, may I present Naxum, the Master of the Corps, the most important person on this ship.” The man’s startlingly blue eyes left Ben’s to look down at the woman.

“Nonsense my dear, _you_ are the most important person on this ship,” prompting her to giggle as he turned back to Ben. “I am merely a humble servant,” he said and bowed his head to Ben. Ben was surprised at the light, high tenor of the tall man’s voice.

“The man I’ve heard so much about,” Nax said after he raised his head, somewhat cheekily. Part of Ben felt like the comment was a dig directed at him. “I do apologize for not being available to meet you sooner. I don’t get about the ship as much as I’d like to, as of late.”

The woman looked at Nax and raised her eyebrow slightly. Ben wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say.

“Nax has developed, built or improved upon all the technology on this ship. Everything. He is a genius,” the woman said breathlessly. The necklace glowed around her neck and it made Ben glower at Nax. _Yes, even that,_ Ben heard Nax’s voice in his mind. It was familiar. He immediately tried to shield the man, but it was no use. His powers were dimmed. His anger spiked.

“Your presence here is very exciting,” Nax continued. “I am one of very few on this ship who know _exactly_ how powerful you really are. Thank you for lending me your lightsaber. I hadn’t seen one in quite some time, and certainly never one like yours. Did you come up with the cross-guard solution for the power imbalance yourself?”

Ben raised an eyebrow. “Yes,” he replied curtly.

Nax smiled at him. “Fascinating. An interesting choice,” he said. Ben felt very strange with this man, clearly a strong Force user.

“Well, I’m afraid I must be going. But I do hope to see more of you soon. I have many questions. It was a pleasure meeting you,” he said, putting out his hand to Ben. Ben looked at it, conflicted.

Nax’s expression was peculiar, and again Ben heard his voice in his head. _Take it._ Ben raised his eyes and reached out to shake the man’s hand, maintaining eye contact. Ben flinched slightly as a host of feelings passed through him...  

_The Corps…_

_The children..._

_She does not need you…_

_Save the Corps…_

Before he knew it, Nax released his hand. It was all so fast, probably a second, yet Ben had seen flashes of visions, felt terrifying emotions, and heard the words in his head so clearly. He forced his face to remain calm and passive.

Nax raised his arm to the woman once again. “My dear?”

She took it, but not before raising a hand to Ben’s arm.

“You did so well today, darling. I am so proud of you. Now all can be forgiven and forgotten, yes? We’ll see you soon,” she finished, smiled knowingly, and walked away with Nax.

Ben was escorted by Cria back to his room, where food was waiting for him, which he ignored. He laid down and closed his eyes, trying to process what had happened. Without warning, he felt intense pain, and he sensed a flash of Teegan, what he was feeling, what was happening to him. Ben sat up fast, out of breath.

After his initial shock, he smiled slightly to himself. _Good,_ he thought, his thoughts darkening.

He got up and changed, deciding to do push-ups and sit-ups and his forms until he could no longer move or he passed out.

At some point, while trying to remember what he had felt when he shook Nax’s hand, it dawned on him that Nax did not refer to her as “madam” or “mistress.” Thus far, he was the only one who hadn’t. _Interesting,_ Ben thought as he pushed his body harder.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But what of Rey? She'll be back next time.
> 
> Also, the next chapter is a doozy.


	18. Hunger Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey goes hard on meditation. Ben finally sees his children.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter is a kind of a doozy. Dark. I don't know what to warn for without spoiling, but I can say there ISN'T graphic violence, nor blood, nor sexual assault, nor vomit, nor bodily injury, nor animals getting hurt. But the nature of the scene(s) may be upsetting to some viewers. Viewer discretion is advised. 
> 
> Many thanks to the folks helping me wrastle this beast, @leofgyph and @thefitfulfire.
> 
> Many thanks for 130 kudos (!) and the 24 of you bookmarkers coming back for more. If you like it tell your friends. 
> 
> Also I made a mood board, go me.  
> -srs

When Finn knocked on Rey’s door the next morning, she did not answer. He tried again twenty minutes later and still nothing. Assuming she was still asleep, he left and tried once more after mid-day. Still no answer. He didn’t want to enter her room without her permission but he was worried. The door was unlocked.

Finn walked in to the room, calling her name softly. “Reeey?” He looked around but she was not in her bed.

Eventually, he found her sitting on the floor in front of the huge windows. Her eyes were closed, but moving rapidly behind her lids. He placed a hand on her shoulder gently shook her. She gasped and jerked.

“Rey, are you ok, what are you doing?” Finn asked, very worried.

She grasped his shoulders and shook him hard. “Finn, what are _you_ doing? I was close, I felt him…” she said, frantic.

“What? What do you mean?” Finn asked.

“Ben. I’m looking for him. He’s hurt. I have to find him,” Rey replied, rapidly spitting out the words.

“Rey are you sure...” Finn tried.

“Finn,” Rey said, cutting him off. She hadn’t moved from her position on the floor. She put a hand on either side of his face and looked desperately into his eyes, her expression manic. Finn had never seen his friend like this.

“Finn, I’m wasting time. I know you care, and I am grateful and I love you so much, but I can’t talk to you anymore. I have to focus and meditate. I am strong enough. I can find him in the Force, I know it.”

Finn grabbed her hands from where they were squeezing his head, and lowered them. “I know you are, I believe in you,” he said tentatively, not fully understanding what had transpired between last night and today.

She nodded rapidly. “Ok, ok. Good. Now go. Please.” She resumed her meditative position on the floor, closing her eyes.  He got up slowly, his heart heavy. He wished Poe or Rose were here, he never knew the right thing to do in tense situations. He didn’t want to leave her, but she hadn’t given him much of a choice.

He opened the door, but turned back towards her, saying “I’ll come back later.”

“Finn!” Rey shouted from the floor.

“Yeah?” Finn said, taking a step closer to her hopefully.

“Please don’t,” she said.

Finn’s heart dropped, and he left her alone. Feeling defeated, he went back to the Archives to help her in the only way he could. The faster he found an answer, the better.  

 

+++++

The only way Ben could tell that time was passing was the food. At some point, a servant droid showed up with breakfast foods, which Ben would not touch, so they would be taken away. Some time later, a mid-day meal would come in, which he would not touch and so that too would be taken away. Eventually, a larger entree would arrive, receive the same treatment and be taken away.

It had now been three cycles of this and Ben was not doing well. He was weak from lack of food, so he mostly slept. He had no energy, and when he was asleep, he didn’t think about how dire his situation was. At least in his dreams he would sometimes see his wife, his children. But he saw other things too, terrible things. Terrified children. Torture. The Knights of Ren slaughtering villages at his command. Snoke’s voice. Luke’s betrayal. He would wake up panting, often smelling the meals in his room. The he would groan and turn in on himself, curling into a ball in the bed. Other times, he would simply count the seconds. Count as high as he could before passing out.

Meanwhile, Cria did not come, the witch did not come, nor did he see his children.

++++++

 

Rey was losing herself, willingly. She was giving herself away, without resistance, to the Force. She imagined her body as nothing more than a conduit for the larger universe that surrounded and flowed through her. She imagined the same of Ben, that he was no longer just in a body, but in everything. She believed they could travel to each other this way, tied to nothing but the Force and each other.

As she meditated, she lost all sense of place or time. She heard nothing, saw nothing, felt nothing. Not exhaustion or hunger… or peace. Her only focus was _Ben, Ben, Ben._

_Let me see him._

She traveled through her memories as if she was there, living them once again.

She thought about the first crack of light she ever saw in him.

It was their third connection through the Force, and while it’s true that seeing him without a shirt had made her stomach jump into her throat and momentarily taken her breath away, it was not his broad chest that made her heart open.

 _“Why did you hate your father, give me an honest answer!”_ She was so angry at him for killing Han, she had demanded to know. But he surprised her.

_“I didn’t hate him.”_

His voice had been so soft, so shattered. He looked so young in that moment.

 _I didn’t hate him._ His voice echoed through the Force, like a blanket, surrounding Rey. She felt wrapped in his vulnerability. In the memory, her confusion and anger broke open, but he pushed her right through it.

_“Why what? Say it.”_

She managed to finally ask him, “ _Then why did you- why did you kill him?”_

Back on Atzerri, Rey whispered, _“I don’t understand_.”

But he never answered her. He couldn’t even say it himself, turning the conversation back to her, her parents, showing her his version of Luke’s betrayal. He wanted her to know, to see him. That moment had broken her resolve.

_Where is he?  Let me see him. Please…_

++++

 

“Madam, our guest is not eating.”

She was walking around her solarium. The observation deck allowed her to cultivate a variety of plants from across the galaxy. Gloves protected her hands, and dark glasses protected her eyes as she trimmed and pruned. She looked at Teekan, who was sporting a large bruise over his cheek.

“Hmm, he’s not?”

“No, my mistress. Food services come back untouched.”

“Hmm,” she said, she hummed again, lower, as nipped another dying bud. “Curious. Human life requires certain things to survive, without which it begins to wither. If our guest is intentionally making himself weaker, I am loathe to stop him.” She tilted her head to Teekan sweetly, in her way. “After all, I need his mind to do the same.” Snip. “That being said, I also need his body strong.” Snip. “This will not do.”

She turned around with a beautiful flower in her hand, something like an orchid from a strange planet they’d visited ages ago. She moved towards a table on which were various supplies and tools. She lifted her glasses from her eyes, the color briefly changing until they settled back to light blue.

“Let’s see if I can persuade him to take better care of himself, hm?” she said, as she wrapped the stem of the flower in cloth. She tilted her head and grinned at him.

“Yes madam. Thank you,” Teekan replied. The large man turned to walk away.

“Dearest?”

He paused. “Yes, madam?” he said, not facing her.

“Anora has healed you?”

“One hundred percent, madam. I am fit for duty,” he replied, his voice clipped.

“You’re mad at me,” she said.

Teekan slowly turned back around. He met her eyes, which were shimmering, watching him. He could not hide from her.

“Not at all, my mistress,” he responded cooly. His stare was blank and unwavering. Anyone else would have believed him.

“I understand, Teekan. I would be mad at me too,” she said as she walked closer to stand right in front him. “You think I betrayed you.”

Teekan’s voice was low and pained when he finally responded to her. “I did what you asked.”

“I know, dearest, but _he_ doesn’t know that, and now, he doesn’t even _suspect_. No one knows but me. And you, of course - my best secret keeper.” She smiled again at Teekan. “We need to do whatever it takes so it stays that way. He cannot know our secrets, Teekan,” she said, her face growing very serious.

“And if he had decided to let me die?” he said, his voice a low growl. She stared at him and said nothing. “I did not realize that you had secrets you kept even from me. Madam,” he said.  

She frowned slightly. “I am so sorry, luv," she said, earnestly. "We are all making sacrifices. Especially you, I know. And I am so, so grateful.” She held the flower out to him. “I would never have let anything happen to you. Ever.” He looked from the flower to her.

“Please forgive me?” she whispered, her eyes huge and pleading. Teekan looked at the flower once more before he took it. His eyes were watery when they met hers again.

“Of course, my mistress.”

She smiled like the sun.

* * *

 

 “Hello!” she said while she glided into Ben’s room, unannounced. He was sitting on the bench in the corner, arms crossed over his chest. He stared ahead, feeling angry and disgusted. He had seen no one but service droids in what he believed was several days based on the meals he avoided, but there was no way to be certain. She pulled over a chair sat across from him.

“I want to see my children.”

She gazed at him but ignored his request. “I am told that despite the hours of research and labor my kitchen has put into creating the most delightful and inspired dishes for you, they are being returned untouched. This is truly devastating to them, as my chefs put their hearts and souls into their work here.” She gave Ben a warm but chastising look.

Ben returned it with cold fire in his eyes.

“You allow them to keep their souls? I’m surprised.”

“Oh, come now... You barely know me.” She looked at him with hurt in her eyes. At least it looked like hurt. It drove Ben crazy that he could not read her or gauge her authenticity.

“Everyone on this ship is as devoted to me as I am to them. They’ve chosen this place and this life. We’re very happy here. Or at least, my chefs _were_ happy, until they found they could not please you.”

Her expression was often a combination of fascinated and flirtatious, teasing yet warm. She infuriated him.

“I cannot have you wasting food, not when supplies are limited everywhere in the galaxy. It’s distasteful. Not to mention, I want you to be comfortable here.” Ben scoffed.

She stood up quickly.

“Please, I would like you to be my personal guest for dinner.”

“No.”

“Oh now, don’t get nervous, it’s not a like date or anything. We’ll be joined by two others. We’re to be a party of _four_ ,” she raised one eyebrow at him while giving him a small, knowing grin. Like she had a secret she was dying to tell him.

Ben glared at her. His eyes narrowed slightly.

“Four?”

Her smile grew wide. “Four.”

Ben rose.

 

The woman and her big stooge led him down a corridor down another unfamiliar path.  Ben was starting to think the space witch was constantly changing the interior of the ship because it seemed he traveled differently every time he left his room. He couldn’t gain his bearings.

Teekan opened a door for his mistress and she glided through. Ben paused at the door. This was the first time the men had seen each other since the trial.

“After you,” Ben told him.

“You first, sir. I insist,” Teekan responded, the giant man bowing slightly.

In the room were only two things, a large table and one chair. They were set up in front of a large screen. On the screen was another room, with what looked like a dining table and three chairs.

The woman pulled out the chair and motioned for Ben to sit.

“Sit, darling, please?” Again she gave that soft, imploring look he found so alarming. He moved to the table and sat down as she pushed in his chair behind him.

“Excellent.” She gave him one of her large smiles as she moved around the table. “Now, there is only one condition under which you will be permitted to stay in this room. Let’s see if you can guess what it is. Be mindful of the clock…” she said, and as she pointed above her shoulder, a number lit up on the wall, ‘5:00.’ She winked and walked out of the room.

Ben was confused. It struck him that this was the first time piece he had seen in a while, since boarding this ship.

On the screen, a door in the room opened, and in came…

 _His children_.

Ben slammed his hands on the table. All the air left his lungs.

“Relax,” Teekan warned behind him.

His children were _laughing_. They were rambunctious and noisy and… happy? They sat down at the table as if they knew just where to go, next to each other, as opposed to across from each other as they did at home.

Ben’s eyes welled at the sight of them. He hadn’t seen them in so long. _They're alive. They're okay._

In strolled the space witch. “Greetings lovelies!” she said. Ben glowered.

“Hello, madam!” they chorused, which made Ben want to tear out her throat through the screen.

“I have been thinking so much about you both, how were your days?” The woman sat with his children as their dinner was placed before them. No food was placed before her.

Ben heard the door behind him open and a droid came around to put a tray of food before him as well. He pushed it away, eyes glued to the screen.

At that moment, the clock on the wall began to wind down. Ben hardly noticed at first, he was so focused on watching his children. They spoke with her excitedly about what they had been doing, comfortable and at ease. They clearly knew her and _liked_ her.

Ben clenched his fists in frustration. Almost on accident, Ben glanced at the moving clock. With two minutes left, he remembered the witch’s words. He would not be permitted to stay here, unless… Ben searched around the room.

The food.

Ben looked back up at the woman on the screen with pure hatred as she coddled and spoke with his children while they ate. Ben dragged his eyes to the tray in front of him. He closed them briefly and sighed, heavily. He reached out with shaking hands to grab the utensils. He took a forkful of something colorful and put it in his mouth. He chewed.

The clock stopped.

Ben groaned. He pressed the back of one hand to his forehead as his lips quivered uncontrollably. He hated himself, he hated that witch. He wanted to vomit, but he not as much as he wanted to see his children. He fought back tears as he took another bite.

The clock jumped. It seemed he had earned a minute back. _Damn her. Damn her!_  She had won again.

Ben Solo sat and watched his children with the witch for another 18 minutes as he slowly ate every bite on the tray. It was delicious. He was in agony.

 

* * *

 

The next day he did not touch his breakfast tray or his midday meal. He wouldn’t eat unless he saw his children. He could play games too.

At evening meal, Teekan came to escort him to his “dining room.” On the table were the meals he had denied earlier.

The screen came up and his children were already sitting, more subdued than yesterday. Ben held on to the back of the chair and watched, but did not sit down. There was no clock today.

The woman glided into the room, joining his children on the screen.

“My darlings, how are we today?” the woman said as she approached them.

“Hungry!” Hannah cried.

“I’m starving,” Sky added.

“Well, now, Sky that must be an exaggeration, because you don’t look starved,” the woman teased him and poked at his side.

Hannah whined, “No one has brought us anything to eat today!”

The woman looked at his daughter, seemingly shocked by this news.

“They haven’t?” She put her hand to her chest as she looked from child to child. “What is the meaning of this?” She put her hands on her hips and began to pace.

“Eating has never been a problem for anyone on this ship!” She looked directly into the camera, directly at Ben. Her usually warm and, dare he say, loving eyes were now cold and determined. Angry. It was like she was boring a hole into him.

“And now I have some guests _wasting_ food, while others are _starved_.”  

Ben’s empty stomach dropped. _Damn her_.

“Well, children, I don’t know what the problem is but I promise you I’m getting to the bottom of it. I’m sure your dinner will be here any minute.” She looked back up at the camera. “I can’t _imagine_ why it’s taking so long.”

She looked back at his children and took Hannah’s little hand in hers. “For now, sweets, tell me what you learned today.” Ben gripped the chair so hard he thought he might rip it apart.

Hannah huffed, then said, “Okay. _Huen mennis ze kwa-essen?_ _”_ The woman clasped her hands and gasped.

“Darling! _Di arysi du arys pas-essen lure mass!_ ” she cried. Hannah laughed. “You are so smart, my beautiful girl…” She ran her hand over Hannah’s face.

Ben sat down slowly in the chair.

He grabbed the breakfast tray and began to eat, quickly. When he finished the first tray, the door in the other room opened, and a droid entered, placing bowls in front of his children.

“See children, your first course is here. How lovely. I’m confident we won’t have any more issues with you not getting fed.” She once again looked at the camera, at Ben, with a knowing, pleased look. Ben threw the empty tray at the screen and howled.  It cracked over her face.

_Damn her._

 

At evening meal time the next day, a tray showed up instead of Teekan. There was a note.

_“Always remember, luv, no harm will ever come to your children, ever, as long as you behave. Thank you for joining us, it was wonderful having you...”_

Ben was no longer “invited” to dine with the space witch and his children. But he still ate every meal.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think [@leofgyph](https://leofgyth.tumblr.com/) said it best, "Imma cut a bitch"
> 
>  
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> 
> But, what do ya'll think?
> 
> PS- they are speaking the language of Snivvian, because it’s the first one I could find phrases for.  
> <http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Snivvian_(language)>
> 
>  
> 
>  


	19. Help from Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maz knew that without her friends, Rey would be lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @thefitfulfire for the feedback on this chapter, who also shares my love of semi-colons.
> 
> I estimate there are about 150 people or so who read this story, and that is so incredible, especially because there isn't any sex in it. Not really. Not yet (evil grin). And if there is one thing I've learned it's that people would rather read a shite story with sex in it than any kind of story without. So thank you if you're reading this story. -srs

It had been two full days since Finn had seen Rey, three days since she had woken up. Finn worried ceaselessly about her while moving through every file sent his way by the archivists. Each morning he had knocked on her door and received no answer.

She had told him to not come back, which still stung a little. Finn was trying to be sympathetic; he knew she was not herself. He sincerely did not know what he would do if Rose and his daughters were taken from him, but the feelings of his friends would probably be the furthest thing from his mind.

Still, he had known Rey a long time. She was strong, she was smart and fierce, she was resilient. She believed she could find them through the Force, and Finn wanted to trust that. However, he assumed she could not sustain herself indefinitely just on the Force.  She was still human, still mortal. He worried she was not resting or taking care of herself.

When he returned to her on the fourth day, he first asked the service droid what she had been up to.

“It is unclear, Mr. Tico. It seems she has not used her refresher or the bed, and food and beverages go untouched,” it said. It was as he feared.

He never knew Rey to turn down food, ever.

 _Alright, that’s it,_ Finn thought. He pounded loudly on her door.

“Rey, it’s me, open up!” he shouted. He listened for a moment but heard nothing. He tried again, putting some bass in his voice.

“Rey! It’s Finn! It’s been days now, you need to open up!” He listened but again, heard nothing.

“Ok Rey, you’re leaving me with no choice, because I’m not leaving here again without making sure you’re alright! I mean it! I’m opening this door, Rey. I’m coming in!” Finn turned the knob and opened the door, slowly sticking his head around it and looking in.

“Oh my stars,” he whispered.

Rey was floating. She was cross-legged, hands on her knees, eyes closed, floating four feet off the ground. Finn walked into the room haltingly, not sure what to do. When he got closer to her, he saw she was ghostly pale, her eyes dark shadows. She had always been slender, but her cheekbones now were hollowed. Her eyes frantically moved behind their lids, but other than that she didn’t move. Her expression was pained. She looked like she was dying. Finn couldn’t even tell if she was breathing. He feared she was trapped in her meditation; there was no way this was going well if it was apparently destroying her.

Finn took a few deep, scared breaths. He had to get her out of this, but how? He didn’t want to hurt her or break her mind. What had he heard once about never waking up a sleepwalker? Was the Force like that too?

He put his hand on her arm. She was cold. He shook her a little, but then realized it was a bad idea if she fell. He tried to push her down but she wouldn’t move. _What do I do, what do I do?_ he thought, frantically.

He looked around at the furniture in the room. There was a large half couch thing that he decided to slide under Rey. While he was pushing he had a random memory of a past argument with his wife.

 _“It’s called a_ chaise _Finn!”_

_“I don’t get it, why would someone want half a couch?”_

_“Because it’s fancy!”_

_“What? Why? How?”_

He pushed the _chaise_ under Rey, so she could land on something soft. He ran into the fresher and turned on the water shower, warm. He took a garbage bin and filled it with the coldest water he could from the bath. Then he noticed a small bucket filled with ice on her food cart and dumped it in the bin.

“Ok, here goes nothing,” Finn said, standing in front of Rey with the pail of ice water. _Please work, please work,_ he thought. _Also, please don’t hate me._  

He leaned back with the pail and threw the ice water onto Rey. She gasped loudly and fell onto the chaise, screaming at the top of her lungs.

“Oh kriff, I’m sorry, oh kriff, oh kriff, I’m so sorry,” Finn was muttering as he scooped Rey up from the chaise and quickly carried her over to the ‘fresher. She felt like skin and bones.

She was still screaming when he gently put her in the warm stream of the water shower.

“I’m sorry Rey, come back to me. Come back to me, hun, come on. I’m sorry,” Finn was getting soaked as he rubbed her arms and her legs, but he barely noticed. If she hadn’t moved for three days then this was all probably excruciatingly painful. He felt terrible.

Rey’s screams eventually slowed, then stopped all together, turning instead to sobs. Her eyes finally began to regain some focus, and she looked at Finn while she cried, saying “Why? Why, Finn?” prompting more profuse apologizing from him.

“Rey, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, but it’s been days and you’re not eating or sleeping or drinking or peeing, and you were FLOATING, for kriff’s sake! Rey, that is not supposed to happen, there’s got to be a different way, you’re killing yourself!”  

Slowly, so slowly, Rey calmed down. Finn moved only to fill the tub with hot water, and once she was quiet, he turned off the shower and lifted her into the tub. She still had all her clothes on, and she looked terrible. She sat in the bath, totally wiped, weak, her arms laying next to her body, just her head above the water. Finn patiently waited on the floor next to her, hoping she wouldn’t hate him forever.

Eventually, Rey licked her chapped lips and swallowed. “How long?” she asked, her voice like holo static. “How long have I been here now?”

“Another three days,” he said.

“Three days,” she whispered. Tears ran slowly down her cheeks as she stared into the water. “Any word?” she asked.

Finn frowned. “No.”

Rey continued to take labored breaths, color returning a bit to her cheeks. “I’ve wasted so much more time,” she said quietly, “and I am no closer to them.” Her lips trembled. She finally looked up to Finn.

“I tried so hard,” she said, her voice breaking.

“I know, I know you did,” Finn assured her, hugging her head, pressing his forehead into wet her hair.

“I put everything out there... I gave the Force everything I had. But I couldn’t reach them,” she said, voice fading as she cried. “I was lost. I’m not powerful enough. Not without Ben,” she finished, and took a deep shaky breath through her mouth.

“I’m sorry Finn,” she said looking at him with big bloodshot eyes.

“It’s okay, it’s going to be okay,” he assured her. “You scared the kriff out of me, Rey, I thought I was gonna lose you,” he said smiling, holding her cheeks and trying to lighten her dark mood.

Her eyes squinted and she looked away from him.

“You did,” she whispered.

* * *

 

Rey was dreaming. She knew she was dreaming, but it was the sort of dream when she could still control what she was doing. She was surrounded by a blue light. It was the light of the Force, she knew, in that way people know things in dreams.

Slowly two beings materialized in front of her. One was a human man, very tall with long hair pulled half up in a way Rey herself often wore. He had a sharp nose but soft warm eyes. He made her feel safe.

The other was Yoda.

“Master Yoda!” Rey exclaimed. She had never felt so relieved to see someone in her life. Rey moved towards him in her dream and fell to her knees. “Master Yoda, thank the Force, I need your-”

“Hello, young Rey. Good it is, to see you again,” the small Jedi said.

“Hello Rey,” said the tall man. “It is an honor to meet you,” he smiled, kneeling down next to her.

“Um, hello,” Rey said shyly. “I’m sorry, but I don’t know-”

“Of course. I haven’t been around for a long time now. But I know you,” he smiled again and held out his hand. Rey took and shook it.

“My name is Qui-Gon Jinn,” he said. Rey expression became one of surprise and recognition.

“Master Jinn? Who found Anakin, Ben’s grandfather?” Jinn nodded slowly.  “You took him to the Jedi. You gave your life for him.”

“I did what I had to do. What I thought was right.”

“Thank you,” she said. Jinn raised an eyebrow to her in surprise.

“Without you, there would have never been a Ben Solo.” Qui-Gon smiled again at her.

“He is everything to me, sir,” Rey finished, bowing her head.

“And without you, there would be no balance. The two of you have fulfilled the prophecy of the Chosen One, or Chosen Ones as the case may be.”

 _Balance…_ the word bounced around the dreamscape. Rey blinked and shook her head.

“Masters - yes - balance - Ben and I… but he is gone. And I have become unbalanced. I need to find my center. I need to find him, and our children. I need guidance, and I have no master…” she said weakly.

Hopelessness seeped into her. She hadn’t felt so alone since the mirror on Ahch-To.

“Listened, you did, to my story of the Wellspring, hm? The Force Priestess with no Force. You are doing well, Young Rey…” Yoda nodded to her as she looked at him. “But I can see you do not agree. The light side of the Force is strong with you, but not enough, to keep the darkness from weakening your resolve. The dark side feeds off of fear and anger. Strengthening of your core, you need. Seek the Light side of the Force, you must.”

“Rey,” Qui-Gon said, “Master Yoda spoke of the Wellspring of Life. It is a nexus of power, the birthplace of all life. The light side of the Force is stronger there than anywhere else in the galaxy. Before my death, I was researching the Wellspring legend. You are on Atzerri, find all you can in the Archives. Yoda found the planet in the center of the galaxy. It is not on any map.”

“Journey there,” Yoda said, “and the Wellspring will help you to find the balance you seek. Determine your destiny, will you, and that of Young Solo, as well.”

“You must go alone, Rey, on this journey. Follow your heart and the Force, and you have nothing to fear.”

“Master Jinn, Master Yoda, I… but my children. Is there no other way?” Rey looked at each of the wise Jedi knights.

“This is your first true test, young Rey,” Qui-Gon said. “You have spent years learning the ways of the Force. You and Ben embody the darkness and the light in a way no one, no Jedi, no Sith, has ever done. But it has always been the two of you. Ben lived for years as Kylo Ren. He was almost lost the dark side completely, and had to crawl his way back. You have never been lost in this way. You have never had to fight for yourself, on your own.”

“I too spent years alone! I fought for my life everyday!” Rey shouted, enraged at what she perceived as accusations of weakness.

Qui-Gon and Yoda looked at her thoughtfully. Yoda raised his hand to the top of his staff, tapping it with one finger.

“On anger, the dark side feeds,” he said to her quietly. She sat back down, feeling defeated.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. Master Jinn put his hand on her shoulder. She looked at him, embarrassed.

“Rey, I cannot know what this is like for you, your sense of loss. But your reaction on Jakku was felt throughout the Force. It’s why we’re here. You are more powerful than you know. To get the balance you seek, to find your children and your husband, you have to face the trial of the Wellspring.  It’s the only way to become what you are meant to be.”

 _Kill it, if you have to..._ Ben’s voice floated into her head.

“Wake up now, Rey,” said Qui-Gon.

“Ben?” she whispered, shaking her head.

“Wake, Young Rey,” Yoda said.

“Rey, wake up!”

Rey bolted awake as Finn shook her up. She was panting as she sat up in bed. She knew what she had to do.

“I’m sorry, it’s just, it’s getting late and I was knocking-”

“No, it’s okay, Finn,” Rey said, calming down. “It’s okay. I have work to do.” She looked at her friend with a new sense of purpose shaping her features. “Take me to the Archives.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get it girl! Let's get a move on!


	20. A Complicated Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey goes to the Archives, makes a new friend but keeps the old.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, but I've had a wonderful and generative weekend, getting fabulous feedback and chitchat with @leoba and also @jessa! Who is like old faithful with posting, and I appreciate that. 
> 
> Thank you to them! And to you for spending time with this story. -srs

“Oh and by the way, I am an idiot and we all need to NOT drink anymore of that blue stuff.”

Finn was leading Rey through the streets of Atzerri, finally on their way to the Archives.  

“It’s called Rokna Blue and it’s totally poisonous and addictive. I’ve got Rose coming here with the girls right away because I’m genuinely worried about the side effects,” Finn explained.

“Finn! Are you serious? Rokna Blue, that’s from Endor!” Rey asked in horror.

“Yes, and thank the gods for Poe. He stopped to check in on them and recognized what was happening to Rose. He’s bringing them here. I got a kriffing earful from both of them. In all fairness though, how would I know, ya know? But seriously, I am a total idiot.”

Rey laughed, but quickly cut it off. She looked at Finn, chagrined, but when he looked at her, they burst out laughing together.

“It’s so not funny,” he said.

“No, it’s really not funny... but… I can’t believe you, Finn!” Rey said, laughing hard and pushing his arm. It felt good to laugh, even though it was at Finn for poisoning his wife and her and probably himself.

“So where is this place?” she asked him.

“Oh, it’s this,” he said, jerking his head towards the structure they’d been walking beside for quite a while. “The entrance is right around the corner up there,” he said, pointing.

“Wha…” Rey started, trailing off as she looked back at the enormous building they’d been walking along.

“Wow,” she said, tilting her head back to look up. “Finn, it’s massive!”

“I know, right? And this is just what’s above ground. I’m telling you, this place is amazing,” Finn told her, excitedly.

The pair entered into a large rotunda with a high domed ceiling. At the center was a large marble kiosk, where beings and droids sat moving their hands in front of giant screens. As they entered, several waved and nodded at them, clearly recognizing Finn.

“Welcome back sir,” said an older human male from behind the large stone desk, rising to meet them.

“Hello, thanks,” Finn replied.

“And you’ve brought a guest,” the man said, with a warm smile.

“This is my friend Re-ee-in... Rain. Niima. _Rain_ , this is Jocah Nu, the head librarian here.”

Rey side-eyed Finn quickly. “Please to meet you,” she said, recovering and sticking her hand out to Jocah as he did the same.

“Likewise,” Jocah replied. There was something familiar about him, but Rey couldn’t quite put her finger on it. With their hands still clasped, Jocah Nu tilted his head and narrowed his eyes slightly, as if he was trying to place her. Rey quickly let go.

“She’s here to get some information too,” Finn continued, trying to make up for almost blowing her cover.  

“Excellent. What is your query?”

“I need all you have on the Wellspring of Life. The origin of the Living Force,” Rey explained, keeping her expression neutral.

At this, Jocah’s face lit up surprised. He quickly recovered and lowered his eyebrows once again, nodding as if something had been confirmed for him.

“Very well, give me just a few moments.” The librarian brought up a large screen in front of his face and consulted his data pad.

While Finn chatted with a few of the staff, Rey meandered around the entrance hall, examining the many busts and statuary that were displayed around the room. She paused in front of one.

‘Obi-Wan Kenobi’ the placard read. _Oh!_ Rey thought, pausing to place a hand on the bearded face, Ben’s namesake. _Ben Kenobi... so this is you._

“Do you recognize him?” Rey jumped at the voice. She turned to see Jocah standing close behind her. She hadn’t heard or felt him approach. _Strange._

“No, I don’t,” Rey said, confidently lying to the man. “He has a nice beard, though.”

Jocah chuckled. “Yes, I suppose he did. He was very powerful and famous, a long time ago. Although, not so long, it the scheme of things.” Jocah smiled warmly at her. Rey decided she liked this man.

“Why is it here? The bust, I mean.”

“There are many pieces and data here from the old Jedi Archives. The temple was lost during the reign of the Empire, but many items were able to be saved and smuggled out.”

“The Jedi Archives?” Rey asked. She had never heard of them.

Jocah smiled again at her. “I can tell you more while we walk. Follow me, please.”

Finn rejoined them as they exited the rotunda into the main part of the building. Rey was struck by all the soft blue light - digital data files stacked as high as one could see, in rows and columns and down many hallways.

“I had to re-acquaint myself with what we had on this particular query. Interestingly, the information has only been accessed one other time.”

“Really?”

“Yes. A powerful Jedi master, seeking its location. The Wellspring information is in a very special collection, with other important Jedi artifacts. Do you have an interest in the Jedi, Miss Niima?”

“Not really,” Rey said quickly.

“Oh. I see,” he said, glancing at her. “Not that it would matter if you did. Your privacy is protected here, miss. Everyone’s is.”

“Except the Jedi looking for the Wellspring?”

“Well,” he said, looking a bit sheepish. “I haven’t told you _which_ Jedi. Besides, he’s long dead now.” He guided them through a series of twists and turns, and Rey found it impossible to keep track of where they were going.

“There used to be a repository for the Jedi Order on Coruscant, believed to hold all of the knowledge in the galaxy,” Jocah paused to look at Rey, “We know now of course it wasn’t the entirety of galactic understanding, as we have much, much more in our stacks, but regardless,” he said with obvious pride. “My great aunt was the Chief Librarian there during the Clone Wars, and bravely preserved a large amount of information and relics from the Jedi Order after the purge. I am named for her.”

His tone grew serious as he continued. “She was killed by Darth Vader while trying to keep a list of Force-sensitive children out of the hands of Darth Sidious.”

Rey gasped. “What happened to the list? To the children?”

Jocah gave her a strange but knowing look. “Vader destroyed it. He never told Sidious about the list.”

Rey gave Jocah a fierce sort of look. “Vader… protected the children,” she said quietly as she faced forward again.

“Yes, he did,” Jocah replied. “He was a... complicated man, clearly. A complicated family, the Skywalkers,” he finished, prompting Rey to look his way again. His face was blank as he walked on.

“Interestingly, _someone_ apparently did make it to the Wellspring. When they returned, they provided an account to the Archives. You may find those records to be most helpful,” he said as he stopped in the middle of a hallway.

He lifted his hand to a number pad, pressing it several times, and a droid dropped down holding a drawer of datapads and holos. Jocah took them from the droid and handed them to Finn.

“I take it you can handle it from here, Mr. Tico?”

“Yes, Jocah, thanks again,” Finn replied as he walked over to some nearby carrels. Jocah bowed slightly to Rey and left.

Rey felt strange about their conversation, about Vader and the children. She wished Ben had been here to hear the story of his grandfather destroying the list.

A sudden pain clenching her chest redirected her to their purpose, to find the location of the Wellspring and save her family.

“So what now?” she asked Finn.

He shrugged his shoulders and eyebrows at her and opened the drawer. “Now, we read.”

* * *

They spent several hours combing through all the information in the drawer. Just as she thought she was going to rip out her scratchy, dry eyes, she stumbled upon a name she recognized. _Yoda._

“Here!” she cried, standing with the holopad. “Yoda! Master Yoda went to the Wellspring, this is his account!”

“Ugh, thank the stars,” Finn said, leaning back and rubbing his neck.

Rey scoured the record, reading every line word for word. “This, this is what I need. Finn, how can I copy it?”

Finn showed her how to send out the record she wanted to her personal data account, that she could access later from her own device. She was antsy and anxious to leave, now that she knew what to do. Finn quickly returned the data and holopads to the drawer and walked back over to the number pad on the wall. A droid quickly flew down and collected it.

“Come on, Finn, how do we get out of here?”

“Really? Don’t you want to see any of the stuff about-”

“NO,” she said sharply, too sharply. “I’m sorry, I mean, later I do, but for now I have what I need.”

Finn looked slightly disappointed, but nodded. “Ok, this way.”

Rey moved quickly through the rotunda to leave as Finn trailed behind her. He stopped to thank the staff at the desk, forcing Rey to remember her manners and do the same.

She put her hand out to Jocah again, to thank him, and he stepped closer to take it. She felt a jolt as she grasped his hand. She paused, looking into his eyes and opening herself to the Force to read him.

“It’s been a pleasure, Miss Niima, truly. Always a delight to get back into the Jedi Archives,” he said while he shook her hand. “You know, the last Jedi was a human woman, such as yourself. Probably about your age, too.” His voice had taken on a strange quality, not threatening, but definitely knowing.

Rey narrowed her eyes at him. “There are loads of human women my age.”

“True,” he said, smiling.

“I am not a Jedi,” she insisted.

“That will be for the Wellspring to decide.”

Rey raised her other hand, waving it over his face quickly.

“ _You will not remember me, or my query.”_

“I’m sorry, miss, but that won’t work on me.” He smiled. “I did mention my aunt, Jedi Master Jocasta Nu, did I not? They say Force sensitivity can run in families…”

His eyes seemed to sparkle as he looked at her. “I’ve worked here a long time, and learned much over the years. What history teaches us is that as time passes, wounds heal.”

Jocah leaned closer, pulling her hand towards him as he lowered his voice. “You’d be surprised, _Miss Niima,_ what a galaxy can _forgive_ and _forget_ in a rather short period of time. For instance, wouldn’t it be something if it turned out the last Skywalker and the last Jedi did not, in fact, perish with the First Order fleet years ago?”

Rey’s pulse quickened as she forced herself to keep her expression flat.

“I imagine it would bring a great many people comfort and _hope,_  to know the Skywalker clan had not succumbed to the Dark Side, after all,” he said, staring deeply into her eyes.

They stared at each other for a moment.

“Food for thought,” he said, releasing her hand and stepping back. “Good luck on your journey, my dear. And don’t forget, we take privacy very seriously here.” 

* * *

 

“So what are we doing now?” Finn asked as he led them back to the hotel.

“Has Poe left with Rose already?”

“No, but they will soon. Rose had some arrangements to make with school for Aneeka-”

“Good. There’s something I need from Yavin IV, someone who will be able to get me to the Wellspring.”

“Really? How do you know?”

“He’s been there before.” Rey smiled to herself. “Can you get me in touch with Poe?”

* * *

 

Poe and the Tico family arrived one standard day later as the sun was setting in Atzerri. While the girls ran and jumped all over their father, so happy to see him, Finn's eyes were trained only on Rose, filled with concern as he pressed his hands on her cheeks, squishing her face.

“I’m okay…” Rose started.

“Oh my stars, _are_ you okay? Are you feeling okay? What about your head, I’m so sorry, did you see a medic?”

“Yes, Finnley, I’m okay. I shouldn’t have been so eager to drink that stuff-” her voice then muffled into Finn’s chest as he pulled her into him tightly.

Rey ran to Poe and gave him a big hug. She hadn’t seen him since her incident on Jakku.

“Looks like you’ve lost some weight, kiddo, you doing okay?” His warm eyes filled with concern.

“Now I am. Thank you for helping me on Jakku, Poe. And for bringing me here, I can’t thank you enough.”

“Are you kidding? No problem, you’d’ve done the same for me. If I, you know, somehow managed to blow a crater the size of Mos Eisley into a planet. With my hands.” Poe gave her his most devilish smile as he leaned close.

“Just do me a favor, don’t tell the big guy I flew the Falcon, okay? I don’t feel like dealing with his bullshit.”

Rey laughed but was immediately distracted by the sounds coming from behind Poe. BB-8 swirled circles around the larger, bin-shaped droid that was slowly rolling her way.

Rey knelt down to an aging machine, and was relieved to hear familiar clicks, beeps and a loud excited hum as the droid greeted her.

“Hello R2,” she said. “Haven’t they been taking care of you on Yavin? You’re in need of a tune up.”

Rey immediately assessed the work she’d need to do to his cavity before they left. She looked up at Poe disapprovingly and stood as Finn and Rose joined them.

“I need a ship, something smaller than the Falcon.”

“You can take the fighter I flew to get here,” Finn offered, holding his arm protectively around his wife.

“Hi Rey,” Rose said.

“Hi Rose. You alright? Finn gave me some of that stuff too,” she teased.

Rose rolled her eyes. “A couple days in a detox tank, but I’m good as new.”

Finn pulled her back to look at her. “A couple days?? You didn’t tell me it was days, kriffing hell, Poe you should have told me-”

“Buddy, what I want to know is where you even got that stuff-”

While her friends argued about the Rokna Blue poisoning, Rey knelt back down to the droid.

“Well old friend, are you up for an adventure?”

R2-D2’s top spun as he rolled quickly back and forth. R2 was always ready for adventure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Librarians are one of the few professions that acquire knowledge simply for the sake of giving it to others. I hope you know at least one librarian who has helped you. 
> 
> The Clone Wars is the source of all Wellspring stuff, you can watch it on Netflix.


	21. The Moniker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey goes on an adventure, Ben goes nowhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't anybody psyched about the appearance of R2??!! I was. A bit more exposition here, but that's how it goes sometimes. Maany thanks to the folks helping me with this fiction - @leoba and @thefitfulfire. 
> 
> I hope you're enjoying the reading experience. I am enjoying sharing it with you :) Thank you for your time...  
> -srs

 

Rey stayed up most the night polishing and tuning up R2-D2, and she was relieved that his internal circuitry was completely intact.

She asked him to dig back to his trip with Master Yoda to the Force Planet. Yoda had left R2 with the ship when he went to the Force Priestesses, so while he couldn’t tell her anything about Yoda’s time on the planet, he did know the coordinates to get there. She kissed his now shiny dome top.

She packed a small bag with some rations and her saber, she wouldn’t need more than that. She also packed Hannah’s little plush.

Rey and R2 loaded into the fighter at first light. She was exhausted, but with R2 navigating she could sleep on the way. She would be at the Force Planet before she knew it.

 

 +++++++

 

Ben’s incarceration became maddeningly routine. He exercised, he trained, he walked, he ate, he bathed, he slept. He had recovered physically from his humiliating beat down by Teekan, and now that he was eating regularly, he felt better, stronger. He acknowledged he was not as young as he used to be, but he was beginning to notice a difference.

He trained hard in the arena. Cria always showed up after his first meal to escort him. It was the only time he was allowed his saber.

Part of him wished he could stay there all day, another part wished he never had to go.

Teekan never came, but _she_ always watched, along with the disciples, and often Nax was there too. Nax’s stare made Ben the most uncomfortable.

The witch was his enemy and he tried to pay as little attention to her as possible. The disciples got off on whatever they saw when he fought.

But Nax… he was different. He watched Ben in a different way, it seemed. He wanted something, Ben just had no idea what.

He spent an increasing about of time with the disciples, not by his own choice. Whenever they walked in, Ben would grumble and ask, “Where are my children?” to which Cria would smile and respond, “They are here and they are well.” It would be comical if it wasn’t so infuriating and depressing.

They would sit with him in his room, or the trio would walk him around the ship, visiting different venues on board. The gallery, the pools, the kitchens, the library, multiple ballrooms, which seemed unnecessary to Ben, but apparently there were different ballrooms for different types of _activities_ , Titus explained.

Too quickly, these walks became a blessed reprieve from the monotony of his room, mentally and physically. It allowed him to observe more of the ship.

For a while they just talked around him, because he refused to engage. However, Titus’ personality was as big as he was, and Mae’s curiosity was relentless. Between the two of them, and Cria’s waves of calm, Ben eventually started to open up, begrudgingly.

He had nothing else to do.

They talked about many things, largely the past and the Force. He learned that Titus was heavily abused by his family, who believed his Force sensitivity was a curse or a choice, something that could be changed. The witch had found him after he had been finally kicked out of his home and had nowhere else to go.

In contrast, Mae’s Force sensitivity was very rare and quite valuable to greedy Neimoidians, a highly sought after commodity for a cruel race of people whose number one priority was making money. She was in constant danger until ‘her mistress’ found her and took her away.

He also learned that the disciples already knew many details about his life, his role in the galaxy, and his history. The ship had been observing him and his family for a very, very long time. 

* * *

 

When he was alone, locked in his room, he exercised. He practiced forms and did simple strengthening exercises. Sit ups, push-ups, forms, calisthenics. He counted reps, he counted cycles, he counted and counted and counted.

There were no clocks on this ship, none he saw. He became a little obsessed with time. How much was passing? How long since he’d seen the children? How many meals, how many showers, how many sit ups, since he’d seen them, heard their voices? How many push-ups since he’d connected with his wife? How many times had he slept between now and the last time he slept by Rey’s side? How long had he been here?

He tried to ignore the different thoughts that flitted around his mind, the different Force signatures he could sense around the ship. How many Force users were here? He would try to count.

At some point a bubble of recollection from Rey’s past floated into his brain, so he held on to it. And when that day was over, and the third meal had come and gone, he lay towards the wall and - using the sharp edge of a knife he stole - marked a hash into it.

But the next day when he was returned to his room after journeying or after training, once it was time to sleep again, the hash was gone.

So he made another.

This happened several times.

After repeatedly replacing the hashes, finally one remained. So Ben added a second. The next day, the second was gone. Ben growled. There was no logic in this place. 

* * *

 

Once the disciples came at a particularly bad moment, when Ben was weak and in an awful state about Rey, and they could see it right away in his signature. He couldn’t even leave his bed, and the three sat near him, inquiring about what was the matter.

He blabbered on almost incoherently about Rey, fraught with worry and loneliness, paranoid and heartbroken about being denied their bond.

“I’m sure she’s fine,” assured Titus. “Isn’t she with the pilot?”

Ben’s head shot up to look at him. Titus’ lips pursed a little and there was a small sparkle in his milky eyes.

“By the way, did he ever get married?”

Ben wanted to kill Titus so much in that moment.

He clenched his hands at his side and imagined all the ways he would murder him, including ripping his big bald head off his shoulders with his bare hands.

Titus’ and Mae’s eyes grew wide as they watched him. He could only imagine what they were seeing. Ben hated how much pleasure his pain brought them. He got up quickly and grabbed the thing nearest to him, a glass pitcher, and hurled it against the wall. The shattering sound soothed him. The three continued to watch him in awe. Cria had the decency to at least look a little sorry for him.

Ben stomped over to the bench in the corner and sat down, pushing his palms into his eyes. “You have no idea. No IDEA what this feels like-”

“I do,” said a voice. _The witch_. Her voice floated in from the door. He couldn’t stand the way she could sneak up on him.

She moved into the room and closer to the corner. The disciples stood up, bowing their heads and muttering _“Madam”_ as she walked through the room.

“My dears,” she responded back to them, never taking her eyes off Ben, and they sat back down. Their devotion to her made Ben nauseous.

She sat down next to him on the bench. She crossed her legs and clasped her hands.

“ _I_ know what it’s like, how it feels.” She turned her head and looked him in the eyes, and he saw... sadness, perhaps? He never knew with her.

“To be... disconnected. The feeling of absence, when you know something should be there that isn’t. I know it. Very well.” Her voice was so soft, Ben actually resented it. Her eyes blinked slightly and Ben saw the shimmer flash over her eyes. She was watching him.

Ben stood up and moved, trying to get as far away from her as possible. He flared his nostrils, struggling to contain his rage.

“Do not presume that we share anything in common, witch,” he spat from the other side of the table.

Her eyes grew warm again, and she smiled a little.

“I’m so sorry you feel like this. I do hope we can move past it soon.” She stood and came over to him, pressing her hand to his face. She looked around him in that way she did when she was watching the changes in his signature. Ben wanted to spit, he wanted to gouge her eyes out, but there was nothing he could do. The necklace hung in front of him, the light pulsing, laughing at him.

She moved to leave the room, then stopped.

“You know, it’s interesting, that you call me a ‘witch,’ as if I have magic or powers, when just the opposite is true. I am powerless, especially compared to a man like you. I have nothing, while you have the entirety of the Force at your disposal.” She turned and stared him hard in the face, looking devastated.

“The moniker hurts my feelings and reminds me of my deficiency. Please do not call me that again.”

Ben looked at her in disbelief, and then hung his head in defeat.

“Am I understood?” she said.

“Yes,” Ben growled. He saw the bottom of her dress approach him. Her fingers gently pinched up his chin to bring his face to hers.

“Yes, what?” her usually soft eyes burned into him.

“Yes… madam,” Ben said, so quietly. He was defeated again. _Damn you,_ he said in his mind over and over as he tried to send as much hatred as he could to her. He hoped his signature was turning into coal black fire.  

She smiled at him, yet again. “So much better. Thank you,” she said earnestly, turned and walked out of the room. Titus and Mae followed her, but Cria stayed behind.

Ben barreled into the fresher and promptly threw up.

 

When Ben returned to bed, he felt Cria’s blessed calm wash over him. Eyes half-open, he asked them, “How is it that you’re able to see her, anyway?”

Cria stared at him while they took a deep, quiet breath. “We see a shape... where the Force is absent.”

* * *

 Later on, long after Cria had gone, Ben received his first visit from Nax.


	22. Quality Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben gets some answers, most of which he doesn't like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: I made myself cry in this chapter. Allusions to torture; obvious emotional manipulation. They're breaking him. 
> 
> -srs

_Two fifty-two, two fifty-three, two fifty-four..._ Ben had been holding a plank when the door opened, startling him and breaking his concentration. He dropped to his stomach and rolled over, bringing his legs into his chest, breathing deeply and relishing the burning of his muscles.

He looked back and saw a tall figure silhouetted in the doorway. He sensed a powerful force signature he recognized.

“Nax?” Ben said as he flipped over and stood up, alert. The Master of the Corps had never been to his room before and Ben couldn’t imagine why he was here now.

“Hello. I’m sorry to have startled you. I didn’t include a doorbell in the design, so I couldn’t let you know I was here,” Nax said as he entered, the door shutting behind him.

“With intention, obviously,” Nax continued, smirking as he moved to the table and sat down. He placed both hands palms down on the table and sighed through his nose. He turned his head to Ben and gestured to a chair across from him.

“Join me?”

Ben’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he moved towards the table.

“I’d rather stand.”

“Suit yourself,” Nax said and folded his hands in front of him on the table. After a moment, he spoke again.

“You weren’t supposed to see the ship, when they took your children. The event was engineered to be seamlessly executed, but it wasn’t. It’s why she disposed of the captain.”

Ben startled at this. He’d forgotten about the captain.

“You have many questions about all of this, I can tell. Many things confuse you, and they’re supposed to, by design. But, I figured, what the heck? Why not pay you a little visit? See if I can’t… clear anything up for you.”

Ben pulled out a chair and sat down.

Naxum smiled and sat back. “You’re so perplexed you don’t even know what to ask first, am I right?” Ben just stared at him, simultaneously elated and terrified by Nax’s presence.

“Strategically, the first thing you should inquire about is the pendant,” he continued, giving Ben a leading look. “After all, it’s the reason you’re stuck. You kill her, you kill your children. It’s quite the conundrum.”

“How does it work?” Ben asked quietly, leaning forward on the table.

“It’s old tech, actually,” Nax said, simply. “A modification of slave implants, like those used on Tatooine. The same devices once implanted into your grandfather and his mother, among others,” Naxum smirked as Ben narrowed his eyes. They all knew so much about him.

“Instead of being tied to a physical location, I linked the devices to her body chemistry.” The two men looked at each other while Ben’s mind raced.

“Can it be reversed?”

“No.”

“Can it be destroyed?”

“Not without triggering the response,” Nax replied, clearly starting to enjoy himself.

“Does she have to be wearing it for it to work?”

Nax paused for a moment. “No,” he said, lightly.

“Does she need stay in close proximity to them?”

“No,” Nax replied, his voice lower. “Proximity doesn’t matter.”

Ben took a couple breaths through his nose. “Will the necklaces explode if they’re removed from my children?”

“No. In fact, they take them off often, before bathing, et cetera. Although your daughter very much enjoys hers. She likes the way it glows.” 

He smirked again. “It’s fun to watch you think. I can see why they like to observe you.” 

Nax pushed the chair back and stood. “I’m afraid it’s time for me to go. Nice chatting with you. I’ll stop by again sometime.” He moved around the table towards the door, looking at a device on his wrist. He turned to Ben and addressed him.

“If I were you, I would do my best to forget we spoke. She will be able to see.” He placed his hand on the panel and walked out, the door shutting behind him.

Ben’s eyes widened and he pressed his fingers to his face. _What the kriff just happened?_

 

* * *

  

Eventually Nax returned.

Ben had just finished eating. He looked up from the table at the opening door, and watched Nax as he sauntered over to the far wall. Nax put his hand on another hidden panel and the window opened, revealing a blue planet and a rocky moon of some kind. He moved back to one of the chairs in front of the viewport and sat down.

“I thought you might enjoy a change of scenery,” he said to Ben over his shoulder. “I know I do.”

Ben rose quickly and moved to Naxum, sitting down at the other chair.

“Where are we?” Ben asked.

“Is that really what you want to know?” Nax replied, looking at him. “I won’t be here very long,” he said, turning his head back to the viewport.

“How long have you been working for her?”

“I do not work _for_ her,” Nax replied, sharply.

“With her, then. You work _with_ her? How long have you been doing that?”

Naxum sighed through his nose, groaning a little. He looked again at Ben and chuckled. “Longer than you can imagine. Our arrangement has been mutually beneficial… largely,” he finished quietly looking again out the viewport.

“How is it you’re blocking the Force from me? How have you cut off the bond I have with my wife?”

“Ah, is that what it is? I have been wondering what is this thing that has been keeping the Corps so busy... A Force bond, of course.” He sat back, crossed his arms over his chest and looked at Ben.

“They’re rare. Very rare. And yours must be particularly strong. Can you speak to each other?”

“Of course.”

“Can you see each other through it?”

“We have, yes.”

Nax’s light eyes grew large. “And touch, can you do that as well?”

Ben glared at him. “Yes."

“Fascinating,” Nax said and put his hands behind his head. After a moment he stood up. He walked to the wall panel and closed the window.

“You want to know how it works, but it’s easier to show you. I’ll have her bring you to the Corps,” he said, leaving Ben alone again.

 

* * *

 

“Another,” she said, looking at her fingernails, after he had shredded six droids at once in the arena. This is all they did now. The day would start with one training droid, which he would destroy. Then she would say “Another,” and two would appear, and so on, until he was maxed out. He was up to eight at a time.

He looked up at her, catching his breath and dripping in sweat, then spit wetly onto the floor.

She frowned at him in a disappointment. “Really?”

“I want my children,” he said. He always said this.

She tilted her head, and leaned her forearms on the railing, the glowing pendant hanging over.

“And I want saliva-free floors, but I guess neither of us are getting what we want today,” she said, her tone half-teasing, half-assertive. She leaned back in her chair and placed her arms on the armrests. Her face grew serious, but her voice was soft. 

" _Another_.”

He made it to nine before she stopped him. He had narrowly missed getting sliced down his back before putting his saber through the last droid. She always ended training after he came close to serious injury.

He was beat. He placed his saber lovingly back on the weapon wall, looking longingly over the collection once more before he closed the panels. How he wished he could use them to slaughter her.

Oh, who was he kidding, he would use his bare hands to end her life, if only he could.

He was escorted by Cria to his room and left to bathe. His next meal was waiting for him when he got out of the shower and he was starving, so he quickly dressed and ate.

After, he was so exhausted he went over to his bed to rest. It wasn’t like there was anything else to do. He turned to the wall and pressed the mattress back. Three hashes, when he definitely put a fourth in last night. _Gods_ , this place was infuriating.

He had just begun to fall asleep when he heard the door open. _It’s too soon for the disciples._ He sat up and turned.

“Oh. It’s you,” he said, as _the witch_ walked over and sat next to him on the bench. He might not be able to say it, but he would never stop thinking it.  He laid back down, closed his eyes and folded his hands on his stomach.

“What do you want? I’m very busy right now,” he said, full of snark.

He did not see her smiling at him, but heard it in her voice when she spoke.

“You did well today. Very well. Can you feel a difference? In yourself?”

He said nothing.

“Well,” she continued, “I can _see_ a difference.”

“Yes, yes, you see the Force, bla bla bla…” Ben countered. He was in no mood for her.

“No silly, see a difference in _you_. Remember, you were quite soft when you arrived here.” Ben opened his eyes and turned to look at her. She was most definitely grinning at him.

“You’re trimming up, getting stronger. And it’s noticeable, both in the arena and on you. Some of my people are beginning to get distracted…”

He rolled his eyes at her and turned away. She giggled and stood up.

“You’re not quite where I want you yet, but you’re getting there. And I think you deserve a reward for all the hard work you’ve done.”

She leaned over and fast-smacked him on his stomach playfully with the back of her hand. He jerked away from her and she laughed.

“Come on, get up. We’re walking,” she said and moved to the door, putting her hands in the pockets of her gown. Ben sighed heavily and got up from his bed to follow her.

“You’ve wanted to know how this place works, how I hid myself from you for so long, yes? How we control the Force on this ship? I think it’s time to show you. I know you don’t know Nax very well,” she said as they walked and Ben steeled himself to agree internally with what she said, “but he is very eager to show you his crowning achievement. The Corps.”

The two looked at each other and she gave him a small grin. Nax had said he would have her show him the Corps, and this must the time. She turned away from him.

“Teekan, thank you for joining us,” she said to the large man who had appeared in front of them.

“Of course, madam,” he said and held his arm out for her. He gave Ben an unimpressed once-over, which Ben returned. He hadn’t seen the Cathar in a while. They walked, making various turns, and Ben felt the vague sensation of sloping downwards. When he hesitated, the woman glanced behind her.

“This way,” she said, and he followed. Ben couldn’t deny his interest was piqued.

They entered into another long corridor, but this one was white. It was the only white hallway he had seen on this ship, which suddenly stuck him as strange.

Teekan spoke, “He notices the walls, my mistress.”

She turned back to Ben.

“I have to keep things rather dark around here, I’m afraid. My eyes..." she shrugged, “but Nax requires light for what he does, so he gets it. He’s dimmed the hall now though, hasn’t he Teekan?”

“He has, madam.”

“Excellent.”

They continued to walk. Ben began to feel strange. He felt… power. Intense and acute. _The Force._ He trained his focus onto the feeling, but there seemed to be a battle in his mind. It was like he could sense it, but when he turned to look, it would move.

But when they turned another corner, he came face to face with the source of his feelings.

Ben gasped.

All he could see was a balcony railing and a massive crystal, glowing and pulsing with color. The power that radiated off of it was unparalleled to anything Ben had ever experienced.

“A kyber?” he whispered.

“Yes,” she replied. “It was quite a feat of engineering to get that kyber crystal situated. We had to get a bigger ship!”

The massive crystal hung from the ceiling of a large hall. It was bigger than those he’d imagined that powered the Death Star. “Stars, this is what you call the Corps?”

“No,” Teekan answered.

 

As they approached, Ben finally noticed what lay beyond the balcony.

 “My gods,” he whispered.

“This,” she said with obvious pride in her voice, “is the Corps.” She raised her hands to the railing and looked out.

 

Pods. Rows and rows of milky glass pods, connected to tubes and bags of liquids. Connected by wires to terminals with blinking lights, and to each other, and each one connected eventually back to the crystal.

The air was knocked out of Ben’s lungs as he looked out over the hall.  So many pods, he couldn’t begin to count, and sticking out the center of each...

Faces.

There were people in those pods.

No, not people. _Children._

His eyes watered as he struggled to breathe. He was being assaulted with visions, feelings, memories, pain. So much pain.

The woman observed as one by the one, the faces turned towards them. No, she realized. Towards _him_.

Ben heard voices in his mind, whispers that were escalating into a roar. He sunk to the floor and pressed his hands to his ears. He began to feel sick. _No, no, no, no , no No NOOO!_ He didn’t know if he was screaming or they were, if it was in his mind or out of his mouth, but he thought he was going to die as they showed him the nightmares they wanted him to see.

They were Force sensitives. All of them.

“THAT’S ENOUGH!” she shouted, supernaturally loud, pounding her hands on the railing.

All faces turned away from him as one, and Ben’s torture stopped immediately, leaving him completely shattered and disoriented.

He gasped and sobbed, writhing on the floor. “You, you,” he tried to get out words, but his brain was mush. “What is this? What have to done to them?? Children, I’ve never, I can’t, so many…” he spit and gathered himself enough to scream at her, “YOU’RE A MONSTER!”

His voice echoed through the hall.

She turned slowly back to him, her expression as blank as a wall. 

“Such _righteousness_ , coming from _you..._ ” She circled him where he cowered.

He continued to catch his breath as he looked up at her. Her eyes burned, her implication obvious. The irony of his word choice was not lost on him, but there was no other way to describe her, to describe this… this thing, this place. He thought he knew what evil was. He was wrong.

“Let me ask you something. Do you have any idea what the population of the Hosnian system is?” She sucked her teeth. “Rather, _was_. How many people used to reside in the large expanse of space that _was_ the Hosnian system?”

She glared at him, but he looked away. She continued to pace around him.

“I do. Approximately 42 _billion_ people, give or take. Want to know how I know? Because the Corps-” she paused, gesturing to the gallery, and lifted his chin with her fingers so he would see, so he would have to look, “-was a _mess_.” Her fingers snapped off his face.

“It took days, _days,_  for Nax to calm them down after such a disturbance in the Force. Such loss of life.” She stood up straight and stepped away from him, standing again at the balcony, facing the Corps.

“Sometimes we have to do whatever is necessary to achieve a greater purpose,” she said quietly. Ben looked up at her.

“I believed that if _anyone_ alive in this entire galaxy could understand that, it would be _you_.”

She turned towards him and knelt down, eyes boring into him as she gave him a sad smile.

“Was I wrong?”

Ben couldn’t respond, but he knew she was right. He spent years of his life doing much worse than this, murdering his fellow students, terrorizing the galaxy, committing crimes for which he could never atone.

She knew it.

He knew it.

She could see that he knew it.

She looked away from him and stood up. “Come,” she said, nodding her head imploring him to stand, which he did, slowly. She began to walk away from him, hands once again in her pockets. She turned back to him and said, “I think you’ll enjoy our next stop more.”

Ben stumbled but walked quickly to follow her, defeated but eager to get as far away from the Corps as he could. His head was pounding and he raised his palms to press at his temples. Teekan was behind him, but he barely noticed as he struggled to remain upright.

He couldn’t believe what had been going on around him this entire time. It horrified him.

The sickness he felt was dissipating, albeit slowly. The woman continued to walk ahead of him quickly, as he tried to keep up.

“Hey!” Teekan’s voice barked from behind him. Ben turned around and scowled at him. Teekan gestured to an open door.

“Here,” he said. Ben walked back towards him and gave him a nasty glare before walking into the room.

It was dimly lit. A single chair sat facing a wall made entirely of glass, a viewport, he assumed.

“Sit,” Teekan ordered, and Ben did gladly. Teekan came over and handed him a glass of water. Ben took it and pounded the entire thing.

“You’re _welcome_ ,” Teekan snapped.

“Fuck you,” Ben replied, throwing and shattering the glass, and he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He crossed his arms over his chest, noting absently that the witch was right, his body did feel firmer, his arms larger. He didn’t care.

“So, what’re you gonna do now, some star gazing? Rip off people’s eyelids? Throw puppies against the wall and see how many…” His voice trailed off as the lights came up on the other side of the glass.

It was a room. A large room with high ceilings and dressers and desks and toys and two beds. It was not bright, but it was not dark like the rest of the ship. The walls were painted in warm blues and greens.

“Darling, wait, you’re too fast!” Ben heard the witch laughing, and without warning a door slid open and his daughter came barreling through, leaping onto one of the beds. His heart dropped in his chest.

_Hannah…_

“Come on Sky, show her!”

Ben’s mouth opened in shock and he slid slowly to his knees on the floor. His heart pounded, but Hannah took no notice of him. _This must be a two-way mirror, not a window..._

The woman entered close behind his daughter, and Ben shook slightly in anticipation, until... _Sky._

“Watch THIS Madam!” his son entered the room yelling, as he leaped off one of the dressers and up, bouncing like a ball from wall to floor to furniture and back again, flipping and twisting, holding a glowing sword. _Is he taller? Kriff, is that a vibroblade?_ Rey would not be pleased.

The thought broke Ben’s heart.

He crawled closer to the pane of glass that was separating him from his children. It appeared the item Sky was brandishing in between jumps was, in fact, a miniature vibroblade.

And he was doing a great. kriffing. job.

Sky reached out with his hand and pulled, causing a pillow to come flying at him through the air. He spun around yelling and sliced the blade through the pillow, sending a feathery material billowing through the air. Ben let out a small laugh. His heart swelled with pride while he watched Sky jump and spin, moving through forms of combat he did not recognize...

“He is an apt pupil,” said Teekan behind him, breaking the spell. “He absolutely loves working with members of my Guard, and even the least patient among them say he is like a sponge. Very strong with the Force.”

_I kriffing know that, you imbecilic, heavyweight, piece of trash, he’s MY son..._

His son was learning, doing things that Ben had not taught him.

_My son. My SON_ _._

_He_ should be the one showing Sky these things: how to use weapons, how to fight, how to use the Force. Instead Ben was trapped, they were all trapped, as these monsters took opportunities and precious time with his children away from him. His pride shifted into something much darker - anger, resentment.

“Well done, well done! But don’t destroy the furniture darling. Here, use this,” the woman said, laughing, while she tossed up a small flying combat droid. Ben eyes brimmed with tears and he began to sweat with the effort of containing himself.

While Sky continued to show off his new skills with the vibroblade, Ben noticed Hannah slowly turn her face towards the mirror. Ben watched his daughter with trepidation. His eyes bore into her, trying to reach her through the Force but only running up against the blocks, the wall the Corps was putting between them.

Hannah seemed to look straight at him.

_Yes baby girl, I’m here. See me._

She hopped down off the bed and walked to the mirrored wall. She looked at it for a moment, then put her hand up to press against the glass. Ben scooted closer and quickly placed his hand right up to hers, breathless and aching for contact with his child.

“Sir,” Teekan said behind him, cautiously. “You better-’”

“Shut up!” Ben barked.

“Hannah?” the woman said, finally noticing Hannah standing in front of the mirror. She quickly glided over and knelt behind her.

“Darling? You’ll get smudges on the mirror,” she gently scolded, looking into the mirror and watching Hannah’s face through the reflection.

“What do you see?” she asked his daughter. Ben saw the shimmer float over her eyes.

“Papa,” Hannah answered sweetly.

A small laugh popped out of Ben. _She can sense me…_ Sky paused in his sparring with the droid and looked over. He didn’t see anything.

“What?” the witch said, looking into the mirror and, seemingly, straight at Ben. “No, that couldn’t be what you see.”

“But I do… I think…” Hannah said. The woman sighed.

“That can’t be right, dearest,” the witch said calmly, brushing Hannah’s hair back off her shoulders with her hands. She put her arms around his daughter.

“Imagine if your papa was here,” she said, as she spoke into her ear. “If your papa was here, don’t you think he’d be with you?” Hannah blinked and turned to look at the woman.

“If your papa was here, he would do whatever he had to do-” at this, she once again looked straight into Ben, making him shudder, “ _whatever it took_ \- to be with you, don’t you think?” Hannah looked into the glass again.

“Shield her,” Teekan said, now right behind him.

“No,” Ben replied.

“ _Shield_ her,” Teekan said again, this time more forcefully. “Be smart, man,” he growled into Ben’s ear. “She literally has your daughter _in her arms._ And you’ve seen now what she does to children...”

Ben jolted, remembering the Corps.

His face broke as he brought his hand down and blocked out his daughter. _I’m so sorry…_ His head dropped as he choked from heartache.

She had won again.

“Yeah,” Hannah said, after a moment, “I guess you’re right,” dropping her hand as well. Her face also fell a bit. Her disappointment wrecked him.

“Now, my lovely, you know what I see?” She turned Hannah towards her and put her hands to her cheeks. She smiled and then turned Hannah once again to the mirror.

“I see the prettiest little girl in the whole galaxy. Pretty as a princess. I wish I was as pretty as you,” the witch gushed, smiling and stroking Hannah’s hair.

“Madam, you’re very pretty!” Hannah said.

“I am? Do you really think so?” she said, tickling Hannah.

“Yes!” Hannah said, giggling.

“No, I’m not. Not like you,” she said looking at Hannah. “Let’s see, how could I be pretty like you?”

At this the witch turned back to the mirror, stared at herself then shook her head. As she shook, her hair changed to be wavy and dark, like Hannah’s. Hannah gasped in delight. The witch smiled at her in the mirror.

“And what about…” and the witch closed her eyes tight, shaking her head again. Her skin whitened and when she opened her eyes, they were dark and more round, instead of almond and light. They looked like Hannah’s eyes, like Ben’s.

Hannah squealed in delight and clapped her hands at the witch’s changes. _Kriffing shapeshifter_. She had changed herself to look more like his daughter, and it was possibly the most terrifying thing Ben had ever seen.

“There, now I look more like you!” the witch said, smiling.

“How can I do that?” Hannah asked.

“I’m sorry dearest, there are many things I can teach you, but this is magic just for me. The only magic I have,” she said looking slightly sad.

“But nooow, you look like you could be _my_ daughter,” she said and rubbed her nose to Hannah’s. It was such an intimate gesture. As the woman and his daughter looked at each other, something cracked in Ben. His right hand started shaking.

“I’ll tell you one thing, sweetness,” she said, turning them back to the mirror, holding Hannah close to her front, “if you were _my_ daughter, I would _never_ let you go. _Never_.” As she spoke, she stared once again right into Ben’s eyes. She knew exactly where he was, how to reach him. How to get to him. She would always win.

Ben stared back at her so full of hatred, clenching his fists and breathing heavily through his nose in an effort to contain his rage.

He couldn’t.

The mirror cracked.

“Time to go,” Teekan said, and hoisted Ben up.

“No… please…” Ben pulled against the larger man, panicked. “I won’t do anything, I’m sorry, just let me stay… No!”

Teekan dragged him up and pushed him out of the room as Ben yelled, apologized and begged to stay with his children. Teekan heaved him out the door into the hallway.

As soon as the door closed in front of Ben, he stilled, putting his hands and head to the door, out of breath. After he had calmed himself a little bit, he noticed Cria was there, waiting for him.

He looked up at Cria’s sad smile, felt their soothing presence, and tears started falling down his face. He could only weep. There was nothing else he could do.

“Come sir, let us return to your quarters,” Cria said, holding out their arm to him. Ben took their offering, defeated and subdued. Ben wasn’t exactly sure who led who back to his cage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks again for reading this story. Also thank you so much to my beta readers thefitfulfire & leofgyth.
> 
> The current chapter I'm writing is a MESS. I have only one more ready to publish, so let's hope I can get in some writing this weekend.


	23. Reach Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has an idea, but gets in trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT! This chapter has smut in it! And I was given much wonderful feedback and support from @Jesssssah (who religiously publishes precious little smut bombs) and of course @thefitfulfire and reylo celebrity @leofgyth, so many many thanks to them. 
> 
> FYI- the smut is not crazy or weird or anything, but if you're not down, you can fast forward. 
> 
> Also, if you read this, thank you so much. Tell your friends, maybe they'll like it.  
> -srs

While they traveled, Rey learned all she could from Yoda’s account of his journey to the Wellspring. Thankfully she noticed a little audio button on her datapad and when she pressed it, Yoda’s voice came out over the speakers. The file in the Archive was just a transcript; Rey was able to listen to Master Yoda actually telling the tale himself. She sat on the floor in the small space between the cockpit and the gunner. She found herself drifting in and out of meditation as she listened to the Jedi’s voice, as if he was guiding her through the Force.

++++++

Ben could feel himself breaking down. His thoughts never stopped torturing him and continued to turn darker. He had started having flashbacks to his life in the First Order. He dreamed of Snoke. His mind raced chaotically between depression, anxiety, anger, fear... and passion. Hate.

Gods, how he hated her, with a passion.

He lay in bed trying to quiet himself, to calm himself down. It was no use. He needed Rey.

Ben thought of his old quarters, where he would spend his nights on the _Supremacy._ His luxurious bed with black satin sheets. It had been so much like this one. Both spaces were cages from which he could not escape.

Back then, at night,  _desperate to sleep -_  his own words haunt him still  _-_ he’d find himself thinking of Rey. He’d think about how much he wanted to take away her loneliness. How it mirrored his own. The island she dreamed of, the ocean. He wanted to give her that island. He wanted to give her anything she wanted, everything she wanted. The light grew within him as he would fantasize, and then as he planned, how he would accomplish what she asked of him.

But now, without her and without the bond, he could no longer find the path. Even knowing his children were here on this ship was not enough to pull him to the light. He had to reach Rey. He had to find a way to connect.

Very suddenly, he had an idea. It came upon him so fast he was worried someone on this ship had actually planted it there. Then he decided he didn’t care. Planted or not, it brought a small, devilish smile to his face.

He got up and undressed quickly.

“High heat,” Ben said and stepped into the shower in his fresher. He closed his eyes while his skin burned.

He imagined Rey.

It was strange because not since his time in the First Order did he need to _imagine_ his wife. She was always with him - physically, and also a part of him. But now she was neither of those things.

So he imagined her, in this shower.

Not here, of course. He doesn’t want her to ever be here, on this nightmare of a ship. He wants her to stay as far away from the she-witch demon as she can.

But he wants her to have this shower, he wants to see her under the stream.

 _They are home. Showering together._ A luxury which they did not indulge in, not since the arrival of their children and their curiosity about, well, everything.

But this was his fantasy. So he could do what he wanted.

_Rey has her eyes closed and her head is leaning back into the spray, the water running down her body. She is stunning wet, sparkling like the stars._

_She is sore. Harvesting crops is always tough on their bodies, a necessary evil of life on their own, and the little ones are always more of a hindrance than a help, at least at this age._

_She turns around, her back to him, and sweeps her hair around her shoulder. She lets the hot water spray her neck as she bends her head down._

_He can sense where she is tight, where she is sore. He can help her._

_He takes a step closer, but not too close. He doesn’t want to poke her with his quickly growing erection. That’s not sexy, and she’s not ready yet._

_He grabs the bar soap, and lodging it between his palm and her skin, he massages the tired muscles of her shoulders, neck and arms, creating suds as his hands move. She purrs lightly as soon as he begins._

_He reaches around and uses his fingers to spread the muscles right below her collarbone, a hidden spot of tension, which prompts her to spread her arms out and press her hands to the walls, leaning her head back. He presses his thumbs into the edges of her shoulder blades._

_Every time he finds a new knot, she moans again. He loves it._

_He puts the soap down and runs his hands down her back. He rests them on her hip bones and gently rubs his fingers into the tightness there. Such a strange place to carry tension, but she does._

_Using his fingers for leverage, he pushes his thumbs deep into her, on the opposite side of her body, on either side of where her back meets her bottom, and she involuntarily arches back towards him and cries out._

_This is by far his favorite pressure point._

_He pushes again, forcing the same reaction accompanied by a louder moan. He knows this hurts her but in the exact right way, relieving a muscle tension she didn’t even know she had._

Rey’s body had changed since having children, in ways Ben absolutely adored. He loved to slide his hands over the new fullness of her hips. And maybe it was juvenile, but he found her heavier breasts so damn pleasurable - grasping them before he put them in his mouth; the way they swayed when she would ride him.

But most of all, he loved the slight mound that had remained in her lower abdomen, the little belly that she “just couldn’t make go away” after Hannah was born. He prayed it would never go away.

He loved the feel of it, this softness that followed her otherwise toned stomach. He loved to kiss it as he made his way down her body. To hold it and keep her steady while his face was between her legs. To lick and nibble at it on the way back up.  He loved to push on it gently when he was behind her, to press into her body and feel it submit to his hand.

He also loved it because of the reason it was there in the first place, a reminder of the beloved children she had given him.

_Ben reaches around Rey now, and presses his hand against her belly, bringing her towards him and raising his cock, now as hard as steel, so it lay against her lower back. She gasped. He resists grinding into her, even though he knows she wouldn’t mind._

_Ben, she sighs. I miss you._

“I miss you,” _he whispers in her ear._ “So much, you can’t imagine.”

 _“I can. I can imagine,”_ _she says._

Ben could no longer tell if her voice was in his imagination or coming through the Force.

_“Ben, I need you.”_

_He kisses her neck, her shoulder, her back, as his other hand slides down the outside of her thigh and then back up the inside. He presses his hand gently against her clit. She jerks back and moans as his fingers move in a circle._

He felt something - a spark. A tiny tug in the center of his abdomen. The bond. _This is working_ , he thought.

 _Ben… stars,_ she pants. _Where are you?_

It _was_ coming through the Force, he knew for sure now. She was speaking to him.

_I don’t know._

_The children, are they with you?_

_They are here, but not with me._

Rey cries out, in pleasure or frustration he wasn’t sure.

_They are safe. But Rey, I need you..._

I’m trying so hard, Ben…

_He growls as shoves her forward, placing his hands over hers on the shower wall. She spreads her legs and arches back again to meet him as he slowly glides his throbbing cock into her. He doesn’t want to rush. He sucks hard at her neck. They both groan loudly..._

With a jolt, their bond blasted open, an electric current running through both of them as they cried out together-

But, in an instant, it was gone. 

* * *

 

Ben’s eyes sprung open, and he was panting, alone, back on the abominable ship. His erection was painful. The water from the shower had turned ice cold. He hadn’t felt it at all.

He screamed and ripped the shower head out of the wall. He smashed the shower tiles repeatedly with first the shower head, and then his fist, until his blood was running down the drain.

Eventually, his rage and his hard-on subsided, and once it did, he felt a tentative sense of excitement. He turned off the water. It had worked, he had broken through the block. He had reached her.  

 

++++++

 

Rey knelt on the floor with her upper body bent downwards, her hands and her forehead to the floor.

She sobbed hysterically. She was eviscerated. She had been so full of Ben one second, mentally, physically, spiritually, but then he had been ripped so violently from her the next, leaving her completely empty.

After she calmed down, however, she felt a sense of hope and purpose as she raised her head up. Her children were safe. He was not lost to her. He had reached her.

She had to find him.

She had to get to the Wellspring.

“R2! How much farther?”

 

+++++++

There was a knock on the fresher door.

“Sir?” It was Cria.

“What??”

“My mistress desires a word with you, sir.”

“Tell her to fucking die!”

“I’m afraid it’s urgent, sir,” Cria responded in that gentle way that always made Ben feel bizarrely safe.

_Damn her._

* * *

Ben dried himself off slowly and deliberately as he watched himself in the mirror, getting blood all over the towels. He ripped a strip of the black fabric and tied it around his knuckles. He would not rush to her.

He stared into his own eyes. They were so cold, soulless. He tried to shake himself out this mood he was in. He looked again. His eyes were the same.

He dressed just as slowly, and when he walked out of the fresher, Cria looked worried. They both left his room, and were greeted in the hall by an angry looking Teekan.  

As they walked, Ben glanced at Teekan, but could read nothing from the man. Typical. Cria held their usual air of grace and serenity, but a ripple of nervousness radiated from them as well.

“Why are you nervous, Cria?”

“I worry for my mistress, sir.”

Ben had a sense of foreboding as they turned down the white corridor he recognized. The Corps. They were headed to the Corps. He did not want to return to that accursed place.

As they approached, Ben could hear a terrible sound, a collective wail the bordered on shrieking.

She had her back to him on the balcony, overlooking her slaves. The sound was coming from them.

She spun quickly on her heel.

“What were you doing?” she demanded.

“What?” Ben replied.

“What were you _doing_? You’re hurting them!” she screamed. She stomped over to him - such a departure from the way she usually would glide everywhere - and slapped him across the face, hard.

“You are hurting my _babies._  You are hurting _my_ babies, but I am _not_ hurting yours. That is in direct violation of our agreement,” she screamed.

“I agreed to nothing!” he yelled at her, amazed at the sting in his face.

“You will help them. Now.”  

“How can I-”

“You _will_ help them. NOW. Or I will slit your children’s throats myself,” she growled. “My little ones need your strength. Give it to them...” she glared at him.

She was in such a state and so completely not herself, that Ben acquiesced to her preferred epithet. “Madam-”

“GIVE IT TO THEM!”

Ben was shocked, but said nothing.

He walked over to the balcony and looked down at the Corps. They were in agony.

 _Oh no…_ Had he done this? Is this what breaking through to Rey had done to them?

Of course it had. Their assigned task was to block him from everything outside of this ship, from his children and especially from Rey. To break through, he had to break through them. He _had_ hurt them. He felt sick.

He closed his eyes and pictured Rey. If anyone could help them it was her; he was too dark for Force healing. He kept her image behind his eyes as he culled the Force within him. He drew from the well of light that he imagined he got from her. He tried, he gave all he could as he projected his strength out into the Corps.

_I’m so sorry..._

The wailing slowed and then eventually stopped. There were occasional small whimpers, but he had helped to soothe what ailed them.  _These poor souls_.

GODS how he HATED her!

Suddenly she was next to him. She grabbed his arm and spun him around. She was surprisingly strong for one so small.

“I don’t know what you were doing, but you will NOT do it again. Am I clear?” she said glaring at him.  Ben said nothing.

“AM I CLEAR?”

“Yes, _Madam_ ,” he snarled at her.  

“Good. Now, get out of my sight! I can’t stand to look at you,” she turned from him and looked back out over the Corps.

Ben was taken aback. He had never seen her be anything other than demure and loving, and she was certainly never mean to him. Teekan grabbed his arm roughly but Ben looked at her back as he was dragged away. She did not turn. She was very angry with him.

 

Once he was gone, Cria approached her.

“Madam, did you see him?”

“No. I wasn’t looking at him.”

“So much light, my mistress. He is never so-”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s too unreliable, it can’t be trusted. However,” she said, her expression and tone changing quickly, “I am so glad _you_ were able to see it, my dear. I want you to see all things in The Force…”  

 

* * *

 

Ben woke feeling a strong presence in the room, different from the disciples. He jolted up in his bed.

Next to him on the bench, where the witch often sat, was Nax.

“It’s funny,” he said, “that you think of her as a witch. She certainly bewitched me, so many years ago… eons ago,” Nax finished quietly. He seemed forlorn. His feelings were exposed; he was open to Ben in a way he had never been before. Ben was assaulted with emotions: confusion, anger, desperation.

Then, Ben felt it, overwhelmingly - Nax _loved_ her. Nax was in love with the creature that ruled this ship. Ben saw flashes of the past - a family, Nax on a planet somewhere, his home planet, Omwat. He was speaking, giving a speech, spotting her in the crowd, but she was different, looked different...

Abruptly Ben’s window into Nax closed. He was continuously surprised and impressed by the power Naxum showed in the Force. The people around him were so damn powerful.

“Anyway. Did you enjoy your evening… with your wife?” Nax said, giving him a knowing smirk. The idea _had_ been planted into Ben’s mind. _By Nax?_

Nax abruptly got up and walked out of the room, the door sealing behind him.

_Why would Nax want me to reach Rey - to hurt the Corps?_

_++++_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [THIS - by Elithien. NSFW](http://elithien.tumblr.com/post/160053796841/its-getting-steeeammyyyy-commission-for)


	24. Punishment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Occurring after the incident with the Corps...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @thefitfulfire was super crucial with this chapter, so many thanks. 
> 
> FYI We're over half way with this story.

Ben had been left alone for what seemed like forever.

When he was first returned to his room, he paced like a caged animal. He went in the ‘fresher, and all the damage he’d done was fixed. _What the KRIFF??!_ He threw a random trinket into the fresher mirror, shattering it.

His frustration eventually gave way to fear. He was terrified his actions had brought harm to Hannah or Sky or both. What had he been thinking? True, he did not know that breaking through to Rey would affect the Corps, but any risky behavior was too big a risk while she still had his children. He should have been smarter than that.

 _I will slit your children’s throats myself..._ Her voice echoed in his mind. Was she capable of that? She tortured the children of the Corps, what was murder to her? Had she done it already, or hurt them as retribution?

She was so angry with him. He had never been anything but rude and hostile to her and she always treated him with a strange sort of patience and kindness. But now her face was haunting him, twisted with rage. Who was this creature?

In a moment of calm, Ben reflected on his time as a prisoner on this ship. Everyone here was so… _nice_ to him. They were respectful to him, reverent. They bowed and called him “Sir” when he passed, often looking excited to see him, as if he was some sort of celebrity. Once he swore he heard two beings after he passed whisper the word “handsome.” It was bizarre.

Even as Kylo Ren with the First Order, no one worshiped him. Any respect he was shown was out of fear. His men had been terrified of him, of what he could do to them.

But not here. No one feared him here. No one feared _anything_ here.

Ben slowly realized that in his entire life, no one had ever been simply _nice_ to him. He’d had no playmates as a child, his peers at Luke’s school were intimidated by his lineage and his attitude, and even the adults he knew regarded him as the senator’s son, or Han’s kid, nothing more.

He was 40 years old and was being treated kindly for the first time in his life. Something about that made him exceptionally sad.

* * *

 

Finally, blessedly, Ben heard the door open while he lay in bed, and quickly opened his eyes, alert. He heard the tell-tale swish of her gown. He sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. She sat down at the bench next to it, straightening her skirts.

They stared at each other, the silence heavy, Ben’s heart pounding in his chest. He wondered if she could hear it. Eventually, he broke first.

“My children?” he whispered.

“Are well,” she replied.

Her tone was lighter than he expected it to be. It was a contrast to his own voice which was rough and gravelly. He felt relief, but was still afraid.

“I can see you did not mean to hurt the Corps... that it was an accident." Her voice was soft and calm. "And accidents happen, don’t they? No sense punishing the children for your mistake. That would be a waste.” She leaned over her lap and clasped her hands, resting her elbows on her legs.

“I said some cruel things to you, because I was very angry and scared, and I’m sorry about that,” she said.

Ben was shocked. _She_ was apologizing to _him_?

She stared into his eyes, but he saw no shimmer.

“We’ve had a rough go of it, you and I. Haven’t we?” she asked.

Ben said nothing, but bit back several snarky retorts.

“I’d like that to change. It _needs_ to change.” She sat back up straight and looked around. “You’re likely going mad, cooped up in here all the time. You need stimulation, I get that now. I’m learning,” she said, smiling at him.

“I’ve made some arrangements. We’re going on a trip,” she smiled wider at him, delighted, as if nothing had happened, as if he hadn’t hurt the Corps, as if she hadn’t threatened his children’s lives, as if he hadn’t just spent time in isolation as punishment.  

“A trip,” he said, hesitatingly.

“Yes, a trip. Please shower and get dressed. Cria will be here shortly to take you to the briefing room,” she finished, rising from her seat and exiting the room.

_Briefing room?_

 

+++++

Rey sat back on the floor, listening again to Yoda’s account of his time at the Wellspring.

“ _There I was, to learn from the great Force Priestesses. Humble, I was not. I am a Jedi Master, I said. Know this, I do. Assumed, I did, that I knew all they had to show me. Wrong, I was. Very wrong._

_“Great beings, the Force Priestesses are. Five of them. I was met by Serenity. She pleaded my case to her cousins, to train me on how to maintain individuality in the Living Force. The others were not so sure. Face my fears, I would, she said, on the island.”_

“An island… face my fears.” Rey took a deep breath.

What would she face? What did she fear? Unkar Plutt? Already dead. Something happening to her children? Already happened. Losing Ben? Already lost him. _What else is there?_

Her thoughts were interrupted by clicks and beeps from behind her.

“We are?? Where, R2?” Rey jumped up to the cockpit, shifting her head around, “Oh! Oh my…”

They were there. A giant orb glowed in front of their ship, with lights shooting out from within the planet. Rey immediately felt a sense of purpose and excitement.

The planet was calling her, she could hear it. There was a feeling in her heart she had never felt before.

_Home._

 

++++++

 

Ben was clean, dressed and waiting anxiously when the door opened again. Expecting Cria, he was slightly stunned when Nax strolled in, but he quickly snapped out of it and threw Nax against the wall with the Force. He ran over to him and held him up to the wall by his neck with his hands.

“Are you INSANE?” Ben yelled, “You knew what would happen! The pain it would cause the Corps! She threatened to kill my kids!”

Nax stared at Ben, not an ounce of fear in his face, almost like he was enjoying himself.

“What? What is the _matter_ with you?” Ben shook him, then let him fall to the ground.

Nax stared at him from where he lay on the floor, catching his breath. Then he moved his hand and threw Ben across the room, banging Ben’s side and head into the wall, which is how Ben found himself on the floor.  The two men glared at each other.

“She said she’d slit their throats,” he growled out at Nax.

“Oh I doubt that very much,” Nax said as he stood up, brushing himself off. “She isn’t one for getting her hands dirty. That’s what the cat is for...” Nax smiled at him.

“You are being granted more freedom about this ship. The terms will be explained. Act surprised,” he ordered and left.

Ben was still on the floor when Cria found him. 

* * *

 

Cria would now forgo their guide droid for Ben when they journeyed, so the two walked with Cria’s hand on Ben’s arm, gently guiding him. Cria was unusually reserved. Ben wondered if they were mad at him and asked them as much.

“Mad, sir?”

“Yes, Cria, you seem upset with me.”

“No, sir, not at all.” Cria paused, thinking. “I am still in awe of the power you showed over the Corps. Perhaps this is what you sense?”

“Perhaps.”

By this point, they had arrived at an open door. Cria stopped and gestured for Ben to enter.  He peeked his head around the entry and saw several pieces of seating placed around a small round table. The woman sat in one and Nax in another, his hands behind his head and his feet up on the table, but his back to Ben. Teekan stood behind a third and there was one seat open, presumably for him. The woman spotted him and smiled.

“Come in, darling! We’ve been waiting for you,” she said as she waved. Ben steeled himself as he entered and stood behind the empty chair.

“Gentlemen, please sit, be comfortable. We have things to discuss,” she said, sitting up, looking happy and excited.

Teekan and Ben stared each other down for a moment, before Ben shrugged and moved confidently around the chair and sat down, never taking his eyes off Teekan. Teekan grinned slightly, a small spasm at the corners of his mouth, and sat down himself. Ben rolled his eyes and turned to the woman.

She looked back and forth between the two men proudly, pleased they were all now seated.

“As I mentioned, it has become clear to me that a man of your… disposition and power requires more stimulation than your tiny quarters can provide. So I’ve decided to supply you with more in two ways. First, you will be given more freedom to move about this ship,” Ben widened his eyes in feigned surprise, glancing at Teekan instead of Nax in an attempt to hide the fact that he had already been informed.

“But, as always, with freedom comes responsibility.” She gestured to Nax. “Nax has designed a special wrist band for you,” she said, smiling at Nax.

Not moving from his reclined position, Nax turned his head from her to Ben. “When the blue light is on, you will be able to open your door and move about the ship,” he said, putting his hands down into his lap.

“When the light turns red you will need to return to your quarters. If you have not returned by the time the light has turned off, the band will heat to an intolerable temperature for human skin, and will stay that way until either you return to your space, or the band burns through your wrist.” He blinked a few times at Ben, his expression blank. Ben glanced at Teekan, who was smirking. Ben briefly narrowed his eyes at him.

“You may go where ever you wish. At first, Teekan and Cria will accompany you, but eventually you’ll be left with just Cria or by yourself,” she said.

“Why?” Ben asked, turning towards her.

“Until you learn your way around the ship, I fear you may not be able to make it back to your room in time,” she said, seemingly concerned. “I do not want that.”

The silence stretched as the foursome looked at each other. Finally, Ben sighed loudly.

“Okay. And the other?”

“The other, yes,” she said. “For this, you have a choice. There are some items necessary for Nax’s work that we need to acquire from a planet very near to our current location. Which means a trip planetside to meet with some of my more... reliable contacts. While normally Teekan and I would undertake such a journey together, at present, while we are without a captain we cannot leave the ship unattended.” At this, she paused and leaned forward towards Ben.   

“I’d like for _you_ to accompany Nax and myself on our journey.”  Her eyebrow lifted as she added, “For protection.”

“For _protection?_ ” Ben scoffed. “To protect _you?_ To _protect_ you _?”_ The timbre of his voice rose as he spoke, his anger spiking. _The audacity of this woman…_ Teekan bristled, but she gestured silently to him.

“Yes,” she replied. “I have lived a long time, longer than you can imagine. And while I have made many wonderful friends, I have made a few enemies as well. I need someone who can keep me safe.”

“What choice do I have?”

“Whether or not you go.”

“Why would I go?”

She smiled. “I know a little incentive can be a great motivator,” she said, winking at Ben. “I’ll make you a deal. You come with us, and when we return, unharmed, I promise that you can see your children.”

This gave him pause. He looked at her, eyebrows furrowed suspiciously.

“I swear!” She put her hand on her chest, right underneath her pulsing pendant. “You keep me safe on this planet, and I will show you your children.”

Ben stared at her. She gazed at him. Once again, Ben sighed loudly.

“Fine.”

She smiled, stood and moved to leave. “Wonderful. I’ll leave you boys to figure out the details… together,” as she walked by Ben she paused at his side. He didn’t flinch, but shifted his head slightly to meet her eyes. “See you soon,” she said.

Ben knew by the swishing of her gown she had left. 

* * *

 

The three men sat together and planned for the upcoming excursion. Ben contributed little, half-listening while Teekan and Nax discussed and debated various scenarios and logistics of the journey. Teekan seemed anxious he wasn’t going along.

“Nonsense, Teekan. Do you really believe him incapable?” Nax said gesturing to Ben. Ben’s attention peaked a bit. He crossed his arms, his expression turned smug as he and Teekan faced off. Ben raised an eyebrow in question.

Teekan sighed a little out of his nose and looked away. “No.”

“Fine then. It’s settled. Work the rest out with the docking manager and send us itineraries. In the meantime…” Nax stood and stepped towards Ben.

“Your right hand, if you would.”

Ben stood also and reluctantly raised his right hand, as Nax took a small ring out of the inside of his jacket. Nax ran his finger around the circle and the band expanded and opened. He looked up at Ben.

“Make a fist. I don’t want it to be too tight,” he smiled slightly. Ben glanced at Teekan, who narrowed his eyes. Ben winked at him as he clenched his right hand into a fist. He felt the band move over his skin and heard a sharp click. Ben looked down at the charcoal band. It reminded him of a handcuff, and it dawned on him that he had never restrained while he was here. Not physically.

How ironic that his new “freedom” came with a device of captivity.

“You are right handed. I’m sure you’d hate to lose this one,” Nax said, “although involuntary amputation does run in the family, hm?” Nax chuckled at his own joke. “Cria, return him to his room.”

“Of course,” Cria replied from the door.

Ben turned to leave without looking back to either of them, but paused at the door. He turned his head.

“By the way, where are we going?”

Teekan chuckled, which prompted Ben to quarter turn.

“Ah, yes. Tatooine,” Nax answered, amused and smirking.

Ben rolled his eyes and sucked his teeth as Cria took his arm. _Kriffing hell..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading and any and all encouragement.


	25. The Wellspring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey finds the Force Priestesses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ladies, gentlemen and all in between, we continue. This chapter borrows heavily from The Clone Wars, episode 12. Now streaming on Netflix. 
> 
> I am grateful for the folks following this journey (reading words I have written!) especially my betas @leoba and @thefitfulfire.  
> -srs

In front of the ship was a giant glowing cloud of gas. Streams of light shot off from the cloud. Rey could sense the planet within even though she could not see it. R2-D2 explained that even though the sensors could not read the planet it was there.

“I know R2, let’s go in.” Rey felt no danger, no threats. In fact when she opened herself to the Force she felt inexplicably drawn to the cloud. As they flew in, the controls started to fritz and move on their own. “R2, is this you?” The droid assured her it was not. Yoda’s voice floated back to her.

_Trust, I did, in the Force to guide my journey into the planet…_

Rey sat back and breathed deeply through her nose. She would do the same, trust the Force. Eventually the light coming from the cloud was so bright and powerful Rey had to shut and cover her eyes. When she sensed the brightness fade through her eyelids, she opened them again. The planet floated huge in the view-port. The ship was flying itself, and R2 was silent, so Rey could take a moment to soak it all in.

The planet seemed barren with large fissures all over the surface. Occasionally eruptions of light burst out from inside the planet, pouring out streams of stars. Rey couldn’t contain her excitement; she felt like one of her children when waiting impatiently for a sweet pop, a special treat she sometimes made. The memory curbed her enthusiasm slightly as she remembered her purpose. Find her family.

The ship set down next to one of these eruptions of light. Rey sat confused for a moment as to why they had stopped, until R2 moved to exit the ship. Rey took her cue and hopped out. There was a cloudy orange fog that covered the sky, and through it Rey saw nothing but light and stars, more than she had seen from outside the planet. The rocky ground was spotted with clumps of crystal, glowing with the light that the planet’s surface could barely contain.

The eruption of light was the light-side of the Force, Rey could feel it deep in her bones. She was euphoric, filled with the life that poured out this barren land.

R2 beeped and chirped behind her.

“Inside?” Rey asked as she knelt next to him.  “Alone?” R2 beeped some more and Rey turned her head back to the light. “Yeah, well, Yoda was a Jedi master. I am not going in there alone without my saber and that’s that. Yes, it does feel safe, and good… and _right_ , somehow, but that doesn’t mean I’m leaving you _and_ my saber behind!”  She patted R2’s head. “Right, I’m off, then. You’ll wait here for me?” R2 chirped reassuringly.

Rey got back into her ship and lifted off, hovering into the beams of light which grabbed hold of her ship and took her down into the Force planet.

 

Rey popped out of the tunnel of light into a completely different world. When Rey was on Ahch-To, she’d faced a convergence of the darkside when she leaped into the depths of the planet. This place... was the opposite.

Rey had never experienced anything like it. According to Yoda, Qui-Gon had called it a convergence of the lightside of the Force, and it was sort of like that, but not quite.

Where the surface had been barren, this place was teeming with life. Pieces of land free floated in the air, islands covered in strange glowing flora. Animals unlike any Rey had ever encountered flew and moved from place to place. The Force guided her ship down to land, and Rey quickly exited.

Once her foot touched the ground, she was overcome with peace. She dropped to one knee, pressing her hand into the earth, feeling the planet pulse through her veins. She smiled then laughed, rolling around on her back like a child, in total ecstasy. She calmed and began to simply breathe, observing while lying on her back. The place was quiet, the only sounds the gentle baying of the flying animals or chirping from insects. She was alone, and yet for the first time she felt a sense of truly belonging.

“Rey…” she heard a female voice, floating, coming from all around her.

“Reeeeey…” The voice was light and airy, but deep and warm. “Daughter of the Light, you’ve come home to us…” it purred. The sound resonated in Rey’s chest, making her feel comfortable and safe. A glowing orb floated down from the sky, not quite reaching the ground before it began to take shape. Rey sat up and watched a slender being in a black and gold gown morph from the orb. As she got closer, Rey noticed her face was a golden mask with glowing gold eyes. She floated towards Rey slowly, blinking.

“You’re here. We’ve been watching you.”

“You have?” Rey asked incredulously. She didn’t want to stand up yet.

“Yes, Rey.” The being was next to her now, feet not touching the ground. “You are a part of this place, a part of the light, of the balance of the Universe. Do you not feel it?”

“I do,” she whispered. “I feel it.”

The mask didn’t move, but Rey sensed she was pleased by her answer. Rey put her hand out to touch the mask, and the being chuckled.

“Daughter of light, come with me,” she said rising, and Rey rose along with her.

“Please, tell me more about this place?” Rey asked as she walked next to the floating being.

“All that surrounds us is the foundation of life. You’ve been told of ‘midichlorians’ yes?” Rey nodded. “This is where they originate, and spread throughout the entire universe.” The being stopped and turned to Rey, putting her hands on Rey’s shoulders.

“Rey, you are filled with them. Do you see how they flock to you?” She gestured and Rey observed an innumerable amount of tiny floating flecks of light hovering all around them. “They are a bridge between the Living and Cosmic Force. You walk that bridge, daughter. You _are_ that bridge.”

“What about Ben?” Rey asks, and the being tilted her head.

“He too walks the bridge, but he is the dark half. Both sides matter equally in the Force.”

 _Balance,_ Rey thought.

 

+++++

Somewhere in the galaxy, far away from Rey, a member of the Corps stirred and whispered.

_“Balance…”_

+++++

 

The being led Rey to a sealed cave, which opened as they approached. She felt no apprehension as she followed into the dark. As the cave sealed behind them the walls lit up with glowing drawings and symbols, none of which held any meaning for her.

“Cousins, the girl is here. Rey has come home to us,” the being said, and with that, four more orbs of light floated in from the walls. As each manifested into nearly identical physical forms, they spoke. The masks they wore matched their tones.

“We have been waiting so long, why is she hear now?” said one, questioning.

“She will leave us, I know it,” said another with sadness and a frowning mask.

“She is so beautiful and lovely!” cried the third, her mask mouth a large smile.

“She is EARLY! And she is unbalanced! Why did you bring her here, Serenity?” shouted the last, her eyes narrowed in anger.

“The Priestesses…” Rey said quietly. As Yoda had said, the five beings each represented an element of the Force: Anger, Sadness, Confusion, Joy and their leader, Serenity. The one who had led her here.

Rey bowed to her knees in reverence. Confusion came close to ask, “Why now, young Rey, _why_ are you here?”

“I come with a purpose,” she began, but was interrupted by Anger.

“Of course! Here because she wants something from us! Just like the rest-”

“Oh nooo, no no, I do not sense that!” said Joy floating down to her. “She is not like the rest.”

“No, she isn't,” said Sadness. “I see it. She carries a great sadness in her soul. She is without her Other, how awful…”

“My family,” Rey continued. “Someone has taken my family. It’s why I’ve come. I need your help to find them.”

The Priestesses floated around her as they spoke, spinning slowly.

“But how? How can _we_ help?” cried Confusion.

“The one who took them, she was once one of you. She is of this place, but she is without the Force-”

“DO NOT SPEAK OF HER!” cried Anger, terrifying Rey.

“Oh, our poor cousin!” Sadness wailed.

“Please!” said Serenity, gesturing to the others. “It’s alright little one,” holding a hand out to Rey.

“Don’t be frightened, all will be well!” said Joy.

“You speak of our lost cousin, but she's been gone so long. We observe all that is in the Force, but we cannot see her,” Serenity continued.

“Neither can I,” said Rey, prompting another wail from Sadness.

“She kidnapped my children, and she has my husband as her prisoner. I cannot find them in the Force. And you’re right,” she said looking at Anger, “I am unbalanced. That is why I am here. I need to find balance on my own,” Rey gulped, “without Ben. Or I fear they will be lost to me forever.”

The five paused and looked at her.

“But she will fail,” cried Sadness. “It will be so sad!”

“It will be a waste of time!” shouted Anger.

“No! You’re wrong, she loves them all so much, can’t you see? She will find them!” Joy countered.

“Her fate is already set, it is not for us to decide,” said Serenity. “We simply decide to help her or not.”

“But why help her?” asked Confusion.

“If we help her, she will leave us!” wailed Sadness.

“She will return,” said Joy. “Anger is right. Rey is here early. She must go back, and we must help her. She and her Other have brought balance to the Force. She has earned our favor.”

The Priestesses all clasped their hands in front of their bodies and Rey could tell it had been decided. They would help her.

“But she has no idea - no IDEA - what balance will require, do you, Daughter?” said Anger, lowering herself to get right into Rey’s face. “Do you have any idea of what you will face?”

Rey looked right into Anger’s glowing eyes. “No, but I have faith in the Force.”

Anger laughed. “Good! Then you won’t be afraid. Give power to that which you fear, and it will show itself to you.”

Rey was not swayed by the warning. She put her hand on her saber. She was not afraid.

“Do I have a blessing cousins, that we may provide Rey with our aide?” Serenity asked.

The Priestesses all lifted higher and came together, wrapping their arms around each other.

 _“It is so. We are one, and one is all,”_ they said in unison.

Their eyes glowed as they separated. Serenity looked at Rey.

“Do you come to us with only good intention and light in your heart?” she asked.

“I do,” Rey answered.

“Then the blessing, I give. We will help you find your balance and your family, Daughter of Light…” and at this, the five clasped hands and began to spin, their forms blurring but the five expressions still flashing in front of Rey.

“Remember your heart, lovely girl,” whispered Joy. It was the last thing Rey heard before everything whited out.  


	26. Planetside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben goes on a field trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, what's up party people? We're rolling 150 deep or so, and I am so into every person who is reading this. I'm _in_ to you.
> 
> I took a while to post this because I haven't had time to write since Labor Day, which means I'm not sure when the next chapter will come, hopefully soon. I actually feel like I could use a co-author for this next bit, so if anyone is interested, hit me up on the tumblr @secretreylostan 
> 
> And finally, thank you to my betas @leofgyth and @thefitfulfire.  
> -srs

Ben wouldn’t have believed it if, somehow, his future self had told him this would happen. He would have said no _kriffing_ way, never. That he would find himself, on a transport ship, sitting across from Nax and the witch, on his way with them to _Tatooine_ , charged only with the task of keeping her _safe_. _Her._ Unbelievable.

Ben’s arms were crossed over his chest as the helmeted pilot from the Guard took off. He thought about Tatooine while they jettisoned off into space. He’d never really been there, the planet of the Skywalkers, even during his hero worship of Darth Vader. It was a sand trap, not unlike Jakku, and neither he nor Rey ever saw a reason to go. He glanced at the people across from him, quickly annoyed that they were both staring at him, sharing similar expressions of amusement.

“Your children didn’t mind the sand on Jakku,” Nax said, obviously reading him. Ben collected himself and shielded against them both, causing the woman’s eyes to shimmer and widen, along with her grin. Nax chuckled and turned from him. The ship dropped out of hyperdrive and the planet appeared in the viewport. The woman flinched and squeezed her eyes shut, turning her head into Nax’s shoulder. Nax pressed a button and the viewport dimmed to black.

“How will the pilot see to land?” Ben asked, snarkily.

“He sees through his visor. He has been the whole time, 360 degrees,” Nax replied. Ben grunted as a response.  He felt the slight jerk of landing, then the cabin pressure changing as the bottom hatch opened. The woman looked at him with a somewhat serious expression and gave him a nod.

“Well, darling. We’re here. Let’s hope this goes well, hm?” She rose and walked out of the room, with Nax close behind.

“Sir?” The pilot spoke directly to Ben. “The itinerary has you back here in 2 standard hours, is that right?”

Ben looked at a holopad he’d been given attached to his left arm. He was apparently also responsible for their schedule.

“That’s correct.”

“Sir?”

Ben gave a small sigh of frustration. “Yes?”

“What are your orders, sir? Until then?”

Ben paused and looked at the covered head of the pilot. Something triggered in him, like muscle memory.

“Stay with the ship. Be sure fuel levels are adequate and perform a stat check. Reach out to me via the comm fifteen minutes before departure time for our twenty and ETA. Let me know if you encounter any issues. Do not leave before she is on board under any circumstances.”

“Yessir, will do.”

As Ben walked out of the ship, he couldn’t help but note how easily that came to him. Or how good it felt to tell someone what to do. 

* * *

 

The witch’s outfit that day was bit different--still a gown, but shorter in the front. Ben couldn’t remember ever seeing her feet before. As she walked, Ben observed that she barely made any prints in the sand. _Is she… floating? Curious..._

She held a large umbrella, a parasol, she told him, to shield her from the sun, and dark glasses covered her eyes.

“What’s the matter with you?” he asked her. She sighed.

“Well, as you know dear, my eyesight is… sensitive. With these eyes… two suns… The intensity of the stars’ light while planetside is too much, just too much,” she pressed a hand to her forehead dramatically. “It’s hard to see anything at all, frankly, let alone most Force signatures. It’s one of the reasons I need you.” She smiled bashfully. He rolled his eyes, but then shot them down to look at her.

“What about mine, can you see mine?” he asked quickly.

“You? Oh, you are so bright and strong, you make it through these,” she tapped her glasses, “but barely.” Ben looked away.

The trio headed into Mos Espa, with the woman leading the way. Ben knew Mos Espa, like its sister city Mos Eisley, to be a cesspool of criminals and the debauched. He scanned the area for trouble, almost not noticing that his powers in the Force were increased.  He realized with a jolt; he could sense and feel with much sharper clarity.

He glanced at Nax who was looking at him from the side.

“Took you long enough,” Nax said, smirking. “We need you sharp, at your best.”

The woman had paused ahead, looking now at items in different stalls in the covered marketplace. Ben sensed that Nax was annoyed she was wasting time. Ben glanced at the man, surprised they were around the same height.

Nax sighed and said, “She’s looking for toys. Trinkets. She spoils them.”

The men stood a short distance away, Ben remaining focused on the marketplace. Any number of threats could be lurking here.

“What do you know of this place, Mos Espa?” Nax asked him.

“That it’s a filthy waste of space and a magnet for everything that is wrong in this galaxy.”

“Like what?”

“Like… slavery, for one.”

“Ah yes, you would be acutely aware of that. Anakin Skywalker lived here with his mother, as slaves.” Ben glanced at him. “Yes, see there, that large arena? The Hutts still run podraces there, much like the one in which your grandfather earned his freedom. Freedom from this slavery anyway. He didn’t find much freedom with the Jedi, did he?”

Ben shifted his eyes to the ground.

“Nor with the Sith, I’d say,” Nax continued. “No, it seems he was a slave to one thing or another his entire life.” Ben looked up and at Nax again, but Nax’s gaze was on the woman. “It can happen to anyone, I suppose.” Nax looked back and Ben. “What else? Tell me more about everything that is wrong with the galaxy.”

Ben looked around the marketplace, scanning again for trouble. “The Hutts, who you mentioned, are disgusting, a fine example of what happens when crime syndicates go unchecked. They’ve created a haven for smuggling-”

“You don’t care for _smugglers_?” Nax interrupted, not looking at Ben, but smirking just the same.

Ben rolled his eyes. “It’s certainly not a noble profession.”

“Ha!” Naxum said. “Few are, I’m afraid. You are right, though, the Hutts are despicable. Certainly not my taste of company. To think, your parents were both once _captives_ of Jabba. Did your father ever tell you, what it was like? To be frozen in carbonite?”

Ben furrowed his brows as Han’s voice floated from his memory.

_I’ll tell you this much kid, I don’t recommend it._

“No,” Ben replied, shaking off the memory.

“Pity. I’d be curious to know.”

The woman was walking back to them now.

“Gentlemen, I must be getting to my appointment. Nax, your escort, if you will?” Nax put his arm out to her, which she accepted. “Darling,” she said to Ben, “would you please look around here for some marraffa twigs, for the children? I promised them something sweet.”

“You want to split up?” Ben said, concerned.

She smiled and put a hand on his chest. He looked down at it disdainfully. “It's really lovely, your concern. But I will be fine for my meeting; Nax will be with me. I’ll be over there, in that building. Stay close though, would you, dear? Nax will call if we need you.” The two walked away and Ben resigned himself to the task of finding candy. For _his_ children. _Damn her._

As Ben combed the shops and stalls, he worked hard to stay focused. He was actually glad he had a task, because the absurdity of the entire situation would have likely driven him mad otherwise.

* * *

 

There was something nagging at him through the Force, something familiar. He kept looking up quickly, expecting to see something he recognized, but didn’t. The feeling was growing stronger though, a beacon signal getting louder.

Ben unfocused his eyes and zeroed in on the presence. He moved swiftly towards it, around several tight turns... and suddenly he physically smacked into the source.

It was big, brown, furry, and pissed at being pushed into from behind. Ben was overcome by a musk he would know anywhere as it turned around to face him.

“CHEWIE!” Ben yelled, grabbing the large wookie and pulling him into tight embrace.

“Oh stars, Chewie. Oh my STARS!” Chewbacca yelled at him in Shyriiwook, but Ben did not have time to try and translate what it was. He pulled back and clamped his hands desperately onto Chewie’s arms.

“Chewie listen, LISTEN TO ME!” he shouted over the wookie. “You have to find Rey. She’s on Atzerri! Probably. You have to tell her… tell her...” Ben’s voice trailed off as his mind raced.

What could Chewie tell her? Ben knew where they were, but they’d be gone in less than two hours, and he had no idea where they would go.

There was no message he could think of that would help her find him. Ben’s heart sank and his head dropped.

He loosened his iron grip on Chewie as he looked back up at the large wookie’s dark eyes. He thought briefly of his childhood, playing with Chewbacca in between his father’s trips, being lifted over his shoulder and spun around. Chewie was the only person he had trusted to never let him down.

Ben’s despair overwhelmed him.

“Tell her that I’ll do whatever it takes to keep the kids safe. And tell her I love her,” Ben’s eyes welled with tears. “Tell her I’ll always love her.”

Ben stumbled away from Chewie as the wookie called after him, heading back to the witch and to his fate. 

* * *

 

Ben made his way back to the rendezvous point. He had no candy and couldn’t bother to care. Defeated did not begin to describe how he felt. Naxum walked out of the building, seemingly nonplussed, and saddled up to him, clicking his heels. It reminded Ben of Hux.

“Do you sense it?” he asked.

“What?”

Nax leaned in to him, his voice low but not concerned. “Danger is coming.”

Ben’s blood pressure spiked. He set his hand on his saber, narrowing his eyes and looking around them. He opened into the Force, seeking a source of danger, resentment, anger, deceit, anything that might point to the threat.

“No need to panic,” Nax said. “We have some time yet, I believe. What happened to you, by the way? You have some very strange feelings rolling off of you.”

“Nothing. I couldn’t find the twigs. I’d hate to disappoint _my mistress_ ,” Ben said, dripping with sarcasm.

Nax smirked. “I can tell you’re enjoying the expansion of your abilities.”

Ben conceded Nax was not wrong.

“How does it work, anyway? The Corps?” Ben asked, still scanning the area.

“A series of electrical inputs, fluctuating severity and intensity, their powers amplified by the crystal and with my own abilities… They are like soldiers who receive orders and complete them.” Nax looked hard at Ben when he said that.

“Except they’re not soldiers, they’re children,” Ben countered.

“They _were_ children. Now... they’re simply tools,” Nax said looking back towards the witch, who had come out of the building and was moving towards them. Ben trained his face and his mind to show her nothing. His increased power meant he could shield her here in a way he could not on the ship. He felt almost giddy, but repressed it so she wouldn’t see. Between his increased control and the bright light of this planet’s suns, he had an advantage.

Standing in front of them under her parasol, her head moved from side to side, apparently looking at both of them.  

“You two seem to be getting along.” Her face with covered eyes lingered on Ben. “You... are all over the place today. Being outside is doing wonders for your signature,” she smiled and tilted her head. “I’ll have to remember that.”

Ben said nothing, just looked at her.

“Well dear, have you concluded our business?” Nax said.

She turned back to Naxum. “Yes, I believe I have. What you need should be waiting for us at the transport.”

Nax nodded at her. “Very good.”

She turned, again in front of them. “Let’s away then,” she paused next to Ben, facing opposite him. “The twigs?”

“I couldn’t find any,” he said.

“Ah well, I’m not surprised-”

In an flash, Ben spun around, putting his hand out.

Her mouth opened, dropped in shock. A blaster shot floated in front of her chest, stopped by Ben’s hand and power in the Force. With his other hand, Ben grabbed the shooter and dropped him to the ground. Ben’s heart pounded, pulse racing as he panted.

The woman walked around the blaster shot, staring at it closely in fascination. Nax walked over to her and did the same. The two looked at each other from across the shot. Nax put a hand up to it slowly, getting close, but not touching.

Ben was amazed at how little effort it took to keep the shot and the shooter frozen. The feeling of manipulating the Force was powerful intoxicant; he felt elated but horrified at the same time.  _Stars, she was almost shot!_

“Bring him to me!” Ben heard her order, and he did, dragging the struggling shooter along the ground. With a tug Ben pulled him up to face her, choking his windpipe and lifting him off the ground. The power of the darkside sang as it flowed through Ben. The woman tilted her head and stared at the shooter.

“Oh, Parchinor, you’ve tried so hard. I’m sorry to take the joy of killing me away from you, I know you want that so bad,” she said to him, smiling sadly and patting his cheek with her hand.

 _“Karking chuba, e chu ta!”_ the shooter choked out to her, struggling against Ben’s hold. At this the woman sucked her teeth and pursed her lips.

“Rude,” she said, and turned to Ben. She replaced her parasol over her, and nodded to him. “Darling, if you would?”

Ben struggled, eyes moving between the woman and her assailant, knowing what she wanted and not wanting to give it to her. His conflict was evident as she moved towards him. She stopped next to him, facing away from the shooter, again in the opposite direction of Ben. Without looking at him, she put her hand on his arm.

“If he had succeeded, they’d already be gone,” she said, loud enough for only him to hear. Ben’s eyes widened with the realization that she meant his children and she turned her head. She squeezed his arm as she whispered.

“Boom.”

A bolt of fear and anger shot through Ben and his mind spun. This man had almost killed her and by extension his children. He had almost lost them, _kriffing hell,_ they were mere  _inches_ away from the death! Ben and the woman looked at each other for a moment. Without moving his eyes from her face, Ben squeezed his fist, snapped the shooter’s neck, and dropped his body to the ground.

She grinned at him and lifted her glasses. At first she squinted in pain, but recovered and stepped closer. Despite their height difference, she pulled at his tunic and brought his face closer to her, staring deeply into his eyes.

“Thank you for keeping me safe. You’ve done _so_ well.” She released him, replacing her glasses and walking away from him. Nax held an arm up to her and she took it, and he glanced back at Ben, smirking. The pair started back to the ship.

“Come, darling, it’s time to go,” she called over her shoulder.

Ben breathed deeply as he looked back at the being he killed at her command. A beep on his arm snapped him back to attention.

“Sir, what’s your 20?”

Ben glared at the retreating figures of Nax and the witch behind him and brought his arm up to the comm. “Prepare for departure. We’re on our way.”

He closed his eyes to his guilt and turned to follow his captors.

As the trio left the market, the blaster shot was released, hitting a stand and destroying it. Ben didn’t even notice.   

 

+++++

Chewbacca was not a particularly complicated being. He was big, he was strong, he was brave, and he was sensitive. But if there is one thing he did well, better than anything else, it was following orders from a Solo. And for the first time in a _long_ time, a Solo had given him an order.

He went back to the freighter he’d been working on, grabbed his things, stole a fighter jet and put in the coordinates for Atzerri.


	27. Trials and Tribulations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey confronts a fear; Ben learns something new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again borrowing heavily from The Clone Wars. I don't care for the title of this chapter. If you have a better idea, please offer it up. :) Thank you to my thoughtful and intelligent betas @leofgyth and @thefitfulfire... 
> 
> Also, three cheers for you if you spot the original trilogy reference. I didn't even do it on purpose.  
> Please enjoy - srs

When Rey awoke, she was on the ground again on one of the islands. She opened her eyes and breathed deeply. She stretched her arms over her head where she lay. She couldn’t remember the last time she had slept like that. She had never felt more content, more complete, brimming with light and life.

+++++

Back in the bowels of the ship, another member of the Corps stirred and spoke.

“Light… Life…”

+++++

A small smile was on her face as she lay with her hands behind her back. _Wasn’t there something I’m meant to be doing?_ Rey heard a giggle from all around her.

“Reeeey,” said the voice. “It’s time.”

Rey bolted upright. She was in the Wellspring. She had to find her balance - the priestesses were going to help her. As if on command, Serenity appeared floating above her. She held out a hand to Rey, which Rey accepted to help her up.

“Follow me, Daughter. Come with me,” Serenity said, and as she glided away, large strange tentacles on the island unfurled to lead Rey, like a bridge, to what looked like giant floating mushrooms.

“Where are we going?” Rey asked as she flipped and hopped from one mushroom to another. _Stars_ it felt good to move in the Force like that. It had been a long time.

“To face your imbalance, your fear. You must conquer the darkness within you. Your challenge awaits… on that island.” Serenity gestured to a large spire of a land mass. What looked like broken trees and sticks were piled high, into a dark, threatening cloud, lightning bursting inside. “You must confront that inside you which you keep hidden, and defeat it.”

With those words, Serenity dissolved into a ball of light and floated away.

Rey felt confident as she jumped ahead, but as soon as she set foot on the dark island, she faltered. Lightning crashed overhead. The shadows around her seemed to lengthen and move towards her.

 _Come on, Rey, knock it off,_ she told herself. She took a deep breath for strength and began to walk the path that lay in front of her into the shadowy forest. As she walked deeper, any light that lingered from outside dimmed to practically nothing. She heard vague whispers as the shadows moved along with her.

“You…” she heard an echoed whisper from over her left shoulder and spun. There was nothing.

“You…” she heard the echo again, from behind her, but again when she turned there was nothing. The terrain changed. The ground rose up on either side of her, like she was walking through a ravine. _Like Takodana._

“You… a scavenger…” the voice whispered again, louder this time. Rey grabbed her saber from her waist and its white light illuminated the stone walls. She sensed a presence behind her, turned and walked backwards, facing it. This did feel like Takodana, although instead of the terror and insecurity she felt pointing a blaster at Kylo Ren, she walked sure-footedly, unafraid, with a weapon she trusted to face whatever was coming for her.

“The girl… I’ve heard so much about…”

Rey stopped. _No._

He stepped out from around the corner; Kylo Ren, in full regalia. Taller than she remembered, but just as menacing, although now the eyes of his mask burned with a fiery glow. Rey could almost feel heat from them as they pierced into her, the red of his eyes matching the red of his saber.

She was not that girl anymore. She had the Force.

“Don’t even think about it, Kylo Ren!” she yelled as she shot a hand out to him, intending to freeze him in the Force.

He paused as tilted his head quizzically at her. Then he slowly began to laugh, a dark, evil sound she had never heard before.

“Fool,” he said. “Do you think your little tricks will have any effect on _me?”_ He laughed and moved towards her, saber lifted high.  Rey grunted and rushed forward, raising her saber to meet him, but was taken aback at his strength. _Damn,_ she thought. _He never actually wanted to hurt me. But this one…_ Kylo parried again quickly and aggressively as Rey twisted away and scrambled up the side.

_This one wants to kill me._

Kylo Ren looked up at her retreating figure and yelled. “Enough! That lightsaber...” He put out his hand. Rey’s saber left her grasp and she yelped in surprise.

Her blade went right to his gloved hand. “It belongs to me.”

His voice. Rey had never heard something so disturbing in all her life, the modulator changing the sound of the man’s voice into truly that of a monster. He growled and roared as he zipped around the side towards her.

Rey was unarmed and without the Force. She ran. She ducked and hid among the trees.

“SCAVENGER! You cannot hide from me!” Rey heard the sounds of trees breaking, branches snapping, and the tell-tale buzz of Kylo Ren’s blade. “I sense you everywhere, Rey. I feel you in my blood, your fear runs through my veins, it gives me strength. I could have made you POWERFUL! We could have done SO MUCH together and instead you BETRAYED ME!!”

 _No._ Rey scrambled away.

“I gave up EVERYTHING for you, for your life! And how did you repay me?”

 _No!_ Rey ran to the next tree to block him. Her mind raced as she tried to catch her breath. Did Ben feel that way, deep down?  

“You LEFT! ABANDONING me, like all the rest! And then you denied me my right to rule the Galaxy. So selfish and stupid! I hate you for what you did, SCAVENGER! And you’re going to pay.”

 _No… NO._ Ben did not feel that way.

When he asked, all those years ago, Rey had told Kylo Ren what she wanted from him... But the only way he would have actually _done_ it is if deep down, that was what he wanted too. He had wanted out - out of The First Order, of the mask, of ruling, all of it. He wanted their vision of the future just as much as she did. It’s why he ended the war. It’s why when they fought, he couldn’t hurt her. And this Kylo Ren wouldn’t hurt her either.

Rey stopped hiding and stepped out to him.

“YOU!” he screamed. He held his blade out straight in front of him pointed at her. “I’ll destroy you!”

“No you won’t!”

She walked back to him confidently and knelt in front of him.

“I know you won’t kill me. You can’t, nor do you want to. I’m not afraid of you,” Rey declared, her voice strong as she looked up at the monster towering over her.

Kylo’s voice sputtered. “You… you…”

“I _am_ you, and you are me, Kylo Ren.” Rey grappled with what she had to say.

“It was not Ben Solo who fell in love with me. It was _you_. And I… I loved you, too," she said, admitting something to him and to herself. She _had_  fallen in love with Kylo Ren.

"I just… I couldn’t _be_ with you. Not like this. Not hidden inside a mask. And you knew that, which is why you changed. For me.” 

At this, Kylo Ren put his arms down. His saber went dark. He paused and tilted his masked head again at her. As she glared boldly at the mask, the red glow faded. He reached up with his hands and unlocked his helmet, pulling it off his head.

And just like that, there he was, standing before her as he had that day, on Starkiller base, so long ago. His hair was short, his face smooth, no scar splitting the right side.  _Was he_ _really so young when we met?_ She stood up and slowly approached him. He did not move, just stared at her, as intensely as he did then. Not quite Kylo Ren, but not yet her Ben.

“You’re not real,” she said, lips quivering. He said nothing, but continued to stare. He was, after all, merely a projection from inside herself. What could he say?

Rey didn’t care.

“You’ve been so lonely,” he said. _Gods,_ she had forgotten what he had sounded like in that moment. So soft. She smiled at him as her tears spilled over, running down her cheeks.

“I miss you,” she said to the figment of her husband.

“Don’t be afraid, I feel it too,” he said.

“Of course,” Rey chuckled a little. “At least you’re not asking me about the droid.” She gazed up at his face, so guarded and yet so eager. He was always a complicated man.

“You know, I never asked you what you meant by that statement. I forgot. I’ll have to ask you when I find you for real.” Rey wiped her eyes quickly, and took one step closer. “I _will_ find you,” she said to him, but for her own benefit really.

The ghost of Kylo Ren stared at her for another moment, and then blew away like smoke.

 

++++++

 

When they returned from Tatooine, the woman walked away from him quickly.

“Hey,” Ben called after her. “HEY!” he shouted, making her stop and turn. She tilted her head him in questioning.

“My children… we had a deal.”

“Oh, yes, of course darling!” she came closer to him as she spoke. “I have preparations to make, can’t make something like that just _happen_ , after all.” She smiled and put her hand on his chin. He hid a flinch at her touch.

“I keep my promises. You will see them.”

“When?” he demanded sharply. She lowered her hand.

“Soon.” She turned swiftly and left, following Nax out of the hanger. Ben growled in frustration before he noticed Teekan waiting for him.

“What?”

“We need to debrief, about the trip. We can do that while walking back to your quarters.” The two men glared at each other. Eventually Ben sighed, but straightened his spine.

“There was an incident…”

* * *

 

Ben was counting. He had been deposited in his room by Teekan. He had showered and dressed. He had eaten. He was sitting in a chair, looking at nothing, and counting. Waiting.

_Eight thousand, seven hundred and forty two, eight thousand, seven hundred and forty three..._

Without warning, the band on his wrist beeped. A blue light glowed. Ben looked at the cuff then jerked his head up. Could he leave? He turned his head towards the door and saw a rectangle trimmed in blue light. _The panel._

Ben bolted out of the chair and stepped up to it. He felt nervous, what if it was a trick?

He pressed his hand firmly in the rectangle. The door slid open. Ben’s mouth dropped. Fuck her, he would find his children himself. He stepped out of the room quickly but almost ran directly into the disciples, all three of them, and of course, Teekan. Ben’s shoulders sunk.

“Hello!” cried Titus, excitedly.

“It’s a big day,” exclaimed Mae, “a big day. So exciting!”

Cria was smiling serenely, but Teekan merely looked bored.

“Well, sir?” Titus asked.

“Well what?”

“Where are we headed?” Cria said. Ben looked at the entourage with unease. He then stood straight and turned away from them.

“This way.” Ben had no idea where he was heading, but he would walk and turn in confidence until he had to return to his cage. 

* * *

 

Eventually, Titus and Mae left them, claiming they where required elsewhere. Now just a trio, Ben continued to lead them randomly around the ship, guiding Cria on his arm. People passed by, greeting them. Some even chatted him up, like they were old friends. Cria would always introduce by name, knowing who it was despite their lack of eyesight. Ben was in the middle of being introduced to some long time residents of the ship, when one said something that caught his attention.

“I’m one of the folks in charge of cleaning your rooms.”

“Rooms?” Ben asked the woman. “You must be mistaken, there is only one room.”

“Oh no, sir, you have five-”

“Jauma,” Teekan interrupted her. “That’s enough, our guest has had a very busy day.” He glared at the woman, who ducked her head apologetically.

“Of course, Master Teekan, my apologies, I didn’t mean-”

“Thank you, Jauma,” Ben said, taking her hand. “For doing such a wonderful job on my rooms,” he continued, emphasizing the ‘s.’ He looked quickly at Teekan who revealed nothing to him.

“I know I don’t make it easy for you,” Ben finished. The woman gazed up at Ben in awe.

“You are most welcome, sir! It’s my pleasure! You’re very welcome, thank _you_ sir, thank you…”

Teekan, Cria and Ben continued walking, this time with Ben in front of them both, hands clasped behind his back. _Rooms,_ Ben thought. It tickled his brain. _Rooms..._   

“Cria?” he said without turning to look at the disciple behind him.

“Yes, sir?” Cria responded. Ben noticed hesitancy in their voice and sensed trepidation in their signature. They knew what was coming. They could not lie to him.

“That cleaning woman seemed to think I have five rooms. Why does she think that?” Through the Force, Ben felt the hesitation in Cria. Ben turned around to look directly at Teekan. He was shooting daggers through his eyes at Ben.

“Probably because there are amenities prepared for you in more than one space, sir. In five spaces, apparently.”

“Huh,” Ben said, smirking at Teekan. He faced forward again and made a random right turn in a corridor they were passing. Teekan and Cria followed. “That’s strange, isn’t it?”

“Is it, sir?” said Cria.

“Doesn’t seem strange to me. You are a very important guest, _sir_ ,” said Teekan, emphasizing the sir as he always did, as if it pained him to say it.

“Oh, I know I am Teekan,” Ben replied, randomly turning again, this time left. “I’m a very important _guest_ , as you say. So why would I not _know_ about the other rooms? Isn’t _that_ strange?” Ben asked, leisurely. Something important was happening here, he felt. He was asserting himself somehow.

“Perhaps my mistress will have a better answer for you, sir,” Cria replied.

“I hope she does, Cria.”

* * *

 

Eventually, the band turned red and Ben was returned to his quarters. Cria did not stay. Ben never knew if his “attendant” would be with him or not. The door closed behind him quickly but he moved no further into the room. Something felt strange. Ben could sense he was not alone.

“Who’s there?”

Nax walked out of his fresher.

“Hello again,” Nax said. He was drying his hands with a towel. _Did he use my fresher?_ Ben thought, disturbed.

“Why are you in here?” Ben demanded.

“I go where I want,” responded Nax as he threw the towel on the table.

“What were you-” Ben started.

“You know,” Nax interrupted him. “I was under the impression that you were a smart man. Not brilliant, mind you, certainly nothing compared to me,” Nax smiled a bit and Ben narrowed his eyes. “But I’m surprised you didn’t notice yourself.”

“Notice what?” Ben moved towards Nax, and the men circled each other around the table.

“You are never taken back to the room from which you leave.”

“What?” Ben said softly looking around. Where was he now? “Why?”

He watched Nax walk gracefully to the door and place his palm on the wall. The door opened. Nax gave Ben a look.

“Why indeed?” Nax said and left, the door closing behind him.

 

Eventually Ben noticed a small box on the counter near the sink. _What in the galaxy is this?_ Ben rolled it around in his hands. It had no distinguishing features. Ben knew for certain it hadn’t been there before, although who knew what room he was in now? Nax must have left it. But why?

 

Ben went over to his bed and leaned over to his hashes, the tally he keeps of his days. Now, he scratched in something different - the Basic symbol for the number one.

He would eventually have all the rooms numbered, one through five. He knew _something_ about what was happening to him, and the power of this knowledge excited him like nothing else.

* * *

 

It was some time later, _six thousand four hundred and twenty-two seconds later_ , when the witch came to him. He stood up, ready to leave with her to see his kids.

“It’s about time-” he barked at her, but she put a finger to her lips to quiet him and sashayed over. He looked at her puzzled while she took his hand and led him to the wall by the chairs, the blocked window.

“What in hells are you doing?” he said as she lifted his arm, the one with the band. It beeped and turned blue again and she smiled.

He stared at her, watching her lift his hand to a space on the wall that was now also glowing blue. The panel slid open and revealed a viewport overlooking an exterior wing of the ship. His frustration was building rapidly; why wasn’t she taking him to his children?

She, on the other hand, looked positively delighted by whatever she was showing him. She practically skipped over to the window, put one hand on it, and slid the other hand over the glass. The viewport zoomed in on a specific spot on the wing. She turned to him, grinning from ear to ear.

It took Ben a moment to see what she was showing him.

His children. In the window.

He took a step closer. He could see them playing through another viewport on the ship.

_DAMN HER._

“You promised I could see them!” he growled at her.

The woman’s smiled immediately faded and her expression turned to one of confusion. She looked at the children, then back at him, then the children, then again back at him. She put up her hand, gesturing to the viewport.

“Can you not _see_ them?" she said. "I don’t understand why you’re upset."

“We had a DEAL! I SAVED YOUR LIFE!!” he screamed at her, enraged.

“Yes, and here they are! For you to SEE!” she yelled right back. “Perhaps you prefer nothing then,” she said, marching back to the panel and closing the window.

The two stared at each other, hard, eyes burning, wearing mirrored expressions of anger. It was only after several frantic heartbeats that Ben turned and slammed one of the chairs into the wall, releasing his frustration.

He turned back to her, so slowly, and by the time he did his expression was blank, his breathing calm. He walked slowly over to the panel in the wall, and pressed his hand to the blue rectangle. The window opened once again on his children, the viewport still zoomed in on them playing. He walked back to the chair that was still intact and sat down, not saying a word.

She glared at him the entire time, eyes following his movements. Once he was seated, she spoke.

“I worked very hard to put this together for you,” she said, still angry. “You kept me safe. Now, you can see them." She moved to stand in front of him.

"Your lack of gratitude is _disturbing_ , to say the least,” she spat out at him, before walking around him to leave.

“ _Madam,”_ he called out before she hit the door. She paused. He turned his head over his right shoulder without looking at her.

“Thank you,” he said, his voice filled with malice. She huffed.

“You’re welcome,” she replied, never turning back to him, and left.

* * *

Ben counted to two thousand, one hundred and sixty before the band turned red. He counted to three hundred and sixty two and the light turned off. He only made it a few more seconds before the burning of the cuff became too much and he had to close the panel. Thirty six minutes. He got thirty six minutes of watching his children for saving her life.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would still love a co-author for the next chapter. Hit me up on the tumblr @secretreylostan if you're interested.


	28. This Isn't Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey faces her second test; Ben learns some pretty big news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy you're reading this story. Hopefully you like it, hopefully it doesn't disappoint. You've put a lot of time in and I'm grateful. I'm also grateful for my betas @leofgyth and @thefitfulfire (If you're into Finreylo, so is Leofgyth, so you should hit her up on the tumblr).
> 
> Pretty big revelation this chapter, I think?  
> -srs

Rey breathed deeply and gathered her bearings. Kylo Ren had made her confront deep fears she had previously ignored, about her husband and their life. Now, she felt confident; his choices had been his own, and he would never resent her or their simple life.

The encounter had also forced her to accept that Kylo Ren _had_ been a monster, and she had fallen in love with that monster, for better or for worse.

Tackling Kylo Ren had shaken her, but seeing his young face had saddened her. She was even more resolved to find her balance and save her family. She had to move on.

After picking up her saber from the ground, she followed the path through the forest that had emerged again with Kylo Ren’s departure. Shadows lengthened and a thick fog rolled in, limiting Rey’s visibility. The ground changed under her feet. It felt smoother and was easier to walk on.

The scene morphed around her and she could tell she was no longer in a forest. She was now in a dark stone corridor, like a cave. Lifting her saber off her belt, she lit it in anticipation of whatever was coming next.

Rey concentrated on the Force around her. She sensed a dark presence, very strong. It was… familiar, but not Kylo Ren. Rey heard the buzz of a saber igniting, and then another.

“Who’s there?” she called out. She turned a corner, her saber held ready in front of her, and she saw a figure down the hall. She could tell it was a humanoid woman, even though her back was to Rey. She was dressed in dark clothes, a deep v cut into the back of the wrapped tunic, and she held a double-bladed saberstaff, both sides burning red. This was obviously the dark-sider Rey had sensed. Something about her stance, though… it gave Rey pause. She had never fought a saberstaff before, although at one point she had considered one for herself. She had opted to heal Anakin’s broken kyber crystal instead.

The woman began to laugh. It was a strange sound, echoing around Rey, making her senses tingle.

“Turn around and face me!” Rey demanded.

“Are you sure?” Her voice was so strange, almost modulated. She sounded damaged. “Be careful what you wish for… What if you don’t like what you see?” the woman said, and twirled her staff over head as she turned to Rey. She crouched low, staff held in front of her, the red blades reflecting strangely in her yellow eyes.

“My gods…” Rey whispered.

The woman laughed again. “Told you.”

Rey was staring at her own face. The woman was _her_.

“Who are you?” Rey whispered. Her dark self laughed again.

“Oh stop, you know who I am. Or should I say, who _we_ are.” She leaped up onto the wall and around Rey, swiping at her head with the saberstaff before landing behind her.

“No,” Rey said.

“Ye-ee-es,” she said in a sing-song voice and laughed again. “I am _you_. _You_ are me. You just _ignore_ me. Hide me away. Like I’m _nothing…_ ” her tone sharpened as she twirled her saber in her hands. “Well, the time for that is over, little Jedi. I am done hiding. It’s either you or me.” She twisted and slammed her staff towards Rey, which Rey quickly deflected with her saber and spun away.

“You’ve buried me so deep, Rey. So deep. Hidden me away...Like your parents. Like your fears. But I am still here. I am _everything…_ everything you hate. I live. Right below the surface. Simmering, like one of those asinine stews you prepare for those brats you’ve sired…”

At the mention of her children, Rey reared up and attacked. The two versions of Rey parried back and forth, turning, twisting, grunting and spinning, flipping off the walls and rotating around each other, equally matched, of course. Rey broke off and her dark self laughed again.

“You are no match for me, silly thing. Look at you: tired, haggard. You’ve grown soft, and yet you are still so _righteous_ … actually believing you’re better than me.” Dark Rey ran and jumped over Rey, their blades locking as Rey threw the dark version of herself to the ground. Her face laughed back at her as Rey pinned her, her white blade at her throat.

Quickly, their positions swapped as Rey's legs were swept out from under her.

“Only one of us will walk away from this fight,” Dark Rey growled at her. “You know he’d prefer me, especially to _fuck_. I am never tired. My body is strong. My belly is still firm while yours jiggles beneath him-”

Rey screamed at her dark self, her anger growing as she kicked out and swung. She hadn’t fought this hard in years, maybe ever. Her fiercest opponent was always her husband, but this dark version of herself didn’t fight fair; she shouted at Rey as they parried viciously. The women moved down deeper into the cave until they were in a large cavern.

“You couldn’t even keep your children safe! Stolen right from under your little nose, while you were too busy playing with your farm animals or some other ridiculousness… clinging to the light. I NEVER would have lost them. Or him. I would have been his _Empress_. That bitch would have known to stay far, far away from me and _my_  family. My power would be known throughout the galaxy!”

Rey was locked with her dark opponent, glaring at each other in a stalemate. “And, if by some mystery, I did lose them, I would have found them by now, that’s for sure!" Dark Rey screamed at her and her yellow eyes flashed in the lights of their blades. "You need to look _harder_!”

 _Look harder…_  Rey stared hard at this version of herself, past her face and her yellow eyes, deep inside her… 

Rey called the Force, drawing it in. She could sense something... a vision. It was coming into focus despite the fact the she was losing stamina in her hold. It was like that moment in the mirror on Ahch-To. The Force wanted to show her something.

The face of her dark self shimmered, and changed, just slightly, so quickly, but Rey saw it.

 _Ben!_ His face gleaming over her like it had on Starkiller when they fought, before she cut him open. Rey stammered and shook off her dark self. She snapped off her saber, lifted her hand and froze Dark Rey in the Force.

“What do you think you're doing, foolish _Jedi_??” her dark self raged. “Only one of us can remain!”

“No!” Rey screamed. She walked closer to her dark self. Her darkness. “I see you. I _see_ you.” Rey’s voice grew strong and loud. “I am no Jedi. I am the balance of the Force. I will _not_ destroy you. To destroy the dark in me is to destroy the light in him, and I will not do that. Never.”

Rey grabbed her hand and pulled her dark self into a tight embrace. The cavern around them began to collapse as beams of light poured through the openings. She closed her eyes and could only hear her and her other self screaming as the brightness engulfed them both.

 

+++++

 

Time continued to pass strangely on the ship. He was not returned to rooms in any particular order, at least not a pattern he could decipher. Starting the day in 3, but after the gym he’d be in 5. When the blue light turned on, he’d venture out and be returned to 2. Then 1, then 5 again, then 4, and so on.

After he saw his children in the viewport, the very next time the blue light came on, he reached for the panel to open the window. But the wing he could see before was gone. _How?_ He ran over to the door panel, but it did not open. _DAMN!_

So, he could either open the window or the door, but not both. He had wasted his turn.

After smashing the table chairs into the walls until they bent or broke, he went over to his bed. He was currently in room 3. Next to the 3, he carved the symbol for N - meaning No, he could not see his children.

Eventually he figured out he could see them from rooms 1, 2 and 4 which lead him to believe his rooms were on opposite sides of the ship.

The greatest discovery, however, was in the box left behind by Nax.

At some point, Ben was watching his children through the viewport, truly the highlight of his life at this point. He walked away quickly to get some water, and as he moved into the fresher he heard a sound. It was strange, like a squeaking. Maybe... muffled voices?

He looked around the fresher and realized it was coming from the box that Nax had left behind. Ben picked it up and examined it closely. It was not one piece; he noticed lines now along the sides of the box. He fiddled around with it a bit, and two small round shell-like pieces came off in his hands. They were the source of the noise. Ben put one to his ear…

“Come off it, Sky, let me have a turn-”

“You can have one, if you catch me!”

 _Hannah! Sky!_ It was his children.

Ben sprinted back to the window. The sounds matched what he saw in the viewport. He could HEAR them. Ben’s heart pounded, he gasped for air, he laughed, he wept, his emotions ran in a million directions at once. He could see them, he could hear them.

 _Get it together, Solo,_ Ben thought, or maybe someone else thought for him, but the voice was right. Someone would likely sense something from him if he didn’t put a lid on his emotions right away.  Ben sat back down, tears rolling down his face silently. When the red light turned off, he fought the pain as long as he could, but eventually he had to shut the screen.

To his amazement, he could still hear them. He could listen to his children.

Ben laid in his bed, closed his eyes and listened to them play until he heard Mae come and take them away somewhere. The joy of hearing their voices... he actually couldn’t think of a time when he felt happier.

Eventually though, the confusion returned. Why? Why had Nax given him this gift? What did he want from him?

 

* * *

 

He had fallen asleep waiting for the sounds of his children. His sleep schedule had been weird lately but he hadn’t yet figured out why. Right now, however, something had startled him awake. He sat up and looked around.

Ben’s door was open.

He looked to his wrist. The band was dark. He got up quickly and went to the door. He stuck his head into the hallway, but no one was around. This was not an authorized exit. Ben paced quickly back and forth for a moment, not sure of what to do. _Kriff it_. He walked out into the hallway.

He tried to dampen his thoughts and emotions, block his signature in the Force, anything he could think of so no one would notice he was out of his cage. He took a deep breath. He turned right.

He had pieced together some of the ships geography through his journeys, knowing about his different rooms and views. However, at present he really had no clue what he was doing or where he was going. He had no weapon. Could he get to the training room? Could he find his children?

Ben felt a gentle sloping of the hallway and recalled the last time he’d felt it. The Corps.

His intuition was correct. Eventually he found himself in the sterile white hallway, the giant kyber crystal glowing at him from over the balcony. He was drawn to it. _Gods_ , what he would _do_ right now for that kind of power.

He approached the balcony and looked over. He was surprised to see Naxum, standing in the middle of the pods, staring straight up at him. It should have made him afraid, it should have made him run, but it didn’t. The men stared at each other, and Ben sensed complicated emotions rolling off of him.

Nax was standing in between two of the pods, and Ben could make out their mouths moving. Whispering...

“This isn’t right,” Nax called up to him. _What?_

Something finally clicked in Ben’s brain that he shouldn’t be there, so he turned and moved quickly back down the hallway, away from the Corps. _What isn’t right?_ Him being outside his room? The pods talking? The Corps, in general?

In his haste to get away, Ben became completely turned around on the ship. He had no idea where he was. _Damn,_ he would never get to the training room now.

Ben meandered through the halls for quite some time, trying to gather his bearings. Nothing looked familiar from his walks. Every time he thought he remembered some landmark, he would turn the way he thought he should, but not end up anywhere he recognized. _Damn her and damn this ship._ He was blowing his only possible chance to escape.

Ben ambled into a large darkened atrium, stopping short at the entryway. Several beings were looking up, watching what looked like a strange performance, beings twisting and floating, flying high in the air. They glowed with an otherworldly light as their forms morphed, moved and changed.

Ben’s senses were overwhelmed by the Force; whatever was happening here was not natural, amplified in a very peculiar way. It felt like an abuse of the Force, an abomination.

Ben glared at the small audience lounging in the Atrium. He was surprised to see Nax was there. How long had he been wandering? Teekan stood guard, and the witch’s eyes glowed gold, along with the disciples. What could they see that he could not?

Without warning the witch’s head turned and those glowing eyes met his. Hers immediately darkened and her mouth dropped in surprise.

“Darling,” she said, so quietly and yet the sound echoed through the hall. Teekan whipped his head around and growled, green eyes flashing at Ben. The woman stood up and pressed her hand to his large chest. The Master of the Guard calmed immediately when she shook her head.

She glided over to Ben, her expression dreamy. Her voice was airy when she spoke to him.

“What are you doing out, darling? You shouldn’t be here.” She gave him her most beguiling smile. “Come, I’ll walk you back.” The woman took Ben’s arm and turned him. Teekan made a move to follow, but she gestured for him to stay.

“You must be lost,” she said facing forward as they walked. Her tone was becoming more solidified as the moved together. “This ship does take some getting used to,” she said, giggling.

“Especially when I don’t know which room I’m supposed to be in. Which of the five, I mean,” he says, his tone biting.

She looked up at him slowly, blinking innocently and smirking flirtatiously.

“Who is telling you my secrets?” 

Ben shielded himself as best he could from her. The two walked in silence for quite a while, until Ben finally gathered the nerve to ask her something he wanted to know.

“The children. In the Corps. They never age, do they?”

“No, they don’t.” She continued to walk without looking at him. “No one here does, dearest.”

“How?”

She sighed. “I have only two gifts. One, I can shift my shape whenever and however I see fit. Which you’ve seen,” they side-eyed each other, both remembering the scene with Hannah.

“The other is immortality. It is my gift to give, and I do. I share it with those on this ship. No one here ages, and no one here dies.”

“Unless you will it so,” he countered.

“That is inaccurate!” she said, sharply turning towards him. They stared each other down for a moment before she turned and began to walk again. Ben followed.

“Unfortunately, to do this requires much power, more power than I could ever hope to have. It requires the power of the Corps. For now.”

“For now?” Ben asked. The woman stopped and placed her hand on the wall. A door opened to his room. She tilted her head, gesturing for him to enter. She followed him inside, walking directly to the covered window. She placed her hand on another panel and the wall opened to reveal the galaxy; they floated next to a large asteroid belt. They were not in the room he left.

“Do you know where we are?” she asked him.

“You know I don’t,” he said, sternly. She did not take her eyes off the stars.

“Long ago, before you were born, this was Alderaan.”

Ben inhaled sharply and moved to the viewport. He put his hand to the window and immediately saw his mother in his mind.

“It was beautiful. And then it was gone. The Corps felt that too,” she said quietly.

Ben dropped his hand, and turned to sit in one of the chairs by the window. He was so exhausted.

“You’re torturing them,” he said quietly.

“Do you think I don’t know that? But darling, can you imagine what it takes to keep all this going? To keep all these people safe and alive?” She moved to kneel in front of him. He recoiled slightly, but did not have the energy to move much.

“It takes power, dearest. The power of the Force. A power you can harvest and bend to your will. The power I see in you…” her eyes shimmered. “Don’t you see? If I had you - your power - I would not need the Corps.”

And there it was.

What she wanted with him.

Why he was here.

“You want _me_ to replace the Corps?” he said, incredulously. “But how…” his face dropped along with his stomach. He pictured the pods. “You would plug me in.”

“No. Nax doesn’t think so. Not all the time, anyway. Just imagine,” she spoke quickly now, “think of the children you’d be freeing. Lives you would save, instead of end. And your children,” she sat up a little straighter, putting her hands on his legs. “What is the one thing, the ONE thing you desire more than anything in the universe? Their safety! I would keep them safe! Nowhere in the galaxy are they safer than on this ship. No harm would come to them. And they would be with _you_ , forever,” she finished, breathless.

Ben couldn’t take his eyes off of her. She was proposing he sacrifice himself in exchange for the lives of his children and the freedom of the Corps.

“What about my wife?”

Her eyes did not leave his, but her expression darkened slightly, barely. She stood up in front of him, not breaking eye contact as his face shifted up, following her. “It was lovely to walk with you, dear. Maybe we can do it again soon.”

As she walked past him, she placed her hand on his shoulder. “Think about it,” she whispered, and walked out of the room.

She left the window open. Ben just stared out at the stars and the remnants of a destroyed planet, losing track of time once again.

* * *

 

“There are very few beings who can open the doors to his rooms while he is in them, and one of them is dead. The remainder were with us. I need to know who let him out, Teekan.” He had met her at the entry to her quarters.

“I know madam. I’ll find out. I will not fail you.”

“I know you won’t Teekan. You always look out for me.” She smiled at him, but abruptly closed the door in his face.

 

 


	29. So Much Green

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I didn't know there was this much green in the whole galaxy..."
> 
> Starring... this guy! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is long, and in my opinion, lovely. I could have stayed in this world all day, forever really. I hope you like it. - srs

Rey awoke with a jolt. The blue streaks of hyperdrive were still visible through in the viewport.

“You alright kid? We’re gonna be leaving hyperspace in a bit here.”

Rey turned to the voice on her left.  _Han Solo. This is the Millennium Falcon._  She must have fallen asleep…

“Sorry!” Rey rushed to get up, “I didn’t mean-”

“Don’t worry about it, it’s alright. You got a name?”

Rey smiled a little in relief. “Rey.”

Han looked at her. “Rey. Seems like you’ve had a pretty big day. I know I have. We’d all be space dust if you hadn’t bypassed that compressor, so I think you earned a little shut eye.”

She heard BB-8 beeping behind her and turned around in her chair. “Where’s Finn?” Rey asked the droid. His response confused her.

“You know - Finn. He’s… he…” Rey paused in a memory half formed.  _Who is Finn?_

“What, is there another stowaway? More unnecessary cargo we don’t know about?” A tall young man came into view in the doorway behind BB-8. Rey lifted her eyes to a strangely handsome face with sparkling dark eyes. His jaw was narrow but his chin was proud, his hands rested on either side of the door frame, and his mouth… was smirking. Obnoxiously.

Rey scowled. “No.”

“Knock it off, will ya?” Han turned, scolding the man. “I told you kid, pay no attention to my son. He’s a smart aleck and a scoundrel-”

The young man laughed and moved over to a control panel behind Rey. “You know what they say Pop, the jogan fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree-”

“Yeah, yeah… Ever since he got taller than me, he started thinking he was smarter than me too, but some help YOU were dealing with the rathtar and those thugs back there - you coulda got Chewie KILLED!”

“Uh, excuse me? I’m pretty sure when I went to sleep - what is going on with this compressor - the rathtar were secured, there was no droid OR girl with us, Chewie was fine, and we were on a much larger ship. If anybody has messed this up Pop, it’s you-”

“Hey!” Rey yelled out and turned, coming almost face-to-face with a… well-formed backside. She jerked her eyes up quickly. Han’s  _son_ , apparently, looked down at her, clearly amused. “I bypassed that already,” she explained. His eyebrows rose in surprise. 

“We’re almost there,” Han grumbled.

“Where?” he asked, plopping down in the seat behind Han.

“Takodana!” Han snapped, not quite done arguing.

“Astral. We seein’ Maz?”

“We gotta get that droid to the Resistance,” Han replied, quieter.

“Aaaah I see,” said his son, chuckling.

“What are you laughing at? She’s just as ticked at you as she is at me.”

“Impossible. She’s known you way longer,” the younger Solo said, smiling and winking at Rey, lounging one long leg over the arm of the chair. Rey screwed her face at him.

“Who?” she asked.

He leaned over the chair, closer to her.

“The General,” he said, putting some bass in his already deep voice. “By the way, I don’t think we’ve met,” he purred, his voice syrupy now. “I’m Ben Solo. I didn’t catch your name…”

“Is there something wrong with your face?” Rey asked.

Ben looked confused. “What do you mean?”

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she responded. BB-8 beeped and rolled, and Han snorted. Ben plopped back away from her,  pouting slightly. Chewie barked out his feelings from the back.

“Alright, you two. Rey, let’s get this thing out of hyperdrive. Ben, you’re taking over the landing. I need to check you didn’t do any more damage to Chewie.”

“Yeah, yeah…”

The Solo men swapped places after the ship left hyperspace. With Ben in the pilot’s chair, Rey felt a queer sort of self-consciousness that she had not had with his father.

“So, _Rey_ is it? You think you can handle landing this piece of junk?” Ben asked, giving her a side eye and that smirk.

“Yes. Can you?” she retorted.

“Well, maybe not by myself, but with you?” he said, turning to her and meeting her eyes again. “With you, I bet I can handle anything.” Winking at her once more, he turned back to the controls. Rey felt herself blushing, which annoyed her greatly.

The two worked in tandem, a strange understanding between them while they landed the ship. Rey was anticipating what he needed and he was trusting her to complete the tasks he asked of her. However, after a few moments, once coordinates and controls were set, Rey became distracted by the scene through the viewport.

Ben noticed right away; Rey’s eyes were wide and glistening. “What’s up, you’ve never been to Takodana before?”

“I’ve never been anywhere before,” Rey said. “I didn’t know there was this much green in the whole galaxy,” she finished breathlessly. Ben looked over at her softly.

“Rey found the Falcon at Niima Outpost,” Han declared, now back in the cockpit, jarring them both.

Rey looked at Ben, who was giving her another strange look. Ben broke eye contact and coughed. “Well, let’s land this thing. Then you can look all you like.”

* * *

Rey rushed down out of the ship to see the surrounding landscape. The trees, the water… she couldn’t believe her eyes. The air felt soft. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, the sweetest smells floating into her nostrils. She heard steps approach, then Han was standing next to her. He held up a blaster.

“You might need this.”

Rey tried to not roll her eyes.

“I think I can handle myself,” she told him.

“I know you do, that’s why I’m giving it to you. Take it. Never know when you might have to keep my son in line.”

“I can hear you!” Ben yelled from his perch on top the Falcon. He had a light in his hand and was looking at the exteriors of the ship. “There’s so much sand in this thing, I can’t believe we made it here! What is this rust bucket called again? The Centennial Seagull?”

Han whipped around and pointed a finger at his son. “Knock it off, you know what it’s called! You’re NOT funny!” Rey looked back at Ben and was amazed when he flipped off the top of the ship, jumping to the ground. Her mouth opened in surprise.

“Show off,” Han grumbled. He went back towards the Falcon to get their things ready. He gave Ben a pointed look of warning as they passed each other. Ben ignored him and lumbered over to Rey, looking over the lake.

“He’s wrong about that. I’m actually really funny,” he said to her.

“Oh really? I hadn’t noticed,” Rey said.

“Oh, no?”

“No.”

“You will. Probably. Hey, do you know how to use that thing?” he said, gesturing to the blaster.

Rey lifted the blaster to Ben. “Yeah, pull the trigger,” she said, her turn to smirk.

“Yeah-uuuuh,” Ben stuttered as he pointed the blaster away from him. “It’s a little more complicated than that.”

“How did you do that? Flip like that? Are you a special performer or something?” Rey asked him.

“Oh that?” Ben deadpanned, feigning innocence. Rey rolled her eyes at him again, although she was starting to appreciate his charm a little bit. But only a little. “No I’m not a performer. That was just a little something... like a trick I guess.” Ben seemed to get genuinely shy about it.

“A trick?”

“Yeah, sort of. Well, not really.” He bent down closer to Rey, looking in her eyes. “I used the Force,” he admitted, conspiratorially.

“The Force?” Rey asked, meeting his eyes. They were intense, so dark. She felt the sensation of falling into them, but shook herself out of their hold. “I didn’t think the Force was real.”

“Shows how much you know,” he was smiling again at her and she smacked his arm on instinct. He pretended to be hurt for a moment, then grinned. “Watch,” Ben put his hand out to the lake. His expression became one of serious concentration, and the water rippled and moved. He lifted a spiral of water up and moved it quickly across the lake, his fingers dancing gracefully. Rey gasped in surprise.

“How- how did you-”

“It’s hard to explain,” he said, chuckling. “Maybe later, I can show you-”

“Ben! Let’s go! Get the droid!” Han yelled out to them.

Ben cleared his throat. “Yeah, okay! Time to hit the road. Rey?” Ben said, giving her a half smile and shrugging his eyebrows. “Let’s go see Maz.”

* * *

After a brief meeting with this Maz person, who Rey found a bit scary but also delightful, Rey left the group to discuss the particulars of getting BB-8 to The Resistance. She followed the droid down a stone staircase. She felt drawn to an alcove in the back, a box inside. She held a saber and saw a terrifying vision.

A dark ship, a burning building, a man in a mask, a red blade coming towards her.

 _Rey..._ she heard a voice through the vision.

“Rey!”

She returned to herself, stumbling back out of the alcove. Ben caught her, keeping her from falling. She threw herself into his arms, panicked, terrified by what she had seen.

“Hey, hey, you’re okay. You’re okay...” He felt the terror rolling off her in waves, saw glimpses of her vision through the Force. He pulled her back from him. “What happened? What did you see?” 

Rey was fighting back tears. “I shouldn’t have gone in there.”

Ben turned from her and went into the alcove. He picked up the saber and closed his eyes. “Wow, seriously?” he said quietly. He looked at Rey. “Do you know what this is?”

“I shouldn’t have held it. I’m sorry,” Rey said, falling to her knees.

“No, no, don’t be sorry.” Ben came back and knelt down to her. “You found something I thought was lost. This,” he gestured to the saber, “this is a lightsaber. It’s a weapon, used by the Jedi. Rey, this was Luke Skywalker’s saber, I can feel it. It was Anakin’s. It called to you. What did it show you?” Ben put his hand on her face, and she felt a sense of calm. Then she felt a strange sensation and somehow she knew Ben was in her mind, seeing what she saw.

“Don’t be afraid,” he whispered. “I feel it too.”

Rey’s eyes sprung open, his words echoing in her head. _What?_

She ripped herself away from him. “Get out of my head!” she yelled. She backed away, and Ben stayed where he was, regarding her like a frightened animal.

“Rey, I’m sorry. I just-”

“NO! I shouldn’t be here. I need to get back to Jakku!”

“Rey, wait!”

Rey stumbled up the stairs and out into the bar. Maz’s head whipped around to watch her.

“Who’s the girl?” she asked Han. Maz watched Rey run out, and then Ben Solo, not far behind, following her. 

“A stowaway, from Jakku. Flew the Falcon. Seems like a good kid.”

Maz glared at Han. He shrugged.

“I think he likes her.”

“Clearly. Fools, the both of you.” Maz turned back to where the pair had run out of her bar. “I tell you this, your young man may have finally met his match.”

 

* * *

 

Rey was scrambling through the woods, trying to find a place to breathe. She just wanted to be alone to process what she’d seen. _Don’t be afraid…_ why did that sound so familiar? Rey sat down on the ground by a log with a view of the lake. She was so confused.

Eventually she heard cracking twigs behind her. Ben appeared, making a wide circle around her. She tried not to watch as he made a show of hiding poorly behind thin trees, ducking behind broken logs, poking his head out and making silly faces. Despite her best efforts, his ridiculousness made her laugh.

He came towards her running his hand through his dark hair, a swagger in his step, a smirk on his face.

“I told you,” he said.

“Told me what?” she replied. He flopped down next to her.

“That I’m really funny,” he looked at her and smiled.

“You’re really obnoxious, you mean.”

“Yeah, that too.”

They were quiet for a moment.

“You’ve never met anyone like me before have you?” he asked her.

“Please!” she balked. “Don’t flatter yourself, Ben Solo-” He laughed right out loud.

“No, no. I mean, a _Force user_ , like me,” he said, ducking his head a little.

She stared at him a moment. “No.”

He hummed a little. “Maybe if you had, you would have realized it sooner.” 

Her eyes squinted as she stared hard at him. “Realized what?” she asked, quietly.

He didn’t meet her eyes. “That you’re one too,” he purred. He shifted to face her and took her hands in his. He made her hands seem so tiny. “Try,” he said.

“Try what?”

“To see inside. Close your eyes.” She gave him a funny face, and he nudged her. She closed them. “The Force is everywhere, in everything that surrounds us. It’s how I flipped in the air, it’s how I moved the water. It’s how I read your mind.” Her eyes bolted open. “Try Rey. Try to sense me.” He looked at her, and once again she felt drawn into his eyes.

She felt him inside her mind. But this time, she grabbed the thread of his presence and pulled it towards her, inside.

He was open to her. She could see his childhood, Han and a woman who must be his mother. She could sense love, but also… darkness.

“You… you’re afraid,” she said. He startled. “You’re afraid you’ll succumb to the Dark side… that you’ll become like Darth Vader.”

He shook his head and dropped her hands. “No more,” he said, disturbed. He got up and stalked away from her.

“You ran away from Luke Skywalker. You ran to your father!” she insisted, chasing after him. “There’s a voice inside you you’ve ignored for years-”

“Stop Rey,” he said.

“I could see it, all of it, some just shapes, but solid and clear. There is darkness inside you, but light as well-”

“That’s ENOUGH!” he turned to her as he yelled, startling her. They were so close.

He put both hands on her face. “Who are you?” he whispered.

Rey’s voice was stuck in her throat. “I’m nobody.”

Ben chuckled under his breath and shook his head. “Not to me.”

The moment was interrupted by the tell-tale roar of space ships. Rey’s eyes grew wide in fear as she watched a cruiser and fighters come over the lake.

“Is that-”

“Don’t worry,” he said, stepping away from her. Ben looked out over the lake. “The Resistance is here,” he said, smirking. “Come on, this oughta be good.”

“Good?”

* * *

Rey followed Ben out of the forest towards Maz’s. As they came into a clearing Ben grabbed her arm and pulled her to the side. He put a finger in front of his lips. Over his shoulder, Rey could see Han with a much shorter woman, beautiful still in her advanced age. The pair were clearly arguing. Suddenly the woman turned sharply towards them.

“And don’t think for a MINUTE I don’t know you’re over there BEN SOLO, you COWARD! Get over here!”

Ben groaned under his breath and maneuvered Rey along with him with a hand on her back. It felt warm. Her skin tingled. She should probably tell him to move it…

“Cover me,” he whispered to her.

“What?” she asked.

“Hey there! Madam, General, sir,” Ben was smiling and fake saluting with each hand. “Looks like everything is-”

“DON’T you 'Madam General' me, I am _still_ your mother and you-”

 _Mother?_ Now Rey recognized her from Ben’s memories. Without warning, Ben picked up the woman and twirled her around while she gasped and tried to chastise him, yelling to put her down.

“Hello Mother,” Ben said sheepishly, bending over to smile in her face, then giving her a big smooch on her cheek. “You look beautiful.”

“Don’t try to sweet talk me either, it’s not gonna work!”

“Come ooon, you’re still mad?” Ben said, laughing and turning away from her.

“Mad that you abandoned your training to go frolicking around the galaxy, smuggling nonsense with your scoundrel father? Yes, I’m still mad!”

“Hey! I can hear you!” Han shouted over to them.

Ben approached Rey rolling his eyes and took both her hands. “Help me,” he mouthed to her, leading her to his mother. “Look, Mother! We made a friend, her name is Rey. She’s the one who saved the droid, isn’t that amazing?”

He stood behind Rey, with his hands on her shoulders, placing her between himself and his mother.  _He's so tall..._ “Rey of Jakku, may I present Madam Princess General Senator Leia Amidala Organa Solo. Did I get ‘em all?”

Rey looked up at his grinning face as he glanced down at Rey.

“Otherwise known as my darling mother.”

Rey shrugged herself out of Ben’s hands, trying to ignore how  _large_ they were, and took Leia’s extended, much smaller hand while attempting to bow.

“Hello, your highness, excellency-”

“Please, call me Leia.” Leia paused and looked quizzically at Rey, then down at their joined hands. Leia locked eyes with Ben who he gave an almost imperceptible nod. She cleared her throat.

“And pay no attention to my son- ever since he grew taller than me, he’s believed he’s smarter than me too!” Leia finished, winking at her.

“Yes, I’ve heard that about him,” Rey responded, immediately warming to the clearly powerful woman.

“Rey, I want to hear more about your experience with the First Order on Jakku, but would you mind giving me a moment with this lug-nut? You know, where he’s not using you like a human shield?”

“Of course! I’m sorry,” Rey stammered.

“No, no dear. Nothing to be sorry about. Unless your name is Ben Solo.”

Ben snorted behind her, and Rey ducked away from him.

“I’ll just go check in with BB-8,” Rey said, mouthing “Sorry,” to Ben from behind Leia's back and scooted away.

 

Leia looked up at her son.

“I felt something... from the girl,” she said, her voice low.

“Yeah, me too.” Ben’s hands on were on his hips and his eyes were following Rey to where she knelt with the droid.

“Something strong, Ben.”

“Yeah, I know.” 

“Ben?”

“Yeah Mom?”

“I like her.”

Ben shifted his eyes to focus on his mother, then lifted them up again to Rey. He shrugged with affected nonchalance. “She’s alright.” He looked back to his mother, eyes twinkling, mouth shifting.

Leia shook her head and laughed.

“You better watch it, my son. You’re too much like your father.”

“What!” Ben said in mock disbelief. “I’m a perfect gentleman-”

“Oh you’re a perfect something alright, I just don’t think it’s a gentleman.”

“Okay, okay mother,” Ben said, putting his arms around her and turning her around. “Let’s go find Pop and yell at _him_ , that’s more fun.”

 

* * *

 

Rey could sense the love that radiated off Ben and Leia as they approached Han.

She looked at BB-8 with some sadness in her eyes. “They seem like a nice family,” she said and sighed. “That’s why I’ve got to get to back. I’ve got to find _my_ family…”

As she spoke, something triggered in her mind. Like a memory, but not quite. _Find my family? That’s not right. They’re coming back for me._ Rey shook it off and looked back to BB-8.

“I’ve got to go, BB-8. I’ve gotten you back home and now it's time I do the same. It’s been lovely to meet you.” She smiled and he rolled and beeped back at her. She laughed sadly as she stood. "I’ll miss you too. Come visit, watch out for that antenna!” she called as the droid rolled away, heading towards a handsome man in an orange flight suit. 

* * *

 

Rey was headed back to the Falcon, trying to figure out the best way to get home. Her mind was still mulling over her feeling from earlier, _her family…_ it was like something was trying to get her attention, but she didn’t know what.

“Rey!” she heard Ben’s deep baritone behind her. She slowed and turned towards him. Something about the sun’s angle and the trees, the light. Rey accepted fully at that moment how handsome he was, Ben Solo. Even if he was a bit of an arse.

“Sorry about all that. My parents are kind of crazy and I have spent way too much time with them, frankly.”

“Must be nice,” Rey said quietly, looking away.

“Oh, yeah, I'm sorry...” he replied, nudging her elbow with his. “I saw your parents, I shouldn’t act ungrateful.”

Rey stopped dead in her tracks. “What?”

Ben turned back to her. “Before. You saw me, and I saw you, too. Your parents… Rey, do you not know?” He came close to her face and stared into her eyes, which were now welling with tears. “No... you know, you’ve just hidden it away.” Ben swallowed, looking quickly at her mouth then her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Rey spun away, frustrated. “What do you know?! You don’t know anything. I need to get back, I’ve already been away too long-”

“Rey.” Something in his voice stopped her. “My mother could tell, you know. About you. The Force is strong in my family, but I’ve never met anyone like you… Strong, like me.” She turned around to face him. “My grandfather was Anakin Skywalker. You know, Darth Vader? A monster.” Ben frowned and stepped closer to her.

“You were right, about me. About the darkness.” He was in front of her now; Rey’s neck craned up to him as she watched his mouth work to shape words.

“I _am_ afraid, sometimes, of what’s inside of me. The voice… it’s always been there. Whispering. Except… not now. Ever since you came aboard our ship. You. A scavenger,” he said, smiling and putting his hand on her cheek.

“Me?” she whispered.

“It’s the light in you Rey, I can _feel_ it. It’s in there, simmering under the surface, just waiting to be let out. Your light drowns out the voice. You’re stronger than he is.” He stared into her eyes so intensely that Rey’s heart began to pound. Her mind was spinning as his mouth came dangerously close to hers.

“You need a teacher.”

Rey sniffed. “Oh, do I?”

Ben smiled. “I can show you the ways of the Force,” he whispered.

Rey was having a hard time catching her breath. “Ben… I hardly know you-”

“Pshh!” Ben scoffed, backing off and rolling his eyes. “PSSSH!” he said once more, making Rey laugh. “It’s crazy - I know this - but I feel like I’ve known _you_ for years. From the second I saw you, I thought, Oh! There she is, the adorable, brilliant, beautiful no-nonsense kick-ass female I’ve been waiting my whole life for. And then- and _then,_ Rey,” he put both hands on her cheeks, squeezing her face “You turn out to be a Force user? More powerful than you even know?” He was laughing with her now.

“Rey, I’m not letting you out of my sight. Never. You’re it, I’m sunk.”

Rey was smiling, but something was nagging her. "Ben, please, I have to-”

“Okay, okay, all joking aside. Let’s work together a little bit, here. Now. While all the professionals over there figure out their war stuff. Let’s see what you can do. Wanna?” His face was so beguiling, Rey couldn’t help but fall for it.

“Okay, Ben.”

* * *

 

“You’re still holding on. Let go,” he said, his voice quiet, right in her ear.

“Ben! I’m trying to concentrate!”

“I can tell; you’re doing the exact opposite thing I’m telling you to do.”

“Listen, Ben Solo, I don’t need your criticism, I’m doing the best I can to move these dumb rocks-”

“These rocks are not dumb, Rey, and you’ll never lift them if you keep insulting them like that.”

Rey was about to smack the smug little smirk right off his face.

“Okay, let’s try something else. Here, catch,” he tossed something to Rey. The saber, Luke’s.

“You still have this?”

“Of course, it belongs to me. My family. And now I’m lending it to you.”

“For what?”

“For this-” Without warning, Ben lunged at Rey with a saber blade of his own. On reflex, Rey lit the saber and blocked, her arms up. The two blue blades were locked, crossed in between them. Ben’s eyes sparkled while Rey’s burned. She put up her foot and kicked him in the chest, throwing him backwards and to the ground.

“You nerf herder!”

“Ow, hey!” He was laughing.

“No, it's not funny, I could have been hurt!”

“I wouldn’t have hurt you.” His expression turned serious as he put on hand over is heart. “Never, Rey, I promise. I know what I’m doing with a lightsaber-”

“Yeah well, I don’t!”

“Coulda fooled me.” He stared up at her appreciatively from where he’d fallen on the ground. Rey growled in frustration. “Much better with this than the rocks. You’re a fighter, Rey. Which is good,” he said, smirking at her. “So am I.”

When he lunged at her again, she was ready.  

 

* * *

 

It was night now. The forest was dark, and Maz's castle glowed in the distance. The tinkling sounds of revelry could be heard even from this far away.

Ben had made a fire outside the Falcon. No one else was around.

“I’m surprised you’re not at Maz’s with your parents and the rest of them. Seems like a lot of fun,” Rey said, sitting across from him, wrapped in a blanket against the chill.

“I think _you’re_ fun,” he replied.

“I’m no match for all that… liquor and loose women. Isn’t that the best part of a smuggler’s life?”

“Ha!” Ben’s eyes sparkled at her. “They’re no match for _you_ , you mean. Not to mention, I’m not really much of a smuggler.”

“Coulda fooled me,” Rey responded, mimicking him from earlier.

Ben smirked, then sighed.

“Do you still want to go back to Jakku?”

Rey was jolted by the change in subject.

“I have to,” she said.

“Why?”

“Because… my family-” her words died when she looked at him. His expression vulnerable, yet hungry. He leaned over and reached out his hand.

“Rey, take my hand.”

She hesitated, but couldn’t resist. She reached out slowly and touched his hand. She was struck by another vision, the two of them fighting back to back, together. And another, standing across from each other, surrounded by falling fire. The saber. A flash of light.

He must have seen something too, because fell forward on to his knees, taking her hand in both of his. His breath was shaky but his voice was strong.

“Rey… you don’t need them. And neither do I. I meant it when I said I’m with my parents too much. I’m getting my own ship. Doing my own thing. Leia’s giving me one. I want you to join me.”

“What?” she gasped.

“Join me. Please?” he replied quickly.

“Ben!”

“There is no one waiting for you back on Jakku, Rey. Whoever you’re looking for, they’re not coming back.”

 _Whoever I’m looking for?_ Once again the words zipped around her brain. _Who I’m looking for…_

“Not to mention, there’s no way they’re as handsome as me,” he said, giving her that Solo smirk, “and I _know_ you think so, so don’t even try to deny it.”

She rolled her eyes. She wouldn’t deny meeting Ben Solo had changed her whole life. But she couldn’t get past the nagging in her mind, in her heart, telling her she can’t stay...

“Rey, please-”

“Ben, you don’t understand-”

“Yes, I do! But what you believe isn’t true. Your parents were filthy junk traders who threw you away like garbage. Even if they still lived, they wouldn’t deserve you!”

“Ben, don’t be like this-”

“Rey, admit it. Admit the truth about your parents, say it. Say it.”

Rey sighed through tears. “They were nobody.”

“Thank you, yes, they were nobody and now they’re buried in a pauper’s grave in the middle of the Jakku desert. Come with me!” His eyes were pleading, his voice raspy.

“Why are you fighting this?” he said quietly, his eyes boring into hers. He abruptly let go of her and stood up. “You know what, forget it.” He turned and in a fit of temper stalked towards his ship.

“Ben? Ben, please don’t go this way!”

At this, he stopped abruptly and spun back around. His expression softened as he practically ran back to her.

“Who am I kidding?” he said, his harshness dissolved, grinning as he fell again to his knees at her feet. “I am not leaving this rock without you, Rey. I mean it. What do I have to do?”

Rey felt torn, so torn, but she didn’t know why. Why couldn’t she let go? Why was she holding on to the past?

She looked down at Ben, putting her hand on his face. The right side. Suddenly, she felt a strange sense of… wrongness.

Her thumb traced a line across his eye and down his cheek.

“Didn't you have a scar here?” she asked him.

He scoffed. “No.”

“You didn’t?”

He laughed, “I think I’d know. You’d probably never want me if I had some big scar over half my face. Unless of course, you’re into scars,” he smirked, “You'll probably give me one with that lightsaber of Skywalker’s you can barely use,” he teased.

Rey saw another flash of vision.

Ben in black, a slash along his face, the saber in her hands...

 

“You.” The sound left Rey’s ears as blood rushed to her head.

More visions flashed in her mind - Ben, on a ship, across from her in space... fighting her on a battlefield... holding a child in his arms. A realization crashed over Rey like a tidal wave, stealing her breath. These were not visions, they were _memories_.

 

Rey gasped as the truth hit her like a ton of durasteel.

 

“You’re not real,” she said, her mouth dropping in shock.

 

Ben raised an eyebrow. “Huh?”

Rey put her hand back to his face, slowly shaking her head.

 

“You’re not real,” she whispered.

He looked down at himself and back to her.

“You sure, Rey? I _seem_ pretty real, don’t you think?” he said smiling. He was teasing her. She smiled sadly as her other hand cupped his cheek.

“You do, you seem _so_ real,” tears were forming quickly in her eyes, her lips quivering, “but you’re not him. You’re not my Ben,” her voice grew soft again and she lowered her hands.

“But I _could_ be-”

“When my Ben went to Luke for training, Luke tried to murder him.”

“What? Luke??”

“Instead of running to his father, he ran to the voice in his head. And it twisted and tortured him, and turned him into Kylo Ren.”

Ben was looking at her like she was crazy. “Rey, what are you talking about? You’re not making any-”

“And when I met him, he was looking for something, anything, desperate to escape the pain, the conflict that was tearing him apart. I was his way out. And _we_ have a family. And I… I have to find them.” The tears were falling freely now.

“Oh my husband," she said to the man in her memory, the one who owned her heart. Rey blinked rapidly, her heart breaking at this other version of her him, so full of light. "How different things could have been for you,” she said quietly, closing her eyes.

“You believe all this, don’t you?” Ben said eventually, and she nodded, not looking at him.

“It’s the truth.” 

“Then... find me.”

Rey’s head shot up. “What?”

Ben’s young face was deadly serious. “If he feels anything like I do, Rey… he can’t live without you.”

He held her face in both his hands as he moved closer. Rey closed her eyes, unable to look at him anymore. To her surprise, she felt his soft lips press to her forehead, so sweetly.

 _Find me..._ his voice faded away, and when Rey opened her eyes, Takodana was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks betas, for your hard work and dedication, especially with this chapter.


	30. The Prophecy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Rey, some advice. For Ben, the proverbial straw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, not too much more to go. My betas are a blessing, and welcome to my 29th bookmarker. 166 people thumbs up this story, and it really makes me feel... not alone, I suppose? -srs

Ben did not know a time when he trained as often or as hard as he did on this ship. Certainly not as a kid. Nor with Luke, when he was training to be a Jedi. Not with Snoke, when he was rising through the ranks of the Knights of Ren, not even as Supreme Leader of the First Order, when training was the only thing that focused him and freed him from his obsession with Rey, although admittedly, not very well.

But when Ben fought here, it was something else entirely. An endless barrage of soldier droids, increasing in quantity, always “Another,” seemingly never ending until she would cry out, “Enough!”

Sometimes he almost didn’t mind. He reveled in the renewed strength of his body, the speed with which he could move. He’d always relied on the Force to give him an advantage, an extra push.

But with his powers dampened here, his body and mind had to make up for the loss. And it had; he was over 40 years old and moved like he was a much younger man. He was made for this, he was born for it. To fight.

It was a modicum of control in a situation where he held almost none.

Plus, it was the only time he was allowed his saber.

Today though, he was over it.  He wanted to get back to listening to his children. He couldn’t figure out their schedule; it was different from his. He thought he was on a normal human sleep cycle, but was starting to think maybe he wasn’t. Last night, instead of going to sleep after his third meal, he counted. Eventually, and surprisingly, the woman herself accompanied Cria and a serving droid to wake him. He sat up, spinning his legs over the side of the bed.

“Good morning, darling! Are you feeling rested?” He was even more uncomfortable around her now, knowing she wanted his power - to plug him in to the Corps.

“How could I? It’s only been four hours.”

She looked at him, quizzically. “Now how would you know that?”

Ben smiled at her like a devil. “Because I counted.”

She glided over to him, sashaying in that funny way she did, her eyes gleaming. She bent over and gave him a little grin. She took one finger and bopped his nose lightly.

“So clever,” she whispered. She straightened again. “Eat up, lots of work to do today.”

 

Now she was sitting with the disciples watching him from the platform, as per usual.

“Another,” she said. He had just finished destroying eleven droids at once, the most yet, although he almost got nicked by the last one. He was out of breath and sweating. He growled and yelled at her.

“Why!??! What is the _point_ in all this?”

She stood abruptly, came to the railing and placed her hands on it. She looked down at him with a soft expression and sighed.

“Yes, I suppose it's only right. You should know my reason. I hadn’t wanted to alarm you but... “ she paused and leaned over, crossing her arms on the railing.

“One of my little darlings had a vision, that you would need to be able to fight thirteen men at once. While your ability and stamina have certainly improved greatly since your arrival, you are clearly not yet ready for that. I am doing this for _you_.”

He glared at her. He ran a hand through his sweat-soaked hair and sniffed through his nose. He sensed from the disciples she was being truthful.

“Fine, then. Bring it.”

She smiled at him with pride. She returned to her seat, calling out, her voice dripping with pleasure.

“Another!”

Twelve soldier droids ran out and surrounded him, all with different vibro weapons, and took different defensive stances. Ben lit his saber and held it up, turning inside the twelve, quickly assessing them. He had a flash of memory, to Snoke’s throne room and the Praetorian Guards. He and Rey, back to back… he pushed it aside.

He always let the droids attack first. When initially only two approached him, he almost laughed.

_Piece of cake._

Ben made short work of the droids, despite his fatigue, despite his screaming muscles. They came at him from all sides, but his body knew what to do before his mind could even catch up. The small amount of the Force he had sung in his veins. He was tapping into the dark side in a way he hadn’t let himself before. Knowing there was a larger purpose to this training drove him. He would not be defeated.  

 

There was one left who had somehow managed to separate Ben’s saber from him during a parry. As it ran towards him to attack, arms raised high, Ben snared through the Force two vibro katanas dropped by a fallen droid, and sliced through the center of the final machine. Its top separated from its bottom, and Ben too dropped to the floor. He was done.

He vaguely heard her yell, “Enough!” as he gasped for air. His lungs rushed to provide oxygen to his body, his heart pounded to keep up. _Twelve._ He was proud of himself.

From the floor, he looked over at the top half of the final droid. He blinked. Despite being overheated from exertion, what he saw made his blood run cold.

The exposed bottom of the droid’s trunk was cauterized black, but Ben could still make out… a spinal column? _No._ He forced himself up to his hands and knees and crawled over to it. It was charred, but inside the metal casing he could see what appeared to be the remains of organs and flesh. He hesitantly reached his hand out to touch, and recoiled quickly from the soft heat.

There was gore on his trembling fingers. It was - had been - organic material.

Rage, blinding, painful rage filled him as he stood, looking at the fallen bodies all around him. He had never noticed before, he had never bothered to look, he usually just pierced them and they were always removed so quickly...

“This… these… these are not droids!” he roared at her.

She sucked her teeth in annoyance. “The vision was of thirteen _men_ , not thirteen droids,” she looked at him as if he was being obtuse, but then smirked again. “Beside, droids are _expensive_. People are free,” she quipped.

“Not on this ship!” he screamed at her in retort.

Her whole face winced. She stared at him. Ben felt a ripple of fear from Mae and Titus. However, she quickly recovered, her face breaking into a huge smile.

She laughed.

“You know, if I had to pick only one thing to love about you, it would be that _insatiable_ _wit_ of yours. That sharp. tongue. in your mouth,” she over emphasized her words, hurling them like daggers. She paused and tilted her head.

“But thankfully, I get to love all kinds of things about you.”

Ben’s mouth dropped, his expression pained and broken. How many people had he killed because of her? He thought he was going to be sick. His hands raised to his head and he pulled at his hair. He moaned and groaned, bending at the waist, trying to breathe, disgusted at himself, at her, this ship, his life.

Ben took his saber and hurled it into its exact place on the weapon wall.

“I will not kill any more for you.”

She leaned over the railing, calmly. “We’ll see.”

 

After she left, Ben fell to his knees, devastated. How many had he _murdered_ during this “training?” Each round… more and more exponentially. Which were droids, which were people? He had definitely started with droids, hadn’t he? The horror of his situation and the strain he had put on his body eventually overpowered him, and he gave himself over to the numbing blackness encroaching his vision. He blacked out.

 

++++++

 

Rey was frozen where she stood. She couldn’t move past the shock of being back in herself, her actual self.

 _Breathe, Rey,_ she thought as she forced her mind to override her frozen body, to open her mouth, expand her lungs, inhale air and then blow it back out. Tears collecting in her eyes overflowed but she did not weep. As she breathed, her heartbeat slowly return to normal, her shaking subsided, her eyes dried. She looked around. She was... on a beach?

 _“Daughter of Light… you’ve done so well…”_ the voices of the Force Priestesses swam around her as she calmed. But still, she did not move.

In front of her, a shape materialized, walking seemingly through the air over the water. Rey squinted to try to see better, for she did not believe her eyes.

_Han._

Eventually the man stood before her, not quite solid, but definitely him.

“Hey, kid.”

Rey would not be fooled again.

“Han Solo is dead.”

“Sure am,” he gave her a smirk, _Gods, that Solo smirk._ “It’s been a while.”

Rey’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she moved her eyes from side to side.

“Am _I_ dead?”

“Nah. This place is sort of an… in between. A reward for you, and for me too,” he smiled at her.

“A reward?”

“Come on, kid. Walk with me.” Han turned to move down the beach, prompting Rey to gain control back over her faculties to walk.

“You feelin’ better?” he asked.

Rey took stock of herself, her feelings. “Yes,” she replied.  

“You did good, Rey, real good.” Rey looked at Han. “You faced your fear, embraced your darkness, and lastly, most importantly, you resisted temptation. To turn completely to the light. Thought we might lose you there for a minute,” he looked at her with a bit of a pained expression. “That son of mine can be very persuasive, even a fake version.” Han chuckled a bit.  

“I could have stayed there?”

“You would have been trapped, trapped in the light side of the Cosmic Force. I’m not really an expert on this stuff, but your place in the Living Force would have disappeared.”

“So I would have died.”

“Sort of. Which would have been bad.” Rey felt shaken up by this knowledge. “Maybe not for you. You would have maintained your individuality in the Cosmic Force, essentially living forever.” Rey’s eyes got wide as she thought about Yoda’s experience at the Wellspring. _Stars,_ she'd almost become a Force ghost. “But certainly bad for Ben and my grand-kids.”

Joy’s voice floated into Rey’s memory, _Remember you heart…_ and Rey _had_ remembered - her life, her family. She felt relief and gratitude.

Rey refocused and smiled at Han. “You know? About them?”

“Sky and Hannah? You bet,” he said. “Thanks for that, by the way,” his expression grew sheepish and he leaned closer. “ _Hannah_. Means a lot,” Han said in a gravely voice. He cleared his throat and continued walking.  

“I wish you could know them,” she said.

“I’m around. That Sky, he’s gonna be a hell of pilot some day. And that little girl is going to be big trouble, you watch,” Han smiled.

Rey teared up a little. “I wish they could know _you_.” Han shrugged at this. “I wish I could have known you more, too,” Rey confessed.  

“Nah, you’ve got the two most important things in my life, my ship and my son. And you do a pretty good job with both,” Han said, winking at her. “Better than I ever did, truth be told.”

The two walked a bit more before Rey spoke again.

“So what happens now? I still don’t know where they are, or how to find them.”

“Listen, kid. I know you’re going through a tough time here, but we all go through tough times. You’ve been in bad spots before and you’ve figured it out. You will again. But listen, sometimes you’ve got to approach things from a different angle. Look at things a different way. Go _through_ the asteroid belt instead of around it, you get what I’m saying?” Han shook his head. “They picked the wrong guy, I’m no good with this stuff.”

“No, no,” Rey said, smiling a little. “I get it.” Han half-grinned at her.

“Another thing, Rey. You’ve gotta do me a favor. You gotta… tell Ben... “ Han was clearly struggling to find the words he wanted to say. “You gotta tell him it’s okay.” The scene flashed in Rey’s mind, the one that never fades. Han with the saber sticking out of his back.

“It’s okay. I understand, I always understood. And that I’m glad.”

“Glad?” Rey asked.

“I would give my life a thousand times, a million,” Han’s lips shook a little bit as he spoke, “if it meant bringing him back.” His voice was strained. This was a lot of emotion for him.

Rey understood and nodded.  “And it did, you know. When… when he… did- when-”

“I do.” Han said, cutting her off. The two looked at each other with understanding. Han came closer to her.

“It’s time to go back now Rey.” He gave her another little smirk and put his hands on her arms. “Give ‘em hell, kid. Oh, and tell Chewie I said hi.”

Rey smiled at Han Solo, her _father-in-law_ , the smuggler, the war hero, the failed husband, the struggling father, the man.

“I will.”


	31. What Have We Learned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey returns to her friends and they have lots of ideas. Our villainess also gets some news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy Dialogue Batman! Watch out, a whole bunch of talking is coming your way. I really hope it stays clear. This chapter should probably just be called Plot Dump, although my wonderful and dedicated Betas @leofgyth and @thefitfulfire assure me it's ok, and I trust them. 
> 
> Welcome to my additional bookmarkers. 31 bookmarks and 131 comments at the 31st chapter posted on the 13th day. Word count 86,668. Hits 5353? Feel free to numerology that shit. 
> 
> Please enjoy... -srs

Rey opened her eyes and was again on her back, in the green space of the Wellspring. The last thing she remembered was the fading image of Han Solo…  She sat up and looked around.

Floating above her, waiting, was Serenity.

“Daughter of Light, precious Rey… how to you feel?”

“I feel…” she crossed her legs, and closed her eyes. She looked inside herself. “Balanced.”

“You surprised us. You were soooo close - to enlightenment, to life after death. We believed you would choose the light. We were wrong. You chose balance.”

“I would never choose an eternity without my family.”

The Force priestess moved around her. “So much love…” she said as she lowered a hand to Rey. Rey took it and stood. “You have found what you came for and now you must return.”

“I’m ready.”

“Never forget, Daughter, your other is your anchor as you are his. You are fated to each other… Our cousin has not severed the tie that binds you, merely hidden it. Stay focused on that and you will not fail.” Serenity’s eyes glowed gold, so bright Rey had to briefly turn her head. The robes and mask she wore fell to the ground as she floated away, transformed into a giant orb of light. Once Rey could no longer see her, she sprinted back to her ship.

 

* * *

 

Finn was waiting for her at the dock. As she hopped out of the fighter, she was overcome with shame. She had been awful to Finn, while Finn had been nothing but wonderful to her, saving her and helping her while neglecting his own family. And he didn’t even _like_ Ben. She was a terrible friend.

She ran to meet him where he stood, leaping to give him a huge hug.

“I’m so sorry,” she said, trying to fill him with as much love as she could through the Force.

“What? For what?” Finn said, although Rey sensed he knew for what. She needed to tell him, to use her words.

“Finn, I have been terrible to you.”

“Come on Rey, it’s been-”

“No,” she cut him off. “I have. Yes, my children were kidnapped. Yes, my husband is missing. But that is no excuse for not treating you with anything but the kindness and respect you deserve. You’ve been there for us, left your family to come here and help, you likely saved my life, and I have been nothing but cold and cross and impatient. I don’t deserve you, but I am eternally grateful to you Finn.”

Finn broke out into a sheepish grin and shrugged. “You’d do the same for me.” Rey gave him another massive hug. “You’d probably do it better. Without introducing any sort of poison, I bet." Rey laughed hard and pulled back.

“Oh you’d be surprised the dangerous things I’d be curious about when Ben and I were travelling the galaxy. ‘Rey, don’t!’ was definitely Ben’s catchphrase for a while.”

Finn smiled but then gave her a more serious look. “You seem... different? How did everything go? What did you find?” Rey took a breath.

“Balance.”

 

Rey put her arm through her friend’s and began to walk Finn and R2 back to the hotel. “Poe and Rose, the girls. They’re still here?”

“Yes, oh and I almost forgot! He showed up a couple days ago-”

Rey heard the telltale roar of her favorite wookie. She snapped her head towards the sound.

“Chewie?!” She beamed as she ran to Chewbacca, who gave her a massive embrace. He quickly pulled back though, and started speaking fast at her, too fast for her to understand.

“You… saw.. What? Chewie, slow down!”

“He saw Ben,” Finn supplied. Rey’s mouth dropped.

“What?” she whispered.

“About a week ago.”

“WHAT?” her voice pitched. Chewie began to fill in the blanks.

“In a market, on Tatooine? We’ve never even been to Tatooine, why- how-”

Finn stepped up and put his arm around her. “Let’s pause this for a bit and get back to Poe and Rose. We’ve got a lot to talk about.”

 

* * *

 

“So he bumped into you - physically bumped - in an alley on Tatooine.” Rey was pacing around while her friends watched, all of them in the main room of the suite they were sharing. It was like being back with the Resistance, close quarters.

Chewie roared.

“Right, Mos Espa. And he was _surprised_ , which doesn’t make any sense to me because you’re like family; he would have known immediately you were planetside.” Chewie nodded. _His powers must be diminished somehow..._ “And he also seemed… relieved? Like he was happy to see you.”

Chewie growled.

“Which, you’re right, _would_ have been strange because of that whole... fight over the Falcon, which I personally still feel very bad about, by the way.”

Chewie shrugged and chirped.

“So he told you to find me, here, he was _insistent,_ ” Chewie roared again, “but then merely said he loved me-” Chewie barked, “-that he would _always_ love me - and that he would keep the children safe.” Rey sighed, frustrated. “That’s all?”

Chewie nodded. Rey continued to pace.

“Did anyone go-”

“Right away. Nobody there knew anything,” Poe interjected from where he sat by the food on the dining table.

“Do you think maybe the degenerates on that planet clammed up at the sight of an Alliance ship?”

Poe’s expression turned a little mischievous. “No. I didn’t take an Alliance ship,” he said, popping a piece of something in his mouth. “Me and Chewie took the Falcon.” His smirk spoke volumes and Rey gasped quietly.

“Poe…” she hissed at him.

“What? It was to go find _him!_  And it’s the only multi-passenger ship we had access to at the time. Right, Big Chew?” Poe winked at Chewie and Chewie agreed. Rey rolled her eyes.

“We are not telling Ben about that-” she stopped short, confronting the harsh reminder that she had to find him first.

“I can’t _wait_ to tell him. It’s the first thing I’m gonna do when I see him, rub it right in his face,” Poe insisted, still chewing but nodding at Rey reassuringly. She gave him a small grin of thanks for his confidence.

“And there was no trace of him or a black cruiser?”

“Correct. Chewie and I were _exceptionally_ persuasive, but no one had a clue who or what we were talking about.”

Rey crossed her arms over her chest and bit at her thumb.

“And he gave you no indication at all about why he was there or how to find him, who he was with, nothing?” Rey continued. Chewie just shook his head. “He would have, he would have told you something. If he could have. But he must have known they weren’t staying there.”

“I don’t know why he didn’t just jump the planet with Chewie right then. He was alone-” Finn wondered.

“The children," Rey interrupted. "He would never leave without them. They must not have been with him on Tatooine.” Rey thought a bit.

“And if he knew anything about where they were going, he would have said so. Or where they’d been...” Rey tapped her lips. “They must be mobile. They must be on that cruiser.”

“So what is likely, especially if these scumbags are Force users, is that they wiped everybody out before they left,” Poe concluded, pointing at his own head.

“Chewie, was he wearing cuffs or anything? Did it seem like there was anything blocking him from the Force?”

Chewie roared and shook his head.

Rey looked at the wookie with sad eyes. “How did he look?” she asked quietly.

Chewie growled and chirped. 

Rey looked slightly relieved. “But not injured, or starved, or anything like that? Like he’s being mistreated?” Chewie shrugged and roared. 

“Short?” _They cut his hair?_ Rey tried to picture her husband with short hair again. “He said he’ll do whatever it takes to keep them safe...” she whispered.  

“Rey, what do you think it means, though?” Rose interjected. “He was on Tatooine, but now he’s not. Do you think he and the children are definitely on the ship that took them? Couldn’t they be based on a different planet?”

“These people are staying hidden," Finn jumped in. "They’re cloaked from the Force. That would probably be easier to do on a ship than a planet, don’t you think Rey?” he asked.

“A ship is certainly a better-defined space. Contained, clear boundaries. If it’s clearer to visualize it’s easier to manipulate, for sure.” Rey sat on the edge of a chair. “They must have something over him, some sort of control. Not just muting the Force, but something else.” She gazed out the window at Atzerri. “Something with the children. Or else he’d just take them back and destroy them all. Force or no.”

“I agree,” said Poe and Chewie barked.

“Not they,” Finn declared. “ _She._ She must have something over him.”

Rey looked at him with questioning eyes, which quickly shifted to understanding.

“The space witch.”

Finn nodded.

“We’ve found some pretty interesting stuff in the Archives,” Rose added as she moved to grab a box from the side of the room. “A little scary. It seems that there was a long period of time where Force users would disappear at regular intervals, once every ten standard years roughly, but no pattern as to what type of being or species or background. Just that they were all children.”

Rey got chills. “Children? All of them?”

Finn nodded sadly. “We even tried mapping the locations but they were all over the place. Never the same place twice. And then it just stopped.”

“Stopped?” Poe asked.

“Stopped. Children going missing consistently for centuries, and then there weren’t any more. None reported anyway. Not for the past several decades at least.  But there are others.”

“Adult Force users,” Rose continued. “Going crazy, leaving their families, their lives, and no one knowing what happened to them. But apparently before disappearing, they would all speak of a... a _thing_ , look,” Rose picked up a holo and started throwing files up onto the wall screen.

“‘She spoke of an angel who came to her in the night…’ 

‘He had seen a majestic creature who promised him life eternal…’ there’s elements of this in all of the stories.”

“But this one,” Finn moved towards the screen, pointing. “This is the first. It’s from thousands of years ago, Rey. From a planet called Omwat.”

“The Omwati are like galactic super geniuses, with their own Force tradition,” Rose explained. “The planet was largely forgotten, way out in the Outer Rim, until around the time of the Clone Wars.”

“It says here an Omwati woman was convinced her husband was brainwashed by ‘a powerful female, if she was a female.’ She claimed she couldn't sense anything from her, no Force, that she was like a ‘shell’. And her husband became obsessed with her. He believed he could ‘cure her.’ At the time of this story the Omwati woman hadn’t heard from her husband in months.”

“There is no report of him ever coming back. He was a prominent leader in the community. They had a family, children. And he just… left them. For her,” Rose lamented, shaking her head.

Finn moved away from the screen. “So, fast forward thousands of years and Omwat is re-discovered by Wilhuff Tarkin, the Empire’s top guy who blew up Alderaan-” Rey winced at the mention of the former home of Ben’s family. “Sorry. This guy steals a bunch of Omwati children and locks them away, supposedly to use them to create a super weapon. What if the tech he used for that _came_ from Omwat, not the Empire?”  

Rey was beginning to feel overwhelmed, and a bit ill. Enslaved children was a particular kind of trigger for her. “A weapon?”

“I’ll tell you what,” Poe began, standing up. “I know if I wanted to bring Ben Solo to heel, I’d do it through his kids. Or you.”

“But you could never be captured, Rey,” Rose added.

Chewie roared and Rey nodded. “Yes, the children could be, especially if Ben and I were distracted.” The dreams they’d had, what seems like forever ago. “She showed us just enough to know there was danger, but not enough to know why.”

“I don’t know... she sure was counting on you guys to put _a lot_ together to figure out the space witch stuff,” Finn countered.

“It wouldn’t have mattered if we had or not, or where we were, or if we knew about her at all. She probably always planned to show us different visions.”

“Together you’re too powerful, so she needed to separate you,” said Rose.

“Wow, so she took the kids to Jakku?” Finn looked at Rose.

“But parked the ship at Naboo! Distinct places you would each clearly recognize,” Rose added.

Poe slapped his head. “Damn, that was my kriffing idea. ‘Divide and conquer,’ what an asshole I am-”

“Jakku was a diversion,” Rey stopped him, “to split us up. To get Ben to come to her.”

Finn looked at Rey. “But if it’s power she wants, why not you? You’re just as powerful as he is.”

Poe cleared his throat delicately. “Of the two of you, he has proven to be far easier to manipulate.”

“And his power draws from the dark side,” Rose said quietly.

Rey moved towards the window again. “The dark side feeds on fear, and anger. Hatred.”

“I’d bet my life that there’s no one in the galaxy- hells, in all the universe - who he hates more than her,” Poe wagered.

“Then I’d imagine he’s pretty kriffing Dark right now,” Finn crossed his arms.

Chewie roared.

“And that’s exactly what she wants. His power,” Rey said.

Poe moved towards Rey. “And your children are the leverage. ‘Do what I say or the kids get it.’ _Karking_ _shavit_ , I don’t like this at all...”

“Yeah but... you’d need a lot of Force sensitives to contain Kylo Ren,” Finn said, remembering him in action. Rey could sense they all were.

Maz’s voice floats back into her mind, a memory from when they went for her help. _Perhaps countless stolen sensitive children, forced to do the bidding of the space witch…_

Rey scoffed bitterly. “What do you think she’s doing with all those children she took?”

“And the Omwati tech,” Rose concluded, quietly.

The room fell silent. Finn let out a big puff of air.

Chewie barked.

Poe’s expression was fire. “What a bitch.”

 

+++++

 

_“Light...”_

_“Life… Balance.”_

 

+++++++

 

Everyone was beat after a long day of brainstorming. As they moved to their respective rooms in the large suite, Rey noticed Chewie sneaking out the main door. Never at ease in luxury, Chewie was staying in the Falcon. Rey ran to catch him in the hallway and grabbed his arm before he left.

“Chewbacca, I almost forgot.” The wookie tilted his head at her. “Han says hi,” Rey whispered.

 

++++++

 

The Master of the Corps and the mistress of the ship stood in the middle of the Corps, considering two of its members who appeared to be whispering.

“They haven’t stopped. I’ve done what I can. They can’t take much more, I’m afraid. She’s too powerful. Her decision at the Wellspring was... unexpected. Your cousins did not persuade her as we thought they might.” Nax crossed his arms.

“Will this change anything?” she asked, staring hard at the beings in the pods.

“Hard to say. Likely not,” he answered, cooly. She looked at him, questioningly, but he offered nothing more. She sighed heavily before continuing.

“It’s just as well, Nax. Let her come. I will have Teekan direct us somewhere far away, to buy us a little more time. Get a few last things in line.” She put her hands in her pockets. “Order the others to focus solely on him and the children. They must NOT know she’s coming.”

“Of course, dearest, I know.”

The woman looked up at him with doe-eyes. “I’m sorry, luv, of course you know. You’re the brains of this entire operation,” she flirted with him and put her hand to his arm.

“And you, the beauty,” he said, voice warm, but eyes flat. She blinked at him. She dropped her hand and moved to leave. After taking several steps, she paused.

“Nax,” she turned, looking at him, “I’m sure it goes without saying, but these two… should be terminated, don’t you think?” Nax stared at her, expression completely blank. “I mean, they’re malfunctioning, aren’t they? And this way there will be two available slots in the Corps, should we need them?”

“How convenient.”

“Yes, convenient.”

“And it does go without saying. Dear.”

As the woman proceeded out of the room she heard the unmistakable hiss of machines being shut down. She smiled and swished her skirts a bit. This was all working out so well.

 

+++++

 

As Rey shut the door to her room, she felt it. A shift. So subtle that under other circumstances she may not have noticed. But now, as hyper-aware as she was of the Force within her and around her, she did.

It was like two pinholes of light turned on inside her mind. Rey moved quickly towards the large floor-to-ceiling window in her room that looked over Atzerri. She focused on the pinholes, knowing they were important, that she had to follow them. She needed to meditate.

As if she had called to him, there was a knock on her door and she knew it was Finn.  

“Rey, is everything okay? I got this funny feeling…”

“Something has changed. I don’t know what, but I need to meditate. I need to focus.” Finn’s expression darkened with worry. She walked over to him and put her hands on his cheeks, still smooth and young-looking despite all the time that had passed. He was thinking of her, remembering her cold and floating, gaunt and pale.

“It won’t be like last time, Finn, I promise.”

“Can I stay with you?”

“Please do,” she said, smiling.

 

+++++

 

“My mistress.”

The woman turned around slowly. The tone of Teekan’s voice was… different. In the time they had known each other, the centuries, never had she heard him sound the way he did just then.

Her head tilted.

He stared at her.

“Teekan?"

“There is something you need to see...”

 

* * *

 

“It was a precautionary measure, madam, in case you needed to know what he was doing when he was alone. Various scenarios, escape plans, if he injured anyone, especially the disciples-”

“Get on with it, Teekan.” Her tone was ice.

“I had surveillance devices placed in his rooms. Long ago. I won’t say I forgot, per say, but they were not in the front of my mind,” he said, hesitantly. Her head snapped towards him.

“What do they show? The doors, who let him out?” she asked. Teekan said nothing. “Teekan?” He reached over and pressed play on the footage he had gathered from the different rooms.  

The woman watched and listened.

Her nostrils flared.

Her eyes welled with tears, a phenomenon Teekan had never seen in all his time at her side.

“Show me again,” she said, her voice breathless and low.

“Madam, I-”

“SHOW. ME. AGAIN,” she ordered again, her hand clenched, her eyes never leaving the screens.

 

He had to show her four times.

 

“Bring him to me,” she commanded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter a while ago, but I watched Temple of Doom again this weekend. The kid slave thing may come from that... that movie really messed with me when I was little. Oh, and The Dark Crystal. So many influences.


	32. We'll Miss Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something bad has happened, and now things are changing. Ben has a decision to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to "Eulogy" by Tool a ton thinking about this chapter. It actually shaped the chapter quite a bit, including the title of it. 
> 
> We'd like to take this opportunity to say hello to the 31 VIP bookmarkers with us on today's flight, and say thank you for the emotional support provided by @leofgyth and @thefitfulfire. This story is crowning and I'm getting ready to push.
> 
> Also, the woman who birthed me arrives today to spend the weekend. Pray for me. -srs

They were all in his quarters when it happened.

Ben’s depression over his “training” was deep. He wouldn’t go back to the arena, he wouldn’t leave his room. He lay in his bed, dirty, listening for his children. Doing little more than he had when he first came to the ship. But now he’d killed so many… he tortured himself by attempting the math, to count the bodies. He was haunted by their deaths.

The disciples had taken to coming to him. Cria once tried to infuse their sense of calm into him, but Ben grabbed them by the throat.

“Don’t you dare.” Cria’s eyes were as big as saucers as Ben put them back down to the ground.

Things were different between he and his attendant after that.

Titus and Mae would prattle on about some nonsense or another, as if nothing had changed. Ben would hardly acknowledge any of them. At present, Titus was regaling them with a story from his youth, a forgotten curfew, something that before Ben would have likely found entertaining, but now he couldn’t even bother to get annoyed.

Without warning, Titus abruptly stopped. All three of the disciples stood up in unison and faced the door.

“Something has happened,” Mae said.

“Something bad,” Titus added.

“Something very bad,” Cria finished.

Ben sprung up in his bed. “The children?” Titus shook his head, while Mae put a hand over her mouth.

“Oh, my mistress…” Cria whispered.

Ben sensed nothing, but that was no surprise. Curiosity alone prompted him to get up and move towards the disciples, just as the door opened. Teekan stormed in and wordlessly grabbed Ben by the arm. The Cathar dragged him unceremoniously out of the room, prompting Ben to panic.

“What’s going on?”

“She needs to see you.”

“Teekan let me go. I’m warning you-”

“She needs to SEE you!” Teekan roared in his face, prompting Ben to quit fighting the larger man. Something _was_ wrong.

Teekan led him down one corridor after another. He knew enough of the ship now to have a sense where they were headed - her wing. They stopped in front of a closed door. Teekan squeezed Ben’s arm even tighter.

“Say _nothing_ ,” he growled at Ben.

The door opened, revealing her and Nax, seated across from each other at the narrow end of a long table, staring at each other. 

Nax was sitting up straight, his elbows propped on the table with his hands clasped. He had an empty plate and a glass of something dark in front of him.

She was leaned back and slumped down in her chair, her elbows on the armrests while the pointer finger of her right hand was pressed against her head, blocking her face from Ben.

After Teekan threw him into the room, Ben stopped short at the head of the table, the end furthest from them.

“What’s happening-” Ben started.

The woman lowered her hand and turned her head to look at him. Her eyes burned, glowing bright gold as she stared hard at him. He lost his breath, feeling horribly exposed.

After a long moment, she closed her eyes, and the vise gripping his chest loosened slightly. She waved her hand and looked back to Nax, dismissing them.

“It is confirmed.”

“Wait- no- Wait!” Ben fought against Teekan as he was pulled out of the room, but the man was immovable. The door closed as a stone formed in the pit of Ben’s stomach. The disciples were right; something very bad had happened.

 

* * *

 

She looked back at Nax with tears - this new phenomenon - in her eyes. The silence stretched.

“Why?” she whispered. He gave no response. “You’ve always had so much to say… Now nothing?”

“Ramala-”

“DON’T call me that,” she said forcefully.

Nax sighed. “I’m sorry, but what you seek is impossible. I know that now.”

“Nax. _Anything_ is possible. Anything is possible in the Force, you taught me that. You _promised_ me that.”  She looked at him, her eyes searching, pleading, her expression one of disbelief.

“I no longer believe that to be true.”

The two watched each other across the table. They both knew how this would end.

“If it’s any consolation,” he said, “I never told him the real reason he’s here. I suppose I do have a little hope for you still.”

The woman sighed and cleared her throat. “Thank you, Naxum. For _everything_ ,” she said quietly. She stood, gazing at him lovingly with a little smile one last time. 

He simply sipped his wine as she left him. 

 

* * *

 

Word spread like wildfire throughout the entire ship. What little ripples of Force Ben could feel were rife with tension. Their mistress had been betrayed by the Master of the Corps.  Everyone was in an uproar.

Ben was terrified. This was unexpected and a variable he had not considered. What would happen to him now, to the children? What would happen to Nax?

It wasn’t long before he got his answer.

 

* * *

 

The disciples led him to the hall by the hangar, where she had met him when he arrived and where he had granted Teekan his life. But Ben had no place of prominence now; he wouldn’t be a factor in this trial.

He was placed in the back of the hall with the disciples - ironically, the same corner Nax had stood during Teekan’s trial. Or maybe it wasn’t ironic at all, maybe it was intentional. _Everything_ that happened on this ship was by her design, which is what made this moment so unsettling for Ben and everyone else.

Ben scanned the crowd. Teekan was in front and made eye contact with him briefly. His expression was blank, which Ben found surprising. There was low murmuring but overall the space was rather quiet. Everyone was waiting.

The double doors opened loudly, jarringly. Ben’s jaw dropped.

She had _changed_.

Slowly she walked in, with the Guard marching in pairs behind her, every eye in the room following her as she strolled through the center of the crowd.

“What is it, what is happening?” Titus whispered to him. Ben sometimes forgot the disciples were blind.

“She… she looks different.” Her face was still pretty but her features seemed... softer, less sharp or bird-like. Her skin was no longer blue but a smooth light cream, like the color of a sandy beach. Her light eyes, that were so piercing before, were now almost black, equally disarming in their darkness. And her hair, which had shone silver and was often piled up on her head, lay in long ringlets down her back, the color black at the top then fading into an angry fuchsia red at the bottom, contrasting with her jet black gown.

“Different how?” Mae whispered.

Ben thought a moment. “She looks… dark,” he replied.

Cria leaned towards him to whisper, “He is her family… she shaped herself to resemble the Omwati. Nax is everything to her. To all of us.”

Ben turned towards them to respond. “I guess not anymore.”

The last to enter, escorted by two members of the Guard, was Nax. His face was calm. His hands were unbound. His back stayed to Ben as he was led to the front of the room. The woman took her place by Teekan, but sat down in a chair. She apparently was not the ringleader of the circus today.

Teekan addressed the group, explaining the scenario in a similar manner as _she_ had during his own trial: that the price of life here was loyalty to her. That Naxum, Master of the Corps, had betrayed their mistress. Her face was as calm as Nax’s as she gazed out over the crowd. Her eyes settled on Ben and lingered.

Ben’s blood chilled as she stared at him. He would have given anything to know what she was feeling at that moment. Did she blame him?  

Abruptly she stood up, interrupting Teekan. There was a small gasp from the audience. She paced with her hands in her pockets as she addressed the menagerie.

“It was so long ago, Naxum, that we found each other. You spoke with such passion, such fire, about the Force, about potential and power. Where would we be if not for you?” Nax smirked slightly but did not look at her.

“You were such a magnificent leader. You shaped our world into what it is now, our lives into what we live now-”

“Is that why I was relegated to the _Corps_?”

Ben sensed a flash of temper from the normally blank Nax. There was bitterness in his signature, anger, regret. Resentment, most of all.

The woman spun on her heel, whipping back around to him. Her eyes shimmered and flashed; she saw it too. Nax was finally showing her what he’d been hiding for a very long time.

“ _Relegated_? The Corps is the most important thing on this ship!” she screamed at him. Ben had never heard her sound like this. “Without it we are _nothing_!”

“Without it _you_ are nothing, you mean.”

A little puff of air escaped her lips and her face fell. She took steps towards Nax, stopping directly in front of him. She smiled a little and pressed her hand to his cheek.

“You forget, luv,” she said quietly, “I am nothing either way.”

She held his eyes for a moment more before slapping his face, hard, and spinning away. The crowd murmured and shifted loudly. Two members of the guard took Naxum’s arms and led him over to an empty exit hatch threw him in roughly. He turned and looked through the porthole, directly at Ben. He smirked. Ben didn’t understand.

Suddenly, a flash of visions crashed into Ben’s mind violently, so many he could barely distinguish one from the next. _This isn’t right..._ Nax’s voice floated from his memory as Ben watched two little bodies being carried away.

As quickly as it began, the assault ceased, and while Ben would need more time to decipher everything he saw he knew one thing for certain. Nax _wanted_ to die.

In a huff she stomped over to the hatch door, turning on a comm line. “What was it you said to him? That I don’t like to get my hands dirty,” she flipped the cover on the airlock control and began flipping switches, “that that is what the _cat_ is for.” She huffed in disgust.

“Well, my darling, you were right about so many things, but you're wrong about that.” She placed her palm on the large red button and glared at Nax with fire.

“You said you would die for me,” she whispered and slapped the button, releasing the airlock and sending Naxum shooting into open space.

 

After a moment, she turned back to her people, who stared at her in silence. Her face was serene. “He was an exceptional man. But I do not ask for much.” She straightened her skirts.

“We’ll miss him.”

The crowd murmured quietly. “Go now, with my gratitude and my love. Find comfort in each other and in the knowledge that I will always take care of you.”

The crowd moved quickly to leave while Teekan sidled up to his mistress, secretly pleased he would no longer have to suffer Naxum and his arrogance. He was now number one in her heart.  

“Teekan.”

“Yes, my mistress?”

“Bring him to my salon. Take the long way.”

“Right away, madam.”

 

Ben stood stock-still and shocked. Nax was gone. His only semi-ally on this ship was gone. Ben noticed Teekan moving towards him, and apprehension rose in his chest. He looked at the witch. This new version of her turned dark eyes to Ben, making him shudder. Then she pivoted, and - to Ben’s astonishment - floated up to the second floor balcony and glided away.

_She can fly?_

He looked at Teekan open-mouthed. He closed it when he saw Teekan’s smirk.

“Let’s go,” the Cathar growled.

 

* * *

 

 

The witch was facing a viewport wall, standing in silhouette at the center of a green and yellow planet.  They were back in the room where Ben had first spoken seriously with her. Before he knew how awful things were going to get.

With a shiver, he ran his hand through his hair; this was the room where she had cut it and thrown it in the fire that was also lit now.

“Do you know where we are?” she asked him, not turning around.

“You know I don’t.”

“Omwat.” She paused as the word hung in the air. “He wanted to go home. And now he has.”

She turned slowly from the viewport to face him, her eyes shimmering. She walked - no, floated towards him.

“I am running out of patience, therefore _you_ are running out of time. You have a decision to make.” She put her hands in her pockets. “We have been too long without a captain-”

“Don’t tell me you want me to be the captain of this ship?” Ben said, full of snark, trying to stay on the offensive.

She looked at him like he was a child.

“I am making _Teekan_ the captain.” She rolled her eyes slightly before moving again. “Which means I find myself in a very unique position. I am in need of a Master of the Guard, and now also… a Master of the Corps. Naxum had an apprentice, who can take the reigns of the day to day operations, but is not nearly as powerful as he was. She will need help to maintain the Corps.”

Ben’s gut dropped as she turned to look at him.

“I am offering you one of the highest commands on this ship, Master of both the Guard and the Corps, equal only to Teekan as captain. I am aware that it will be challenging for you both, but I think in time you could find you have a lot in common.”

Ben’s brain began to stutter. “I thought - with _me_ \- you wouldn’t need the Corps?”

“Well, circumstances have changed, haven’t they?” They glared at each other. “However, your children would still stay with you, be with _you._ ”

Ben’s pulse was racing. He didn’t know what to do. This was the moment he had been dreading ever since she’d told him what she wanted from him.

The pendant still glowed around her neck. She would never give them up.

“You hesitate. Really?” She began to pace again. “You want the safety of your children. There is no safer place for them in the galaxy than right here on this ship. You hate that they are learning things from people other than you. Here, only you would teach them everything you. You lament that you are losing time with them, when here you would have forever...”

“And if I refuse?”   

Her expression cooled. “Then I kill you. And put your children in the Corps.”

“That is not a choice!”

“That’s the deal.”

“A _deal_?? And what do you give up in this ‘deal’?”

“What do _I_ give up?” Her outrage was obvious. Her face contorted and he winced.

“You have the _audacity_ to ask what I have given up? I executed my captain because of your children, sacrificed my crew to serve your training, and was BETRAYED by the most important person in my life. FOR YOU. Do not ask what I have given up for you. You have no idea.”

The tension between them was palpable. They were two desperate figures at opposite ends of a battle that could last forever. And he would never win; she held all the cards. But still… he was not ready to give up.

He humbled himself and looked to the ground at her feet. “Can I think about it?”

She snorted.

“Sure. But you will think alone, in your chambers, until you’ve made a decision.” He looked up at her. “Or until I get tired of waiting.”

 

+++++

 

 _He had felt her call to him. He couldn’t describe it any other way, a calling. She wanted him,_ needed _him. The Force would not let him feel anything else. Her need, her loneliness, her sense of loss._

_He didn’t want to care; he didn’t want to follow the tug of her feelings. And yet, he sequestered himself in his quarters in anticipation._

_Had she confronted Luke? Did she believe him? He paced as he thought._

Why _was he bothering with this..._ girl _? This… fiery, brave, stubborn, strong... beautiful… slip of a nothing_ scavenger _?_

_Without warning, the sounds of the ship were sucked out of the room and she was there. She looked terrible. Her hair was wet, she had clearly been crying. She looked broken._

_He moved to sit near her, a foreign feeling of concern rising within him. He sensed relief from her when she opened her eyes and saw him._ Relief?

_He said nothing, because he didn’t have to. She started to speak immediately, telling him all about the cave, the darkness, the mirror._

_While she spoke, he was paralyzed by his own swirling thoughts and emotions, the kinship he felt with her. He was bizarrely proud of her; she had faced a convergence and had not backed down. And when she needed to understand what happened to her, she reached out not to that blasted Skywalker, but to_ him. 

_A tear ran down her face, reflecting light from a fire that must have been nearby. Gods, it had been so long since he’d sat by a fire. He longed to feel the warmth for himself. When she said she’d never felt so alone, he was compelled - despite his training, despite the walls he had built around himself - to say the first thing that came into his mind, the first real truth he’d felt in ages, maybe ever._

_He told her she wasn’t alone. Without hesitating, she told him the same. And he believed her._

_+++++_

 

Ben Solo was alone now. Utterly and completely alone in a nightmare of his own creation. He lay despondent in bed, willing his circumstances to change, to not be trapped in this position.

He closed his eyes as his clung to the memory, the feeling of Rey's hand touching his that first time. Of her essence filling what he thought was a bottomless pit of loneliness and isolation, even if it was just for a moment. Could he survive the rest of his life - the rest of eternity - without it?

He knew resoundingly that the answer was no. Ben Solo would not survive. His fractured soul had been exploited here, the cracks he thought were sealed now gaping wide. On one side of the chasm, Rey. On the other, his children. And in between, his soul, tumbling into the dark.

The witch was right to call him out. Why was he hesitating? He had no real choice here, no power. He was merely delaying the inevitable, and also delaying reunion with his children. He had to face the truth. He would accept her offer, the _deal:_ he would be the Master of the Guard and the Corps of this Force-forsaken ship, in exchange for his life and the lives of his children. And he would likely never see his wife again.

In time, his children would forget her. Her voice, her face, her smell, her laugh. They would forget their mother and embrace their _mistress_ , and there was nothing he could do about it.

But Ben... he would never forget.

And what really made him sick was the reality that the person he would have to be in order to fulfill his end of this bargain… that man is not their father. That man is a monster. So ultimately, he would lose them too. That was his punishment, his penance for the atrocities he had committed in his life.

But he would not condemn his children to the Corps. Never. As long as he lived and he was in charge, they would never suffer the fate of the countless other children on this ship.

He shifted and stood up, resigned. At that moment, his wristband turned blue. He chuckled darkly to himself. _Damn her._

Before he got up, he took the earbuds that Nax had gifted him in his hand and crushed them in his fist. He wouldn’t need them anymore.

 

She was waiting for him outside the door. When she saw him, she knew his decision. After all there was only one he could make.

She had won.


	33. Getting to Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a new Master on the ship, and he begins to learn the ropes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you notice I've added a chapter total? Didja? 
> 
> Thanks for the fun feedback last time humans, it was delightful to interact. 
> 
> I make little moodboard things on the tumblr, if you're interested in that nonsense. @secretreylostan 
> 
> And as always thank you to my betas, @leofgyth and @thefitfulfire, and to the Internet, and wookiepedia and Google Docs... -srs

Her smile was positively radiant as she took his wrist. With one swipe from her finger, she removed the band and put it in her pocket.

“You won’t be needing this anymore.”

She grabbed his wrist again gently and moved him back inside the room. She placed his palm on a panel in the wall and pressed several invisible buttons. A blue rectangle appeared and then quickly morphed around the shape of his fingers.

“Now it will open for you, whenever,” she told him. “All the doors will. Except mine, of course.” She grinned and scrunched her nose. “Come, we have much to discuss,” she said as she sat down at his table.

She was moving fast, too fast for Ben. He started to panic, but then realized the futility of it. He repressed his feelings, steeling himself against fear and resigning himself to this new life. He took a deep breath before joining her.

“There are things I need.”

“I don’t doubt that,” she said, smirking.

“The first thing I want is a chrono.”

Her eyebrow raised. “Time?” She chuckled. “Okay. What else?”

“My children will live with me.”

“Of course.”

“So I will need more space.”

The woman stood up abruptly and moved back over to the panel. She pressed her palm to it and then more invisible buttons. Amazingly, walls and doors disappeared, sliding away to reveal the skeletons of all five of the rooms he had been using. His jaw dropped.

“Will this be enough?” Her nose scrunched again. She was teasing him. “The engineer will help you reshape it however you wish. The entire wing is yours.” She walked over and sat back down.

“It always was,” she asserted, black eyes sparkling as she twisted her long colored locks over her shoulder.

He was still not used to her new look. “You know, I feel like there’s something different about you, but I can’t quite put my finger on it...” he said, sarcastically. She rolled her eyes and shrugged her shoulders.

“What else?”

“My saber.”

“Obviously. What else?”

This was too easy. His mind raced.

“I will not take orders from Teekan.”

“The two of you are equals, you will work together. You will only take orders from me.” Ben winced and swallowed more pride.

“Be warned, however. He will no longer be under any obligation, other than professionally, not to harm you. Although, it’d be foolish if he did.” She winked at him. “What else?”

“That necklace.”

“ ‘Fraid not. This stays with me,” placing her hand over it. The undertone was clear; they did not trust each other. “What else?”

“I… I’m not sure.”

“Then in that case, there are also things _I_ need.”

Ben smirked. “I don’t doubt that.”

“You will have many decisions to make. Please be prudent and address what is asked of you in a timely manner. I would like to get our lives back on track as soon as possible. Things have been upended long enough.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, was ruining my life inconvenient for you?” he snapped.

She flinched at him. She reached across the table and put a hand on his arm.

“Darling?” She blinked at him several times with a pained expression. “You interrupted.”

He pushed down his anger and glared at the wall as he breathed out of his nose.

“Pardon me,” he grunted. She raised an eyebrow at him. Waiting.

“Pardon me, _madam._ ” She removed her hand and smiled softly.  

“The Guard and the Corps are huge responsibilities, and _you_ are solely responsible for both. We should get the formalities out of the way quickly so you can get to work.

“As I told you in the beginning, we maintain a certain level of decorum here, and now that includes you and yours. There will be a gala, where you will formally accept your new position and we will introduce you to the ship.” His skin crawled at the thought.

“The ship already knows of me.”

“No. This is when we’ll announce what you are to be called.”

Ben’s heart skipped. “What do you mean?” he asked, suspicious.

“Everyone here selects a new name when they join us, in celebration of their new eternal life. You will need to choose your name.” It was his turn to blink at her, disbelievingly.

“It’s also when you will be reunited with your children. And I’m sure you’re anxious for that, yes?”

His temper flared. “Why do I have to wait?”

“Because,” she gestured all around them. “Your home is not ready for them. Yet.”

He glared at her. “Make the arrangements. Send me the engineer.”

She stood up, slid over to him and bent down into his face.

“You don’t tell me what to do,” she whispered. She grinned and winked before straightening back up. She turned to leave, then stopped. “Oh, one last thing. I almost forgot.” She turned, taking something out of her pocket and placing it in front of him on the table. “Decorum, dearest. I demand you look your best.” She pinched the hairs on his chin and gave him one last smirk before sashaying out of his quarters.

It was a razor.

_Damn her..._

 

Ben rose from the table like a zombie, a broken, defeated man. He was barely conscious of his actions as he stripped and stepped into his shower. His mind darkened and he hardly felt the water on his body or his own hands soaping his skin.

He grasped the razor, turning it on, and although he heard its electric buzzing, he did not register that it was his face being shaved.

He apparently dressed and groomed himself, however, because eventually he startled at the sharp, well-dressed figure in the large mirror. He approached it, bewildered.

The man in the glass glowered, his expression harsh. The scar along the right side of his face stood out shockingly against the pale skin that had not seen the light of the sun in ages. Dark hollows highlighted the fact that his eyes were empty; soulless and dark. He lifted a hand to the mirror.

Ben Solo, the man who lived a simple life with a family he loved, was nowhere to be seen.  His reflection made his stomach turn, but only until he reminded himself not to care.

The face in the mirror snarled with disgust, reflecting his all-encompassing self-loathing.

 _This is you. This is who you are now - strike that. It’s who you_ always _were. Remember that. You deserve this._

The mirror shattered.

 

* * *

 

 

Things progressed rather quickly after that. It was all very reminiscent of when he became Supreme Leader of the First Order.

He had a comm, and the witch delighted in being able to reach him at all times. Everyone he met with was deferential and respectful, overly so... which he found annoying, so he often snapped at them.

Despite her assertion the he did not tell her what to do, the engineer did show up shortly after she left. He recognized him as Lorin, the Utapaun he had met before his fight with Teekan.

After discussing the necessary modifications that would be made to the space, emphasizing that it needed to be done as fast as possible, the first officer of the Guard showed up to design a training schedule and examine the armory inventory.

Then a tailor arrived, hands full, to outfit him “officially,” showing him numerous sketches with various types of attire. He took particular issue with the guard uniforms.

“Why do they need new uniforms? Who cares?”

The tailor eyes grew wide. “Our mistress, for one. They are _your_ command now, sir. They should reflect the optics _you_ desire.” Ben furrowed his brow. _The optics I desire…_

He considered the Knights of Ren, their individualized and stylized uniforms, all aesthetically similar but not the same. Then he thought about the storm troopers; how they were all identical, indistinguishable. Much easier to manage. He paused at one of the helmet sketches.

“I want a mask.”

“Sir?”

Ben glared threateningly at the tailor. “I want. A mask.”

“For you, sir?”

“Yes. For all of us. I want us all to look the same. There should be no difference in the exterior appearance of any member of the guard. You should not be able to tell one from the next.” The tailor stared at him questioningly.

“Are you confused?” Ben snapped.

“No sir! All the same. Even you.”

“Especially me… How soon can you have it ready?”

“Uuhhh… which?” the tailor stuttered.

“THE MASK,” he roared.

“I’ll get you designs shortly, sir, before the end of the cycle.”

“See that you do,” he growled, dismissing him.

Ben wanted to be able to hide among the throng. He didn’t want his children to see what he would become.

 

* * *

 

 

Eventually, a well-built, tall, nearly human female came to see him. She had green skin, dark hair and wide, violet eyes. There were diamond tattoos sprinkled over her cheeks, like freckles.

“And who are you?”

“I am Masha. I was Master Naxum’s apprentice and assistant. Now I belong to you.” Her expression was suggestive as she very thoroughly looked him up and down.

 _Don’t bother, sweetheart,_ Ben thought angrily.

“The Corps.”

“Yes, sir.”

“I suppose you’re displeased to have lost your Master.”

“He betrayed our Mistress!” she hissed sharply. “I’m ashamed I was ignorant of his actions. Thank the Force our Mistress is merciful, for I deserve to be punished for my failure.”

Ben sighed. “Sit.”

Masha gracefully moved over to one of the chairs, but only stood behind it. “I don’t know that I should, sir. The Corps desperately needs your attention. There is much to catch you up on, operationally speaking, so that you can determine how you’d like to proceed.” Her violet eyes were alarmed. “I’m anxious to begin. Sir.”

Ben blinked a few times in annoyance. “Then, let’s get to it.”

“Perhaps if we went down to the Corps, it would be easier to show you?”

The Corps was the last place he wanted to go, but he had no choice. It was where he was needed. He once again stamped down his feelings.

“Very well,” he sighed. “I’ll follow you.”

 

* * *

 

“In case you’re curious, I am originally from Mirial, but I have been here a very long time.”

He was not curious, but he played along. “What made you choose this life?”

“My race values spirituality and maintaining a strong connection with the world around them, but I was increasingly frustrated with our very primitive understanding of the Force. Here, my knowledge has deepened exponentially, but alas, I am limited in my capacity.”

“You seem very human-like.”

“We are. Although, physically the Mirialan are much more… _flexible_ than humans.” She gave him a poignant sidelong glance while looking him over again. His temper flared again at her insinuation.

“You forget your place, _apprentice_ ,” he snapped, glaring ahead.

“Of course, sir, my mistake. It won’t happen again,” she said hurriedly, chagrined.

As they approached the Corps, he could hear them. He could feel them, like before. Their stories, their pain. His hand began to shake and he slowed down. Masha noticed.

“Sir?”

He concentrated. He couldn’t let this happen every time he came down here. He mustered what strength he could in the Force and shut them out. He felt guilty, but only indulged in that for a moment.

“Let’s go, Masha, I don’t have all day.”

“Of course, sir.”

 

“Why are these two pods empty?” he asked.

“They were malfunctioning.”

He smirked. “So are they being repaired or something?”

Masha looked at him strangely. “No, sir. They were terminated.”

He remembered the little bodies Nax had shown him.

_This isn't right..._

He shook off his rising horror.

“Each component of the Corps has its own designation, or responsibility. As of late, they have been primarily focused on… well, you. And your family.”

He looked at her with narrowed eyes. “Since when?”

“Exclusively? About eight standard years.” He sighed. “Unfortunately, maintenance has been increasingly more challenging since the children joined us on board. You are... very strong, sir.”

“That focus needs to change.”

“I agree. They all need to be shifted back to their primary purpose.”

“Which is?”

Masha looked surprised at him. “Maintaining the life forces on this ship.”

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

“Eight years is not a long time, but long enough for us all to begin to feel the effects.”

“Then turn them off.”

“Unfortunately, to turn them off is to terminate them sir, and our mistress would not be pleased-”

“No! I don’t want that.”

“Oh, good. That’s a relief; it would take eons to replace them-”

“No! No... terminations. No replacements. But how to we stop them?” _I need my power back,_ he thought eagerly.

“They can’t be stopped, they can only be re-designated.”

He was losing his patience. “And how do we do that, _Masha_?” his tone sharp.

“They run on cycles, sir, like anything else. Each one is on its own individually designed timed cycle, so there is no lapse in power. The easiest way for _them_ is to re-designate while they are in their brief rest mode.”

“And if we don’t wait for them to be at rest?”

Masha winced. “It’s… unpleasant.” A flash of pain broke through to him.

He cleared his throat and shook his head. “No. I don’t want to cause them any pain. We’ll wait. Can we prioritize the ones that are focused, or whatever, on me?”

“We could, except... I don’t know which ones those are,” Masha confessed.

“What?!” 

“I’m sorry, sir! I’m so sorry, but Nax kept all of that in his head. The Corps is like a giant symphony orchestra and he was the conductor. He decided how to move energy, where and when and to whom to maintain balance among the pods. I’ll need to reset them all.”

His frustration gave way to anger. “And how long will that take?” he snapped.

Masha looked fearful of answering him. “Well,” she gulped and looked out over the Corps, “there are almost one hundred of them.”

His head swam. _My gods…_

“However, sir, in the immediate, I was hoping you could help me to restore balance to a few of the pods?” He shook his head slightly and refocused.

“What do you mean?”

Masha walked him over to a pod where several lights were blinking. “For example... this one, I believe, is blocking out... um. The woman. Your wife?”

He blinked rapidly. _Rey…_

“What’s wrong with… it?” he said, referring to the pod.

“She’s trying to break through. It’s been particularly difficult to keep it online.”

Masha looked uncomfortable. He fought to keep his expression blank.

“So, what do I need to do?” he croaked out.

“Well, Nax would balance the pod through here,” she explained, pointing out a panel on the side. “He would transfer some of _his_ power to the pod, like a boost. To help them regain control.” She gestured again to the panel.

 _Unbelievable,_ he thought. He was supposed to transfer _his_ power to the thing fighting against his wife?

No. Not his wife. He couldn’t think that way.

He looked at the face sticking out of the pod, the only thing visible of the being trapped inside. Its face was grimacing and twitching in pain, crying silently.

He put his hand onto the panel and concentrated.

“This rod here, sir, can connect you directly to the kyber, if you think that will help at all...”

He looked at the massive crystal and then at the silver handle on the machine. He grasped at it and felt a rush as his powers amplified. _Holy hells..._

The face in the window calmed, the lights stopped blinking. Balance was restored, apparently. He took his palm off the panel.

Masha gasped in disbelief, her eyes wide and clearly impressed. “That was so fast!”

He glared at her and her face fell immediately. He’d forgotten how much he enjoyed being intimidating.

Another pod started beeping.

“Oh _d’wang_ , I’m afraid another one has come offline. Sir?”

He spent the next 28 minutes - he loved his new chrono - trying to balance pod after pod. But like some sort of sick carnival game, as soon as one was balanced, another would fall offline. _Kriff,_ he could spend all day just moving from one to--

He stopped short. _All day._ Immediately, Nax’s predicament became clear.

 

_“I don’t get about the ship as much as I’d like to, as of late…”_

_"Is that why I was_ relegated _to the Corps?"_

 

Nax had been trapped into powering the Corps, even if he wasn’t plugged into it. That’s probably how it had been for the past eight years at least, while they hid the ship and their intentions from him and Rey. Watching each _component_ of the Corps get tortured, one by one, as they fell offline. And for what? So the rest of the ship could live forever?

He heard the beeping of another pod and closed his eyes.

_Rey… please let us go._

 

He could only help a few more before his comm beeped. He was apparently needed elsewhere. He hated to leave them in pain but he had no choice.

“Masha, you’re confident you can re-designate them during their rest cycles?”

“Yes, sir.”

“And it won’t cause them any pain?”

“No, sir.”

He looked out over to Corps, his new domain of which he was both captor and captive. For now.

“Do it. Start as soon as you can.”

 

++++++

 

Rey had been following the two little dots of light for a very long time. Finn stayed watching, keeping guard over her, refusing to leave in case she got lost again.

None of the others had seen what had happened to her before, how close she came to… to what, Finn did not know. The brink? Death? He would not let that happen.

 

Suddenly Rey gasped and she opened her eyes, back on Atzerri. Her eyes watered as she slowly lifted her arms around herself, hugging her torso. She closed her eyes and rested her cheek on her hand where it gripped her shoulder, like she was nuzzling the head of an infant - trying to hold on to the feeling a little longer.

“Rey?”

She opened her eyes and shifted her face to Finn. She gave him a blissful little smile.

“I felt them.”

 

+++++++

 

Elsewhere in the galaxy, the Solo children awoke at the same time, simultaneously springing from their beds.

“It was Mum!” Hannah cried.

“I saw her!” Sky exclaimed.

“I felt her!”

The siblings looked at each other.

“How did she look?” Hannah asked her brother.

Sky thought for a moment. “Strong,” he replied, grinning proudly. “How did she feel?”

Hannah smiled sadly. “She misses us.”


	34. Little Warriors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet the Guard, while Rey doubles down on mediation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really really really hope this is good for you, especially those of you who have been reading this since MAY?? JUNE????? Wow. Incredible. Thank you for your patience... -srs

Despite receiving a chrono right away, he started losing chunks of time. He would drift in and out of active participation in his life.

He was doing things, having conversations, making decisions, _prudently_ _addressing_ what was asked of him, as she had commanded.

But often, after the fact, he couldn’t remember what he had said or decided. He would sit for long stretches of time in between meetings, his thoughts traveling to dark, soulless places. Then someone else would need something and he’d have to snap himself out of it.

Every time a member of the Corps was re-designated, he felt it. He physically felt each small piece of the Force return like a tiny orgasm through his entire body.

The downside was that the flames of the dark side constantly licked at his soul. He could sense ancient voices, dark beings calling to him silently, getting stronger as each chain was broken between he and the Corps. They were urging him to give in, to fall completely to the dark side, something he’d never truly done before.

He was trying to fight it, though, and he would for as long as he could.

With Snoke, it was the light side that was always pulling at him as he chased after darkness, leaving him conflicted. Now though… there was no pull. He couldn’t find light anywhere inside himself, yet he was still in constant conflict.

 

* * *

 

The tailor had worked quickly, re-outfitting the Guard. His new uniform hung in his quarters among the mess of construction, exactly as he asked: gloves, boots, belt, cowl… helmet. Mask.

All black.

And finally, placed carefully on a stand next to the outfit, his saber.

He stared at it for an inordinate amount of time. Then quickly and without pretense, he put the uniform on, snapped his saber to his belt and left his chambers. He avoided the mirror; he didn’t want to look at himself.  

It was time for his first meeting with the Guard.

 

The guardsmen were already waiting when he arrived in their training arena, which was huge. The walls were lined with weapons, much like he had in his personal studio.  They were all dressed identically, and he got a strange thrill out of the idea of hiding among them, if he wanted to. He was no better than anyone else on this ship and in some ways he was much worse. He wanted no special regalia.

The first officer was instructed to walk the Guard through their basic training exercises, and as soon as he entered, he nodded for them to begin. He was perfectly content observing at eye level when he heard her above him.

“Darling? Come watch with us,” she called down to him from a balcony. Inside his mask, he rolled his eyes. He turned and briskly walked up with stairs, by-passing the turbo lift and not acknowledging Mae.

“The view is much better up here, don’t you think?”

He agreed, begrudgingly, and nodded the mask. She was giving him a funny look.

“The uniforms are sharp. Well done, darling. I had a feeling you would greatly improve upon the original. Outerwear was never really Teekan’s thing.” She seemed antsy. “What do you think of your unit?”

“They are sloppy,” he said. It was the first time he’d heard the modulator. His voice was staticky, gravelly and low, robotic. It was perfect.

“Oh. That’s too bad.” She leaned a hip on the railing as she turned to him. “You know, I feel like there’s something different about you, but I can’t quite put my finger on it...” she said to him in a tone that dripped with sarcastic honey.

He said nothing. He liked this new outfit.

“Any particular reason you decided to hide in a helmet?”

He took a deep breath and elected to answer her truthfully.  

“I don’t want my children to see me like this. To see what I’ve become.”

Her expression softened and seemed almost sympathetic. She nodded.

“Yes. You had to make a difficult choice... ” Her gaze dropped. “I understand the need for masks,” she added quietly, before raising her face back to him, her expression again cheerful.

“No matter. I can still see you. I would recognize you anywhere.” She turned back to the Guard. “However, you better put your shields up, dear, if you don’t want them to see...”

“Who-” Ben barely had time to turn towards the entryway behind them before his children came barreling through it.

He was shocked at the sight of them in person, so close to him, and he quickly shielded himself as he struggled to regain his composure. Sky ran right past him and jumped off the balcony. Ben started to put a hand out to Sky but stopped, not sure what he was trying to accomplish.

Hannah skipped - actually skipped - over to the witch and hugged her around her legs. The witch laughed as she lifted her up and walked his daughter to the other end of the balcony.

Hannah was much too comfortable in her arms. His rage began to simmer.

He started to walk to the woman, but she turned Hannah towards him. She gave him a look of warning and he remembered his mask.

“Dearest, this is our new Master of the Guard. And the Corps. You will be nice to him, your highness, or else.”

“Or else, what?” his daughter sassed. _Hannah…_

“Or else I throw you off the balcony!” the witch cried as she swung Hannah over the railing. He jumped, but Hannah just laughed and laughed.

He heard the sound of vibros to his left and turned back to the Guard. Sky ran to the weapon wall and jumped to a small vibrostaff near the top. _Stars, he’s so fast._ Sky jumped back down and went running towards two Guardsmen who had broken off from the group.

All three entered into fighting stances, his son against two adults. _What’s happening here?_

Sky attacked one of the two, and they began to spar. His eight year old son sparring against two trained soldiers, and while Ben could sense they were being cautious with the boy, they were not holding back stylistically. Sky was completely holding his own. He got himself backed into a corner but then back-flipped up into the air, hopping off a wall and somersaulting back down behind the guardsmen. As soon as he landed, his larger opponent twisted around with his weapon and Sky back-flipped away.

_He’s back-flipping. He’s back-flipping..._

Ben began to panic as his heart rate jumped. Exactly what he had been working on with him that day at the waterfall, the day they were taken, the day he _let_ this witch steal his children from him...  

“STOP!”

The sound of his voice through the modulator filled the entire hall. It was terrifying. Every member of the guard froze, including the two sparring with Sky.

“He is NOT to train with the Guard!”

Sky jumped and looked up. His face fell. “Me? Why not?”

“It’s inappropriate for a child to train like a soldier. He will learn in other ways.”

“What!? I’m not a little kid - I can fly a ship! And I’ve been training already - with blasters and vibroblades-”

“No.” His voice rumbled through the modulator.

Sky stomped over to the balcony. “Madam, who is this guy?” his voice breaking as he yelled, he was so angry. Ben felt awful, he had never seen his son upset like this. “Where’s Teekan, I wanna speak with Teekan!”

His son’s desire for Teekan sent him over the edge.

“QUIET!” he roared.

Sky stopped and stared at him, outraged and clearly devastated. Interestingly, the captain chose to show up at that exact moment.

Sky ran over to the big cat as he walked in through the main door, wrapping his arms around Teekan’s waist. Teekan raised an eyebrow to them, questioningly. When Sky looked again at Ben, there were tears streaming down his face. Ben’s heart broke, but he maintained his shields against his children.

He didn’t notice, at first, that the little girl had approached him, boldly. She had her hands on her hips as she glared up at him. The emotions that were pulsing though him were indescribable as he looked at her.

“Take off that mask,” Hannah demanded.

“Hannah-” the witch warned.

“I don’t like it. I’m the princess of Alderaan and I don’t want it here!” _A princess… Alderaan?_ What had she been telling them?

“Now darling, don’t be like that. It’s unbecoming of a princess to demand things like a spoiled brat. I promise next time, he will not have the mask, okay?” the woman assured her, although she appeared annoyed at having to do so.

Hannah pointed her finger at him. “I said take it off!” He felt his daughter tugging at the Force around him, trying to make him do what she wanted.

“Hannah, what has gotten into you?” the woman demanded, losing patience.

Something sinister got into _him_ as he bent down to his daughter.

“You don’t tell me what to do,” he whispered through the moderator.

Hannah narrowed her eyes.

“That’s it! I’ve had it. Hannah, go with Teekan.” Hannah spun to the witch and growled, in a full tantrum now.

“I don’t wanna go, I wanna play and so does my brother!”

“Hannah, we are done for today. You’re being a baby, and I hate babies,” the woman remarked coldly.

Hannah stomped her feet. “I hate YOU!” she screamed at the witch.

 

Ben jolted as if he’d been hit with electricity.

 

_I HATE YOU!_

 

His dream.

 

His pulse quickened and his mind raced as he tried to understand. He glanced at the woman, who merely rolled her eyes.

Teekan freed himself from Sky and walked over. “Come here, little cub,” he said, and she sprinted down the stairs and into his arms. Teekan walked to wards the door and put a hand on Sky’s shoulder, turning Sky around and leading him out.

As they left, Hannah whipped around, throwing her arm out over Teekan’s shoulder.

“I’m not afraid of you!” she shouted up at the man she did not know was her father, and he flinched as a large vase next to him shattered. The witch sucked her teeth.

Once they were gone, he relaxed his shields slightly and tried to ignore the devastation he felt over the fact that the first interaction with his children, in _gods knew_ how long, had been so incredibly awful. Despite that, a small shred of pride wormed into his heart.

His son was strong, a graceful fighter... like his mother.

And his little warrior princess… she was not afraid of monsters.

His thoughts darkened once again.

_She should be._

 

“Well,” the woman sighed, “that was certainly unpleasant. Children: one moment they love you, the next they hate you.”  She smirked at him. “Fickle creatures. Can’t be trusted.”

 

++++++

 

Rey was sitting with her arms wrapped around her knees, on the floor in front of the large window, staring out at the lights of Atzerri. Thoughts were swirling in her head. Somewhere in the galaxy, there had been a shift. She had felt it during her meditation. The encounter she had with her children, albeit brief, was confirmation that there was a way to get through to them.

 _A way through…_ Han’s advice suddenly popped into her thoughts.

_“Look at things a different way. Go through the asteroid belt, instead of around it, you get what I’m saying?”_

Rey shifted to cross her legs and face out towards the window. _Look at things a different way…_ All this time she’d been seeking her children, Ben, the ship and the witch _in_ the Force. But the witch didn’t exist in the Force. Rey would never find her that way.

“Finn?”

His head lifted up from where he was sleeping on the floor. “Huh, what? No. I mean, yeah?”

“I’ve got an idea.” She turned her head and smiled at him reassuringly. “You have to trust me, okay?” He sat up quickly and crossed his legs like her, rubbing his hand over his face.

“Yeah, I do. Okay,” he nodded as he tried to wake himself up.

“You can sleep-”

“No I’m awake, totally.”

“Finn. You can sleep. Just… keep an eye on the chrono, yeah? Don’t let me go too long.”

Finn looked a little relieved as he laid back down on the floor. “No problem.”

Rey wasn’t quite sure where she was headed with this. She closed her eyes and returned her imagination to the Force, but instead of digging in and searching in the smallest crevices, as she had been, she stepped back.

Rey would not find them _in_ the Force. She needed to figure out where the Force was _missing_.

She stepped back and then back further, further and further still, broadening her thoughts to encompass the Force in its entirety. She would gather the whole galaxy into her mind if she had to, until she found the place where the Force was not.

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_There._

Rey opened her eyes, her mouth dry and gritty feeling. She’d done it; she’d seen a place of nothing, a small piece of emptiness inside the vast expanse of the Force.

She noticed the view out the window. It was daytime.

“Rey?”

She spun around on the floor. “How long-” she choked a bit on her dry throat and swallowed, “how long was I out?” she asked Finn. He came over fast with a glass of water, which she grabbed and gulped.

“10 hours,” he replied.  She finished the glass and smiled.

“I think I have something, Finn. I found… a hollowness... But that’s too long, I’ve got to be faster. I’ve got to go back-”

“You should eat,” Finn said. Rey felt a flare of temper. “Rey.” Finn gave her a serious look. “You need to eat.”

Rey blinked a few times and forced herself to calm down. “You’re right.”

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_There._

Her eyes sprung open again, the space she’d found clearly defined in her mind now. It was definitely a empty space, the Force did not touch it. It had to be her.

“How long?”

Finn was next to her in a heartbeat. “Six hours.”

Rey smacked her knee lightly. “Too long.”

“Here, eat this and try again.”

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_There._

“Drink this, Rey.”

“How long?”

“Two and half hours. It’s working, you’re getting faster.”

She smiled.

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

_There._

“72 minutes, that’s amazing! But Rey you need to rest…”

 

 

 

 

 _There_.

 

 

 

_There._

 

 _There_.

Rey opened her eyes, absolutely knackered.

“How long?” she whispered.

“Six minutes,” he whispered back.

“Too long.”

“Rey…”

 

She closed her eyes and sent herself immediately to the hollow place, inside the emptiness.

_There._

She opened her eyes.

“No time at all, you barely even-”

She closed her eyes and saw it again. The emptiness. The nothing...

“Same-”

Eyes closed, she could spot the hollow so easily now, she couldn’t believe she could have ever _not_ seen it. She opened her eyes.

“Same. Rey…”

She put her hand over Finn’s mouth and breathed through her nose. Neither of them said a word.

Then Rey burst out into maniacal laughter, and she leaped up and grabbed Finn, spinning them around. “I’ve got her!! I’ve got her!!!”

Finn made strange noises as she laughed and flung him to the bed. Rey was running on pure adrenaline as she flipped onto the bed and jumped around.

“I have it, I found it, I’ve got them, I FOUND her!” she paused, ecstatic and out of breath. She beamed at Finn, right before her eyes rolled back into her head and she passed out.

 

* * *

 

She opened one eye and squinted around the room. Finn was waiting, sitting in a chair with his arms on his knees, grinning at her.

“How long?”

“Sleeping? A few hours - not enough.” His eyes sparkled. “I warned you…”

“You warned me, yeah.” She sat up carefully and rested back on the pillows. He handed her a thick concoction. “This isn’t poison is it?”

“Why would I bother poisoning you when you’re hell bent on killing yourself?”

“Good point.” She drank half of it in one gulp. “That’s really good.”

“Think you can find it again?”

Rey didn’t even close her eyes. “I haven’t let it go.”

“Where do you think it is, like physically?” She blinked a couple times and finished her shake.

“I need another one of those. And a map. A holomap of the entire galaxy. A big one.”

Finn smiled and took the empty glass.

“Coming right up.”

 

* * *

 

They were all headed to The Archives, even Chewie and Poe.

“They have this thing there, it’s an interactive map of all the known regions. Rey you’ll be able to actually get inside the galaxy!” Finn explained. Poe slapped his arm around his friend while they walked.

“Buddy, you have really gone nuts for this place, huh?” He rubbed Finn’s head with his knuckles.

“Buzz off, Poe! Yes I have, I love it,” Finn responded laughing.

“You’re such a nerd, who knew??”

“Me. I knew,” Rose grumbled. She gave Rey an exasperated look and rolled her eyes.

“They drive me crazy.”

 

As they walked through the entrance hall, Rey noticed Jocah at one of the carrels. She paused and told her friends she’d catch up.

“Hello Jocah Nu.”

“Miss Niima, lovely to see you again. I take it your trip to the Wellspring was… successful?”

She smiled. “It was quite illuminating.”

“I can tell,” he said, nodding.

“I can’t thank you enough for all your help.”

“Merely doing my job, Miss Niima.”

“Rey. My name is Rey Solo.” Jocah raised an eyebrow, but she sensed he was not surprised.

“Happy to have been of service… Madam Solo.” _Madam Solo._ She had never been called that before. She smiled brightly. She loved it.

“May the Force be with you, Jocah.”

“And with you.”

 

* * *

 

“Can you give me some reference points?”

Rey felt ridiculous. She was wearing a huge pair of goggles, inside of which the galaxy was projecting in three dimensions. She also had gloves on that controlled her movements, and was connected to a omni-directional harness.

“Where do you want, Rey?” Rose asked.

“Um…” she needed places she would know right away. “Jakku.” The planet lit up in in the distance. She used her hands to fly closer.

“Oh, that’s astral," she said, using her new word from Lightsider Ben. "Okay. Can you highlight the Outer Rim and Ahch-To?” Another little dot showed up far in the Outer Rim and Rey maneuvered herself into the center relative to it.

“You’re in the Core Worlds. We can see you out here!” Finn laughed. The rest of the group saw a linear projection of the map of the galaxy, two dimensional.

“I see. Now Crait, Endor, Yavin IV.” Three more planets illuminated in the galaxy.  “What about… Takodana.” Her heart ached a bit as the little ball lit up green. “That’s enough.”

Rey combined the tech with her power and superimposed the vision of the galaxy from the holo onto her mind. She placed the things she recognized in relation to what she felt. It was complicated and challenging, but not unpleasant. In fact, Rey was having quite a bit of fun.

Once she felt she had the everything in place, she closed her eyes and connected to the hollow. She moved in her mind what she moved with her hands. She reached and pulled, shifted and searched, until...

“There!” she pointed at a spot in the holo. She pulled the goggles from her eyes. “That’s where they are, I’m sure of it.”

“The Outer Rims, obviously,” Poe grumbled as he walked towards the spot, putting his hands on his hips. “Oh, you’ve got to be _kidding_ me…” He twisted towards Finn with a strange look on his face. “You’re not gonna believe it.”

Finn walked over to look and his eyes got big. He grabbed the location with two hands and expanded it for everyone. He looked at Rey and then to Rose.

“Omwat.”

 

+++++++++

 

“A carnation?”

She laughed. “No dearest, a coronation. It’s a party, for you. It’s where we’re going to tell everyone about how you and your brother are royalty. Show them that you are a real life princess.”

“Do I get to wear a crown? Like in the holo stories?” Hannah’s voice lifted in excitement.

“My darling, you can wear whatever you wish.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey checks out some Star Wars HTC Vive, amiright? #immageek


	35. Finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This. This is the chapter I've been waiting for. 
> 
> I've asked my betas @leofgyth and @thefitfulfire to go extra hard on me, but I'm still feeling insecure, so let me know your thoughts if you think them. And thank you to for your support, especially my 32 bookmarkers who are watching the drama unfold week by week. -srs

“So, what, you’re just gonna roll up in the Falcon? Say, ‘Hi, I’m Rey, I’m here to pick up my kids?’” Rey paused in her scrambling and turned slowly to Poe, looking annoyed.

“No.” The friends stared each other down for a moment.

“Okay. Then what’re you gonna do?”

Rey looked to the window and scrunched her nose a little. “I hadn’t really figured that part out yet,” she said crossing her arms.

“Right, that’s what I’m saying, you need a plan. And help. Whoever this is, she took your kids in the blink of an eye. She managed to snag Kylo kriffing Ren, and the galaxy hasn’t imploded, so I’m assuming she’s got him under control, somehow. This is obviously not some small fry being, okay? I get that you can sense them now - good, that will be helpful - but you need a plan or else you might just end up trapped, too. And then what, Rey? Because _we_ don’t have super powers; we won’t be able to just close our eyes and find you.”

Rey hadn’t seen Poe this serious since they’d stormed _The Firebrand_. She looked from him to Finn, whose face was also gravely serious.  

Poe moved towards her slowly. “Hey, I know you’re in a hurry. Time is of the essence; every minute you’re here, you’re not on your way to them, I get that. Let us help you. If you don’t want some huge squadron going with you, fine. But you have no idea what you’re heading into, Rey, and trust me, that is not the kind of thing anyone should do alone.”

Poe put his hands on her shoulders and squeezed, “Not even the galaxy’s resident badass Jedi gal Rey Solo,” he finished quietly, with a sparkle in his eye.

Rey flashed back to their trip to Jakku. What would have happened if she’d been alone then?

Rey took a deep breath through her nose and walked over to the window, looking out over Atzerri. Poe and Finn looked at each other, then back at her. Finn knew they needed to let her think, but Poe had no patience.

“Well?” he pushed.

“Okay,” Rey said. She turned from the window, a determined look on her face. “Let’s plan.”

 

+++++++

 

He was dreaming. Innumerable scenes raced through his mind, especially the memories from Naxum, weaving into a story. Of his obsession with the witch and her lack of the Force - his desire not only to fix her, but to have her. He left everything behind to be with her... but she was not as she presented; she was not even female. She was an ethereal being, and it took him a long time to understand that no matter what he did for her, no matter how much he helped her or taught her, she had no interest in him, in any of them. Not like that.  

Nax’s sense of betrayal colored Ben’s dream and he spurred awake, overwhelming resentment lingering in his mind. Ben noticed a blue light to his right and shifted towards it.

“Grandfather?”

Anakin Skywalker stared at him intensely. “Don’t be afraid, Ben.”

Ben shook his head. “What?” His grandfather’s ghost walked towards him.

“Don’t be afraid of the dark side.”

 

Ben shot up in bed, panting now, because he was awake for real.

 

A few moments later, his body shivered as it lost the weight of another member of the Corps.

 

++++++++

 

“How fast can we get there?”

Poe and Chewie would fly, Finn and Rey would navigate. Rey wanted to pilot but she need to focus. She knew her husband was not going to like the fact that Poe had flown the Falcon so much, but there was nothing that could be done about it.

“I mean… this _is_ the Millennium Falcon… Kessel Run, fourteen parsecs, etc, etc...” Poe grinned.

“It was twelve.” Rey returned the smile, fondly.

“And I am the best pilot in the galaxy…”

“Second best,” Rey replied, tartly.

Poe sucked his teeth.

“Don’t worry kiddo, I know some short cuts. It won’t take long at all.”

 

++++++

 

She had asked him to join her on her observation deck, an invitation he could not refuse. She wanted to show off her solarium. He couldn’t care less.

Suddenly, the viewports turned blue with the light of hyperspace, and she brought up her hand to shield her eyes, whimpering. Unthinking, he reached through the Force for her large glasses across the room, bringing them to her. She put them on and smiled at him sweetly.

He despised himself.

“Why are we in hyperspace?” he asked.

She looked around the viewport. “Because we’re moving,” she replied.

He rolled his eyes. “Where are we going?” he growled, his voice a terrifying timbre through the modulator.

She just shrugged her shoulders, frowning a bit as she began to tend another plant. Snip.

“You’d have to ask the captain.” Snip.

He sighed silently, half-content to stay put because he didn’t actually want to know. However, if he had to choose between watching her prune things and giving Teekan a hard time, he’d prefer the later.  

 

+++++++

 

They were well on their way to the Outer Rims from Atzerri when Rey screamed out.

“STOP!”

The men scrambled to action, all questions and concern.

Rey’s eyes were open but unseeing. She was sensing in the Force.

“She’s moving.”

 

+++++++

 

He spun on his heel to leave.

“And have you decided?”

“Decided what?” He stopped short, his voice was flat, unaffected except for the modulation.

“On your new name, dear?”

He groaned internally. He’d hoped she’d forgotten.

“Can’t you just pick something?”

“Noooo,” she replied playfully. “That would defeat the purpose.”

“And what is the purpose, exactly?”

“You must own the life you’ve chosen.”

“I didn’t choose this,” he whispered. She turned to him and tilted her head.

“You didn’t?”

“I had no choice!”

She lifted up her glasses and gazed at him calmly.

“There is always a choice. Just not always one you like.” She stared at him beyond the visor. She almost always had a shimmer over her eyes now, now that he had the mask.  

He turned and began walking away again.

“You need to pick something before tonight!” she cried after him cheerfully. He stopped abruptly and spun around.

“And when is ‘tonight’ exactly?”

She sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes. “What is it with you and _time_?” She softened her harsh tone with a sweet smile.

 

Truthfully, he had been thinking about a name, ever since she said he'd need one. He knew she probably wanted him to choose ‘Kylo Ren.’ But that seemed so… predictable. Cliché, even.

Besides, he needed something to represent this _new_ life, as she put it, and he _hated_ this new life. Did he hate Kylo Ren as much? Truth be told, no. He was powerful when he was Kylo Ren.

Kylo Ren would have _never_ gotten himself stuck in this situation.

No, his new name would not be his old one. He chuckled quietly as an idea came to mind. He needed something that reflected his self-loathing. A name that every time he heard it, he would hate himself even more. His heart hardened as he made his decision.

“Luke,” he spat.

Her eyes widened with surprise as she  stepped closer to him. “Luke?”

“Yes.”

“You are full of surprises,” she whispered,now standing before him. “Master Luke.” Bile rose in his throat as soon as she said it.

“Has a nice ring to it.” She smiled. “As you wish, Master Luke.”

Oh yes, he’d chosen well.

  

* * *

 

Conflicted didn’t begin to describe the emotional state of Ben Solo. The construction on his quarters was complete. The _gala,_ or whatever the hells it was, was taking place in six standard hours. After, his children would return with him to their new… home? Is that was this was meant to be?

While he worked with Lorin to redesign the space, he had to consider everything they would need to be a family here. They put in a two-story high gym/studio, where _he_ would train and teach his children. A learning space where tutors would work with them during the day. A play room. Bedrooms. A kitchen. A holotheater. Everything Lorin suggested, Ben accepted. It was decadent, it was exorbitant, and it had all materialized so quickly.  

However, there was no sun, no sky, no river. No life. No Rey. How could it be a home without those things?

He was creating what would be a double-life for himself, a phenomenon that was unfortunately not new to him. His quarters had an additional, separate entrance so that he could change from a monster back into a man before seeing his children. He prayed they would never know it was him in the mask. Outside of this space, he would be unavailable to his children, but here, he would be only theirs.

Often he was so overwhelmed with everything that was happening that emotionally he just... shut down, not even cognizant of what he was doing or saying. This bothered him immensely; he needed to hold on to his anger at least, or what would become of him?

But when he was most closely connected to his rage was when the dark side was the loudest and he couldn’t succumb to that either, regardless of what his grandfather said.

A tone sounded, indicating someone was at his door. He walked to the foyer, and pressed his palm to the panel on the wall. The door opened, revealing Lorin and Cria on the other side. They both bowed their heads in reverence, and Lorin asked “May we come in?”

“Yes,” Ben replied and walked back into the central parlor.

“I’m here to ensure that everything is as you wished, sir? Have all design elements been completed to your satisfaction?”

Ben looked around, somewhat dazed. “Yes, Lorin. All appears to be in order.”

“Excellent, sir. If there additional changes or spaces you require don’t hesitate to ask.”

He looked at the eager Pau’an blankly. “I will. Thank you.”

“Thank _you_ , sir. It has been an honor, truly. I will take my leave.” Lorin bowed to him and left.

Ben turned slowly to Cria, who had stayed behind, holding their guide droid. They smiled at him serenely.

“I haven’t seen you in a while, Cria.”

“No sir, you have not. You, however, have still been quite visible to us,” Cria said, somewhat teasingly.

“Oh I have, have I?”

“Yes, sir.”

Ben sighed and plopped down in one of the new chairs in the parlor, facing the giant viewport.

“I’m sorry I choked you, before.”

“You were very upset sir, it’s to be expected,” Cria replied, in their soft way.

“No,” he replied, harshly. “It is _not_ to be expected. Don’t let me get away with that sort of behavior, Cria.” Maybe there could be one person on this ship he could trust, one person who could help him maintain his sense of self.

“Please?” he asked quietly, almost begging.

Cria raised an eyebrow. “As you wish, sir.”

Ben felt a small shred of relief.

“I had hoped to stay on as your attendant and to help with the children. I’ve grown quite fond of you, sir.” The being smiled gently at him.

“And I you, Cria. Thank you.”

Another member of the Corps lifted off him. He was so close now to full power, he could feel it.

The ship jerked slightly and the blue lines of hyper-drive appeared again in the viewport. Ben scowled. _Why do we keep jumping?_

 

+++++

 

They were playing with her, Rey knew it. Like a game of cat and mouse, but she couldn’t tell who was the cat, her or the witch. They had gotten close a couple times, but the hollow moved, and Rey had to concentrate hard on where it landed to redirect to Falcon. It was starting to piss her off.

“Do you think they know we’re coming?” Finn offered.

Rey scowled.

 

++++++

 

“What do you think, darling? Are we well placed now?”

“Yes, my mistress. The timing should work out perfectly.”

“Excellent, Teekan. Where would I be without you?”

 

+++++

 

“It’s time, sir.”

Ben startled, returning to himself. The ship was stopped. _Had it been six hours already?_ Damn.

The gala was unavoidable now. He had to officially accept his position, his life, his role, his name. He felt ill for a moment, but he repressed his apprehension and forced himself to feel nothing. He couldn’t even think about reuniting with his children, he had to get through this first. _One thing at a time._

He stood up and walked to Cria, who had prepared his outfit for him.

Cria smiled as they handed him the helmet they were holding in their hands.  

 

++++++

 

The black cruiser floated in front of them. Rey was exhausted from concentrating so hard for so long, but through some very creative maneuvering on Poe’s part through hyperspace, they had found the ship.

“That’s it,” she whispered, leaning over Finn to get closer to the viewport of the cockpit.

“The hangar door is open,” Poe remarked. He looked at them. “Probably nothing, right?” he said, sarcastically.

“I guess maybe they did know we were coming?” Finn said nervously.

“She knew,” Rey said quietly. Chewie barked and growled. “Right, then. What are we waiting for?”

 

++++++

 

The gala was in the Guard hall, which he found annoying at first. This was supposed to be a space for serious military training, not debauchery. Thankfully though, he remembered he didn’t care.

He observed the throng below, shielding himself, and noticed something disarming. His children. They were by far the youngest beings there, and it dawned on him that outside of the Corps, there were no other children on this ship. By the looks of their encounters as they bounced around the crowd, they were doted on by everyone they met. He thought bitterly that they were likely functioning as the ship’s children, or more accurately, _grand_ children. No wonder they were becoming so spoiled, they could probably do no wrong with these people.

The children were clearly thriving in this environment. They had no grandparents, and they had never been around so many people in their lives, especially ones that clearly adored them as everyone in this room did.

He vaguely noted a feeling of bittersweet pleasure bubbling somewhere inside of him. Sky laughed and ran around, dressed in a mini-version of Teekan’s captain uniform. He would make sure _that_ never happened again.

Hannah was absolutely adorable in a wide skirted, dark purple mini-ball gown. Her hair was up and she had a tiara on her head. His little princess. 

While he watched, Hannah slowed and turned, looking up directly at him. He could feel her pressing him and her voice floated into his head.

_I don’t like that mask._

He jolted and quickly reinforced his shields.

 

“Look at how happy they are,” the woman said beside him. He hadn’t noticed that she’d joined him on the observation deck. Her hair was all black now, up in a large bun. “I’ve taken good care of them, haven’t I?”

“It would appear so,” he admitted.  

She smiled. “Ready, darling? Don’t be nervous.”

“I’m not,” he replied, unfeeling.

She tilted her head. “No, I see you’re not.” She held out her arm, indicating he was to escort her down to the hall. He did what she wanted. They bypassed the turbo lift to glide down the stairs, making what he assumed was a grand entrance.

 

+++++

 

They landed the Falcon without much difficulty in the hangar. They were all staring hard out the cockpit windows, trying to assess what was around them. The hangar appeared empty.

“This isn’t right,” Poe ventured.

“Could they have actually just left the hangar door open?” Finn wondered aloud.

“No,” replied both Rey and Poe.

 

++++++

 

They had set up various stations of food and drink, but they did not interest him or her. She led them around the room, greeting various people, all of them showing their appreciation and devotion to her and, bizarrely, to him. He barely registered anything as they floated from group to group.

Eventually they arrived at a large raised platform, on which Teekan and the disciples already stood. She took his hand in assistance as she subtly floated up the steps. She took her seat and Teekan took his place standing beside her. A sense of anticipation filled the room, even though her followers continued their revelry.

He took his place next to her, as well. There was a ringing in his ears as he worked to drown out his senses.

The children ran up to her and she greeted them fondly.

“Go stay with Mae, won’t you dears?”

Hannah looked again at him, curious this time, not angry.

 _Please, child, don’t look at me_.

Teekan looked at the screen on his wrist, cleared his throat and gently pushed the children to their attendant.  

 

Suddenly the woman grabbed his arm, looking up at him, her glare burning into his eyes.

“Will you keep me safe? Do you promise?” she whispered, pleadingly.

He looked at her face. He felt nothing, he was completely numb. “Yes, Madam,” he replied. Her expression filled with joy and adoration and she smiled.

“Oh darling, that’s all I’ve _ever_ wanted,” she told him, flirtatiously, patting his hand and turning to look back out over the room.

He immediately felt a strange shift in the Force, small but clearly there.

He looked at Cria, but their face was only concerned and curious; they could sense his alarm.

He looked around the room, but nothing had changed.

Then he looked at Teekan. The large man was staring straight ahead at seemingly nothing. He glanced quickly at Ben and then away.

Something pinged in his mind.

The shift had come from _Teekan_. Ben’s heart sped up, his stomach dropping. He now recognized what he sensed, although it was, in fact, not something he had felt the entire time he had been on this ship.

He was shocked. She had kept her word. Until now.

He bent over and leaned into her face.

“You’re _lying_.”

Her face froze and her eyes widened and blinked several times.

“What, dear?”

“What you just said. That was a lie.”

She dragged her eyes from surveying the room and looked at him. Her eyes held his, even though his were hidden. Her smile fell a bit and she gave a strange little laugh.

She glanced at Teekan, whose eyes were wide and he grimaced slightly. Teekan had not meant to betray her, but he did. He knew what she had said was a lie, and had revealed that to Ben through the Force before he had time to shield it.

The woman stood up. She turned and put her hand on Teekan’s arm. He looked at her, terrified.

“Madam-”

She shook her head and pursed her lips, as if to say it doesn’t matter, and Teekan was visibly relieved.

“You’re needed elsewhere, I think?”

He looked at her a moment. “Yes, my mistress,” Teekan said, and looked at him quickly before leaving.

The look Teekan gave him, however, gave him goosebumps. He was reminded of the look Hux would give him as they passed each other during separate audiences with Master Snoke, whenever Hux knew that Kylo Ren, Snoke’s favorite pet, was in trouble.  

 

+++++

 

“Come on,” Rey said, and they moved to leave the ship. As they walked down the hatch, they were all on high alert.

“I feel where she is, I can lead. I don’t sense any life in the hangar, but that doesn’t mean anything. The Force feels crazy here, distorted, amplified in strange ways…” she looked around. “I can’t make sense of it.”

She had her saber ignited and ready, as Poe and Finn drew blasters and Chewie held his bowcaster aloft.

“I feel… something-”

She never finished her thought, for at that moment Teekan and several members of the guard came barreling out of the turbolift, blasters drawn and firing, jumping and moving in the Force. Rey and the others ran and found cover behind some crates.

“I guess you were right buddy, they definitely knew we were coming,” Poe said to Finn. “Hey, Rey!”

“What?” she shouted to him while they all returned fire.

“You gotta go!”

“What!?”

“No way all of us are going to get past them, but you can. You know where to go. We’ll hold these guys off here, keep ‘em busy while you go get them!”

“Poe, these are Force users-”

“So?”

Rey looked frantically at her friends. Chewie jerked his head, agreeing she should go. She groaned in frustration as Finn grabbed her arm.

“Hurry!” he shouted. She nodded.

Rey quickly assessed the scene then jumped, bouncing from one surface to another, deflecting blaster shots with her saber, until she hopped into the open lift and pressed up. She prayed hard, begging the Force to keep her friends safe.

What she didn’t know, however, was as soon as the lift door closed behind her, the firing stopped.

Finn looked at Poe after a few moments, breathing heavy. “That’s weird, right?”

 

+++++

 

The woman began to pace slowly.

“A lie.” She put her hands into her pockets. She smiled in a very odd way as she surveyed the room.

“Yes darling, I suppose it was.”

She took a few steps in one direction, then turned back around to him. She blinked several times before she spoke again, slowly. Her voice grew airy and her tone was strange in a way he could not interpret.

“I have lived so long, you see. Longer than you could ever imagine. I existed before time; I am older than the galaxy.”

She continued to circle behind him as he stood, nervously waiting for something he could not name.

“And in all that time, all the millennia, the centuries... for every year, every hour, every _single_ _moment_ , I have only ever wanted one thing.”  

She stepped up behind him, so close to him. She leaned and whispered softly in his ear...

 

“And it _isn’t_...

_you.”_

 

At this, time slowed down.

The turbolift door began to slide open and the woman shifted quickly around him to the edge of the platform and stopped. She stared at the figure appearing in the door.

Her eyes shimmered and the disciples gasped.

The woman took in a huge shaky breath, and bit her lip.

“Finally,” she whispered.

Stepping out of the turbolift, expression fierce, saber lit and at the ready in front of her, was Rey.

 

++++++

 

_“She’s a sweet little thing, isn’t she Teekan?”_

_“Yes, madam.”_

_The little girl had been eager to follow the beautiful lady with her fancy sunshade, her big glasses, and her tall, strong friend. He showed the little girl magic tricks, and she wanted to learn how to do magic, too. They were going to take her out of the desert and away from Plutt, so she could learn. It was almost time to go._

_“Madam, Naxum on the comm for you.”_

_“Nax? What is it?”_

_“You must leave her.”_

_“What?_ Leave _her? Why in names would I leave her? I’ve never seen a child so eager to join us.”_

_“She’s important.”_

_“What do you mean,_ important _? They’re all important!”_

_“I’ve been at it with the Corps for hours, they are insistent. I’ve never seen them like this. She must keep her course. There is another.”_

_“Another?”_

_“The two are critical to each other. This is important, luv. You must leave her. For now.”_

_The woman hung up on Nax and shoved the comm back at her guardsman. She sighed heavily in frustration._

_“Such a waste. So now, we wait.” She huffed in disgust and got back into her transport._

_Teekan could have sworn he heard the little girl yelling for them to come back as they flew away._

 

* * *

 

 _“Oh, I don’t know, Nax. He’s dark, far too dark. He’ll never do. And there is something_ strange _in his signature…”_

_“Yes, he’s under an influence. Remember that Snoke character?”_

_The woman shivered and grimaced. “Ugh, Nax don’t remind me. He was_ hideous _. I recognize it now; it’s staining him. Tragic.”_

_“For now. He is pivotal to the girl.”_

_“She is lightness personified. He will_ ruin _her with this... stain!”_

_“No. He will be her awakening. He will show her how to use her power. They will bring peace to the Core Worlds - balance, for those who believe in such things…”_

_“Since when do_ we _care about the Core Worlds?”_

_Nax smiled at her. “Touché, luv. But still.”_

_“So we wait, then?”_

_“We wait.”_

_She sighed, heavily._

* * *

 

_“WHAT was the POINT of letting them get together if now we can’t get them apart??!”_

_She was livid. Teekan couldn’t devise a way to work around the man in order to get to the girl, all grown up now. The pair was too powerful, even for him._

_“Dearest, if I may?” Nax began._

_She glared at him._

_“Eleven-five and six-three have foreseen two children.”_

_She tilted her head. “Children?”_

_“A boy and a girl.”_

_She grimaced. “How sweet,” she snapped as she stared out into space._

_“A shared weakness._ That _we can use,” Teekan offered._

_She sighed, heavily, and slowly turned back to Nax._

_“So… we wait, then?”_

_“We wait,” Nax replied, joining her at the viewport._

_“And we plan.”_

_“We plan for_ everything _,” he said. She turned to stare blankly out into the vastness of space. Nax watched her reflection, a flash of longing briefly settling into his heart before he drove it out._

 

_“She is the one, Nax, I know it.”_

_“Yes, luv. Hers is the power we need.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "And it isn't. You."
> 
> I will finish publishing this story this week. Stay tuned...  
> You can see my moodboards on tumblr [@secretreylostan](https://secretreylostan.tumblr.com/) . I don't think they're flagged :)


	36. The Real Deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's here now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Crosses fingers and toes* Please work, please work...

Masha sat watching the last three members of the Corps that she had to redesignate. Through process of elimination, she had determined that one was focused on each of the children, and the third was the last one focused on her new master.

She smiled a little as she thought of him. He was even more handsome than Nax, and more powerful, she thought salaciously. He had been displeased at her advances, but she knew that things get very lonely out here in space. She could be patient.

She thought about what became Nax’s final directive. The _traitor_.

 _“They are focused on only one thing Masha, my sweet. They_ must _keep her from them.”_

Masha sighed and continued to wait.

 

+++++

 

“Mum?” Sky whispered.

“Mae, if you would, dear?” the woman asked, and Mae put the children in a Force hold.

 

Ben could not comprehend what he was seeing.

_Rey?_

There was absolutely no way his wife was stepping out of the turbo lift. No way she was walking slowly towards them, her saber in front of her, as the shocked crowd parted to let her through.

There’s absolutely _no way_ she’s reaching behind her back and grabbing the blaster he knows she keeps there, nor is she pointing it and shooting at the witch...

 

_No!_

 

He threw his hand out to stop the blaster shot before it hit her.

 

Rey’s mouth dropped as she looked from the witch to him, knowing without a doubt the man in the mask was her husband. _He protected her._

Devastation almost brought her to her knees. _He’s turned, he’s gone..._ her mind raced as her heart broke.

 _I_ _’m too late, Ben is gone._  

 

Meanwhile, Ben's brain was still not catching up with his eyes. _This can’t be happening._ His hand was still holding the blaster shot, so he flicked his fingers and sent it away. Unfortunately it went backwards, back towards Rey. She flipped out of its path while it hit the turbolift, frying the door.

Rey landed and looked back to Ben, stunned.

 _I’m so sorry,_ he thought.   

 

“Ho-hoh!” the woman gasped then chuckled, startling him. He looked at her.

“And _that_ is why you’re here,” she told him quietly. "To keep me safe."

 

She moved down the stairs of the platform.

“Hello, welcome! I am so happy you’ve come,” she practically giggled, breathless and giddy as she floated towards his wife. “My darling _Rey..._ Look how beautiful you are.”

Ben jolted again at the sound of her name. His mind was racing. _She called her Rey…_

“I’m sorry I had to bring you here like this, under such unpleasant, stressful circumstances-”

“Stressful?” Rey scoffed. “Is that how you’d describe having everything you love stolen from you? _Stressful_?”

The woman tilted her head, sympathetically.  “Now, now… I didn’t take _everything_ you love. And they weren’t stolen. Merely... borrowed.” She smiled at Rey in her way, her _infuriating_ way.

“What do you want with us?” Rey asked, her voice low.

“Oh, I have already gotten what I needed from them.”

The truth began to dawn as Ben closed his eyes inside the helmet. _Please, no._

 

The witch stared hard at Rey, moving close to her, desperation clear on her face.

“What do you see, Rey? When you look at me?”

Rey shook her head, confused.

“I’m sure by now, you’ve noticed my… deficiency.”

Rey swallowed and took a step back. “It’s true what they say. You are without the Force.”

“It is. I am... nothing."

Rey winced. So did Ben.

The woman gazed at Rey a moment, forlorn. "You’ve met the others, my cousins. My _family._ Although... what sort of family casts you out, leaves you exposed and vulnerable to the wilds? Not one I would choose. But that’s what they did. Drove me out of the Wellspring, believing I would just disappear. Can you imagine what that feels like? Being abandoned by your family?”

Rey grimaced slightly, her greatest weakness called out.

Ben’s stomach clenched, remembering the conversation he’d had so long ago with the witch, when she tugged at his weaknesses... before she tugged his hair. The smell of the burning braid returned to his mind as his anger rose.

“My deficiency. It’s a defect, an illness. It can be fixed. _Healed_.” She walked closer to Rey, delicately.

“The light of the Force… _heals_. And you… You _are_ the light side of the Force. You can heal me. I _need_ you to heal me. So I will make you a deal,” the woman continued while Ben’s blood froze.

“I will let them go: your husband, your children, your friends who have come with you. I will let them all go, safely. Unharmed. But you will stay. And you will heal me.”

Rey’s eyes moved from her children to Ben and then back to the witch.

“Ben will never let that happen.”

“Oh no?” The woman’s tone shifted to sound a bit harsher, more confident.

“I think he will. You see, your husband has been on this ship long enough now to know _exactly_ how we operate. Isn’t that right... Ben?”

The witch smirked at him and his eyes widened. A low murmur went through the crowd. She had never called him his name, ever. No one had. It was forbidden. Because they were turning him into Kylo Ren and he needed to forget.

But she knew he wasn’t Kylo Ren. She knew who he was the whole time. She never wanted Kylo Ren.

 

It was Rey she wanted. Rey’s light, to save her.

 _Damn her_...

 

“He knows he has no power here. Besides, once they leave, they will never find us.”

“I found you,” Rey countered.

Ben winced again as the witch laughed.

“You did no such thing. I _showed_ you. I _let_ you see where we were, just like I _let_ you see your children on Jakku. You see only what I allow you to see. That’s why you didn’t know we were coming for your children. That’s why you couldn’t sense them, or him, or any of it, because I. didn’t. allow it.”

Ben had never heard her sound so cruel. She walked closer towards Rey, until she was right in front of her. She worshipfully bowed and knelt at Rey’s feet.

“It’s you, my dear. It's always been you. You’re the _only_ one. The most powerful force user I’ve ever seen.” She lifted her face up to Rey, eyes glowing gold.

“The Daughter of Light. If only you could see what _I_ see when I look at you… You are the one I’ve been _waiting_ for. For sooo long," her voice faltered. "The one who will help me. Who will finally, _finally_ let me feel the power of the Force.”

She rose up slowly, composing herself until her face was firm once again.

“And once you heal me, I’ll allow you to leave and return to your family.”  

 

Rey looked perplexed, unsure of what to do. She was in a bad position and could not readily see a way out. _Could I_ _heal her?_

But Ben knew the truth, a truth the woman would never see. Rey couldn’t bring the Force to her, nothing could. Nax had known it; after centuries of trying, he had given up. It’s what made him finally realize the evils he had committed out of his love and desire for her, feelings she would never return. It’s what made him eager to end his life.

 

* * *

It was that exact moment that Ben felt the final wall between him and the Force fall down. The last member of the Corps released their hold on him.

* * *

 

The bond was restored and Ben and Rey both felt it immediately. It was as if he hadn’t been able to breathe since he’d been without her, and now glorious oxygen was permitted to pour into his lungs.

Rey glanced quickly at him. She was overwhelmed by his return, slammed with his feelings, experiences, so many emotions... she couldn’t imagine what he’d been through, but all she could feel was relief... He was still hers.

_Always._

_I thought I’d lost you._

_Never._

Rey swayed slightly but maintained her composure, not wanting to reveal anything to the woman, who had been too focused on herself to notice what was between them.

But the disciples noticed; they could see it.

Ben heard a gasp to his right and looked. Titus was weeping, his hands in front of his mouth.

“It’s so beautiful,” Mae whispered, resting her head on the children she still held.

“I’m so sorry, sir," Cria spoke to him softly. "I’m so sorry we denied you this.” Cria turned and looked right at Ben. “I’ve never seen a family in the Force,” they whispered to him. “They are the perfect blend of both of you,” they noted, smiling.

Ben sent gratitude to Cria, for the care and kindness they had showed him while he'd been trapped there.

 

He turned away with a new focus. His grandfather’s words returned to him. _Don’t be afraid of the dark side…_

He knew what he had to do.

He closed his eyes...

And let go.

 

The darkness Ben had been fighting entered him fully, quickly, as it had been waiting to do his _entire_ life. He was not afraid. He could not lose himself now, not ever. The dark side is what fueled him, what gave him power. It was his _fear_ that made him weak, not the dark.

And he was no longer afraid.

He had been wrong about his dream; his daughter didn't hate him. His children would never hate him, just like deep down, Ben never hated Han or Leia. Like how Rey still loved the bastards who left her on Jakku. Children love their parents, no matter what.

His eyes burned and his heart pounded as power engulfed every inch of his body. He would not let this woman - this  _thing -_  have his wife. He wouldn’t let her cause any more pain.

He looked over at Hannah and Sky. He put down his shields and reached out to them through the Force. Two pairs of wide-eyes turned to him.

“Papa?” Sky whispered, clearly shocked.

“I _knew_ it.” Hannah whispered back, eyes twinkling.

Ben smirked inside the mask. His girl.

Hannah took her necklace and put it outside of her dress. She looked at Sky and he did the same. Ben concentrated on the chains that held the stones around his children’s necks. He gently pulled until he felt them snap. Both pairs of eyes never left him. Sky winked at him.

Ben almost laughed. His son, a little Solo.

He kept the necklaces hovering where they lay. He trained his eyes back on the witch. He slid back his cowl, clicked the release on the side of his mask and removed it from his head.

“RAMALA!” he barked. Her people gasped.

The witch spun around to look at him, fire in her eyes.

“Oh. Excuse me... _Madam_?” Ben said saccharinely as he flung the offending headpiece aside, his voice taking on an otherworldly quality.

The witch took a step towards him, eyes narrowed. The pendant glowed and Ben almost laughed. He ran a hand through his hair.     

“Is that it? Is _that_ what you’ve wanted all this time? To _feel_ the Force?” Ben sneered at her, an evil grin that made her eyes widen.

_What do you see when you look at me now, witch?_

He felt the dark side pulsing through his body, its rhythm like a heartbeat. He imagined the river she spoke of, layers of black, sinful textures, swirling and growing... all his, belonging only to him. He began to channel it as he took a step towards her.  

“Why...  _my mistress._  Why didn’t you say so?”

Her eyes grew wide again as he walked slowly towards her. They shimmered and changed as they stared each other down.

 _Don’t look away..._ he brought his hands up in front of him, driving his power acutely into his fingers, and for the first time, he created a ball of blue light.

“I really wish you would have mentioned it sooner _,_ because I can _definitely_ help you with that.”

He flung the ball, striking the witch with Force lighting.

She cried out, shocked, and fell to her knees.

The power of the Force crackled through his entire being; it was all-consuming.

“Did you _feel_ that, dear?” he said, taunting her. “How about this?”

He sent more lighting from his hands into her, making her arms shoot out as she screamed. When he stopped she looked at him again, her eyes now the same milky white of her disciples. He had blinded her.

He laughed and sent even more of his new power into her, making her writhe as she rose off the floor, her body spasming and head jerking. He stopped the lightning and she fell, slamming to the floor.

He flicked his hand and flung the necklaces away from his children, into the crowd of her now horrified lemmings. He looked back to her, eyes burning, using the lightning to bring her towards him, her head facing him.

“You took my children. I should kill you for that.” He slammed her again with a bolt.

“You kept them from me, cut me off from the Force… you played with my mind, with my entire life! I should kill you for that!” He spit on the floor.

“I gotta say though, what really blows me away is that you were actually _arrogant_ enough to believe that you could make Rey STAY with you. And I'll give it you, _witch…_ you were close. Very, very close.” He sneered and crouched down, right in her face.

“Probably the closest you’ve ever been in your looong, long life. But nothing, NOTHING, will ever take my wife away from me. Certainly not you.” He got up and shocked her again for good measure.

She did not take his eyes off of him, breathless. “So much power, the darkness...” she whispered. She reached out to him, seemingly unaffected by her face wrecked with burns or her charred hair. He could smell it.

“You took so many children… tortured them, made them do terrible things on your behalf.” His voice broke as he said that, as he thought of the enslaved force users trapped inside this ship.

“Your life needs to _end_ ,” Ben barked at her.

“But...” he hesitated, conflict returning to his heart. “I have already killed too many on this ship. You will not die by my hand. Besides, if I strike you down in anger,” he paused, smirking, “you will never leave me.” He chuckled at his own joke. _Kriffing Luke._

He felt a hand come up his back and over his shoulder, pressing firm and warm.  _Ben..._

“Let me handle that for you, luv.”

He heard her voice, quiet in his ear. Rey was next him, her hand transferring her power, sending it through to him. He felt her taking some of his darkness away, trading it for her light. Balancing the Force between them. He gazed at her in awe, still disbelieving she was here. The pressure in his chest lessened slightly, so full he was of gratitude and love and admiration for this woman he almost lost.

Rey looked down at the battered figure on the floor.

“The joke’s on you, _witch_ ,” she said. Rey leaned down and also got in the woman’s face.

“There is no one, _no one_ , more powerful than Ben Solo.” Rey stood up again, igniting her saber.  

“Not even me.”

Her white blade spun swiftly - separating the witch’s head from her body.

Ben looked at his wife and she smiled at him. Rey’s white lightsaber was dim compared to the light radiating from inside her. All he wanted was to join her; for them to consume each other until light and dark were transformed into something else entirely.

But then the necklaces exploded and all hell broke loose.     

* * *

 

The explosion immediately killed many members of her retinue and burned out the main door, sealing it. Bodies were strewn everywhere. Behind Ben, the wall of weapons opened quickly. _Kriff. The Guard._ The guardsmen had all been present for the event, although three left with Teekan, so out of sixteen, he still had to contend with-

 

“Thirteen,” he said to himself.

She had been right, the prophecy, but he had never gotten to thirteen... No matter; now, with the entirety of the dark side at his disposal, if he went down, at least he would take a lot of them with him.  

 

Ben and Rey stared at each other, their eyes reflecting the lights of their sabers, a moment reminiscent of their battle in Snoke’s throne room a lifetime ago. The moment they both knew for certain that, somehow, they destinies were entwined.

Ben felt with a similar certainty that this fight would not end the same way. He looked at her while pushing their children towards her through the Force.

They both understood what needed to happen, but he said it anyway.

“Run.” 

* * *

 

Rey didn’t hesitate. She grabbed her children’s hands and turned to flee the room.

“Hurry children, we have to get to the Falcon!”

Hannah fought her all the way. Rey grabbed her as they ran up the stairs.

“No! There’s too many! He’s not gonna make it!”

“Hannah, your father will be fine, he can beat anyone, I promise. We have to move-”

“No Mum, they’re gonna kill him!”

“Hannah, stop fighting me - _Hannah_!” Rey cried as Hannah wiggled herself out of her grasp and ran to the balcony.

Hannah saw her father struggling against the guard. The other big soldiers in the masks were circling around him. She could see them moving closer from all around the room.

As he fought one, another would attack from his side; as he threw one away two more would trap him between them. She saw pieces of her father’s clothes burning off with hits from vibroblades, his red cauterized skin showing through the fabric, and even though he moved fast - so fast - even though he was so angry, even with all his power, he was not going to be able to defeat them all.

The little girl had never felt so many emotions at one time, hatred, anger, frustration, but most of all, fear. Her father, she knew, was being overwhelmed by the soldiers around him and she couldn’t lose him - not her papa, her _hero_. She had to help him.

Hannah sprinted as fast as her legs would carry her down the stairs. She arrived at the bottom, stomping her foot, closing her eyes, clenching her tiny fists at her sides. She gathered all of the emotion that was flowing through her little body so she could let it loose as she screamed - 

“PAPA! NOOOOOOOO!”

Her scream echoed loudly through the entire hall, and louder still through Rey’s soul, as every faceplate of the guard shattered. Every body still standing in the room fell simultaneously, lifeless- ended in an instant through the Force.

By Hannah.

The soldiers, the lemmings, the disciples... All of them bleeding from their noses, ears, even eyes. So much blood.

Except one. Her father, standing in the middle of the carnage, red saber ablaze, gasping for breath and unseeing in his rage.

 _The drawing... the cave,_ Rey remembered, as she looked down at the bodies and her husband.

He wore no mask, but he was there, Kylo Ren. Rey reached for him through the Force, sending her light and her love. But she couldn’t stop thinking how the person from the drawing, in the dress and the crown, was _Hannah_ , not the witch. _Oh gods._

As he calmed, Rey watched as her husband, as _Ben_ came back to himself. The rage left his face, replaced with horror at the scene. Until he noticed the purple flash of a little person racing his way.

“Papa!” Hannah cried as she ran full speed and jumped through the Force into Ben’s arms. He caught his daughter mid-air and collapsed to his knees, holding her desperately.

“Oh Hannah, oh my baby girl,” Ben cried as he practically wept with relief. He had feared he would never hold his daughter again and now he never, ever wanted to let her go. He tried to kiss every inch of her face, her head, holding her like a drowning man to a life vest. After a bit, Hannah pushed back and looked him in the eyes. She pressed her forehead against his and whispered...

_“I killed the monsters.”_

Ben stomach turned. Their favorite game.

She smiled at him. She was proud of what she had done.

Ben held Hannah close again, shielding his horror and his expression from her.

“You did, baby girl, yes you did.”

He looked up at Rey with wide, terrified eyes where she stood with their son on the balcony, her mouth open in shock, gaping at them. She pulled Sky around in front of her and held him close.

“Everything’s going to be okay,” Ben told Hannah, but really telling himself. Holding his daughter tight, he stood up and walked carefully out of the mess to join the rest of his family. They were leaving this nightmare. Now.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay or nay, give it to me straight.
> 
> Also, these:
> 
> Actual footage from this scene (must play with sound). <https://youtu.be/f0rWJdy3hgA>
> 
>    
> And some music that got me in the mood for this scene.  
> <https://youtu.be/iWOyfLBYtuU>


	37. How 'bout a rematch?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can't leave yet.

In the hangar, things were particularly tense.

“Okay, I’m going for it.” Poe jumped up behind the crate and fired at one of the Guard, hitting him directly and dropping him.

“Do not fire,” Teekan said to his men. They would always be his men, no matter what. “Do not return or initiate. That is an order.”

Finn looked rather freaked out while Poe was just stumped. The two frantically whispered back and forth.

“What the kriff is going on?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why did they stop shooting at us?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why are they just standing there??”

“Buddy! I don’t know, this makes as little sense to me as it does to you!”

Chewie groaned.

“I say if they’re just gonna do nothing like a bunch of sitting porgs, we should just take them all out,” Poe answered.

“No!” Finn whisper yelled.

“What do you mean no?!” Poe whisper yelled back.

“Cause shooting people who aren’t shooting you is just murder, Poe; it’s not cool to murder people!”

Poe growled in frustration.

“Hey, big guy!” Poe yelled. “What’s going on over there? Can’t help but notice you’re not playing with us anymore… Did we do something wrong? You mad at me?”

Teekan rolled his eyes.

Suddenly the ship rocked and the sound of an explosion seeped through the ceiling. Poe, Finn and Chewbacca all looked up. Poe grimaced.

“Probably nothing, right?” 

* * *

 

Teekan’s gut dropped as the ship shook. He too heard the clear sound of an explosion. This was not part of the plan. He pressed the comm on his wrist.

“Aurek, report!”

His number two’s voice came in over the comm, loud and frantic.

“Open it, get the blades, two at a time until-” the guardsman’s comm cut off. The two men with Teekan glanced at each other, then quickly down at their fallen comrade.

Teekan frantically pressed buttons on the comm.

“Dorn, report!”

“Sir! They… They killed her, sir! Our mistress… she’s dead! Oh gods…”

 _Dead?_ Teekan stopped breathing. He could hear nothing else but the pounding of his own heart. She could _not_ be dead.

Teekan searched his feelings through the Force; he would not sense her, he never could, but he frantically rooted through the ship to whatever melee was happening upstairs. _Chaos._ As his eyes dragged slowly upwards he sensed a type of darkness he had not known in millennia - not since he was an enslaved Force hound for the merciless Rakata - and he instantly understood what had happened.

That kriffing bastard was free and had managed to destroy the only thing that mattered to him: his mistress.

The Cathar’s eyes began to burn, glowing green as the combination of his mastery of the Force and his all-consuming rage turned his mind.

“Now. Now we destroy them.”

He and his two guardsmen began to blast.

 

* * *

 

Poe, Finn and Chewie had been waiting, covered, filled with anxious anticipation. They heard the voice echo through the hangar-

“They killed her, sir!”

Poe and Finn broke out into huge grins.

“Yeah!” Poe whisper yelled and pumped his fist.

“That’s my girl!” Finn exclaimed as quietly as he could. Chewie nodded his head in agreement.

“So wait, do you think those guys are happy about that or… not?” Finn asked. All three stilled. Suddenly the crate they were hiding behind exploded and blaster fire was everywhere.

“Definitely not!” Poe shouted as all three scattered and returned fire.

 

* * *

 

Ben led his family out of the Guard hall through the twisting corridors of the ship, to the hangar. He held Hannah while Rey clutched Sky’s hand. As they turned towards the hangar door, Sky stopped his mother, pulling her arm back, to stare down the opposite corridor, where the hallways began turning white.

“Sky, hunny?” Rey looked at her son, who was obviously disturbed. She knelt in front of him, a hand on either side of his waist. “What it is it, Sky? What’s wrong?” _Has my son grown taller in the weeks he’s been gone?_

Ben felt Rey’s concern, stopping immediately and turning back. When he saw where Sky was looking, he knew what the issue was.

The Corps.

He walked back towards his wife.

Sky looked up at him, worry creasing his brow as he furrowed his eyebrows, like his mother. _Gods_ he loved his son.

“I have dreams. They’re always hurting, Papa. We can’t leave them like that.” Rey stood up to take Hannah from Ben, and he traded places with her on his knee in front of Sky.

“You’re right, Sky. We won’t.” He put his hand on Sky’s cheek, his large thumb grazing his cheekbone and gave him a small reassuring smile.

He stood and took his saber off his belt. He held the casing delicately, turning it over in his hands. The lightsaber had been the only constant in his life for as long as he could remember. He turned it on, staring into the unstable blade... the cracked crystal inside its casing that had reflected Ben’s fractured soul.

He was not that man anymore.

He let go of the lightsaber and it hovered in the air. He sent it on its way, finally released from the instability inside himself. It shot off like a blaster bolt down the hall. Ben put an arm around Sky and gave him another little smile.

Hannah and Rey watched the saber fly off. “Papa?”

“Don’t worry, baby girl. We have time.”

Rey looked thoroughly confused.

 _I’ll explain later,_ he told her through their bond. 

 

* * *

 

As they approached the hangar door, they could hear blaster fire.

“Kriff!” Ben swore.

“Papa, that’s a bad word,” Hannah scolded him.

Rey barely managed to hold back her grin.

“You’re right, Hannah, sorry about that.” Ben looked around the door and sensed. “No need for bad words.” He looked at Rey.

 _No matter what,_ he told her, _you and the kids get out of here._

_I’m not leaving without you._

_Rey…_

_No matter what, the kids will get on the Falcon._ She gave him a nod. _Let’s go._

Ben pressed his palm to a panel next to the door. When the blast and then the hangar doors opened, he heard his wife's disbelief. _You can open the doors?_ Rey gave him another questioning look. 

 _You will definitely explain later._  

* * *

 As one, Rey and Ben both covered their children and stopped the fight happening inside. Several blaster bolts were frozen in midair. The two masked guardsmen were down and though Rey could not see her friends, she sensed they were alright.

“TEEKAN!!” Ben screamed with all his might. 

* * *

 “Oh thank gods,” Finn breathed and Chewie growled in agreement.

“Never thought I’d be grateful for Solo showing up, but we were not gonna beat this guy,” Poe admitted. “Come on, let’s try get on the ship.”

* * *

 

“Here kitty, kitty,” Ben taunted, holding Sky behind him as Rey lit and spun her saber, still holding Hannah. Slowly, a massive steel container slid aside, revealing the hulking, infuriated Cathar. He walked slowly towards the Solos. Ben leered at him, and Teekan snarled, eyes glowing.

“Time for a rematch, _Captain_.”

“Teekan?” Sky’s small voice came from behind Ben. Ben looked down to see his son had poked his head around him. Sky was looking at Teekan, imploringly.

The large man’s eyes softened, slightly, though his expression did not change. He nodded his head towards the Falcon.

“I have no quarrel with your children,” he looked Rey up and down, “or your mate,” he sneered. Ben narrowed his eyes. “Cut them loose.”

“I have news for you, bub-”

“Rey,” Ben cautioned.

_You don’t get to fight him alone. I have the right, too._

Rey was still feeling blood thirsty against the people who had tried to destroy her family. She put Hannah down, grabbing her face and looking into her bright, dark eyes.

“Get on the Falcon. We’ll be there in a minute,” Rey whispered.

“Sky, take your sister to the ship,” Ben ordered, not taking his eyes off Teekan.

“But Papa-”

“Now.”

Sky looked at both his parents, then took his sister’s hand. The two scooted quickly through the hangar towards the ship. Just as they got on board, Poe jumped up from his hiding spot and followed them. Finn moved to follow as well.

But Chewie was hidden behind Teekan. He popped up and took the opportunity to fire his crossbow, but he was no match for Teekan’s Force sense and speed. Teekan pulled his blaster and fired, without even looking, and hit Chewie directly in the chest, dropping him.

“NO!” Rey yelled.

“CHEWIE!” Ben screamed in surprise and fear; he hadn’t known the wookie was there. Chewie had done what Ben asked; he’d found Rey. And now he was hurt, badly, because of it.

Teekan laughed.

“Somebody needed to put that dog down,” he snarled. “You’re _welcome.”_

Ben’s shock turned to devastation, and then rage.

_Rey, you have to heal him._

She looked at her husband. He stared at her hard.

_But…_

_HEAL him, Rey. You can._

He seemed so certain...

Rey resigned herself to give up the fight; she had to do everything she could to save Chewbacca. She nodded her head once. _Help me move him._

Rey bolted for the Falcon, shouting for Finn’s help, while Ben lifted Chewie as carefully as he could through the Force. He laid him down in between Rey and Finn who dragged him up the hatch.

 

“It’s just us now,” Ben said.

“You don’t have a weapon,” Teekan growled at him.

Ben grinned as he got low, remembering their previous fight.

“I won’t need one.”

Teekan laughed again and threw down his blaster.

At that, the two men ran full speed and jumped at each other, colliding in mid-air.

* * *

 

“It’s okay big guy, you’re gonna be okay,” Finn said reassuringly, but could get no response out of Chewie. They dragged his heavy, limp body up into the Falcon, a feat possible only with Rey’s power. As they settled him in the med bay, Rey looked him over.

“What are you going to do?”

Rey was visibly shaken up and unsure. “Right, yeah. I’m going to heal him.”

“How?”

She shrugged and furrowed her brows. “Balance. Ben made Force lightning, so I will heal. The light side of the Force... it heals. It will guide me. I trust it.” She nodded at Finn. “Trust the Force,” she told him.

“I trust _you_ ,” Finn said, smiling at her.

Rey quickly gave his arm a tight squeeze. “Thank you, Finn.” 

* * *

 

“Poe!”

“Heeeey, Little Bird!” Poe met the kids in the cockpit. He grabbed Sky and then Hannah into a big hug.

“Wow, Hannah Banana… check out your dress! It’s so amazing to see you guys!!” He pulled back and looked out the window. Things were flying and smashing in the hangar as the two powerful - and large - men fought each other.

“Okay… that’s not good.” He turned to Sky.

“Hey kiddo, Finn and your mom are helping your Uncle Chewie, and I gotta go help your dad so we can get out of here. Do you think you can get this thing ready for take off?”

Sky’s eyes got wide. He jumped up on the the pilot's seat and grinned while nodding his head.

“Yes sir!” he saluted.

“I bet.” Poe chuckled and tousled Sky’s floppy hair. “Okay Little Bird, get ready to fly,” he ordered, saluting him back.

Hannah was gazing nervously out the viewport.

“Hannah, watch your brother and whatever you do, DON’T leave this ship. Everyone will be fine, okay?” The Solo children nodded at him, although Hannah was frowning.

“Banana... I mean it.”

She pouted and crossed her arms. “Fine.”

Poe pointed his finger back and forth at them a couple times, and then ran out. As Poe moved to leave the Falcon, he stopped at the med bay.

“I’m gonna… woah.”

The entire room was filled with light that was pouring from Rey’s hands into Chewie. Her eyes were closed and her faced was scrunched in deep concentration. Finn looked at Poe hopefully.

“I think it’s working.”

Poe smiled a little, staring. He felt like he was witnessing a miracle.

Suddenly, he a vivid feeling overtook him...  _Leia._  It happened sometimes... when he could swear she was with him, urging him, guiding him. And he’d bet his favorite ship that, right now, he knew exactly what she wanted him to do.

“I’m gonna go help Solo. I think he needs it.”

Rey abruptly stopped what she was doing to quickly grab her saber and toss it to Poe. He caught it with both hands and looked up at her in surprise. She gave him a stern look, and shook her head slightly.

“For Ben.”

“Right,” he sighed and nodded, then turned to leave.

* * *

 

Poe Dameron was no kind of Force sensitive whatsoever, but even he could feel the intensity between the two men fighting in the hangar. It was a clash of titans: an exceptionally large, fast, enraged, tattooed cat man against Ben Solo, Skywalker heir, Master of the Dark Side, and really, really pissed off dad.

They were flying into walls, smashing crates and anything else they could throw, pounding each other with legs and fists. Teekan nailed Ben with a particularly powerful uppercut just as Ben was moving in the opposite direction, sending him flying, eventually landing sprawled on the ground. While he was down, Teekan Force-grabbed the huge steel container he’d been hiding behind earlier and hurled it to land on top of Ben. At the last moment, Ben threw up his hand, stopping it from crushing him. The two entered into a tug of war with the container, moving it back and forth between them as they got closer to each other. They were closely matched, but Poe could tell Solo was losing steam. He ran closer to them with the saber.

“Ben!” Poe shouted, and held up the saber.

Ben glanced quickly and made a decision. He let go of the container at the same time he reached out for Rey’s weapon. His sudden release caused Teekan to accidentally send the container flying over Ben. At the same time Ben jumped forward in the air, grabbing the saber and lighting it, driving it straight into Teekan’s chest. He landed breathing hard, looking right into the Cathar’s eyes.

“Somebody needed to put _you_ down. You’re _welcome_ ,” he spat, shoving the blade the rest of the way in, before pulling it back out. “Follow your _mistress_.” He watched Teekan’s eyes darken and he fell to the ground.

As he tried to catch his breath, Ben heard the unmistakable sound of the engines on the Falcon.

He turned slowly towards his ship, now hovering 10 feet in the air, then saw his son in the pilot’s seat, grinning at him from ear to ear, as Hannah jumped up and down cheerfully on the co-pilot’s chair. Ben felt a surge of pride as he smiled back at Sky; his son was going to be a hell of a pilot some day.

Ben glared at Poe as he stalked towards him. He could read the smugness all over Dameron. As Poe opened his mouth to speak, Ben pulled back and punched him in the face.

“OWWW, damn Solo!!”

“ _THAT’S_ for taking my ship to Tatooine,” he growled, while Poe moaned and grabbed his face. Ben grabbed the back of Poe's collar and straightened him back up.

“Aw get tough, Dameron,” he said grinning. “That was nothing. A love-tap.” He slapped the other man's face lightly and moved past him. “Come on.”

“Yeah okay, then you must  _love_ me a LOT Solo! Kriffing bantha shit,” Poe muttered, smirking as he followed Ben.

When they got to the hovering Falcon, Ben glared again at Poe. He pointed up at the ship and said, “I’m not taking the heat for this. Rey can yell at you.”

“I told him to get _ready_ for take off, how was I supposed to know his _father_ must have shown him how to actually lift? This is on you, Solo.”

Ben put out his hands to boost Poe up to the hatch. “Let’s go, shortie.”

“Wow, you know, I think I like it better when you don’t talk,” Poe snapped as he took one step up and jumped, getting a bit too much of a boost from Ben, making him shout as he scrambled onto the ship.

Poe wiped his hand on his legs as approached Rey, giving her a quick peck on the cheek. “Not my fault,” he said, putting up his hands in surrender and moving quickly past her.

“I know.”

* * *

 

Ben took one last look around the hangar, glad for all the destruction, before leaping up the hatch himself. He landed and smacked the button to shut the door, and the moment he turned around he was crushed into his wife’s embrace.

As Ben and Rey clung to each other, thoughts flew through the bond.

_I’m so sorry..._

_I thought I lost you..._

_I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through..._

_I’m so sorry..._

“Rey,” he whispered, holding her face. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, Ben. I love you,” she replied, running her hand through his short hair, tears of relief falling from her eyes as he kissed her.

 

“Solos! We gotta jet!”

The couple broke apart at Poe’s call.

“Sky’s flying!” Rey cried, and they both ran for the cockpit.

 

Poe had Hannah in his arms, but Sky was still in pilot’s seat. Ben grabbed his son and put him on his lap, kissing his head. Poe dropped Hannah into the copilot’s chair, and Ben put his hand on her cheek. She smiled her sweet, toothy grin at him. 

“Let’s go home,” he said to them, and maneuvered the ship out of the hangar door. As the Falcon flew away from the cruiser, his son jabbed him a little with his elbow.

“Papa,” Sky looked at him with big eyes. “The kids.”

Ben blinked at him a couple times and nodded, turning the Falcon back around.

In the viewport sat the ship that had been his prison, his nightmare.

* * *

 On board the _Ramala_ , his saber had been hovering at the entry to the Corps, aimed at the massive kyber crystal hanging in the center. Ben closed his eyes, his mind shifting rapidly through his time on the ship... the memories from the children of the Corps... finally to Naxum and his regret.

He opened his eyes again, staring at the ship one last time. He flicked his fingers, sending his saber flying into the kyber.

 

_Boom._

* * *

 

The Falcon rocked with the force of the explosion. Voices flew into his mind from all around. _Thank you, thank you..._

“Thank you,” Hannah whispered.

“Thank you,” Sky whispered.

 _I hear them..._ Rey said, confused. _Ben? The children?_

 _They’re free now, Rey. She can’t hurt them anymore._ Ben swung in his chair away from the viewport, kissing Sky’s head again and nodding to Hannah. “Go to your mother.”

Rey looked at Ben with compassion and wonder, then she took the children with her into the ship.

Ben watched his family go then spun back around to the controls.

“Get ready for hyperdrive.”

“We need to go back to Atzerri,” Poe said, somewhat delicately as he sat down.

Ben paused. “Right.” His expression was strange as he realized he had no idea what they had been doing while he was gone.

“Dameron,” Ben started.

“Yeah, Solo?” Poe replied, while completing the setup for the jump.

“How long was I gone?”

Poe paused, looking at him sympathetically. He wondered exactly what Ben’s time on that ship had been like. He cleared his throat and went back to pressing buttons.

“A little over a month.”

 _A month?_ he thought. _Over a month?_ More than thirty days. In some ways it seemed like so much less and in others, so much more.

Ben blinked a few times. “We ready?”

“Yeah, hit it.”

* * *

 

Finn entered the cockpit a little after they’d settled into hyperdrive. It would be some time before they would need to refuel, which they’d have to do to get back to Atzerri.

“Chewie’s okay.”

“Good,” Ben replied, relieved, but still feeling guilty, awkward and conflicted.

His life hadn’t been his own in so long, _more than a month, hells,_ he felt unsure. Rey’s presence floated into his mind.

_Ben, they’re asleep..._

As if reading his thoughts, Poe leaned over to him.

“What are you still doing up here, man?”

Ben stubbornly refused to look at Poe and crossed his arms over his chest. His mouth shifted.

“Let me get this straight,” Poe said, “just so we’re clear. Just so _I_ understand - you’d rather sit up here with us, flying this _boat_ , then be back there with her?"

Ben narrowed his eyes, glaring at Poe's stupid face. He stood up abruptly, walked out of the cockpit, but spun back at the door.

“Hey,” he barked.

Poe and Finn jumped and turned towards him. Ben had a pained expression on his face as he looked at the two men.

“Thank you. Both of you.”

Finn’s eyes widened, but Poe just smirked.

“Don’t mention it, Solo.”

Ben glared at him a little but nodded his head slightly. He turned around and left.

“Love the outfit, by the way!” Poe called after him, and chuckled as he moved over to the captain’s chair. He rubbed his hands together mischievously.

Finn sat down beside him, shaking his head and looking a little dazed. “What’s your fascination with flying this thing anyway?”

Poe’s hands slid over the controls. “First of all, _he_ doesn’t like it, so there’s that. But also...” he reached up and fingered the golden dice that hung in the viewport.

“It’s the  _Millennium Falcon,_ man _._ This was _Han Solo’s_ ship.” He gazed out at hyperspace.

“Growing up, every kid I knew wanted to fly the Millennium Falcon.” He smiled at Finn and shrugged. “Living the dream, buddy, what more can I say?”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what Ben and the witch sing to each other every day. <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKSRyLdjsPA>


	38. Sleep Slow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The couple unpacks a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we are...
> 
> "Sleep slow" is what my father would always say if he tucked me in. It's the best thing you could wish, for me, better than sweet dreams. Sleep is always over so fast...

Ben looked through the door of their room, where his children were sleeping in their parents’ bed, their mother gently cradling them. Ben felt overwhelming relief at the sight of them; it was over. They were safe. 

Rey was shocked, but the children seemed… fine? To say they were _excited_ would be an understatement. Both of them tried simultaneously to tell their mother everything they could about being on the ship. Rey tried to balance listening to them, examining them head to toe for signs of being mistreated, her own swirling emotions at having her children back, and changing them into pajamas.

Was it really as simple as doing what she’d always done?  

_Pull the shirt over their head, put a new one back over it._

_Sleep pants one leg at a time._

_"Come and brush your teeth, no arguments…"_

Would this ever feel normal again? Rey was sure it would, but right now she couldn’t help but relish being a mother again. She handled her children’s tiny forms with delicate appreciation. She lay now in between them, their heads on her like a pillow, her arms around them both.

When she sensed Ben, Rey turned to see his back-lit figure leaving the doorway. She got up slowly and pressed kisses to both her children’s heads. _Sleep slow, babies. I love you._

She followed his signature to a viewport wall near the back of the ship.

Ben was looking out the window, deep in thought. He kept replaying in his mind the final moments of the fight with the Guard, his daughter’s voice ringing out over everything else, her emotions amplifying her power. Killing everyone in that room.

How _proud_ she was.

He looked up at his wife. He opened his arms and she moved into them with ease, the kind of comfort that comes from years spent together, despite over a month apart.

“Talk to me,” she said.

He sighed, his heart heavy. She pulled back from him, causing him to whine, but she did not relent.

“ _Talk_ to me.”

His eyes moved back to the viewport. “I think…” he began slowly, his voice strained. “I think I understand now what my parents… must have felt. When they saw... what I could do.” It sounded like the words were choking him. He cleared his throat a little bit.

“I always thought they were afraid of me. But I think, maybe, they were not afraid _of_ me,” his voice cracked, “but afraid _for_ me.” His bottom lip began to quiver as he tried to maintain his composure.

“They knew, especially... my mother,” his voice broke again as he worked his jaw, “she knew the _pain_ that comes with the dark side. How _difficult_ that life would be. The terrible things it can make you capable of doing. Of being.” He was blinking rapidly as his eyes searched around the room.

“Maybe they thought Luke could… help… or something...”

“Oh, Ben...”

He shook his head as he finally lost all control. His face broke as he openly sobbed, collapsing down onto the floor in front of the viewport. Rey followed him down and held him tight, letting him release not only the trauma of his time on the ship, but also the demon that had haunted him his entire life. He had to let go of the anger and humiliation he'd felt, believing his parents thought he was a monster and abandoned him.

After hiding his face in his hands, he wrapped his arms around his wife and clung to her desperately.

“She killed them all, Rey…”

“I know.”

“She’s only _five…_ ”

“I know.”

He pulled back and looked at her, eyes wet and tormented. “I still love her so much. I don’t love her any less.”

“Neither do I.”

He looked so lost, her heart ached for him. Thankfully, she remembered the Wellspring, the message from Han.

“Ben, I saw your father. I saw Han.” Ben shook his head in confusion. “He wants you to know he understands. And he’s _glad_ , Ben - he said he would have given his life a thousand times if it meant getting you back.”

His face broke again as he gripped his hand on the back of her neck, pressing their foreheads together.

“Show me,” he whispered. “Please?”

Rey closed her eyes and sent her experience to him through the bond, through the Force. She still had so much to tell him, much to explain about their time apart. But this, she could just show him.

It was more melancholy for her the second time.

Both their hearts warmed when Han thanked her for the name 'Hannah.' And again, when he told her that she had the two most important parts of his life, his son and his ship, admitting she did a better job with them than he had.

But in the end, nothing Rey felt would ever compare with Ben’s response at hearing his father’s message for him.

When it was over, Rey opened her eyes first. She sensed a peace in her husband that he had never felt before, ever.

“He said it’s okay,” she whispered.

“It’s okay,” he repeated.

“It’s okay, Ben.” She kissed the tears off his face. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

He took deep, shaky breaths as he calmed himself down. He leaned back and rested his forehead on the viewport, relishing the feeling of the cool glass on his skin.  

“I will never send her away,” he said finally.

“You won’t have to. Your parents loved you, but they didn’t understand. They didn’t know what to do. But Hannah is in the best possible position; there is no one in the universe better prepared than you and I to help her find her way in the Force.”

He gazed at her - Rey, his beautiful wife, the love of his life, his anchor, his everything. He had fully accepted that he would never see her again, and he was still finding it hard to believe that she was here, that he was free, that his family was safe.

She could obviously sense his trepidation as she placed her hand on his face, tracing his scar with her fingers. Her scar. She smiled at him lovingly.

“You feel like a dream,” he whispered.

She stood up and took one of his large hands in both of hers, gazing down at him with hooded eyes. “Come,” she replied, pulling his hand. “I assure you, I’m not.”

 

* * *

* * *

 

Later, after they had barely made it to the bed in the other sleeping suite, she lay resting, straddled on top of him.

His mind had finally slowed, his heart had finally calmed, but they were not done with each other yet. As she plied lazy, wet kisses along the scars on his chest, she couldn’t help but notice that the muscles under her mouth felt... firmer. That they, along with his abdomen, his arms - _everywhere_ - were all much more defined than when she’d seen him last.

 _I suppose something good came out of this, then?_ his voice floated into her mind.

Rey looked up at his smirking face and glinting eyes. She wiggled her eyebrows at him suggestively, making him chuckle low in his throat.

Suddenly, she announced, “I killed Unkar Plutt, by the way.”

“Oh,” Ben said raising his eyebrows, clearly surprised the change in thought.  “Good,” he added, visibly pleased.

“Yup, when I was on Jakku,” she continued casually. She laid her head down again on his chest.  “I split him right in half.”

“I’m really glad you did that,” Ben said, playing with her hair. “Lengthwise?” He ran his fingers from her head down her spine, giving her chills. Then he dragged his fingers from one side of her hips to the other. “Or like Snoke?” he asked. Her nipples hardened and she raised her face from his chest.

“From top to bottom, right through the center of his face.”

He gave her a little smile. “I would have liked to see that,” he said, sadness sneaking into the bond. Rey grabbed his hand and put his knuckles to her lips, closing her eyes. She showed him the moment from her perspective. He could see what she saw, feel what she felt. When she opened her eyes again, his look was ravenous, hungry only for her.

“Yeah... that’s great, good for you,” Ben said, grabbing her waist and lifting her up, putting her right he wanted her. Rey felt how proud he was of her through the bond. She watched the muscles of his shoulders strain against his skin, bringing warmth to her face. She smiled.

 _Thank the stars you’re back_.

 _Yes. And by the way,_ he leaned up to kiss her thoroughly before they claimed each other again, _the first thing I’m doing when we get home is building you a water shower._

Rey moaned loudly as she lowered herself onto him.

* * *

“Ben?” she whispered.  It was much later, when they were finally satiated and laying peacefully spooned against each other, her back pressed against his front.

“Hmmm?” he said, sleepily.

“What _are_ we going to do about Hannah?”

Ben felt his wife’s unease ripple through the bond as he kissed her shoulder. He savored the return of their connection.

“We’re going to love her,” he responded, his voice husky. “And her brother. We’re going to love them, and make sure they always know that. We going to guide them, and teach them everything we know, and hope that when the time comes... when we are no longer with them... that they will make good choices.”

Rey said nothing, but he felt her response - a rush of love, relief, and appreciation. It was a simple answer, what all parents aim for and hope for their children. Yet, it was the _right_ answer, even for the most powerful parents in the galaxy.

Rey grinned a little. “Sounds like a plan.” She turned slightly towards her husband with a playful gleam in her eyes. “How did you get to be so wise, Ben Solo?”

He leaned into her ear and whispered, “You. I am everything I am because of you.” She squeezed his arm as he kissed her head gently, and holding each other, fitting together perfectly, the couple fell into a deep sleep.

  
+++++

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story has haunted me for almost a year. Before The Last Jedi, I didn't think at all ever about Star Wars, its (vast) universe, reylo, any of it. I knew nothing. But this witch crawled into my brain and would let me go until I made her real. So here she is. Or here she was.  
> Or perhaps still is? Can one kill an immortal, ethereal being?  
> ;)
> 
> I don't need any judgement, but here's her theme song, featuring Teekan. Found it like half way through:  
> <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KSOMA3QBU0>  
> And a tune for Ben...  
> <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWZGAExj-es>


	39. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you stay up until 4am re-reading your own story because you love it so much, and decide the epilogue should be its own chapter for no real reason. Knowhatimean?

Sky had started to think something was wrong between his parents. They rarely spoke to each other. They didn’t seem angry, but they kind of floated around one another, barely making contact.

They spoke to him and his sister, listened to the stories he told and were excited about all the things he’d learned, although his mum was not happy about him using a vibroblade. But he sensed that with each other, after Ramala, they were different.

And they were. What Sky didn’t know was that the couple was more appreciative of the bond that they had lost while the space witch  ruled their lives. They spoke more and more through the Force, almost like when they had first gotten together. True, they were being more conscientious of their children’s ears, but also they seemed to be making up for the intimacy they’d been denied while they were separated from each other.

There was something… intoxicating about living in a world all to themselves through the Force. They were besotted with each other.

One day at breakfast, the couple were chatting away in their heads, reminiscing about some funny moment on Endor, when Hannah laughed out loud. She quickly stopped herself.

All activity ceased at the table. Rey and Ben looked at each other with wide eyes. Sky looked quizzically at Hannah, whose eyes had also gone wide. She knew she was busted.

“Hannah?” Ben said, resting his wrists on the table. “Can you hear us?” Both her parents looked at her in surprise as her eyes shifted between the both of them.

“Yes,” she responded. She closed her mouth, blinked her eyes and tried to look innocent.

“Since when?” her mother asked, shocked but also somewhat concerned about the things she might have heard.

“Mmmm. A couple days ago?” Hannah said, looking down at her breakfast. She began to eat again. She giggled a bit and squirmed in her seat.

Rey and Ben exchanged a look, but no words through the bond.

“It’s rude to eavesdrop, Hannah. You should know better,” Ben scolded, hiding the fact that he was completely flabbergasted about his child’s new power.

“Yes, Papa.” Hannah was still grinning as she chewed. Sky looked at his sister and frowned, thoroughly confused.

Rey got up to clear their dishes. “You kids go get dressed, we’ve got things to do,” she said walking to the sink.

“Yes, Mum,” they chorused and ran to their rooms. Ben got up to too, grabbing a couple dishes.

Once the children moved to the back, the couple held each other’s eyes, stock-still. Then their faces broke at the same time as they laughed silently in mortification.

“Blasted!” whispered Rey, dropping the dishes in the sink and covering her mouth with her hands.

Ben responded, voice low, “That girl…” He shook his head as he moved to his wife at the sink.

“We’re in trouble,” Rey said, shaking her head, eyes sparkling.

Ben grabbed the sides of Rey’s smiling face, smirking. “Oh believe me, I know,” he said, gazing softly at her, then smooched her forehead before heading outside.

* * *

 

“You don’t need to worry, Sky,” Hannah whispered to her brother. “They talk ALL the time!” she giggled as she went in her room to get dressed.

Sky felt like he had missed a very large joke.


End file.
